Techniques for protecting against negative emotions when communicating. Methods of psychological protection against manipulation

• "Wind of change"
• "Mine doesn't understand yours"
• "I didn't really want to"
• "Ocean"
• "Apotheosis of the Absurd"
• "The whole world is a theater"

One of the important properties mature person with a high level of development of intellect, emotional sphere and other important qualities of a successful personality - the ability to defend against psychological attacks of ill-wishers. The balance of emotions is an important defensive fortress that an envious person or competitor seeks to destroy. After all, it is worth taking a person out of himself - he immediately loses the ability to think logically, make informed decisions, and see the dirty tricks in the actions of other people.

Offensive words, reproaches, nagging, spreading gossip and other methods of psychological attack act like bee venom - if a person is stung by one or more bees, then nothing bad will happen to him. But if a whole swarm attacks him, the attacked one may even die. It is the same with the emotional attacks of enemies - one injection may not piss off the opponent, but if you annoy him over and over again, the baiting tactics will bear fruit. The stronger the psychological sphere is protected, the more " bee stings A person is able to endure. But there are those who are similar to allergy sufferers - even one serving of poison completely unsettles them and even endangers their lives, so they are not protected from external attacks.

They can remain hothouse flowers for life and protect themselves from contact with aggressive personalities, or they can learn the necessary psychological defense techniques and become stronger opponents in this bloodless war.

Most prestigious and highly paid professions involve working with people, so encounters with hostile and even inadequate characters are inevitable. If you have chosen the path through thorns to the stars of high achievements, then you should take the utmost care to strengthen the approaches to your nerves. Otherwise, they will be ruffled by all and sundry.

A strong psyche depends on the innate qualities of a person, his upbringing, worldview, understanding of the psychology of other people, attentiveness, ability to analyze the behavior and motives of opponents.

First of all, it is necessary to learn to understand that a person goes on a psychological attack when he has no other way to prove his case, such as facts, evidence, legal norms. When the opponent cannot do anything in more effective and obvious ways, he uses the only remaining opportunity - to drive the opponent out of himself so that he surrenders under the pressure of emotional attacks. Therefore, you need to have a stable position, be aware of your rightness from a moral and legal point of view, have a firm confidence in the steadfastness of your opinion and understand that the enemy will not be able to get you in any other way than psychological harassment. So, it is necessary to be ready for this and perceive attacks as a dishonest game of a weak person - after all, a strong and fair person will not stoop to such a level. Such an attitude puts you in the position of an elephant, at which the importunate Pug barks - it barks, but cannot do anything.

And to make it easier to cope with aggressive ill-wishers, use the following methods of psychological defense, which have been tested in psychological training and have shown their effectiveness in real life.

"Wind of change"

Remember which words, facial expressions or intonations are the most painful for you, how you can be guaranteed to piss off or drive into depression. Recall and vividly imagine a situation where the offender is trying to anger you with such tricks. Speak to yourself the most offensive words that can hurt you, visualize the expression on your opponent's face, which drives you crazy.

Feel this state of anger or, on the contrary, confusion that such behavior causes in you. Feel it inside yourself, disassemble it into separate emotions and sensations. What do you feel? It may be a rapid heartbeat, you are thrown into a fever, or maybe your legs are taken away, thoughts are confused, tears come to your eyes. Remember these feelings well. Now imagine that you are standing in a strong wind, and it blows away both the words of the offender and the negative emotions in response. You see how he screams and swears, but all this is useless, because his cry and your reaction to his anger flies away with the wind.

Do this exercise in a quiet environment several times, and you will feel that you are already more calm about such attacks in your direction. And when faced with this situation in real life, again imagine that you are standing in a strong wind and the words of the offender, along with your emotions, fly off to the side without causing harm.

"Mine doesn't understand yours"

If you are in an unpleasant situation, shouting at you, cursing and throwing insults at you, then imagine that you are deaf or you have loud music on your headphones. Imagine that you do not hear this person at all, he opens his mouth, waves his arms, his face is distorted by a grimace of anger, and calm water surrounds you, in which you peacefully sway like algae and do not react to external stimuli. Words cannot affect you, they do not penetrate your consciousness, because you do not hear them. Observing such calmness, the enemy will quickly run out of steam, and you will be able to turn the tide in your favor.

"Kindergarten, nursery group"

If you imagine that your enemies are three-year-old unintelligent kids, then you can learn not to treat their attacks so painfully. Imagine that you are a teacher and your opponents are kindergarten children. They run, scream, act up, get indignant ... But how can you be offended by them?

Detail the situation, imagine how the enemies fall awkwardly, angrily tear toys, babble their childish curses, whimper. You must be calm and balanced, because at the moment you are the only adequate person among those present. Thinking in this way, it is impossible to take attempts to offend or humiliate seriously - they will only cause mild irony.

"I didn't really want to"

In this method, it is proposed to put oneself in the place of the fox from the fable "The Fox and the Grapes" - having failed to get what she wanted, the animal simply convinced itself of its unimportance so as not to be upset. In a situation where a friend or just a good acquaintance suddenly finds himself in the camp of the enemy, it is better to simply convince yourself that his opinion is not so important, his support is not so necessary, and his attacks are acid and unripe grapes, due to which you still don't want to see him among your friends. It is known that the most painful blow to us is dealt by those whom we trust. If this happened, it’s better not to take it as a tragedy, but to act like a fox, saying: “He was not such a close friend to me.”

"Ocean"

Seas and oceans take in the waters of turbulent rivers, but at the same time remain majestically calm. In the same way, in any situation, you are able, like the ocean, to remain calm even during the outpouring of stormy streams of abuse on you.

"Apotheosis of the Absurd"

This technique of psychological defense is that the situation must be brought to the point of absurdity, after which it cannot be taken seriously either by the instigators of the conflict or its alleged victim. Most often, the aggressor starts from afar - hints, makes cautious attacks, watching the person's reaction. In this case, it is necessary to immediately exaggerate the situation to such a degree of delusion that it turns out to be bizarrely and unnaturally inflated, and any attacks in this direction arouse only laughter and irony.

"The whole world is a theater"

There are always people around us against whom we are emotionally unstable. Gather them on one stage of an imaginary puppet theater and play a funny performance in your head with the participation of these people. Bring to the fore their most stupid, funny and ridiculous characteristics - greed, slovenliness, arrogance, vanity. Make them victims of your shortcomings. Make you do funny things and look comical. The main thing is that they start to make you laugh. Then, when you meet them, you will no longer be embarrassed and afraid to fight back.

These methods and techniques of psychological defense will help you learn how to stop the emotional attacks of opponents, so as not to be a hostage to your own psychological weakness and instability against aggressive and hostile people.

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Yuri Platonov, Doctor of Psychology, Professor of St. Petersburg State University, Rector of the St. Petersburg State Institute of Psychology and Social Work, Honored Worker of the Higher School of the Russian Federation.

All mental functions are involved in protective processes, but each time one of them can dominate and take on the main part of the work of transforming traumatic information. It can be perception, attention, memory, imagination, thinking, emotions. In this publication, we will try to consider the ways of psychological protection of the individual, which are most significant for its positive interaction in social groups.

Being a social, conscious and independent being, a person is able to resolve internal and external conflicts, deal with anxiety and tension not only automatically (unconsciously), but also guided by a specially formulated program.

All mental functions are involved in protective processes, but each time one of them can dominate and take on the main part of the work of transforming traumatic information. It can be perception, attention, memory, imagination, thinking, emotions.

In this publication, we will try to consider the ways of psychological protection of the individual, which are most significant for its positive interaction in social groups.

Classification of the main methods of psychological protection

Negation- this is the desire to avoid new information that is incompatible with the prevailing ideas about oneself.

Protection manifests itself in ignoring potentially disturbing information, avoiding it. It is like a barrier located right at the entrance of the perceiving system. He does not allow unwanted information there, which is irreversibly lost for a person and subsequently cannot be restored. Thus, denial leads to the fact that some information either immediately or subsequently cannot reach consciousness.

When denied, a person becomes especially inattentive to those areas of life and facets of events that are fraught with trouble for him. For example, a leader can criticize his employee for a long time and emotionally and suddenly find out with indignation that he has long been “turned off” and does not react at all to moralizing.

Denial can allow a person to preventively (preemptively) isolate themselves from traumatic events. Thus, for example, the fear of failure operates, when a person strives not to be in a situation in which he can fail. For many people, this manifests itself in the avoidance of competition or in the refusal of activities in which a person is not strong, especially in comparison with others.

The incentive to launch denial can be not only external, but also internal, when a person tries not to think about something, to drive away thoughts of unpleasantness. If you can’t admit something to yourself, then the best way out is, if possible, not to look into this terrible and dark corner. Often, having done something at the wrong time or in the wrong way, and nothing can be corrected, “protection” makes a person ignore a dangerous situation, behave as if nothing special is happening.

A generalized assessment of the danger of information is made with its preliminary holistic perception and a rough emotional assessment as "something undesirable is brewing." Such an assessment leads to a weakening of attention when detailed information about this dangerous event is completely excluded from subsequent processing. Outwardly, a person either fences himself off from new information (“It is, but not for me”), or does not notice, believing that they do not exist. Therefore, many people, before starting to watch a movie or read new book, ask the question: “What is the end, good or bad?”.

The statement "I believe" denotes a certain special state of the psyche, in which everything that comes into conflict with the object of faith tends to be denied. Sincere and sufficiently strong faith organizes such an attitude towards all incoming information, when a person, without suspecting it, subjects it to a thorough preliminary sorting, selecting only that which serves to preserve faith. Faith tends to be much more universal and categorical than understanding. When there is already faith in something, there is no place for a new one. A person rejects new ideas, often without trying to give a rational explanation for such behavior. Any attempt on the object of veneration causes the same reaction on the part of the individual, as if it were an attempt on her life.

suppression- protection, manifested in forgetting, blocking unpleasant, unwanted information, either when it is transferred from perception to memory, or when it is brought out of memory into consciousness. Since in this case the information is already the content of the psyche, since it was perceived and experienced, it is, as it were, provided with special marks, which then allow it to be retained.

