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HOW I GOT HIV (AIDS) - REAL STORIES, REAL PEOPLE

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Knowing about your diagnosis is hard, but despite the difficulties, share with people how it happened, tell them how you feel now and how you see your future life. Below you can read real stories, real people who have already shared their story of HIV infection.

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(Anonymously)

STORIES OF OUR READERS

Mikhail (Saratov city):

It was a boring spring evening, I was sitting at home alone and did not know what to do. Suddenly, the phone rang out of the silence. It was my friend who called me and invited me to the disco. Naturally, I could not refuse his proposal, I got ready and arrived at the club at the appointed time. A large group of friends gathered, we went into the club, took a free table? near the dance floor and fun began, dancing, drinking, laughter and joy. At one fine moment, I noticed a girl, she was dressed in a beautiful white T-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers. Her slender body attracted my attention more and more, and when she danced with grandiose movements, my heart skipped a beat. At that moment, nothing spoke of trouble, and I did not think about the bad, my mind was drunk and drugged by the beauty of this girl. And the moment came, the music of a slow dance sounded, I took a sip of a glass and went to the table of this girl. She was in a circle of friends, their table was set quite richly, there was a bottle of elite wine and American whiskey, each girl had a Caesar salad and many different snacks. I plucked up the courage and asked her to a slow dance, and how my heart fluttered when she agreed, did not refuse and went to dance with me. Then everything was like in paradise, we danced every dance, lost ourselves in passion and it would seem that there is only me and her. At one fine moment, I offered to leave this institution. We called a taxi, drove to the store, bought various delicious food and drove to the hotel. All night until the morning we indulged in pleasures and of course, heated and intoxicated, we did not think about gum. We felt good, we had fun, then rested and again indulged in caresses. Those were happy moments, when I didn't think about HIV or AIDS, I was just happy. It would seem that trouble cannot come, the girl is from a prosperous family, has a higher education and a good job. After that night, we didn't see each other again, her phone didn't answer, and I couldn't find a place for myself. Four months later, I had a fever, snot and cough. The therapist ordered me to take standard tests and blood for HIV. I passed all the tests and did not even worry about their results. On the day I came to the therapist, I was in a good mood, I joked, and I felt good. The therapist, looking at me, said: “What is so funny, do you have HIV!?”. At that moment, time stopped for me. Repeated analysis showed a positive result. My life has become a life for doctors. Constant tests and pills. Here is a story of how I got HIV infection. I never thought it would affect me.

Maria (city of Cheboksary):
I contracted HIV quite by accident. I have a daughter and a husband, there was little money in the family, because the husband has to feed both me and my daughter, and even himself. One day, it was decided by a common decision that the husband would go to Moscow on a rotational basis. So he worked for a whole year. Seme began to appear new things, electronics. Once I found out that I was pregnant, we were glad, because we had a second child. I remember that moment at the appointment with the gynecologist, when she announced to me that I had HIV. I did not believe it then, I decided to retake the tests, the repeated ones were unchanged. Then I cried for four days, my husband was on watch. I waited for his arrival and announced everything. He was shocked, he said that I cheated on him. But then he said that six months ago he and his friends were relaxing in the bathhouse, drinking and having fun. Friends wanted girls and invited moths to the bathhouse. He did not want to have fun with them, but the alcohol did its job and he agreed to yell without an elastic band, there was nothing else. He didn't think you could get HIV that way. That's why he blamed me. Both of us have now been diagnosed with HIV. I did not demand a divorce, who needs me like that. Of course, we had an abortion and now we live for the sake of our first child. We want to leave at least something useful for the child, because we will soon be gone. Here is a story or a story about how AIDS got into our family.

