Hello! I really need your advice, tk. what is happening threatens to completely destroy my life. I'm just desperate and don't know where to look for answers to my questions. My name is Alina, I am 28 years old. My personal life does not work out at all, despite the fact that I am outwardly attractive, I have no problems with acquaintances and I am constantly surrounded by male attention ... But there is no happiness and constancy. A year and a half ago, I parted with my common-law husband, tired of constant humiliation and reproaches. I had a choice - to legitimize our relationship or to break up (at that time I didn’t want anything with this person. In addition, he offered me to marry only when drawing up a marriage contract and prescribing conditions there, that in case of a divorce I would not be able to apply for jointly acquired property. I could not bear such humiliation and of course I left, thinking that I would make room for a more worthy person and new relationships ... But nothing happens, I'm just desperate. I have actually been alone for a year and a half now, surrounded by a bunch of useless fans. And I noticed the following - they are useless because they want to see me next to them only as a mistress. And I had such a problem with all my previous men - they almost never perceived me as a potential wife ... I don't understand, what exactly is wrong with me, I am attractive, they often meet me, it is interesting to communicate with me and spend time (I also have male friends and it is easy for me to be with them). ala, that the wives of friends of my former common-law husband did not like me very much, and I was often the only girl in the male company of my ex ... I liked it, but you can see this is also a sign that something is wrong with me. I don’t understand what’s the matter - I don’t dress and don’t make up provocatively, I don’t behave frivolously, I try to be interesting and witty ... I recently had an affair that didn’t end in anything, because my boyfriend did not want any continuation in our relationship - it was convenient for him to meet, spend time together and have sex. And I could not continue this relationship - I was abroad for several months (he is Italian) and I had to go home or get married with him. He certainly didn't do anything. The result is one - I am perceived only as a woman-entertainment. Advise me something, I do not understand what is the matter and what to do. I have looked through a bunch of psychological books, and have not yet found answers for myself. Friends and mom are psychologically pressing me - you are 28 and you are not married and you really have no one. .. I'm very tired of it and it just hurts me to think about it. And my friends and relatives are simply perplexed - you are so attractive - and alone. LIKE THIS? I try to find the reasons for my troubles in myself, but I still can't. I do not want to be left alone and really want to arrange my personal life. I am in despair. HELP!
At one fine moment in my life, I realized that something was missing in me: you seem to live, but something is not right and wrong. I looked at myself from the side and in the mirror, went through one strong training on my own, read a couple of educational books. I made the disappointing conclusions that I have a bouquet of bad habits, I hardly devote time to my health, I am not popular with girls, my level of disorganization is off the charts, and besides, I often go away from solving difficult life problems.
It doesn't matter how many days are in your life, it is important how much life is in your days!
Sport
It all starts with its introduction into your life. We start with basic exercises, but they must be performed every day. These are simple exercises: squats, abdominals, push-ups. It all starts with a repetition of 5 times and every day increases by 1 time, you can perform two runs a day. After a month, you will squat 35 times, do abdominal exercises 35 times, and push up 35 times. Then you can increase the number of repetitions as needed, but be sure to do it every day.
Each person needs to find his own sport, and you should not follow the lead of fashion: everyone runs, which means running, everyone does yoga, which means yoga. Look for your sport that will completely suit you: loads, interest, time, financial component, people. It should become an extension of your essence.
I have tried over a year, gym, boxing, running, jiu-jitsu, aikido, cycling. At the same time, he was engaged in several types for several months. It was a great time, because it was an unconditional benefit for my health, and I also understood more and more what exactly I want from sports.
My choice fell on Jiu-Jitsu and swimming is the basis of my sports development. Now this is for life, because the pleasure that I get in the classroom is difficult to express in words, and my success in this field only reinforces this conviction.
Books
We'll have to read a lot. An excellent result is 40-50 books per year. I have read 42 books and I understand that 50 books a year is real. The main thing is to read without stopping. And, of course, don't watch TV and stay on social networks.
Read only to develop your mind: psychology, Russian and foreign classics, self-development, finance - no boulevard or entertaining books.
Summarize the essence of what you read, what impressed or disliked the book, memorize the quotes. So you train your memory and you can always surprise your interlocutors with clever sayings from books.
Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged" was very influential for me with its fundamental nature and strong dialogues, as well as situations similar to events from my life.