The peculiarity of suppression is that the content of the experienced information is forgotten, and its emotional, motor, vegetative and psychosomatic manifestations can persist, manifesting itself in obsessive movements and states, mistakes, slips of the tongue, and slips of the tongue. These symptoms symbolically reflect the relationship between real behavior and repressed information. To fix traces in long-term memory, they must be emotionally colored in a special way - marked. In order to remember something, a person needs to return to the state in which he received the information. If then he was angry or upset (for example, by asking him to do something), then in order to remember this, he must return to this state again. Since he does not want to feel so bad again, he is unlikely to remember. When a person eliminates the thought that he does not want or cannot do something, he says to himself like this: “It wasn’t so necessary”, “I’m not interested in this, I don’t like it”, thereby revealing a negative emotional labeling.

crowding out, unlike suppression, is not associated with the exclusion from the consciousness of information about what happened as a whole, but only with forgetting the true, but unacceptable for a person, motive for an act. (Motive is an incentive to a specific activity).

Thus, it is not the event itself (action, experience, situation) that is forgotten, but only its cause, the fundamental principle. Forgetting the true motive, a person replaces it with a false one, hiding the real one from himself and from others. Recall errors, as a consequence of repression, arise from an internal protest that changes the train of thought. Repression is considered to be the most effective defense mechanism, as it is able to cope with such powerful instinctive impulses that other forms of defense cannot cope. However, displacement requires a constant expenditure of energy, and these expenditures cause inhibition of other types of vital activity.

Repression is a universal means of avoiding internal conflict by eliminating socially undesirable aspirations and drives from consciousness. However, repressed and repressed drives make themselves felt in neurotic and psychosomatic symptoms (for example, in phobias and fears).

Repression is considered a primitive and ineffective psychological defense mechanism for the following reasons:

• the repressed nevertheless breaks through into consciousness;
• unresolved conflict is manifested in a high level of anxiety and discomfort.

Repression is activated in the event of a desire that conflicts with other desires of the individual and is incompatible with the ethical views of the individual. As a result of conflict and internal struggle, thought and representation (the carrier of incompatible desire) are forced out, eliminated from consciousness and forgotten.

The increased anxiety resulting from incomplete repression thus has a functional meaning, since it can force a person to either try to perceive and evaluate the traumatic situation in a new way, or to activate other defense mechanisms. However, usually the consequence of repression is a neurosis - a disease of a person who is not able to resolve his internal conflict.

Rationalization- this is a defense mechanism associated with the awareness and use in thinking of only that part of the perceived information, thanks to which one's own behavior appears as well controlled and does not contradict objective circumstances.

The essence of rationalization is in finding a "worthy" place for an incomprehensible or unworthy impulse or act in a person's system of internal guidelines, values ​​without destroying this system. To this end, the unacceptable part of the situation is removed from consciousness, transformed in a special way, and only after that is realized in an altered form. With the help of rationalization, a person easily "closes his eyes" to the discrepancy between cause and effect, which is so noticeable to an external observer.

Rationalization is a pseudo-rational explanation by a person of his own aspirations, motives for actions, actions, actually caused by reasons, the recognition of which would threaten the loss of self-respect. Self-affirmation, protection of one's own "I" is the main motive for the actualization of this mechanism of psychological protection of the individual.

The most striking phenomena of rationalization are called "green (sour) grapes" and "sweet lemon". The phenomenon of "green (sour) grapes" (known from Krylov's fable "The Fox and the Grapes") is a kind of depreciation of an inaccessible object. If it is impossible to achieve the desired goal or take possession of the desired object, the person devalues ​​them.

Rationalization is actualized when a person is afraid to realize the situation and seeks to hide from himself the fact that in his actions he was guided by socially undesirable motives. The motive behind rationalization is to explain the behavior and, at the same time, to protect the self-image.

Jet formations- this is the replacement of undesirable tendencies with directly opposite ones.

For example, a child's exaggerated love for his mother or father may be the result of preventing a socially undesirable feeling - hatred of parents. A child who has been aggressive towards parents develops exceptional tenderness towards them and worries about their safety; jealousy and aggression are transformed into disinterestedness and concern for others.

Certain social and intrapersonal prohibitions on the manifestation of certain feelings (for example, a young man is afraid to show his sympathy for a girl) lead to the formation of opposite tendencies - reactive formations: sympathy turns into antipathy, love - into hatred, etc.

This inadequacy, often excessive feeling, its emphasis is an indicator of reactive formation. If I show the same avalanche of feelings for the boss as I do for family and friends, then this is a signal that this excessive attitude towards the boss is basically reactive. The question is appropriate here: “Why do I want to sympathize with the leader so much and support him, what negative feelings are hidden behind this?”

Or the reverse situation: “Why do I look so ironically and coldly at the person I love? Why am I showing distance from him (her)?”

A defense like "sweet lemon" is an exaggeration of the value of what you have (according to the well-known principle - "a bird in the hand is better than a crane in the sky").

Most often, rationalization is achieved using two typical options reasoning: 1) " Green grapes»; 2) "sweet lemon". The first of them is based on understating the value of an act that could not be done, or a result that was not achieved.

substitution- this is a psychological defense mechanism against an unpleasant situation, which is based on the transfer of a reaction from an inaccessible object to an accessible one or the replacement of an unacceptable action with an acceptable one. Due to this transfer, the tension created by the unmet need is discharged.

Substitution is the protection that all people (both adults and children) must use in everyday life. Thus, many people often do not have the opportunity not only to punish their offenders for their misdeeds or unfair behavior, but simply to contradict them. Therefore, pets, parents, children, etc. can act as a “lightning rod” in a situation of anger. Whims that cannot be directed at the leader (an object unacceptable for this) can perfectly be directed at other performers as an object that is quite acceptable for this ( "Here's who's to blame." In other words, substitution is the transfer of needs and desires to another, more accessible object. If it is impossible to satisfy some of his needs with the help of one object, a person can find another object (more accessible) to satisfy it.

So, the essence of substitution is to redirect the reaction. If, in the presence of any need, the desired path for its satisfaction is closed, the activity of a person is looking for another way out to achieve the goal. Protection is carried out through the transfer of excitation, unable to find a normal output, to another executive system. However, the ability of a person to reorient his actions from personally unacceptable to acceptable, or from socially disapproved to approved, is limited. The limitation is determined by the fact that the greatest satisfaction from the action that replaces the desired occurs in a person when the motives for these actions are consistent.

Irony in ancient Greek means "to tell a lie", "to mock", "pretend". An ironist is a person who "deceives with words."

The modern understanding of the dual nature of irony is as follows:

1. Irony is an expressive device that is the opposite of the expressed idea. I say the opposite of what I mean. In form I praise, in fact I condemn. And vice versa: I humiliate in form, in fact exalt, praise, “stroke”. Ironically, my "yes" always means "no", and behind the expression "no" looms "yes".
2. Whatever the noble goal of irony, for example, to generate a lofty idea, to open one's eyes to something, including oneself, this idea is nevertheless affirmed in irony by negative means.
3. Despite the generosity of the ideas of irony, or even despite its disinterestedness, irony gives self-satisfaction.
4. A person who uses irony is credited with the features of a subtle mind, observation, slowness, inactivity of a sage (not instant reactivity).

As a mental state, irony is a changed sign of my experience of the situation from “minus” to “plus”. Anxiety gave way to confidence, hostility to condescension... A person is in states that are autonomous in relation to a situation, another person, an object: I am already a subject rather than an object of these situations, and therefore I have the ability to control these states.

Irony, as a mental process, turns what is terrible, terrible, intolerable, hostile, disturbing, into the opposite for me.

Dream- these are unconscious actions of the "I" in a state of sleep, which may be accompanied by emotional experiences.

A dream can be considered as a special kind of substitution, through which an inaccessible action is transferred to another plane - from the real world to the world of dreams. By suppressing the inaccessibility complex, it accumulates energy in the unconscious, threatening the conscious world with its invasion. Secret repentance, remorse, subconscious fears lead to their breakthrough in a dream. The task of a dream is to express complex feelings in pictures and give a person the opportunity to experience them, thereby replacing real situations. However, feelings cannot be directly depicted. Only the action that reflects this feeling is visually representable. It is impossible to portray fear, but it is possible to depict such an expression of fear as flight. It is difficult to show a feeling of love, but a demonstration of rapprochement and affection is quite achievable. Therefore, the actions that unfold in its plot have a substitute character in a dream.

From the point of view of psychology, a dream is a message or reflection of the situations that a person encounters, his history, life circumstances, his inherent ways and forms of behavior, the practical results that his choice has led to. In a dream, errors of human behavior are reflected not only in relation to oneself, but also to others, including any organic deficiency in terms of physical health.

Mental activity is continuous, so the process of generating images during a dream does not stop.

Sleep can focus attention:

• on the current situation or problem (a photographic snapshot of reality);
• on the causes of the problem;
• on the way out of the problem (its solution).

Dreams allow you to bring passions out, in a dream there can be a release, purification, discharge to the limit of out-of-control emotions, in a dream you can realize the desired behavior, assert yourself and believe in yourself. Dreaming is an alternative way to satisfy desires. In sleep, unfulfilled desires are sorted, combined and transformed in such a way that the dream sequence provides additional satisfaction or reduction of tension. However, it is not always important whether the satisfaction occurs in the physical and sensual reality or in the inner imaginary reality of the dream, if the accumulated energy is sufficiently discharged. Such a dream brings relief, especially when you constantly think about something and worry.