Eugene (Chita city):

I curse the day I used the services of a night moth. I thought that HIV infection would never touch me, and I would not get infected. If my story about how I contracted AIDS helps someone avoid this, then I brought a small plus into this life. I am now 24 years old, I have not yet had a permanent girlfriend, sometimes I had to do without pleasure for six months or more, naturally I want to somehow receive female caresses, well, I very rarely used the services of night butterflies. Naturally knowing about the risks of contracting AIDS, I have always used the best and most expensive rubber bands for protection, and after a relationship I was treated with Miramistin. Once my elastic band broke, I did not immediately notice this and the act continued. And when I noticed, it was too late, and I finished it, and the act itself lasted quite a long time. Of course, I was upset then, but I thought that everything would be fine, because what a risk that a girl is contagious with HIV, it is very small, and even if it is contagious, the risk of infection is not so big. After the act, I washed myself, treated myself with Miramistin, and went home with calm thoughts. A year later, I had the first strange symptoms, I began to get sick often, when I had not been sick before. I did not attach any importance to this, but I considered that once a year it is necessary to take tests for sexual infections, so I went and passed it. What was my mood when the venereologist voiced me about the diagnosis of HIV, then everything was in a fog, he told me what to do next and took a receipt for criminal liability for infecting other people. Of course, I had more contacts during the year, but they were strictly with an elastic band and nothing was torn. After the diagnosis, my life changed, I began to live not for myself, but for society. I perfectly understand that I don’t have so many years of life, and therefore I want to do something to be remembered, maybe to help someone with something. I don’t blame that girl, because she honestly said that she wouldn’t be without an elastic band, and she has such a job. Here is a story about how I got sick with HIV (AIDS).

Arkady (Novosibirsk city):
My story about how I got HIV is completely banal, and my girlfriend infected me. I don’t know how much she was mine, but we talked with her for almost a whole year, while we often had bed comforts, but we always strictly used an elastic band and even during oral sex we used it too. The only time I could get infected from her was when I gave her oral sex, because you can’t attach a rubber band there. Although they say that the HIV virus also penetrates through the pores of the gum, although I doubt it. By the way, the girl found out about the HIV diagnosis at the same time as me, before me she did not know about her diagnosis. But I know for sure that before her everything was fine with me, I was checked. We communicate with her, but there is no relationship as such. I never could have thought that I could get infected like this, because I don’t have promiscuous relationships, I only had a regular partner, who would have known ....

Elena (Stavropol city):
I myself am to blame for the fact that I became infected with HIV, I didn’t think about safety then, and I didn’t know much about it. I thought it was somewhere out there, far away and would not reach me. I like to engage in pleasures, I like variety, and therefore I had different young people, I often changed them and had fun with them, having fun. Of course, with someone I used an elastic band, but with someone not. And when I began to take contraceptives, I became without an elastic band at all, because it is much more pleasant for both me and the guy. I found out about my diagnosis quite by accident, I had an itch in the genital area, I went to the gynecologist and she diagnosed thrush, although she had never had it before. In addition, she referred me for free tests, for various venereal diseases and HIV. What was my mood when the doctor announced my HIV result to me, of course, I did not immediately realize everything. For about 30 minutes the doctor told me how to proceed, how to have sexual intercourse and how to be treated. When it really struck me like that, it was when I read about HIV on the Internet, after that I probably cried for a week. Now more than two years have passed, I got used to it, I take antiviral therapy and live my life. Naturally, no sexual contact. After all, I am obliged to warn my partner about the diagnosis, and when the guys find out, they immediately refuse, well, if I got HIV, then I don’t want someone to suffer because of me.

Samara Department of Rospotrebnadzor, for ten months of 2015, 2963 HIV-infected people were registered in the region. About 1.2% of all residents of the region are living with HIV, which is 2.5 times higher than the national figure. In total, since the beginning of monitoring this infection in the Samara region (since 1989), more than 60 thousand people have been infected with it, 18 thousand of whom have already died. In 1998-2001, the main outbreak of HIV infection in the region occurred among injecting drug users. Today, according to the regional AIDS Center, more than half of new infections occur through sexual contact.

We listened to the stories of residents of Samara and Togliatti who have been living with HIV for more than ten years. All of them are between 30 and 35 years old, and all became infected in the most common way in the 2000s - through a needle. What do you feel when you are diagnosed, where to find the strength to start a new life, why it is important to take antiretroviral therapy (ARVT) and not to believe the tales that HIV and AIDS do not exist - in our material. As illustrations, we have selected frames from the most famous films about HIV and AIDS.