My morality, the morality of reason, is contained in one axiom: reality exists in one choice - to live. Everything else flows from here. In order to live, a person must consider three things as the highest and decisive values: Reason, Purpose, Self-esteem. Reason as the only instrument of cognition, Purpose as a choice of happiness, which this instrument must achieve, Self-esteem as an indestructible confidence that he is able to think and his personality is worthy of happiness, which means worthy of life. These three values require all the virtues of a person, and all of his virtues are associated with the relationship of existence and consciousness: rationality, independence, purity, honesty, justice, efficiency, pride.
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Discipline
What distinguishes a strong personality from an ordinary person is. Regardless of your mood, motivation, external circumstances, family relations, do what is necessary at a given moment in time.
Learn to swim against the tide of life's circumstances, educate yourself so that the inner state does not depend on what is happening around. It was very difficult and it didn’t work out right away, as there were breakdowns. But I walked forward again and again with the support of loved ones and an inner desire to go this way at all costs.
Where can you start? From the morning ritual. Here is the simplest and most effective method for honing discipline: when the alarm rings, you get up immediately, wash your face, turn on the music, do exercises with strength exercises, then - a contrast shower, a healthy breakfast (no fried and sweet) and reading a book (you can go to the office) ...
This should be done until it turns out to be done automatically and without forcing oneself. It took me 3 months, sometimes, of course, there were failures, especially after overloaded days. I recommend that anyone who wants to change their lifestyle develop their own morning ritual.
You need to learn to control yourself: your speech, gait, gaze and gestures. Wherever you are, at home, at work, in the gym, you should exude confidence and act without fuss. Remember the principle of feedback: even if you don't feel that way, this feeling of confidence and discipline will come.
A very useful exercise for developing inner strength - despite all your natural fears, do not look away from the interlocutor, from people passing by who are looking into your eyes. I will not deny that martial arts classes helped me with this. But it is also good to look with a warm gaze, showing that you are in a benevolent mood.
To educate myself, I learned to deny myself pleasures: bars, alcohol, sweets, cigarettes, impulsive purchases, idleness, empty talk at work. It may not work out right away, but we need to think about it all the time, work in this direction. And one day I said to myself: "Yes, I have not drunk alcohol for three months and have not eaten sweets for two months."
I attended sports classes or courses despite my mood, circumstances, weather and my motivation. I made a schedule and followed it, threw away all my favorite excuses. I liked to come to the hall when something stopped others and when there were like-minded people who were ready to support me in these endeavors.
And most importantly, you need to learn to control yourself when little is obtained, and a mess is going on around. Be an island of calmness and cold endurance.
Finance
Start a financial journal. Lead him for a month, the second, the third and do not stop. And do not just lead him, but analyze every month what and where goes, why and how to fix it.
I spent a lot on coffee - 1,300 rubles a month. I realized that it was time to reduce its amount, and now the level of spending on coffee is 600 rubles a month. Coffee is my weakness that I don't want to get rid of.
Many people say that the magazine is a useless thing: "I already know how much I spend and earn." And you try to conduct it for 1 year with accurate analysis and charts and you will see the whole picture of your financial literacy or illiteracy.
Keep yourself in financial asceticism, stop buying what you don't need or is imposed by advertisements and acquaintances. Most of our purchases are useless and not useful in life, and you can easily do without them.
Find additional income, even if it is small, but it will motivate you to even greater achievements. Let it be an increased workload, additional work (of any format), freelancing, selling unnecessary things, teaching other people. The mistake of the majority - everyone wants a lot of money in the initial stages, but this does not happen. You don't earn a lot at work right away, so in life everything is gradual.
Relationship
This point applies more to men who have not found their soul mate or even do not want it, which I was. If you are alone and have a lot of time, develop your dating skills. Register on dating sites, meet in cafes and on the street, chat in the gym, ask friends about girls you know.
Try different communication strategies: gentleman, macho, shy, athletic guy. Meet girls smarter than you, admit it, conquer them.
In various situations, not everything will work out: the wrong words, the wrong method, not your person, failures in bed. But don't stop, it should temper you.
And over time, you will learn to understand the opposite sex, learn to easily start a conversation, make beautiful compliments. Girls will often reciprocate, they will feel an interesting personality in you. But do not be overconfident, look for someone who will appreciate your qualities "uncut," and be loyal and faithful to her.