Sublimation It is one of the highest and most effective human defense mechanisms. It implements the replacement of unattainable goals in accordance with the highest social values.

Sublimation is the switching of impulses that are socially undesirable in a given situation (aggressiveness, sexual energy) to other forms of activity that are socially desirable for the individual and society. Aggressive energy, being transformed, is able to sublimate (discharge) in sports (boxing, wrestling) or in strict methods of education (for example, with too demanding parents and teachers), eroticism - in friendship, in creativity, etc. When a direct discharge of instinctive (aggressive , sexual) drives is impossible, there is an activity in which these impulses can be discharged.

Sublimation realizes the substitution of the instinctive goal in accordance with the highest social values. The forms of substitution are varied. For adults, this is not only going into a dream, but also going into work, religion, and all kinds of hobbies. In children, regression reactions and immature forms of behavior are also accompanied by substitution with the help of rituals and obsessive actions, which act as complexes of involuntary reactions that allow a person to satisfy a forbidden unconscious desire. According to Z. Freud, relying on sublimation, a person is able to overcome the impact of sexual and aggressive desires seeking a way out, which can neither be suppressed nor satisfied by directing them in another direction.

When a person feels weak and helpless, he identifies, identifies himself with successful or authoritative people. Thanks to subconscious protective processes, one part of the instinctive desires is repressed, the other is directed to other goals. Some external events are ignored, others are overestimated in the direction necessary for a person. Protection allows you to reject some aspects of your "I", attribute them to strangers or, on the contrary, supplement your "I" at the expense of qualities "captured" from other people. Such a transformation of information allows you to maintain the stability of ideas about the world, about yourself and about your place in the world, so as not to lose support, guidelines and self-respect.

The world around us is constantly becoming more complex, therefore, a necessary condition for life is the constant complication of protection and the expansion of its repertoire.

Identification- a kind of projection associated with the unconscious identification of oneself with another person, the transfer of feelings and qualities desired but inaccessible to oneself.

Identification is the elevation of oneself to another by expanding the boundaries of one's own "I". Identification is associated with a process in which a person, as if including another in his "I", borrows his thoughts, feelings and actions. This allows him to overcome his feelings of inferiority and anxiety, to change his "I" in such a way that it is better adapted to the social environment, and this is the protective function of the identification mechanism.

Through identification, symbolic possession of a desired but unattainable object is achieved. Through arbitrary identification with the aggressor, the subject can get rid of fear. In a broad sense, identification is an unconscious desire to inherit a model, an ideal. Identification provides an opportunity to overcome one's own weakness and feelings of inferiority. A person with the help of this psychological defense mechanism gets rid of feelings of inferiority and alienation.

An immature form of identification is imitation. This defensive reaction differs from identification in that it is integral. Her immaturity is revealed in a pronounced desire to imitate a certain person, a loved one, a hero in everything. In an adult, imitation is selective: he singles out only the trait he likes from another and is able to identify separately with this quality, without extending his positive reaction to all other qualities of this person.

Usually, identification is manifested in the performance of real or fictional roles. For example, children play mother-daughter, school, war, transformers, etc., consistently play different roles and perform various actions: punish child dolls, hide from enemies, protect the weak. A person identifies with those whom he loves more, whom he values ​​​​higher, thereby creating the basis for self-esteem.

Fantasy (dream) is a very common reaction to disappointment and failure. For example, not physically enough developed person can take pleasure in dreaming of participating in the World Championship, and a loser athlete can imagine how all sorts of troubles happen to his opponent, which alleviates his worries.

Fantasies serve as compensation. They help to maintain weak hopes, alleviate feelings of inferiority, and reduce the traumatic effect of insults and insults.

Freud said that a happy person never fantasizes, only an unsatisfied one does. Unsatisfied desires are the driving forces of fantasies, each fantasy is a manifestation of desire, a correction of reality that somehow does not satisfy the individual.

In ambitious fantasies, the object of a person's desire is himself. In erotically colored desires, the object can be someone from a close or distant social environment, who in reality cannot be the object of desire.

And finally, fantasy plays the role of a substitute action, since a person cannot solve the real situation or believes that he cannot. And then, instead of a real situation, an imaginary, illusory situation is imagined, which is resolved by a fantasizing person. If it is difficult to resolve the real conflict, then a substitution conflict is resolved. In defensive fantasy, inner freedom from external coercion is experienced palliatively. The result of the psychoprotective use of fantasy can be a life in a world of illusions.

Transfer is a defense mechanism that ensures the satisfaction of desire on substitute objects.

The simplest and most common type of transference is displacement - the substitution of objects for pouring out the accumulated negative energy of "thanatos" in the form of aggression, resentment.

The boss, in the presence of other colleagues, gave you a dressing. You cannot answer him the same. You understand the situation: if I answer the boss in the same way, stop him, put him under siege, then even more trouble may result. Therefore, your "wise self" is looking for objects on which you can take out your resentment, your aggression. Fortunately, there are many such objects “at hand”. The main property of these objects should be their silence, resignation, the inability to besiege you. They should be as silent and obedient as you silently and obediently listened to reproaches and humiliating characteristics (Lazy! Incompetent! Insolent!) from your boss and generally anyone who is stronger. Your anger, unreacted to the true culprit, is transferred to someone who is even weaker than you, even lower on the ladder of the social hierarchy, to a subordinate, who, in turn, transfers it further down, etc. The chains of displacement can be endless. Its links can be both living beings and inanimate things ( broken dishes during family scandals, broken windows of electric train cars, etc.).

Projection- a psychological defense mechanism associated with the unconscious transfer of one's own unacceptable feelings, desires and aspirations to another person. It is based on the unconscious rejection of one's experiences, doubts, attitudes and attributing them to other people in order to shift the responsibility for what is happening inside the "I" to the outside world.

For example, if the subject or object with which the satisfaction of your needs and desires was associated is inaccessible to you, then you transfer all your feelings and possibilities for satisfying needs to another person. And if your dream of becoming a writer has not come true, then you can choose the profession of a teacher of literature as a substitute, partially satisfying your creative needs.

The effectiveness of substitution depends on how similar the replacement object is to the previous one, with which the satisfaction of the need was first associated. The maximum similarity of the replacement object guarantees the satisfaction of a greater number of needs that were first associated with the previous object.

No matter how wrong the person himself is, he is ready to blame everyone except himself. Declares that he is not loved, although in reality he does not love himself, reproaches others for his own mistakes and shortcomings and ascribes to them his own vices and weaknesses. By narrowing the boundaries of the “I”, this allows the individual to relate to internal problems as if they were happening outside, and to get rid of displeasure as if it came from outside, and not due to internal reasons. If the "enemy" is outside, then more radical and effective ways punishments that are usually used in relation to external “harmfulness”, and not sparing, more acceptable in relation to oneself.

Thus, projection is manifested in a person's tendency to believe that other people have the same motives, feelings, desires, values, character traits that are inherent in himself. At the same time, he is not aware of his socially undesirable motives.

Such, for example, is the mechanism of the religious-mythological worldview. Primitive perception is characterized by a person's tendency to personify animals, trees, nature, attributing their own motives, desires, feelings to them. The writer transfers his own needs, feelings, character traits to the heroes of his works.

Projection is easier on someone whose situation, whose personality traits are similar to the one projecting. A person using a projection will always see an offensive hint in a harmless remark. Even in a noble deed he can see malicious intent, intrigue. A person of immense kindness, the one who is popularly called "holy simplicity", is not capable of projection. He does not see malicious intent, malevolence in actions towards himself, because he himself is not capable of this.

introjection- this is the tendency to appropriate the beliefs, attitudes of other people without criticism, without trying to change them and make them your own. A person endows himself with traits, properties of other people. For example, he takes on the functions of an annoying mentor, since the manifestation of such a trait in other people annoys or injures him. In order to remove internal conflict and avoid psychological discomfort, a person appropriates the beliefs, values ​​and attitudes of other people.

The earliest introject is parental teaching, which is assimilated by a person without a critical understanding of its value.

An example of introjection: an impressionable man tries to hold back his tears because he has learned the parental attitude that an adult should not cry in the presence of strangers. Or a person constantly criticizes himself, because he has learned (introjected) such an attitude of parents towards himself.

The probability of occurrence of this method of protection is the higher, the stronger and (or) longer the impact of external or internal blockers of desires, on the one hand, and the more impossible it is to remove these blockers and fulfill one’s desires, achieve one’s goals, on the other hand. At the same time, the impossibility of eliminating the frustrator is accompanied by the displacement of negative energy on the replacement object.

The subject's turning against himself turns into the formation of bodily and mental symptoms, i.e., signs of illness. Physical bodily symptoms include: cold feet and hands, sweating, cardiac arrhythmias, dizziness, severe headaches, high or low blood pressure, muscle spasms, dermatitis, bronchial asthma etc.

Depersonalization(from lat. de - denial, person - face) - this is the perception of other people as impersonal, devoid of individuality representatives of a certain group. If the subject does not allow himself to think of others as people who have feelings and personality, he protects himself from their perception on an emotional level.

With depersonalization, other people are perceived only as the embodiment of their social role: they are patients, doctors, teachers. The act of depersonalizing other people can, to a certain extent, "protect" the subject. This makes it possible, for example, for physicians to treat their patients without experiencing their suffering. In addition, it enables them to hide their real feelings (like or dislike) behind a professional mask.

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Psychological defense methods

freud psychological defense denial

What is psychological protection?

In short, this is what protects our consciousness from excessively negative information and thereby helps not to “break down” in life's troubles and tries to protect us from experiencing internal and external conflicts, states of anxiety and depression.