I began to think that in six months I would die in misery. And why then be sober, why live at all?

Alexey, Samara

Diagnosis

I found out about him on April 19, 2001. By that time, I had just quit drugs, had been sober for several months, planned to start a new life and passed all the tests. And this is where it becomes clear. The first reaction was panic, there was a feeling that they had lifted to a great height, and then - bam, and hit the ground. I began to think that in six months I would die in misery - why then be sober, why live at all? But I was lucky, I immediately got into a self-help group, where I told about my status, and people supported me, gave me the necessary information.

Reaction

There was an unpleasant situation with how my parents found out about my diagnosis. They received a letter with a recommendation to donate blood for HIV infection, because they are supposedly at risk because they are in contact with a carrier of the virus. They were told this without my knowledge. At that time, I already had the necessary knowledge and inner strength to tell my parents about what HIV infection is and why they should not be afraid. The rest of the relatives found out in a rather funny way. At the AIDS Center they gave me a piece of paper stating that I am responsible for not infecting other people, I took it and framed it at home. And I forgot. At a family celebration, my sister saw her, calls me and asks: “Lyosha, what is this?” Then my niece comes in, who at that time was finishing school and says: “Come on, mom, don’t worry, HIV is not transmitted in everyday life, you can live with it.” That is, in principle, she told everything for me, and I just nodded.

Therapy

I have been taking antiretroviral therapy since 2003. At first it was hard - I had to drink 24 tablets a day, stick to a diet. I then worked in an advertising agency, I had to constantly hide from colleagues, plus the burden on the body due to the large number of drugs. But over time, the schemes have changed, and now I drink four tablets a day. In my opinion, the medicines have become better, and in general the situation with treatment has become easier after the opening of the regional AIDS center. I go through all the necessary medical examinations there.

At the clinic, when I came to donate blood, they put me last in line

Discrimination

Shot from the movie "Philadelphia"

Most of the cases of discrimination were in hospitals. In 2007 I was hit by a car and had a knee injury. I turned to the clinics of the medical university, where they began to harass me and demand to pass a bunch of tests, they said that there was no place, and then they even hinted that it would be nice to give money. At that time I was engaged in HIV activism, and I had connections in Moscow, through which I went out with a complaint to the federal Ministry of Health. I was given the phone number of the head physician of the clinics of the Samara State Medical University, we met in person, he looked at me and said that tomorrow I should go to their hospital. I had surgery and everything was fine. It also happened that in the clinic at the place of residence, when I came to donate blood, they put me last in line. It doesn't matter when you come: since you are HIV-positive, then go to the end of the line. There is no such thing in the new polyclinic that I go to now, they accept me on a general basis. We have a lot of different stigmas in our society. HIV infection still scares people because there is too little reliable and understandable information from authoritative sources. Vladimir Vladimirovich would say: “You can live with this!”, and everyone would calm down. But still, in recent years, according to my observations, society has become more tolerant towards people living with HIV.

AIDS dissidents

For a long time I led psychological groups on HIV acceptance, a large number of people passed through me. There was one person, an AIDS dissident, who went to my groups for six years and said: they say, there is no HIV infection, all this is fiction. He was in prison, and there are a lot of such myths going around: they say that people are being poisoned with the help of therapy. He had many such cockroaches in his head. He pulled to the last and did not take drugs, and recently he called me and said: “Alexey, I finally heard you, thank you. I have two friends who died, one from tuberculosis, the other from pneumonia due to HIV infection. And I decided to take therapy, and now I feel much better.” There were many such situations. Those who do start taking drugs will later admit how stupid they were not to do this before.