If it's simple - love, suffer, conquer, disperse and start anew. Become someone with whom you want to spend time, with whom you will be comfortable in any situations, be able to understand and listen to the other person. And remember that your significant other can always leave you, so enjoy every moment together.
Skills
Start developing skills you may not have before, such as breaststroke, typing, contextual planning, emergency driving. Master them, find a mentor on the topic, take training. Such achievements develop the personality, make it multifaceted.
You will also learn to deliberately step out of your comfort zone and overcome fear, which will later become your driving force. All great achievements begin with small victories over oneself.
Over the past 12 months, I have been doing things that I have never done before: heavy strength exercises, meditation, training with children, conducting trainings, asceticism.
Spirituality
Define your values in life, create for yourself internal and social rules, find your “I”.
Finally, find the answer to the eternal question: “Why am I here? What is my mission? "
How? Ask yourself important questions, do not look at other people who are drifting like a boat in the ocean, become a reference point both for yourself and for others. Read spiritual books, visit spiritual places and, finally, create your own picture of the world order. This is very important, so you will become unshakable and you will have your own faith. Not the one that is shown in the media, but its own internal one.
Most people are afraid to ask themselves difficult questions and close themselves with materialism, as I did in my time, but this is a dead-end branch of development. Things and everyday bustle cannot be closed, they will not give you the happiness that you will feel when you find something important inside that will lead you further.
Good habits
As you break bad habits and change structurally, you will need other habits - and better for them to be beneficial.
For example, if you talk a lot, learn to be silent and listen to the interlocutor, even when your tongue is itching - be silent.
If you eat a lot of sweets, replace it with nuts or dried fruits, do not eat so much chocolate and cookies with sweet tea.
Books are great savers from TV and Internet addiction. It's just that the brain will no longer want to "liquefy".
If you have nothing planned and everything happens just like that, get a notebook, write down all your tasks for the day, week, month. Write down thoughts that come to you, fresh ideas, describe events and people. Keep records and analysis of your life.
If you smoke, quit and immediately jump into sports, preferably in one where the lungs work the most in order to expel all the tar out of yourself.
Algorithm for structural change of oneself in 12 months
- Sports load every day. For a long time, decide on your sport, do it, no matter what, for a whole year.
- Read a lot of books, 3-4 per month. Write a summary of what you read.
- Develop discipline. Deny yourself pleasure. Remain calm when storms are around. Try to deny yourself something every month.
- Develop financial literacy. Keep a financial journal and find additional income throughout the year.
- If you are single - look for your soul mate and develop the skill of seduction. If you are not alone, fall in love again with your chosen one.
- Learn new skills you never knew before. Desirable - 1 skill in 2 months.
- Find the answer for what you are here, even an approximate one - it will be good. Spend as much time on this as you see fit.
- Get good habits instead of bad ones. This is an everyday job.
Victory over oneself is true success in life.
It is difficult to change, but possible. The main thing is to want to set yourself interesting (and not so) goals and achieve them, no matter what. Everything will not work out right away, there will be misfires, breakdowns, but the vector of movement must be maintained, and you will definitely break through the barrier of your weakness.
If you think that this requires motivation or money, you are wrong: you only need one pure desire to become better than you are, and time, which is so short in our life. But remember, there is no limit to perfection, this is constant work on yourself, and it continues until the end of your days. A developed personality lives much happier than those who are weak in front of themselves and retreat before life's circumstances.
Despite the simplicity of the question posed, it is actually insanely complex and individual. Indeed, for everyone, the best side looks differently, and the ways to achieve perfection always border on difficulties. In this article we will try to give you the main ways to change yourself (your character, behavior, outlook on life, etc.). We cannot guarantee your changes only after reading our article, however, if you follow most of the points proposed, you can be sure that you will not recognize yourself at all!7 steps to help you change yourself for the better
- Start fighting bad habits! You won't get better if you have bad habits. The fact is that they will interfere every time: either you will be constantly scolded for them, or you yourself will torment yourself with thoughts about your shortcomings. They will prevent you from improving in life. Everyone understands perfectly well that you cannot get rid of bad habits quickly, but you just need to start for this. Let it be a decrease in the dose of nicotine or alcohol, but they will start to move in a positive direction. You can read more detailed instructions on how to get rid of bad habits in one of our next articles of the website, so subscribe to updates!