For the first time this term was used by Sigmund Freud, in his view, "protection" performs the function of "removal of internal conflict." Subsequently, this issue was studied by Anna Freud (daughter of Z. Freud). Based on the teachings of her father, A. Freud, in contrast to traditional psychoanalysis, created a new theoretical direction in psychology, imbued with faith in the power of the human personality - "Ego-Psychology".

Let's dwell on some of the most "working" psychological methods of protection.

Negation is defined as the process of eliminating, ignoring traumatic perceptions of external reality. In an everyday sense, this mechanism is known to us as the “ostrich position”, which hides its head in the sand, continuing to remain in a dangerous situation for itself. The first reaction of a patient who learns from a doctor about his serious illness will be the following: “I don’t believe it, it can’t be!” This is the basic formula of the negation mechanism. Her options are: “There is no danger, I don’t see!”; "I can't hear anything, I can't see anything..."

crowding out - this is such a mechanism, as a result of which thoughts, memories or experiences that are unacceptable to a person are, as it were, “expelled” from consciousness and transferred to the sphere of the unconscious, but at the same time continue to influence the behavior of the individual, manifesting themselves in the form of anxiety, fear, etc. . An example of such a form of psychological defense is the exclusion from consciousness of the death of a loved one. Indeed, if he did not die, then there is no need to worry. This type of protection was cultivated in our country during the war. What else is being pushed out? Some facts of personal life are being repressed, when the individual has shown himself not with better side, some desires, aspirations, negative character traits, hostility to loved ones, Everything that has been repressed must be returned to consciousness in one way or another and comprehended. One should survive the death of a loved one, grow wiser, get rid of unconscious hostility towards loved ones, having established relations with them. The more is forced out into the unconscious, the worse a person knows himself, the less oriented he is, the more often his life will come to a standstill.

substitution associated with the transfer of an action from an inaccessible object to an accessible one. Those feelings and actions that should have been directed at the object that caused the alarm are transferred to another object. So, for example, aggression towards superiors is sometimes vented on members of the employee's family. There is another type of substitution, when some feelings are replaced by directly opposite ones (for example, unrequited love can turn into hatred, sexual need can turn into aggression, violence). In television reports about football matches, we often see how an attacker who does not hit the enemy sends a rebounded ball with a strong blow, and in any direction. Thus, the accumulated energy is discharged. In everyday life, you can talk about replacement if, in a state of frustration or fatigue, you understand that in order to restore balance, you need to DO something. For example, cleaning, running a couple of laps in the stadium while walking with your beloved dog, going to the gym or dancing all night in a club...

Projection - this is most often an unconscious mechanism by which impulses and feelings that are unacceptable to the individual are attributed to an external object and penetrate into consciousness as an altered perception of the external world. Own desires, feelings and personality traits, in which a person does not want to admit to himself because of their ugliness, he transfers (projects) onto another person. We know that the miser tends to see other people primarily as greed, while the aggressive personality sees everyone around him as cruel.

Rationalization - a protective mechanism that has as its function disguise, hiding from the consciousness of the subject himself the true motives of his actions, thoughts and feelings in the name of ensuring internal comfort, maintaining self-esteem, self-respect. Often this mechanism is used by a person in order to prevent the experience of guilt or shame. Under the action of this mechanism, there is a blocking of awareness of those motives that act as socially unacceptable or disapproved. A person, after some actions, actions dictated by unconscious motives, tries to understand them and rationally explain them, attributing to them more acceptable, nobler motives. Such attempts can be perceived as an excuse to others or to oneself for one's failure. Experiencing mental trauma, a person protects himself by overestimating or devaluing the significance of the traumatic factor in the direction of its reduction. Let us recall the well-known Aesop's fable, arranged by I.A. Krylov "The Fox and the Grapes" Unable to get tasty fruits, the Fox reassures himself that the grapes are green.

Jet formations . This is a very interesting and familiar mechanism to many of everyday practice. Its essence lies in the transformation of the traumatic motive into its opposite. Sometimes unreasonable, inexplicable hostility towards someone is transformed in relations with this person into a special courtesy, emphasized politeness. And vice versa, sympathy, maybe even love interest, is shown as hostility, deliberate ignorance and even tactlessness. So, psychologically literate teachers and parents in the aggressive pursuit of their classmate by a teenage boy “read” the feeling of falling in love, regard it (and this is true in most cases, everyone can remember something like that) as a courtship ritual characteristic of adolescents.

Regression - a psychological defense mechanism, consisting in the fact that a person in his behavior, when responding to very responsible situations, returns to early, childish types of behavior that were successful at that stage. Regression is the return of a person from higher forms of behavior to lower ones. Thus, an adult in difficult conditions seeks to avoid internal anxiety, to lose a sense of self-respect. Often, regression is assessed as a mechanism that is negative for the personality (for example, infantilism). Infantilism (lat. infantilis - infantile, childish) in psychology is understood as a feature of the mental make-up of a person, in which traits characteristic of an earlier age are found, such as emotional instability, immaturity of judgments, capriciousness, subordination, lack of independence.

Compensation. Unlike other psychological defense mechanisms, the compensation mechanism does not manifest itself on the unconscious, but on the conscious level of the human psyche. Compensation mechanisms belong to the group of such mental phenomena that are performed by a person quite consciously to relieve some mental stress. These are the so-called mechanisms of psychological compensation.

For example, if a person on the street wants to avoid meeting an unpleasant person, he can cross to the other side of the street, pretending not to notice him. This is an adaptive behavior that saves a person from excessive stress.

There are other mechanisms of psychological defense of a person. They are used to form adequate self-esteem and self-improvement of the individual. However, one should not think that they are needed only by psychotherapists, they are unconsciously used by almost every person. Knowing the mechanisms of psychological defense will help us work with our consciousness, understand their manifestations in the behavior and consciousness of other people.

Psychological defense strategy

Potentials, life experience and upbringing dictate to the individual the most appropriate strategy of psychological defense, which combines two main forces that contribute to the satisfaction of her justified or inflated claims - intelligence and emotions.

Various strategies are possible:

* psychogenic, due primarily to the innate potentials of the individual;

* sociogenic, arising on the basis of life experience, under the influence of an example.

As practice shows, one of the three energy strategies most often becomes dominant in the protection of subjective reality: peacefulness, avoidance, aggression. Strategies differ in the ratio of intellect and emotions in them, as well as in the quality of the energy that accompanies them: peacefulness is associated with positive discharges, avoidance is accompanied by neutral energy, and aggression is negative. Moreover, each of the strategies can manifest itself in a more or less severe form, for example, aggression can vary from rivalry and resentment to malicious attacks and threats against partners.

Fundamentals of psychological protection

Protection methods

Persons who pose a threat of psychological or physical violence can be classified into three large groups.

1) mentally normal people without visible deviations in behavior;

2) mentally normal people, but in a state of alcoholic or drug intoxication;

3) people with pathological mental disorders.

In situations of confrontation, when you are pressured by statements that affect your dignity, the ability to show restraint and self-control comes to the fore. Doing this is not easy at all. But it's extremely important. This is where relaxation exercises can help. Here are some ways to achieve this state.

Method 1 (Suspension). When talking with people who can have a negative influence on you, first of all mentally separate them with a screen of thick glass, visualize this screen until you feel complete reality. You see and hear the interlocutor, but his anger and hatred does not pass to you. Create a screen between you. Imagine an impenetrable wall. What you build it from is up to your imagination. From armored glass, just dense air, a magnetic field... And you will suddenly see how your "well-wishers" will become absolutely indifferent to you. In this case, the change is dramatic. They suddenly become polite and calm. Even benevolent ones. Most often, they have a feeling of respect beyond their control for a person whom they cannot “break through”. In relation to a person who brings you out of balance, but is not present next to you, the psycho-technique of mental separation from him by a wall is used with the following verbal formulation: “You simply do not exist. I can't see or hear you, you don't exist at all."

Method 2 (Glance). Negative information affects hearing the most. Therefore, in tense situations, attention should be fixed not on auditory sensations, but on visually perceived objects. The opponent, annoying you, continues to say something, and you, in order to isolate yourself from the effect of his speech, try to see his face - as clearly as possible, in all details, as if you were going to then draw his portrait from memory. You should look silently, very carefully, but not “stare”, namely, consider. During this deliberate pause, try to see as many details of the situation around the excited interlocutor as possible. Whoever the opponent is - a casual passerby, boss, colleague or subordinate, your sudden, unexpected silence will certainly cause a weakening of his pressure.

Method 3 (Visualization). The situation that disturbs you is played out in your imagination, as if on an internal screen, and thereby extinguishes anger. You are watching the development of the situation as if from the outside. Imagine yourself as a viewer watching a feature film in which you play the lead role. To visualize, you need to relax, focus on internal sensations and bring your breathing back to normal. The following options are recommended below:

1) reduce the height of the person who caused your anger, let him be a dwarf, gnome or insect;

2) try to see this person in a funny way (for example, in shorts and a helmet);

3) imagine anger as a beam of energy that goes through you into the offender;

4) come up with a scene of an imaginary revenge in relation to your offender and enjoy the "revenge".

Formation of skills to notice and understand aggression strong body language and statements

Emotional states that are characteristic of the situations we are analyzing, and external signs of a person who attacks you with rudeness or ridicule.

Fear

Most often, the person who attacks you with rudeness or ridicule is afraid himself. This is not as paradoxical as it might seem at first glance. Fear can be completely different properties.

With fear, as a rule, there is a sharp contraction of the muscles, stiffness in movements appears, trembling of the hands, especially the tips of the fingers and toes, is observed. The eyebrows are almost straight, slightly raised, their inner corners are shifted towards each other, the forehead is covered with horizontal wrinkles. The eyes are wide open, often accompanied by dilated pupils, the lower eyelid is tense, and the upper one is slightly raised. The mouth is open, the eyes are tense and slightly stretched. The gaze is not fixed on one object, but is perceived as running. Active sweating occurs, despite the fact that it can be quite cool indoors or outdoors. Sweat can be seen on the forehead, above the upper and below the lower lip. Sweaty neck, palms, armpits. A person, experiencing discomfort from what sweats, begins to wipe it. Paleness appears on the face.