HIV infection does not choose you by gender, orientation, status - it doesn't care who you are, how much money you have, who you work with

Applies to everyone

Shot from the film "Children"

There was such a slogan in 2005 or 2006, but then it was perceived as beautiful words. And now the slogan shows the real state of affairs: completely different people come to the AIDS center. HIV infection does not choose you by gender, orientation, status - it doesn't care who you are, how much money you have, who you work with. You can get infected if you practice risky behavior.

Life today

Now I work in a Samara rehabilitation center as a chemical addiction consultant. I have a family: a wife and three children, all healthy. At the time of my marriage, I had been taking therapy for seven years, thanks to which the viral load in the body had dropped to an undetectable level. That is, the drugs suppressed the HIV infection very well, and we conceived children naturally, without risk to the wife.

A cleaning lady came into the ward, dressed almost in a space suit, as if she had to clean up the lepers in the ward

Tatyana, Tolyatti

Diagnosis

I found out that I had HIV in 2001, when I was in narcology. There were a lot of patients there at that time - there was just a powerful wave of drug addiction. Then there were rumors that all drug addicts who got there were subjected to one analysis, because it was too expensive for everyone to do it separately. It was really strange that absolutely everyone was given a “plus”. When you know that you have HIV, you no longer care about safety, and I could use a shared syringe. So it is already impossible to understand exactly when and how I got infected. In addition, I did not know then that there are also hepatitis and HIV of different strains. Now I understand that if you find out your diagnosis, you need to immediately look for all the information about the disease and safety measures.

Shot from the film "Gia"

I was waiting to die, and just burned my life in the end

Reaction

When I found out about the diagnosis, the first thing I did was to get into the shower and sit there all day under cold water in order to somehow recover. Then I thought: now you can walk and hang out without a twinge of conscience, but what else remains to be done? Then the doctors spoke in general terms, and I waited for me to die, and just burned my life in the end. I hung out, hung out, and suddenly realized that it’s not HIV that kills me at all, but the way of life that I lead.

Therapy

I brought a lot of people to the AIDS center, explaining that they need to get registered and start taking therapy. But if a person is stuck at the level of spending life and believes that the diagnosis serves as an excuse for him, then, of course, it is difficult to do something. I myself have been taking ART since 2006, and I take it very seriously. I do not believe that one can live with HIV without supporting the body with drugs. I had a friend, almost a member of the family. I somehow found out that he had tuberculosis on the background of HIV infection. He did not receive therapy. When he was anonymously tested for HIV in the hospital, the result came back negative. I asked my infectious disease specialist how this is even possible. It turned out that there are rare cases when everything in the body is already so bad that the analysis does not reveal antibodies to HIV, and the viral load itself is huge. Doctors write that the patient is HIV-negative, and he is happy to believe, although he dies from a concomitant infection of the disease. A friend ended up in the hospital, then in intensive care, where he died of tuberculosis.

Discrimination

I had to face discrimination in the hospital when I gave birth. Women in labor with HIV-positive status were in a separate room. It was funny when the cleaner came in, dressed almost in a space suit, as if she had to clean the leper ward. After some time, the internal routine changed, and all women in labor, regardless of their HIV status, were sent to general wards.

Many years have passed, and I realized that I can live a normal life, complete my education

Life today

At some point, I realized that you can still live, start a family, have children, which I did. Of course, I took precautions to keep the children healthy. But even after that, I had small tasks: to see how the children learn to walk, to read, because I still constantly waited for death. Many years have already passed, and I realized that I can live a normal life, complete my education. This understanding was due to the fact that people who did not take therapy began to die.

In the 2000s, an HIV diagnosis was perceived as "I'm going to die," and that's it.

Alexander, Tolyatti

About the diagnosis

I have HIV, hepatitis C, and in general I am not a tenant. - We can handle everything, I love you

Reaction

This lasted until a loved one appeared in my life. That was the first time I was faced with the need to be responsible and report my status. I remember riding the bus and I blurted out, as if in spirit: “I have HIV, hepatitis C, and in general I am not a tenant.” And in response I heard: “We can handle everything, I love you.” I was very lucky, but I’m probably a weak person - I didn’t quit drinking then, drugs too. He recovered after some time at the institute, then left again and left for St. Petersburg.