- Make a plan for the next five years! It is unrealistic to become better in one day, it is also difficult in a year, but in five years it is more than possible, and you can change so that you simply do not recognize yourself. Your plan should be 100% realistic (in any scenario of fate), as well as very detailed. You must know what you will be doing in any of the months of your life. Also make a system to help you keep track of how far you have deviated from your plan. It is quite simple to create such a system - write in front of each month of the future what results you should achieve. We remind you that goals should not be exorbitant, especially if it concerns your weight, then you will not lose 20 kilograms in 1 month, no matter how much you would like it. And if it concerns money, then according to the plan, there should also be as much of it as you can actually get. It is better to overfulfill your plan than not to reach the minimum mark.
- Do good deeds. It's enough to tell a good person - he always does good deeds! Doing good is not only useful, but also enjoyable. After all, think how easy it is to help an elderly woman carry bags or fix a broken fence in the country. It is easy for a child to get a kitten from a tree, and for a young mother to lower the stroller from the floor to the street. Such actions require a minimum of time and effort from you, but at the same time you get an incredibly positive attitude, words of gratitude and not only your personal opinion about yourself grows, but also the opinion of others. There is no need to refuse help, especially if it costs you nothing, you should not close your eyes to injustice, you should not be indifferent - and then you can change your better side!
- Be honest with yourself and others. Another trait that distinguishes a positive person from a bad person is the ability to be always honest. Lying is always easier than telling a person the truth in the face. There are so many blatant lies around us that sometimes it is already bad to become. And everyone is lying - acquaintances, friends and even close people. No, a lie for good is one thing, but a lie for selfish purposes is a completely different situation. There are few honest people on earth, but they exist! Do you want to become one of the few ?! Being honest is difficult not only with the people around you, but also with yourself. After all, remember how often we deceive ourselves ?! Example: got nasty at the store ?! And we walk along the road and think that I myself am to blame, crawled under a hot hand or at an unnecessary moment. Have the salary been cut ?! Just the boss is a bastard and that's it?! ... But in fact, everything is the other way around than in the previously described situations. Rudeness was not your fault, but the cut salary was for your mistakes.
- Keep your word. Several centuries ago, honor was not just an empty phrase, people died for it and they were afraid to miss it all their life. One of the main points of honor was the ability to keep one's word. Do you want to change yourself ?! Learn to keep all the promises you made. Do not dare to say out loud what you cannot achieve, and if you have already mentioned, then if you please, do what you said, no matter what it cost you. Those who keep their word are respected and listened to in any society, because they always know that the words spoken by this person are not an empty phrase, but the truth that cannot be disputed. It is very difficult to keep the promised word, even not everyone succeeds in it, but it is definitely worth learning!
- Build a strong relationship with your significant other. You cannot become better without having love in your heart that could warm you at any moment of your life. A person is a creature who cannot live without love, he will always strive to find a person with whom he would like to spend the rest of his life. Therefore, if you are not in search of your love, you will never be able to achieve perfection. It was not in vain that all high-ranking officials had second halves. After all, this is also an indicator that a person knows how to create a family, values it and in every possible way tries to teach others to do this. It is unlikely that someone from you will take an example if you are lonely and unhappy.
- Create your appearance the way you like it very much. It is not enough just to change ourselves inside, because we all evaluate ourselves not only by personal qualities, but also by external ones. Here you need to learn to stop being afraid of experiments - to try yourself in various "roles". This is especially important and necessary for women. It is not enough to change the style of clothing. After all, you must change your hairstyle, makeup, manner of movement, gait, etc. After all, only in this way will you believe in your changes. Come up with an image for yourself that would be interesting to you, which you would like to imitate and whom to be like. Yes, we agree that there are no ideal women, and it is not right to have an idol for yourself! However, from every famous woman you can take for yourself only those criteria that you like exclusively!
The changes take effect long enough, many will take years to change themselves to the person they like. However, it is better to spend a few years on your positive changes than to live a life that you absolutely do not like!
How to change yourself? If you ask yourself such a question, it means that you are already a very mature person. People are more likely to ask the question of how to change other people or circumstances.
Only an adult and reasonable person understands that any changes in life begin with changes in oneself.
It is truly fortunate to understand that managing your life circumstances begins with changing yourself.
How to start to change correctly
Setting goals
Changing yourself is a worthy decision. But where do you start? Before you change yourself, you need to understand exactly what goals you are striving for. What do you want to see as a result of your changes? After all, you can spend a lot of effort, and then be dissatisfied with the result.