Countering Fear: Demonstrate your own calmness and strength

Anger

It is often this emotion that can be observed in aggressive behavior. The degree of its external manifestation can serve for you as a kind of indicator of the aggressiveness of the attacker.

The pose takes on a threatening character, the person looks as if he is preparing to throw. The muscles are tense, but there is no trembling characteristic of fear. The facial expression is frowning, the eyes can be fixed for a long time on the source of anger, the look is menacing. The nostrils dilate, the wings of the nostrils seem to tremble, the lips are pulled back, sometimes so much that they expose clenched teeth (grin). The face turns pale, but more often reddens. Sometimes you can notice how convulsions run through the face. The volume of the voice rises sharply, sometimes an angry person goes into a scream. The fists are clenched, sharp vertical wrinkles appear on the bridge of the nose, the eyes seem to turn into slits. With intense anger, a person looks like he is about to explode. Speech with notes of threat, through gritted teeth, can be interspersed with obscenities.

It should be noted that when angry, a person feels a surge of strength, becomes much more energetic and impulsive in his behavior. A feature of anger is that in this state a person feels the need for physical action, and the stronger the anger, the higher this need. Self-control is reduced or absent.

It is not easy to deal with an angry person. In this case, it is especially important to remain calm and demonstrate it to your counterpart. Be very careful with him, especially if you see and hear him for the first time in your life, and one careless word can cost a lot. An angry person is in an extreme degree of excitement, it is very difficult to break through to his logic, if he has one. That is why we must try to find out what exactly angered him. If he has any reason to hate you, try to find out true reason. Maybe he claims your place in the sun, or maybe he's just jealous of you. The reasons can be very different

The very discussion of the reason can have a calming effect on an angry person: you give him the opportunity, even in terms that are offensive to you, to “let off steam”. If you see an increase in anger, if his face has become even redder, and the veins in his neck and arms are swollen, if the volume of his voice rises and he goes into a scream, his fists clenched, his body leaned forward, therefore, he is on the verge of a physical attack on you. If the muscles relax, the redness disappears, the fists open, the voice becomes normal volume and the threat disappears in it, then it is unlikely that he will begin aggressive actions.

If you want to reduce the level of confrontation, you should not enter into an argument with a person who is in such a state, and even more so, conduct it in a harsh manner. In a fit of anger, he may yell that will kill you. You can answer something like this: “Yes, you can easily do this, but what did I do wrong to you?” Such questions, asked in a calm tone, can to some extent reduce the degree of aggressiveness of the attacker, and perhaps begin with this. constructive dialogue with him. Try to be not just calm, but even defiantly relaxed.

Confronting anger:

Practical exercise. Your internal tension always involuntarily causes a reciprocal tension in the one you are talking to. Try, for example, to gradually build up nervousness in a conversation, speaking louder and louder, and even turning to screaming. You will notice how your interlocutor will follow you and start talking in raised tones. On the contrary, if you speak more and more quietly, your interlocutor will also gradually “slow down”. When talking to an angry person, be attuned to his anger, but slightly below his level. And then gradually, calming your own state, calm the interlocutor.

Contempt

Jealousy, greed, or rivalry can cause a person to feel contempt for you. Unlike anger, contempt rarely triggers the impulsive behavior of the person threatening you, but that is why it is more dangerous. Outwardly, it looks something like this: the head is raised up, and even if he is shorter than you, it seems that he is looking down at you. One can observe the pose of "detachment", as if he is moving away from the source that causes contempt. In posture, facial expressions, speech, superiority is observed. The particular danger of this state lies in the fact that it is a “cold” emotion and a person who despises you can take any action against you calmly and coolly. As a rule, the actions of such people are prudent, but if something does not work out as planned, then an emotion of anger may also appear. Combining these two emotions together carries even greater danger.

When you come across a person who shows you his contempt, keep your ears open. You can expect any dirty tricks from him, and he can do it quite calmly, while experiencing a sense of superiority over you. If he notices even a drop of fear or subservience on your part, then you will have even worse. Such a person will perceive a polite and correct attitude on your part as a sign of your weakness.

Disgust

Disgust, like anger or contempt, is also a feeling of hostility. It is also a negative emotion that can stimulate aggressive actions. A disgusted person looks like he has something disgusting in his mouth or smells extremely unpleasant for him. The nose wrinkles, the upper lip lifts up. Sometimes it seems that his eyes squint. As well as with contempt, there is a posture of "detachment", but without an expression of superiority. In an extreme expression of disgust, the person looks as if they are choking or spitting.

Combined with anger, disgust can cause highly aggressive behavior, as anger motivates an attack, and disgust a need to get rid of something unpleasant.

Contrasting contempt and disgust:

In this case, the first thing to do with him is to bring down the arrogance. These are aggressive actions on your part, demonstrating self-confidence to him, maintaining self-esteem, and possibly your superiority over him.

True, there may come a moment when anger is superimposed on contempt, and then such a person will become even more dangerous for you. Then it is difficult to start a dialogue, and it is even more difficult to conduct it: after all, he is filtering words through his teeth, as if doing a favor, that he is talking to you at all. We must try to "talk" him and show him that what he is doing at the moment is so low that it undermines his dignity. If you manage to get such a person to look you in the eye, and even without contempt, but at least for a start with surprise, consider that you are on the right track.

Sadist. The person hurting you may also show outward signs of the emotion of JOY. This means that you are very "lucky" and you stumbled upon a typical social psychopath, colloquially - hidden sadist. Rude and evil, they reveal themselves very early, from childhood, first with their penchant for torturing animals and their striking lack of affection for the closest people, and then with their deliberately unceremonious unwillingness to reckon with the most minimal comforts of those around them. Some of them are capable of spitting in a person’s face over a trifle, starting to swear loudly at the table with street abuse, breaking windows, dishes, furniture at the slightest quarrel, and all this is not so much due to excessive anger, but out of a desire to annoy others. But much more common are the so-called. hidden sadists who want to inflict pain and suffering on people as if on the sly, imperceptibly.

Opposite Sadist: Reduction of contact, demonstration of a firm look, inner confidence.

Practical exercise. Please take some time to put the description of emotional states into practice - observe the people you interact with at work or at home. Record their external reactions and movements. After two or three weeks of such classes, you will develop your powers of observation to the required level and you will easily notice the presence of certain emotions in people.

Fundamentals of psychological protection.

The basic rule of psychological defense is: Never lose sight of the enemy, watching his external reactions and movements. We always make eye contact those.we look into his eyes.

When communicating with the subject attacking you, always try to look into his eyes and not turn your back. A strong-willed person is not afraid to look people in the eye. Therefore, if you look at the enemy briefly and immediately look away, he will take such behavior as a sign of weakness. The enemy will consider you an insecure and shy person who is not afraid to attack, humiliate, insult. It has been established that it is the uncertain look that most provokes the attack of psychopaths and criminals.

On the contrary, a calm, cold and confident look often disorients the enemy and unsettles him.

In situations of psychological confrontation, it is important to monitor your physical condition and appearance. If you have a straight back, even breathing and a firm look at the bridge of your opponent's nose, few people would think to take advantage of the situation and try to insult you. On the contrary, the manifestation of confusion is an indication of your defenselessness and provokes an attack. In the process of psychological struggle, a confident and steadfast gaze is crucial.

Practice them regularly until they become a natural part of you. In the event of a sudden stressful situation associated with a psychological or physical threat, these exercises will help you quickly and effectively.

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"Cold Therapy"

If the thief of your energy acts with annoying activity, if he constantly complains about fate, problems and illnesses, but at the same time does absolutely nothing to improve his own life, then the so-called cold therapy, which Agni Yoga speaks of, will be a very effective means of protecting against such vampirism. : "You think correctly about the diverse impact of human radiation on the environment. A convincing example can be seen in the impact of a person on animals and plants. Give an animal or plant into the hands of a person, and you can notice the difference in the state of objects and types of destruction of life energy. Like a vampire, a horseman sucks a horse, or a hunter's dog, or a gardener's plant.Look for the cause in the radiation of a person.

Observe and write the history of the disease of the spirit. The physical obvious is rooted in long-standing accumulations. I advise you to treat people with sick radiations coldly. Cold treatment will most likely strengthen them. Cold therapy should not be taken as cruelty; for We remind you to sensitively open the door to everyone who knocks" (Signs of Agni Yoga), emphasizing that this method has nothing to do with cruelty and indifference. On the contrary, in such an attitude towards people who are sick with vampirism, lies the highest manifestation of humanity, aimed Deprived of the habitual illegal artificial inputs of other people's power, energy vampires will be forced to strain their own will in order to obtain energy in a legal way, through spiritual work. completely fruitless, will be unconvincing for him.A cold attitude, firstly, heals the vampire, and secondly, protects the victim, because it helps her to collect her own energy into a single whole.

Psychological affirmations

(positive verbal statements)

If you are in a state of subtle struggle that could not be avoided and at the same time repelling an attack, try using the affirmation method. Come up with a phrase or several different phrases, the pronunciation of which brings you into a state of active mobilization of all internal resources, such as:

"I am absolutely confident and protected." "A powerful energy surrounds me." "I'm not afraid of anyone, I'm fearless." "I am the strongest and most resilient in the world." "The divine energy in me deflects every blow."

Repeat this phrase for several minutes like a spell, soaking its power into every cell of your being. Energize your aura, imbued with faith and a steady feeling that you are protected and nothing will happen to you. Achieve a feeling of confident elastic security, try to find the rhythm of pronouncing the affirmation that is most suitable for you. Try also to combine the recitation of the formula with the breath, inhaling and exhaling the affirmative phrase and passing its energy through you. After that, bring the accumulated strength into your own behavior, actions and deeds. You can repeat it during pressure and strong-willed struggle with the enemy.