Shot from the film "House for Boys"

Therapy

I lived, burning life, but then, of course, the limit came. I began to have serious health problems, thank God, I was back in Tolyatti then. I went to the AIDS center, where they told me that I needed to start drinking therapy urgently. After the reception, strength immediately increased, but this was not enough. I had to radically change my attitude to life, which I did by quitting drugs.

It doesn't matter if you use drugs or not, you still have a stigma

Discrimination

A couple of years ago I had pneumonia, I had to inject drugs in the buttock. Due to a shattered immune system, I developed a muscle abscess. I came to the hospital with severe pain and told me that I had HIV. And the doctors say: “Yes, you are a drug addict, you blew yourself a dose and now you are telling us fairy tales here.” And at that time I had already quit drugs for a couple of years. I think this reaction is connected with the fact that in the minds of people HIV is equated with drug addiction, and it doesn’t matter whether you use it or not, you still have a stigma attached to it.

About tolerance

In order for society to become more tolerant of HIV-infected people, I think they need to have the courage to say: I, such and such, live with an HIV diagnosis, and my life is normal, I have goals and aspirations, there is a desire to live. The more we talk about it, the less people will become afraid of what they now, in fact, know very little about.

Life today

For the past few years, I have been actively involved in HIV activism, working as a peer consultant, and going to trainings. I have a close person, many friends, a new job has recently appeared. Still, over time, you realize that HIV implies some limitation, with which, however, you can live quite normally.

Shot from the film "Dallas Buyers Club"

Mom, when she found out, gave me a towel, a spoon, a fork, and so on, which hurt me very much

Anna, Samara

About the diagnosis

I have known about my HIV status since 2000. Then I took injecting drugs with might and main, and the question of treatment was not before me. I understood that this was from the category of “what they fought for - they ran into it,” and was a consequence of my then lifestyle. It was scary and incomprehensible until there was information. In 2006, I was hospitalized with pneumonia, the situation was critical. The doctor then told me: they say, you should start doing something, because you have HIV infection, and your health is in a deplorable state. This became one of the driving factors to stop using. I began to recover on a 12-step program and have been sober ever since. I received support from Narcotics Anonymous groups, where I saw people who really want something and strive for something.

Reaction

My mother knows about my status, my father has not yet been told, although I think he understands everything perfectly. Mom, when she found out, gave me a towel, a spoon, a fork, and so on, which hurt me very much. But then she got more information, and now she supports me in everything.

Therapy

In 2006, as soon as I "came to my senses", I registered with the AIDS Center. I realized that I need to strictly follow all the recommendations of doctors in order to improve the quality of life. I have been taking therapy since 2010. I have never had any problems with the AIDS center, I think, due to the fact that I go there regularly, I know doctors, and they see that I take good care of my health.

About specialized medicine

In the AIDS Center, doctors quite directively force you to undergo an examination once every six months. Thus, they can detect tuberculosis and concomitant diseases in time. In addition, now there is a control on the reception of therapy. Before you receive a new portion of the tablets, you must pass all the tests so that you can track the dynamics. There have been cases when people who did not want to register with the AIDS center bought ART from drug users who were receiving therapy but were not going to take it. That is, an addicted person comes to the AIDS center, receives medicines for three months, immediately sells them and goes to buy a new dose of drugs. And therapy costs a lot of money, and if a patient takes medication and does not take it, it costs the state a pretty penny.

Discrimination

In the AIDS Center I feel free, but after visiting polyclinics, I still sometimes get an unpleasant aftertaste. Recently I went to the antenatal clinic, I stood in line, I go into the office, and they tell me: “Come in after everyone else.” On the one hand, I understand that these are security measures, but on the other hand, I feel like I am a second-class person. I am pregnant, and in my position I perceive all this acutely. Now I am starting to think about the maternity hospital: what awaits me there, how I will have to communicate with doctors and reveal my status to them - and I am obliged to do this, because doctors work with my blood. What will be the attitude towards me there and how much will I need to pay to make this attitude loyal?