The goals that may require changes are very different, for example:
- Make a dizzying career.
- Create a family.
- Find health and beauty.
- To gain a high position in society.
- Create sources of passive income.
But it must be borne in mind that in order to achieve a particular goal, certain qualities will be required:
- For example, the qualities necessary to create a family for a woman: kindness, tenderness, a desire to take care of children, meekness, obedience, loyalty, devotion. And if a girl sets herself the goal of creating a family, then it will be beneficial for her to change and develop precisely these qualities.
- If the goal is to build a career, other qualities will be needed, such as determination, assertiveness, determination, strength.
- Of course, you can develop all the qualities in yourself a little bit with an undefined goal. But with this approach, attempts to change are likely to quickly come to a standstill. Since actions in the absence of a goal do not bring much satisfaction, therefore, it is lost to move on.
Therefore, it is very important to set a goal before you start changing. One "want to change" is not enough to transform yourself. Change begins with targeting. This is the answer to the question: "Where to start transforming yourself?"
Finding examples to follow
The next step in changing yourself will be to find people who have already achieved similar goals.
Knowing the destination you want to go to, you can try to find your own path. But one must understand that such a search takes a long time and very often does not lead to anything. Sometimes it is like trying to invent your own writing and language.
It is much easier to explore examples of the development of those people who were in a similar situation and were able to change it. It is very important that they be able to overcome it successfully. An example is desirable to take not one or two.
- BIOGRAPHIES OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE
What can be taken as an example? A great option is biographies. , in this or that area, sometimes they write books about how they overcame difficulties, how they changed.
Reading biographical books helps to identify personality traits that contributed to the achievement of goals through change. Choose books, the authors of which could say with confidence: "I changed myself completely and got decent results."
- PEOPLE AROUND YOU
Sometimes examples can be seen in life. For example, a friend whose personal life did not develop for a long time, but then she changed herself and found family happiness.
Or a colleague who first held an insignificant position, but then. Observe people who are getting what they want. Celebrate their qualities, do not hesitate to ask for advice.
- LECTURES, TRAININGS
Listening to lectures and attending trainings is also a good option to meet the right people. Sometimes the leader of such trainings himself is a successful person who is ready to share his experience on how to change. And I went through great changes in the past.
- PSYCHOLOGICAL LITERATURE
Reading and helping to change yourself. However, not all books will be useful.
Therefore, study the reviews and try to find out as much as possible about the author's life. Not all authors of psychological literature deserve to be examples of how to change.
- RELIGION
If faith is not unacceptable to you, then you can read or listen to lectures by clergymen. There are often people among them who have the knowledge of how to completely change and are good role models.
Studying someone else's experience
The next step in self-improvement will be to study the experience of people who have been able to change the course of their lives. Studying their experience, you can systematize it and understand how to change in order to become like them and achieve goals.
Read books, attend trainings, study biographies, gather as much information as possible from someone else's experience on how to change yourself.
Do not rush into the pool with your head. At first, some things may not be understood. That is, there will be no understanding of why this or that thing needs to be done, how to apply it and why it is needed. Do not write off, gradually introduce into your life what is close and understandable.
- For example, if you decide to become a leading person, then by starting it immediately on Monday, by Tuesday of the next week there is a great chance to dump it.
- Why? Because with the arrival of the thought “I want to change,” a person rushes to change everything at once. That is, a newly made follower of a healthy lifestyle begins to get up at 6 in the morning, do exercises, eat vegetables and fruits, instead of the usual dumplings, quit smoking and skip drinking alcohol at the next birthday.
- As a result, after a few days or weeks, this lifestyle becomes unbearable. The person returns to the old habits. Question: "How to change?" now he is much less worried, there is a feeling of aversion to changes.
- As you study other people's experiences, join them gradually, with understanding. If you're going to get up early, get up 30 minutes early tomorrow. After three or four days for another 10 minutes. Gradually work your way up to the desired ascent time. It should become a habit, not self-abuse. And before doing something, it is very important to understand why you need it.
Where to look for support and how to stay motivated
When deciding how to change yourself, it is very important to remember that motivation and a strong desire to change are integral companions of progress.
Naturally, the desire to change over time will increase and decrease. Sooner or later, the first fuse will pass, motivation will begin to decrease. There will definitely be situations on the path of change when it seems that there is no progress.