Renaming a beat

Sometimes, calling a light and insignificant energy pressure or a clash of wills a blow, we fix this impact in our consciousness, as if we were really attacked so strongly that we were injured. In a word, we take hitting more seriously than we should. Not the last role in this is played by the purely verbal designation of the blow. Revision of the perception of a blow as a serious injury and replacing its image with another, less severe and dangerous one, can be achieved by replacing the definition of a blow with another word. Another name carries a change in the function of the image and, often, the power behind it. Try to mentally call yourself a blow (even if it is quite strong and painful) a touch several times, and you will notice a significant weakening of painful sensations.

"More to the point"

It often happens that the attack takes place in a business atmosphere, but the blow is not directed at your professional quality but on your personality. Many people completely in vain succumb to such a "transition to the individual" and begin either to justify themselves or to accuse the other on the principle of "the fool himself." Meanwhile, there is a great way to repel an attack in a calm, firm manner: putting emotions aside, call on the aggressor to speak only on business. It is important not only to periodically repeat the phrase "closer to the point", but to be able to remain calm, able to analyze the essence of the matter and striving primarily for business goals. Enter the image of efficiency, button up your business suit with all the buttons, both literally and figuratively, and try to demonstrate to everyone present evidence of your own devotion to the interests of the cause. You can tell the "critics" that you are not interested in personal assessments made by someone, and offer to discuss the current situation.

Bureaucratic ritual, or formalization of communication

This method is well developed historically in the Russian tradition and to some extent is the logical conclusion of the previous method. If you don't have the ability to directly reject offers or the pressures you're under, if you're being pushed all the time with unnecessary activities and goals, then you can resort to a purely bureaucratic form of defense that's great for saving time. Start speaking with a person in an official tone, refer to the opinion of your superiors and to the unshakable orders that are established in your organization, fill out papers for a long time, make the interlocutor sign each of them - in short, formalize communication. Such a method helps to establish a distance between the aggressor and you, reinforcing such forms of communication that either completely exclude open outbursts of irritation on the part of a potential aggressor, or make them obviously unprofitable for him, for what is the point of rebelling against the established order?

When misused, as in the hands of seasoned bureaucrats, the formalization of communication becomes a dangerous weapon. This technique should be used in extreme cases, when you feel your moral rightness, but you do not have enough strength to put the presumptuous boor in his place. Otherwise, it will serve to protect your poorly performing organization or department from justified consumer dissatisfaction. If their claims are justified, it is better to correct the mistakes than to defend the "honor of the uniform" in this way. Nevertheless, the formalization of communication can be used as a "special-purpose weapon" in situations where mutual emotional bitterness interferes with the business part of solving the problem.

“Are you afraid that your method will be adopted by bureaucrats of all stripes and finally formalize the country?” a colleague asked me, whom I told that I was going to describe this form of protection as well. "I'm not afraid," I replied, "because they know this method immeasurably better than I do. But it is useful for a sensitive, naive worker of an emotional type who is being unfairly attacked to be at least a little bit in the shoes of a seasoned Russian bureaucrat."

Loneliness, or a halo of inaccessibility

Sometimes, to protect yourself, you just need to keep communication to a minimum or even be alone. The image of a lonely, little-contact person that you demonstrate will automatically reduce the number of people who want to even just communicate with you, not to mention those who want to conflict. It is only important that it be the loneliness of strength, as if not in need of people and very selectively accepting communication with them. To do this, you need to carefully monitor yourself so as not to ask unnecessary questions, not to be the first to make contact, but only to respond to the nuances of a change in attitude towards you.

"I imagine that I am a celebrity, and all around me are journalists who are going to interview," a man once shared his secrets with me, who was considered a difficult partner in this team to communicate and negotiate. They were afraid of him and tried not to argue, which he skillfully used. Looking closely at him, I noticed that he only occasionally communicates his emphatically special, "harmful" opinion and goes into the shell of public loneliness. The rest of the time, he manifests himself as a restrained, but at the same time sincere person, speaking little, to the point, but always ready to help with advice if they turn to him. By acting in this way, he has achieved that almost no one argues with him and carefully hangs on his every word, thanks to his laconicism and pauses that seem very weighty. The attention that he shows with restraint and business to other people, against the background of this silence, looks like a gift, like a ray of sunshine that appeared from behind the clouds that covered the sky for a long time.

This strategy works well in teams with a tense atmosphere and many conflicting factions, where The best way survive - stay away and at the same time be known as a cool specialist who will always help if you ask him about it. Of course, this method is designed for an amateur. For most people, especially those who are emotional by nature, the very prospect of closing their souls like window shutters, and leaving unpleasant contacts into loneliness, looks unattractive.

“Let them beat you, but it’s better with people than sitting at home alone,” one woman admitted to me, who is experiencing difficulties in connection with the ridicule she is subjected to in the company, but because of the fear of being left in four walls, she is ready to endure such treatment.

Demonstration of rage not directed against the aggressor

I could not find a shorter name for the method, which was shared with me by a friend. This method works very well in situations of danger.

“When I need to be left alone, I enter into the image that I am so immersed in some kind of feeling that I don’t seem to hear, and I don’t want to hear others,” a man whose appearance left no doubts told me in its strength and security. When I asked what signal he sends to people, the man grinned and said: "Well, for example, I'm starting to talk aloud to myself." To my counter question, if he was not afraid that he would be mistaken for a madman, he replied that "it would be better to be accepted than, for example, to be killed." Then he told me the story of how one evening he noticed a company approaching with a rather aggressive look to a telephone booth where he was talking to a friend. “I don’t know where it came from, but I quickly managed to tell my friend:“ Don’t be surprised, now I need a performance, ”and in a loud voice, furiously began to threaten him with major showdowns. When the company approached, I talked with him for another minute in approximately the same tone, letting them hear how furious I was (moreover, it is interesting that none of them dared to interrupt me, but on the contrary, everyone listened with their mouths open). , and in fifteen minutes we will be at his place, after that he threw down the pipe and asked one of the company to smoke with the words: "Man, give me a cigarette, I'm deadly late." The most interesting thing is that they gave me a cigarette, and, having said thank you, I quickly walked away from this place.

I tried this method and found it to be effective. If you demonstrate a strong emotion directed against an unknown enemy, not every aggressor will dare to disturb your rage. Only the game must be genuine and rarely used.

Overcoming mental trauma

This method is one of the training ones. It is no secret that each of us must have met and clashed with people who were stronger and won, leaving in our deep memory a traumatic feeling of defeat. Every time we encounter something like this in life, this sensation awakens and invades consciousness, blocking the free circulation of psychic energy and preventing the manifestation of confidence in behavior. If we want to become secure, we need to overcome the negative image of past failure in ourselves.

Recall in your mind an unfortunate situation from the past in which you suffered a psychological defeat, or imagine the image of a person who passed you on a volitional level. Observe your attitude towards this image. If you notice that until now, remembering him, you experience tension and fear, that is, you are afraid not of the person himself, but of his image, then first of all, achieve the dissolution of your negative emotions and the elimination of muscle clamps and blocks. Do this exercise several times. After you can perceive the image that hurts you quite easily and calmly, try to completely erase from memory information about your own weakness, manifested in the past and to some extent continuing in the present. On the cleansed tape of consciousness, make another, completely opposite "record": mentally enter the image of strength, confidence, psycho-energetic power and transfer your renewed consciousness to this situation, imagining that you are successfully coping with it and completing it in a victorious way that you desire . Make a mental "rewriting" of an unsuccessful situation for a successful, victorious one several times. Gradually, the trauma will resolve and give way to a sense of wholeness, confidence and health.

Using the defensive power of the "uniform"

No, I'm not talking about the protective power of a military uniform, which is usually painted (sorry for the pun!) In protective tones, and not about the "defense of uniform" formula, which means that this or that organization, with fair accusations against it, defends not the truth or the interests of the business, and above all their own reputation. I mean that in many life situations, the "uniform" itself performs a protective function, that is, a person's belonging to a certain organization. Of course, it must be powerful and ready to defend the interests of its members if they are threatened by other structures or forces. Clan-corporate affiliation gives rise to pride and confidence in a person, sometimes even excessive and unreasonable. This is clearly seen in the example of employees of large corporations and concerns. Yes, and in our history there were many such structures. When a person remembers that he belongs to something like this, his chest expands, and he begins to feel that he is not afraid of any blows.

To feel the protective power of the "uniform", you need to "put it on" and "wear it" for some time, in other words, you will get a job in a good successful organization. An employee in his place should feel that not only does he love the work, but the work in the person of the employer, the team and the whole system loves him. Try to find a job that you both like and succeed. Try to establish deep inner contact with the very system that animates your firm. Tune in to a sense of the importance and necessity of what you are doing. If you learn to be sincere and justified, without unnecessary complacency, to be proud of your organization, team, work and your place in this system, that is, a "uniform", be sure that such a "uniform" will protect a good worker in any situation.

Awareness and competence

The concept of awareness and competence is included in the personal psychological security of a person. One who does not understand either the substance of the issue over which there is a conflict, nor the psychology of the person who strikes, will never become truly protected. Awareness and competence can be broad, relating to the level of education and general awareness of a person about everything that happens in the world, and narrow, related to the specifics of the conflict and attack. No matter how good a person’s health is, no matter how strong his aura is purely energetically, he will not be able to correctly respond to any sophisticated psychological blow, which involves introducing the victim into a state of mental confusion and demobilization, if he is not competent and informed and even educated. Competence is, in fact, not a technique, but a general property of a person that helps in repelling the sometimes very complex and confusing blows of the modern world.