My life is no different from the life of a healthy person

AIDS dissidence

There are people who say that HIV is a fairy tale, a big lie. In fact, this is just a defensive reaction on their part, an unwillingness to accept reality. A lot of them were buried. Yes, therapy is a kind of restriction of freedom, pills need to be taken on time, it's all the same chemistry, the use of which cannot pass without a trace for the body. But there are more benefits. Already a month after the start of the intake, my viral load went below the detection threshold, and it never rose again.

About tolerance

Our society is not yet ready to accept people who are different in some way - be it nationality, diagnosis, or anything else. Although now the contingent of the AIDS center is noticeably changing. If earlier they were mostly drug users, now there are elderly women and decent-looking couples sitting there. Now the main factor in the spread of infection is unprotected sex, and everyone who does not follow safety rules during sexual intercourse is at risk.

We specifically prepared to become parents and not pass the virus to our child

Life today

Since I found out my HIV status, I managed to get a psychological education, and now I work in a rehabilitation center in Samara. I recently got married and am expecting a baby. My husband is a drug addict in remission and is also HIV positive. Both of us have viral loads now below the detection limit. We specifically prepared to become parents and not pass the virus to our child. Thanks to therapy, I now feel like a healthy person. I also have a healthy immune system. I try to take better care of myself, rest more, catch colds less, but otherwise my life is no different from the life of an ordinary person.

In Samara, you can find out your HIV status at the regional AIDS center at: st. Novo-Sadovaya, 178A, from 8-00 to 19-00 daily, except Saturday and Sunday.

The city center for the prevention and control of AIDS in Tolyatti is located at the address: Zdorovya Boulevard, 25, (Medgorodok) from the end of the oncological building on the 3rd floor, from 8-00 to 18.30, daily, except Saturday, Sunday and holidays.

Since the first case of HIV infection was reported in the UK 30 years ago, the lives of people with HIV have changed dramatically. Let's read six amazing real-life stories, from HIV survivors of the 1980s epidemic to a 60-year-old mother who recently learned of her diagnosis.

If you have HIV, let these testimonies encourage you, if you are afraid of contracting HIV, then let these stories help you see the real life of an HIV-positive person, that not everything is so scary and more balanced about HIV infection, do not panic and do not be phobic without any reasons.

Lives in London with his partner. He was one of the first people to be diagnosed with HIV infection in the UK.

"I don't know how I survived": Jonathan Blake at his home in London. Photo: Antonio Olmos for the Observer.

The only thing that kept me from committing suicide, as absurd as it sounds, was the thought that someone would clean up the mess in my room, this thought was unbearable for me at that moment, but it is interesting that it was she who kept me from the tragedy . It was in 1982, I was at my doctor with such swollen glands that they hurt even when I shook someone's hand.

The analysis showed that I have HTLV3 (the original name of HIV). At that time, all this disturbing news about a mysterious disease was coming from the USA - that it was HIV infection - a terrible and deadly disease. If I can't kill myself, I thought, then I better kill this virus.

The doctors wanted to put me on AZT. Later it turned out that AZT is an ineffective drug for chemotherapy. I refused it, because. I didn't trust pharmaceutical companies... and still don't.

But perhaps giving up AZT saved my life. I have seen so many people die, both from HIV and from drugs. In the depths of my consciousness all the time knocked: "What's the difference, I'm going to die soon anyway." But I won myself and I live on.

Shortly after my diagnosis, I met with my partner Nigel. Then he contacted an organization of people with non-traditional sexual orientation. I thought the story of what we did raising money for the mining families of Wales was buried. But a film about it ("Pride"), came out last year. I like the way my character [played by Dominic West] is portrayed: he's not a victim, he's not a tragic person: "HIV is just part of who he is."

Until 1996, I went without medication, and then I tried different regimens until I found the one I'm on now. My health is not ideal, but 30 years have passed since then, and I am still alive! I don't know how I survived. The funny thing is that I am not at all bored in my life with HIV, I have a lot of amazing adventures all the time!