There will be situations when it seems that the changes are going completely in the wrong direction, that they do not in any way bring you closer to the intended goals. Sometimes there may be a strong desire to give up everything and return to what was.
But remember to say the phrase: "I changed myself completely, I have achieved success!" can only those who still reached the end, those who coped with all the difficulties, experienced difficult moments and those who did not give up.
To cope with the difficult situations that arise along the path of change, create an environment for yourself that will help you not to quit. What are these conditions?
The correct attitude to failure
There will undoubtedly be successes and failures in the process of change. It is important to have the right attitude to failure. You don't have to beat yourself up for every mistake.
Failure is good too. Because it provides food for thought and analysis. It helps you understand your mistakes and not commit them in the future.
If you are not mistaken, then you are most likely not learning. Every miss is fraught with an equal or even greater opportunity. Learn to see failure as opportunities and lessons.
An environment conducive to change
Without a good environment that shares your goals, change will be impossible. There is no such person who never doubts. There are very few people who can resist the pressure of others for a long time. In order to survive periods of doubt, rejection of society, it is necessary to have the support of like-minded people.
It is not necessary that there are many such people, but at least one should be. Since it is the support of someone who shares your aspirations and beliefs that can change everything.
Tracking the progress of changes
- Motivation is lost due to the inability to feel progress. The solution in this case will be - a diary or any other way of fixing the current state.
- Go back from time to time to old records about yourself to see that changes are still taking place.
Possible obstacles
Often a person who declares: “I want to change” and starts moving in this direction is perceived by others with hostility.
Do not worry, with the question: "How can I change if those around me do not support me?" faces each one who decides to go their own way, change and develop.
Environment preventing change
For example, someone in the company has stopped drinking and no longer drinks alcohol. Usually such statements provoke violent reactions. Because you can't just quit drinking. This requires a very compelling reason, such as illness or pregnancy. There is no other way.
People around you, as a rule, are afraid of change, they do not share your desire to change. Perhaps, if you do not stray from your path and achieve good results, over time, these same people will wonder how to change themselves.
But for now, they will most likely react negatively or cautiously.
Personality traits that prevent change
In addition to people, I hinder changes in character traits such as laziness, fear, indecision. Old favorite habits also hinder progress:
- For example, a person takes care of his health, learns wholesome food, exercise. But then laziness and old habits begin to attack. Eat delicious in the evening, skip workout.
- Drive such desires away. Create an environment in which bad habits and character traits will be difficult to manifest. Then, over time, you will happily say, "I changed myself completely."
Just think ... How often do we complain about our life. Friends betray, loved ones cheat, chaos and injustice reign around. At the same time, we do not even think that all the problems are in our head. To turn your life in a different direction, you need to start with yourself. This article will help you figure out how to change yourself for the better, how to love yourself and how to make a plan for self-development.
Man is a multifaceted, emotional being. Each of us has a formed concept of good and evil, outlook on life, attitude towards others. However, sooner or later, we think about the need to change character in order to become better. This is a rather difficult task, but with a serious attitude, the result will not be long in coming.
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Why is it so hard to change?
The main reason lies in the reluctance to admit the problem. It is much easier for us to shift the blame onto others, coincidence, or fate. At the same time, each person is convinced that he should be perceived as he is. In fact, this is the wrong position. To achieve a positive result, you need to work hard on yourself.
There are a number of reasons why a person does not dare to change, prefers to remain in the warm embrace of his own delusions:
● Environment. This factor plays a huge role in the development of character. The support of friends and family will help you achieve your goal. And vice versa, if a person is constantly being told that he is a failure, that he cannot do anything and will not achieve anything, he will believe it, and in the end he will give up. Surround yourself with kind, understanding people;
● Weak character. You see a problem, you understand that it needs to be solved, but there is not enough strength to start;
● Difficulties. We often say that life is not fair. For some it gives many tests, for others less. To cope with any difficulties in life, staying afloat is a real skill.
But how can you change yourself for the better? Our conservative self often prevents us from breaking the foundations of our own life. It seems that it will do well anyway, nothing needs to be changed, all the same, it is stable. Therefore, first of all, you need to prepare yourself for difficulties, be patient and take will in a fist.
How to find strength in yourself and become better?
We are used to enduring to the last and being silent, leaving with our eyes downcast. We do not dare to take a risk, to take a confident step towards a better life. It seems impossible for us to forget the past, let go of old grievances, and overcome our own fears. Our fears and anxieties make it difficult to breathe deeply, to feel love for ourselves.