Narrow awareness is closer to what can be called a technique. Before a serious confrontation, ask yourself: did you have time to study the enemy well? Recall everything you know about him, including knowledge of his strengths and weaknesses, as well as information about the nature of the case, because of which the collision occurred. Try to absorb this knowledge into yourself, into your own heart, and rebuild your defense system based on it. Just do not burden your spirit, ready to confront evil, with such an assessment and knowledge of the enemy that will prevent you from meeting a new blow in full force. Information should not be more than a warning. Do not forget about the completeness of information about yourself, which the process of self-observation can bring you. Without the so-called subjective awareness, it is impossible to bring oneself into a state of harmony and balance. If it is supplemented by education or objective information, then you can avoid many unnecessary blows of fate generated by ignorance.

The elastic force of confidence

Find the center of your being. Focus on it and stay in this state until the latent energy of consciousness manifests itself. Mentally connect it with a sense of health, a sense of rightness and willpower. As a result, an elastic force of self-confidence should be born in your personality, which is expressed in an inner sense of readiness to immediately respond to any accusation and parry any blow. Set yourself up to bring this power into your every action, word or reaction, especially if you are dealing with an aggressive environment and conflict people. Then try to learn to call it into yourself almost instantly, as soon as the air smells of a possible conflict and a premonition of an attack.

Set a goal to create an elusive but very real halo of elastic, confident strength around you, and you will significantly reduce the number of attacks on yourself. Who wants to attack someone who exudes a powerful force of confidence that can give a sensitive rebuff? Remember all the cases from the past years of your life when you managed to successfully parry blows and put the aggressor in his place. Try to remember the very feeling of elastic force that accompanied these cases and helped you repel the onslaught. After that, recall this feeling that manifested itself in different episodes of your life, summarize it together and attract the energy of memories into your current self-awareness. Filled with an elastic feeling of energy and strength, try to get used to the image of confidence at the level of behavior and actions, and by this you will finally convince yourself that you are a strong confident person who is able to stand up for himself.

Mental manipulation of the image of the aggressor

In cases where the aggressor is well acquainted with you, and you are firmly convinced that you will have to receive sensitive blows from him more than once, you should prepare for them and develop the correct reaction to both aggression and its source. Do not overestimate and, conversely, overestimate the aggressor. If there is such an inadequate assessment on your part, then in any case it will backfire on you. The underestimator misses the blow because he has not built any shields around himself, and he will not have any correct reaction in his subconscious to reflect the blow. He who overestimates the danger internally exaggerates the severity of the blow and creates in himself the wrong images, blocks and clamps, which facilitate the delivery of the blow and its passage through the thin fabric of the human personality. An effective method that improves the security of a person is mental work with the image of the aggressor.

Ask yourself the question: in your conflicts with Mr. N, during which you receive sensitive blows, do you continue to underestimate the seriousness of the enemy, or, on the contrary, tend to overestimate him? Analyze the image of the enemy imprinted in your mind and try to understand - does such a representation help to better repel blows or not? If you underestimate the enemy, and in your mind there is no clear image of the danger threatening you, which needs to be repelled in some way, then you must: a) introduce into your mind an idea of ​​the size of the real threat; b) think and choose what type of defensive reaction will best reflect aggression; c) mentally repeat this reaction in your mind as many times as necessary to turn it into an energetically saturated, living, really working image. At a difficult moment, it will be much easier for you to repel a blow - you will simply extract a protective image from your subconscious and give out the necessary reaction based on it. If you overestimate the aggressor, and there is a horror image in your subconscious (it doesn’t even matter if it is confirmed by the truth of life or based on a wrong perception), then you can try to move away from yourself and even reduce the spatial dimensions.

I advised one person, who is terribly afraid of his harsh, noisy boss, to mentally reduce her image to microscopic sizes and to do this procedure both during the dressings she arranges, and in anticipation of them, and after, until his attitude towards the boss becomes completely indifferent until the fear passes. He hesitated for a long time - whether to decide on such a step or not, because he depended on her so much internally that he was afraid even mentally to resist her. But when he made up his mind and did this procedure several dozen times, then the fear passed, and in a correct manner, but firmly, he told her everything he thought about her screams and empty nit-picking. A hysteria happened to the boss - in several years of work, her subordinates for the first time so seriously objected to her. After that, he was already going to write a letter of resignation, but after a while a miracle happened: the whole team refused to trust the boss, and she was forced to quit herself!

Remember that it is not enough to create a vivid and accurate image of your defensive actions - you need to charge it well with energy and then confidently release it into the world.

Image protection

If mental defense refers to purely internal methods, and role-playing defense refers to external methods, then defense with the help of an image, which implies the ability of a person to dress correctly and look decent in each specific situation, glides over the very surface of human behavior. However, this type of protection is very important, as it largely determines the perception of a person by other people. As is well known to everyone from the Russian proverb, the meaning of which has become much stronger in our time, which fully deserves the name "Vanity Fair" - "they are greeted by their clothes." If the clothes are bad or in sharp contrast to people's expectations, provocative or inappropriate for the situation, then you may be met with a very aggressive attitude. If you want to achieve your goals in a problematic communication situation (an upcoming conflict, an exam, a difficult explanation, an acquaintance where it is especially important to make a positive impression, contact with a deliberately unfriendly or conflicting person), and your position is not accepted in advance, then you must defend your purely the psychological image is not only a thoughtful role, but also appropriate clothing. Now there are many manuals and brochures on the issues of creating an external image, where fashion issues are combined with security issues, so I will not retell them. I will limit myself to only general advice maybe even well-known readers.

1. If you go to a place where you have a difficult explanation, then the provocatively bright colors of the clothes will most likely provoke an outburst of negative emotions.

I remember such a case. One person was expelled from the university. In order to recover, he had to go through several instances. The success of passing each instance depended, among other things, on his clothes - as soon as he put on a dark brown suit instead of a bright red sweater at the second stage of elimination, the elimination process was suspended.

Of course, in this and other similar stories, everything should not be reduced to the effect of colors in clothes, but this factor should not be completely discounted either.

2. If you go to a fashionable party, birthday, presentation, then, on the contrary, you will be better protected psychologically by a brighter, more colorful, expensive clothing. I have repeatedly seen how at such events people of a self-confidently impudent type made psychological raids on people in a "wretched outfit", as one businessman, a lover of nightclubs and high-society companies of businessmen, athletes and rock musicians, where a completely random human.

3. It is very important to maintain color combinations, if not classic, but at least not annoying. According to classical ideas, the combination of red and green is completely unacceptable, although in modern fashion, especially in its party version, this barrier has already been overcome.

4. Obviously clothes open type suggests that a person is more open to the attention and negative energy of another person and provokes not only friendly outbursts and expressions of sympathy, but also aggression, familiarity antics, sexual harassment. Accordingly clothing closed type(deaf and high collars, jackets fastened with all buttons and zippers, etc.) creates and enhances the feeling of psychological closeness and partially blocks interest, attention and desire to make contact and thereby diverts possible psychological attacks from him. On the other hand, many situations require either only "open" or, on the contrary, "closed" clothes, and if a person comes to a good warm and friendly company literally buttoned up, this will cause tension, attract negative emotions to him , negative energy and paradoxically weaken the protection. "Open" clothing in such a situation will perform a protective function to a much greater extent than "closed" clothing.

5. An important role in the image of a person is played by the material from which the clothes are made. The stronger and thicker the fabric, the more the effect of closeness and security is achieved. Camouflage fabric and leather give rise to the pinnacle of the sense of closeness. That is why the guards and the "fraternity" love the skin so much. On the other hand, statistics state that in acute situations of fights, showdowns, police raids, criminal shootings, most of the victims are among people dressed in camouflage and leather, even if they happened to be nearby by accident. Therefore, think about when, where and what to wear.

6. In addition, try to match your purely psychological image and style of behavior with clothing. There is nothing funnier than a person with the manners of an insecure neurotic, dressed in the style of a tough businessman or security guard. So look for your style, follow the fashion if possible, read fashion magazines and try to understand what clothes give you the most success and confidence. It can be absolutely confidently asserted that clothes that are ridiculous or not suitable for a person not only spoil his image in the eyes of people, but also deform his aura, giving rise to low self-esteem, psychological complexes and causing energy losses.

7. If you have the opportunity, get yourself a stylist who is at least a little versed not only in clothes and hairstyles, but also in the subtle energy mechanisms of the impression made by a person, and in his psychological problems. In short, work on style. Paraphrasing and supplementing the well-known saying (albeit referring to the writer's work): "Style is a person", we can say that style is a person with his own protection.

Psychological tennis

I call this type of defense a sports term, because it involves an instant reaction to any psychological attack of the opponent, whether it be a word, an accusation, a gesture, a look, a movement or an act. Psychological tennis (and I mean table tennis rather than tennis) involves communication at a fast or even ultra-fast pace. Most often this refers to the verbal form of protection. Learn to instantly respond to the case with a short phrase. Some people speak so long that their statements resemble extended newspaper articles. Others first briefly state the main ideas and only, if necessary, reveal them in more detail.

Learn to speak in short, concise phrases, putting the most concentrated energy into them, too long an answer washes away the power of persuasiveness from words. Starting to train this skill, try to start by saying anything, even if the meaning of speech is lost, but you keep the speed of pace and a confident look. This method is somewhat similar to the Zen parables, riddles and paradoxes of being, to which you need to respond instantly and extraordinary. The best answer is considered to be such a reaction that is issued by a person instantly and absolutely freely, without much thought. Learn to parry any threats, accusations, claims and ridicule instantly and easily, just like a tennis champion parries an opponent's blow.