Surely you are tormented by the question of how to change yourself for the better. To begin with, look around and try to determine what is pulling you to the bottom. If you are surrounded by a lot of ill-wishers, change your social circle.
Learn to appreciate what you have. You may not have purchased a luxurious home, but you have a cozy apartment. Do you lack funds for a beautiful life? But they love you, they wait for you, they take care of you, and this is worth a lot. Learn to say "thank you" for what fate has given you.
Everyone is familiar with the word "trifle". We often say that you shouldn't pay attention to little things, but after all, our whole life consists of them! Try noticing small pleasures every day. Very soon you will notice that life is much brighter, more beautiful. You will forget about depression and laziness.
Psychologists say that positive instruction can make thinking bright and acting decisive.
Just think, there are 365 days in a year. You can plan every day, week, month, set small goals, gradually move towards them. Do you want to live a better life, but do not know how to change yourself for the better? Take charge of your life.
Personal self-development plan in 5 steps
Not everyone knows how to compose, what it is for. With such a plan, you can clearly prioritize, define goals and choose the path to achieving them. Take your time. To understand what points you want to include in it, be completely alone and think about what you really want.
Step 1: needs
At this stage, your task is to understand what you want to change. Your further actions will depend on this. You need to understand what goals you will achieve. You should not set global goals, there is a risk that you will break loose and return to your comfort zone again. It is better to engage in self-development gradually, moving from one task to another. If you like to sleep for a long time, you can learn to get up early to get started;
Step 2: understanding
Before you start changing your personality and habits, you need to understand whether you need it and why. At this stage, it does not matter what you want to achieve, it is much more important to have an irresistible desire, as well as willpower. If you realize that you are ready to leave your comfort zone forever and change, you can safely move on to the next stage;
Step 3: knowing yourself
Once you've identified your goals, move on to introspection. At this stage, you need to understand what will help you in their implementation, and what is the other way around, what negative and positive traits of your character you can highlight. Don't kid yourself. Be as critical as possible. You can take a piece of paper, write down all the qualities that you can highlight. To compare whether your opinion coincides with the opinion of loved ones, you can give them a piece of paper with the result;
Step 4: develop a strategy
You have successfully passed three stages and are ready to change the character as well as the quality of life. Now start drawing up your action plan. At this stage, you should not contact your friends or family. You should evaluate your own strengths, this will help you understand what you are ready to do. If you are planning to say goodbye to smoking forever, consider if you can do it abruptly or better gradually. For reliability, write down the action plan on paper and hang it in the most conspicuous place;
Step 5: actions
This is the final stage of the self-development plan. Now the most important thing is to start working on yourself right now, not postponing until tomorrow. If you don't take action, all the preparatory steps become meaningless. Forget about excuses! Take the first step boldly without worry or excitement. Along the way, you can write down your results, small victories over yourself. Gradually, you will be able to adjust the plan and find a way to change yourself for the better.
With the knowledge of how to draw up a plan for self-development, you will quickly achieve your goal, and also be able to change your life.
In this matter, a lot depends on self-esteem. If a person is confident in his strengths and capabilities, he will quickly come to the goal.
The relationship between self-esteem and quality of life
It is important to understand that self-esteem is one of the main components of every person's personality. People with high self-esteem are quicker to achieve success, are not afraid of obstacles and cope with any difficulties.
Insecure people prefer to act as spectators. They do not show initiative, do not express their opinion. As a result, they experience dissatisfaction with life and become depressed. Low self-esteem is formed in early childhood. A child who is deprived of the support and love of his parents will not be able to objectively assess his capabilities.
A person's self-esteem depends on 2 main factors:
● internal (attitude towards oneself, susceptibility to criticism, features of character or appearance);
● external (attitude of others).
It's no secret that all problems come from childhood and the peculiarities of family upbringing can leave an indelible mark on a person's character. If a child does not feel comfortable at home, he closes himself in the society of his peers, which can make them want to mock him. Gradually, problems accumulate, and low self-esteem is formed.
Appearance also plays an important role. If a person does not like their body or appearance, they will not be able to feel confident. However, this is not a reason to withdraw into yourself. To radically change the situation and understand how to change yourself for the better, you need to do a tremendous amount of work.
Fortunately, even in adulthood, a person can get rid of this problem and feel love for oneself. Self-esteem has a lot to do with immunity. The higher it is, the easier it is for a person to overcome life's difficulties, accept criticism and achieve what he wants.