Absurdization of the attack

This type of defense is possible in those variants of communication when it occurs in verbal form, and you have time to convince the enemy of the senselessness of actions against you. To do this, you must resort to exaggeration of the arguments or those roles of behavior that you resort to. Try to show artistry and enter into an image that contrasts sharply with the aggressive behavior of the enemy through humor, subtle irony, a play of intonation, or a diametrically opposed position, against which a further attack looks pointless. Sometimes it is necessary to use good logic, with the help of which a person is quickly, clearly and witty explained where his aggression will lead him and what a big price he will have to pay for the escalation of the conflict. Try this technique in different ways until you reach the virtuosity of persuasion with a few phrases.

Defense of honor and dignity

A Russian proverb suggests preserving honor from a young age. The universal spiritual culture considers the loss of honor as the loss of the right to life, because the loss of honor and dignity makes life unbearable. The essence of dignity is in the awareness and experience of one's right to be unique and to treat one's own personality with a sense of self-respect. Dignity is a kind of armor that surrounds the personality. To live life is not to cross a field, and therefore, in the process of communication, this armor constantly receives arrows. Everyone has a choice: to defend honor and dignity or lose them, chasing profit in the broadest sense of the word. The defense of honor and dignity presupposes, first of all, a change in the general position of the individual and his attitude towards himself, and in the second place is connected with various methods and methods. If you want others not to offend your honor, you must have this honor. Remember the expression from the officer's charter: "I have the honor!" In order to have honor and radiate dignity, a person must kill the slave in himself - the inner being, for the sake of profit or good relationship going to all sorts of humiliations and deals with conscience. Straighten your shoulders in the literal and figurative sense, try to see that you, for all your shortcomings, are the only creature in the world who, on this one basis, has the right to self-respect.

Understand, if you are not filled with this impulse from the inside, then where will it come from other people? The respect other people give you is derived from the respect you give yourself. This, of course, is about self-respect, backed up by real deeds, and not about artificial pouting and importance, behind which there is nothing but empty narcissism. If you radiate such a sense of self-importance, not backed by genuine achievements in life, people will quickly figure it out and return this energy impulse back to you with an added weight of ridicule, contempt and hostility. But if you truly respect yourself and your feeling is reinforced good deeds, people will pay you deep respect in return, sometimes giving you advances that are excessive. Therefore, the best means of developing your self-respect is the calm, measured performance of worthy deeds for which you are respected.

Also, seriously think about your image. If you want to be perceived as you would like, make sure that your external reactions do not conflict with your internal mood. Do not fuss, do not make sudden movements, speak significantly, smoothly and weightily, as if saturating your entire being with energy from the muscular pattern to voice modulations.

One of my clients had the opportunity to receive a good post, but unfortunately for such a post appearance his was somewhat lightweight. Sharing my client's fears of seeming ridiculous and frivolous, I suggested that he first change his gait: learn to walk more smoothly, slowly, importantly, imagining that he is carrying a jug on his head. The person liked the image. He began to work in this direction in earnest. Six months later, the person was unrecognizable. He admitted to me that he even began to perceive the world in a different way, which is not surprising - the assimilation of a new external manner of behavior changes everything up to the inner sense of self.

The defense of dignity presupposes a combination of security and honor. At first, a person defends his dignity, and then the earned, felt and strengthened dignity protects his personality from encroachments and blows. When people see such an attitude of a person towards themselves, they, as a rule, do not dare to cross the border surrounding him and invade someone else's personal territory.

Another aspect of dignity that needs to be cultivated in oneself, because it is most directly related to the protection of a person, is the social aspect. If a person worthy on a personal level is socially humiliated, the armor of his external confident image breaks through, and he, at best, feels great discomfort. In Russia, there has always been a lack of a sense of civic and social dignity, and a significant percentage of the population has always been inclined to bend their heads in front of the authorities and the state. Bringing the situation to the extreme degree of humiliation, such people explode at the last moment and arrange a riot, which has already happened more than once in our history. Today, as the country has embarked on a new course that sees a further increase in social inequality, it can be assumed that many people will experience a sharp sense of humiliation that drains them. A true sense of dignity necessarily includes social and civic self-respect and the ability to defend one's rights. A truly protected person must be able to demand that the state fulfill its obligations. This also applies to the personal psychological security of an individual in front of a specific official and representative of the state, and the community of people humiliated by blackouts, heat or exorbitant price increases. People must learn to unite in organizations or movements, with the help of which they will bring their demands to power, rigidly and consistently achieving their goals. If the population of our country does not awaken in itself a sense of civic dignity, then it will remain in a state of social humiliation, accompanied by massive stress and psychological depression.

Peace Attack

If you are attacked and you have tried various methods to no avail, try to psychologically stop the enemy in response, while acting by peaceful means. Keeping a level and friendly tone, try to accuse him of the wrong approach to business, errors of vision, prejudice. You can even slightly, in the correct form, hurt his personal well-being, just enough to embarrass him, but do not focus on the accusation, but soften your tone and move on to the merits of the case. Peacefully, but very energetically and assertively, begin to prove the correctness of your point of view. In short, bombard him with peaceful initiatives so that he does not have time to react and becomes embarrassed. Remember that this is not a program of action, but a demonstrative behavior designed to bring down the offensive fervor from your opponent and soften his aggression. By behaving in this way, you paralyze his aggression and confuse him, because your actions do not fit into his expectations.

A peaceful attack is very effective in cases where your opponent is not a super-aggressive person, ready to go to the conflict to the end. Otherwise, he may become furious, either because he sees your relative resistance, which he does not tolerate, or because he interprets the peaceful nature of your actions as weakness.

Changing the battlefield

When the conflict takes on a protracted nature and requires your continuous participation and attention, and the result of the collision is likely to be undesirable for you, or in any case not the way you expect it, then it is more expedient to leave the conflict and apply your efforts to some new task. In no case do not lose the energy of response and movement. Just change the object of struggle and gradually shift your attention to a new goal. At every moment a person has an alternative choice and it is important to be able to change the battlefield in a timely manner.

Belief Defense

Before we talk about defending beliefs, we need to make sure that they exist. It often happens that people understand personal taste assessments or selfish interests as beliefs. Beliefs are a system of a person's conscious views on a wide range of issues, permeated with some idea or even a series of ideas that a person believes in because they are dear to him. The defense of beliefs has nothing to do with an empty ambitious argument started for self-affirmation. Beliefs are not a suit that a person can change three times a week. Changing beliefs is a long process, often stretching for years or even decades. The rapid change of convictions, which one sometimes has to observe in the sphere of politics, is evidence of extreme superficiality and opportunism. A serious person cannot radically change his beliefs in a short time without stress, upheaval and breakdowns.

To defend beliefs means to protect oneself, the deep spiritual and psychological basis of one's existence. An alternative to "surrendering" one's beliefs is the death of a person as a person and a spiritual unit. Think seriously, do you have them or does it just seem to you? Perhaps what you call with the sonorous word "beliefs" is just a set of boastful thoughts that are convenient for your ego, under which no serious ideological base can be brought? But if you do have a belief system that you cherish, and it is extremely painful for you to see how someone shakes them, then, of course, they are worth fighting for. However, before you get involved in the fight, think again - are your beliefs true? Are they imbued with some kind of meaning, light, positive content, or are they the usual kind of blind personal predilections, in real life always directed against the interests of other people? Of course, a person himself cannot absolutely determine how true his views are, this is determined by life itself, however, something also depends on his recognition.

So, if your beliefs are valuable to you and if they are not objectively directed against other people, life, God, then defend them! Belief defense can take place in different forms both in words and deeds. Of course, protection by deeds and deeds is preferable. In Orthodoxy there is a wonderful formula: "The truth is not proved, but shown." The apostle Paul said on the same occasion: "Faith without works is dead." But even words imbued with faith turn, if not into deeds, then at least into important element cases, especially if a person is psychologically attacked precisely for his beliefs. So, if you want to seriously defend your beliefs, learn to effectively defend them both in deeds and in words. Deeds and actions should be clear, energetic, successful, professional, that is, those that cause as few claims and penalties as possible from those who are close to you. Try to make your deeds permeated with faith in their meaning and so that they do not diverge from the words with which you justify yourself before the world. If you have stopped believing in what you are doing, ask God to restore your faith, but if this does not happen, stop doing a dead work until you believe again. And if faith never returns, forget about your unsuccessful deeds. Things done without faith, that is, without realizing their necessity and value, are doomed to failure.

Verbal defense of beliefs is a dialogue, an explanation, a dispute, sometimes a conflict that needs to be conducted competently and correctly. There are several principles of such protection: a person must be well versed and understand what he is protecting. Clarity of understanding, generated by incompetence and unprofessionalism, sharply reduces the persuasiveness of what is said and causes a comic effect, exacerbated by the degree of emotionality of a person. Indeed, if such a person defends a thesis and is convinced that he is right, then the more passionately he does it, the more unconvincing his words look for the listeners, because they see the full extent of his misunderstanding. Unfortunately, many people defend such views and ideas, the essence of which they do not fully understand. Try not to be like them.

Defending your beliefs, do it emotionally, passionately, with faith in the correctness of the views that you defend. A person who speaks in such cases with a languid intonation, without a spark, with an indifferent detachment, weakens the positive meaning of his arguments. Passionate faith in the correctness of what is said, combined with the logical clarity of arguments, makes any speech convincing and effective.

Avoid imposing your beliefs - it does nothing but the opposite result. Try to influence the mind and the emotional nature of the interlocutor, but do not put pressure on his will. The decision to accept or not to accept your arguments and views must be made independently.

Learn to be creative in your choice of arguments to convince others of the truth of what you say. The defense of beliefs should not be built on the exploitation of one or two arguments.

Don't let those who attack your views do so with too much irony. Make it clear that it’s better to be ironic over you personally, but they don’t touch your beliefs, just as you don’t touch the beliefs of your opponent. In this case, you will be perceived as a fairer and more significant person, for whom not her selfish interests are more important, but internal system values.

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