An insecure person is afraid to take rash steps and succumbs to public influence. To increase self-esteem, a person needs to love himself and believe in himself.
How to boost a woman's self-esteem
A woman needs to love and appreciate herself. Low self-esteem makes her shy and withdrawn. It's hard to find a common language with such a woman and build a good relationship. In addition, few people think about how she feels at the same time. It is unlikely that a huge number of complexes brings her pleasure.
There are many ways that will help the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity believe in themselves:
✓ forget about laziness forever. To achieve something, you need to work on it;
✓ Try to minimize worry and anxiety. Enjoy every day. Learn to see beauty in small things;
✓ Become less critical of yourself. If you are thinking about the need to improve your self-esteem, try not to criticize yourself too much. Take failures and minor troubles with humor and easily;
✓ learn to be yourself. This is a very important quality for every woman, regardless of age. You don't have to pretend to be who you are not;
✓ personal space. Think of a place where you can be all alone, draw, read a book, or just think good things. This will help you maintain emotional balance.
Features of male self-esteem
By nature, a man has no right to be weak and weak in character. Otherwise, he will not be able to take a meaningful place in society and life. Men often ask themselves the question of how to change themselves for the better and achieve success.
To stay afloat, the representatives of the stronger sex need to keep their body and mind in good shape. It's no secret that erudite athletic men have no reason to self-flagellate. They are successful and know what they want. Playing sports helps a man to throw out negative emotions and gives a feeling of calmness.
Don't forget about self-respect and value your time. If you notice people in your circle of friends who prefer to assert themselves at your expense, refuse to communicate with them. You will not lose anything.
Are you not appreciated at work? Change jobs. To a modern man, this may seem like a careless decision, but the result will not be long in coming. When you find a job where your efforts are appreciated, your life will sparkle with new colors.
Remember that all people are completely different, so don't constantly compare yourself to others. You need to focus only on your capabilities, desires. Strive for the set goals, relying on your experience and strength.
Many men attach too much importance to the opinions of others. This position makes them withdrawn. To increase your self-esteem, learn to express your opinion and not be afraid that at this moment you will look funny or someone will not understand you.
To understand how to change yourself for the better, you need to understand what hinders your development, what character traits make you closed and start working on mistakes. Do not be afraid to make mistakes, admit your mistakes.
The main thing is not to give up!
Much depends on the person's appearance. However, this is not a reason to beat yourself up. Everyone can make an effort and become better. For example, change your hairstyle or hair color, sign up for a gym and tidy up your body. It is impossible to change yourself by sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself. You always need to strive for the best, to get better.
Since working on ourselves is not an easy job, a lot depends on our habits.
21 days for change: people and habits
A habit is an action that a person performs automatically. His physical, psychological and emotional state depends on this.
Habits are the foundation of our character. There are two main types of habits: good, bad. It is worth noting that bad habits are developed much faster, in addition, they do not require any effort. But in order to develop a useful habit, a person needs to overcome a number of physical as well as psychological barriers.
How to change yourself for the better with good habits? Today many people talk about the 21-day rule. According to him, a person can develop good habits within 21 days. The question arises, is this or is it?
It should be said right away that this figure was not taken from the ceiling. Scientists had to conduct many experiments to conclude that this is the period necessary for the formation of habits.
First of all, you need to learn how to bring the matter to the end. If you decide to change in 21 days, don't back down. Take a piece of paper and write 10-15 habits that will help you become better. Choose the most interesting one and proceed with its implementation. The main condition is that you must perform this action every day.
It takes a lot of strength and patience to form a habit. Therefore, think carefully about whether you need this or that habit. For example, you decide to read history books in the evenings, but after a while you notice that this process does not bring you any pleasure. In this case, it is better to abandon this venture.
How to change yourself for the better: conclusions
How to change yourself for the better? Start appreciating people! Learn to respect others, their needs, preferences. It's not a shame to be kind. By being sympathetic to other people, you will be able to look at your life from an unexpected angle.
It is important to understand that working on yourself is an incredibly difficult task that requires a lot of effort and time. But if the decision to change is final, don't go astray. Remember, people are attracted to what they think about. Be patient, take small steps closer to your dream, getting better every day.
Do what you love, don't be afraid to experiment, enjoy life. After all, every day is special and unique.