Let not the hand of the giver fail

Project "AIDS.HIV.STD." — a non-profit, created by volunteer experts in the field of HIV / AIDS at their own expense to bring the truth to the people and be clear in front of their professional conscience. We will be grateful for any help to the project. May you be rewarded a thousandfold: DONATE .

Lizzie Jordan, 33

The diagnosis of HIV infection was made in 2006. Lives with his 10 year old daughter.

My only reference was Mark Fowler in EastEnders: Lizzie Jordan. Photo: Antonio Olmos for the Observer.

I have been cohabiting with my partner Benji for four years now, and our daughter Jay was only 13 months old. One day Benji came home feeling very ill. We thought it was just sinusitis, but he died four days later.

I have never experienced negativity or stigma. I think it's partly because I'm always open to people about my HIV status.

Post-mortem examination showed that he had something that destroyed his immune system. That something was HIV. I was soon examined, as was Jay, whom I was still breastfeeding. Her result was negative. Mine was positive. At that moment I was in shock. My only point of reference was Mark Fowler in EastEnders (EastEnders, Fowler is a fictional character in a British soap opera). But I'm a mother, and I needed to think about Jay, so I had to move on with my life.

Although my first thought was to hide my diagnosis from everyone, but I understood that there are women with whom Benji had slept before me, and who should know that they could have contracted HIV. Therefore, I decided to be as open as possible, not to hide my diagnosis as much as possible. It's hard to remember, but his family refused to believe that he had AIDS. Some of them even accused me that I had infected him.

It was eight years ago. Today I am happy, I feel healthy and I do not have a single symptom of HIV infection. I started taking medication last year and it's just one pill a day.

Jay is now 10 and I told her age-appropriate things. We started with a simple one: “Mom has bugs in her blood.” Now she understands a lot more.

I've never experienced negativity, which I think is partly because I don't hide my HIV status. I dated other HIV-positive people, but I recently met an HIV-negative person on Twitter.

My profile says I write for a "bad" magazine, but I had to make sure he understood what that meant. He passed the test, he knows who I am. It's such a relief when it doesn't matter to people whether you have HIV or not, but there is still a lot of work ahead in this direction to overcome stigma.

Steve Craftman, 58

Lives in Wales. He was diagnosed with HIV in 1987.

"I experienced a lot of grief": Steve Craftman. Photo: Antonio Olmos for the Observer.

In my opinion, there are three faces of the epidemic:

• newly identified HIV-infected people who intend to lead a normal life, comply with all doctor's orders, take care of their health;
• those who have maintained their health since the first days - the 80s and 90s;
• and there are people like me who survived but with more health problems.

Then we were given a maximum of five years of life. I managed, but I have a lot of health problems, mostly due to the medications I was taking. I have osteopenia* [pre-osteoporosis stage] in my ankles and hips, which means that when I ride a motorcycle, I am very afraid that I will fall and my bones will break.

*Osteopenia is a physiological condition characterized by low bone density, which leads to weakened bones and an increased risk of fractures.

No one is to blame for these complications - the doctors did not know what they were dealing with, and the drugs had a lot of side effects. You can say that I fell from the tree of side effects and hit every branch while flying.

I experienced a lot of grief, lost many friends and lovers. It's not easy and I'm very lonely. In America, they came up with a name for my condition: AIDS Survivor Syndrome - a bit like PTSD. I'm still alive even though it's been almost 30 years. Am I a tough nut? Not really. I think I just got lucky.

*Post-traumatic syndrome or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a holistic complex of symptoms of a mental disorder resulting from a one-time or repeated external superstrong traumatic effect on the human psyche (violence, constant nervous strain associated with fear, humiliation, empathy for the suffering of others, military operations , natural disasters, etc.).

I have experienced in my own skin many of the effects of prejudice over the years. I lived in Bristol 10 years ago with my partner John. They shouted at us and insulted us, someone broke our car. The police advised us not to pursue him - they said we had better move on. We settled in a tiny village in Wales, where we were better received than in the city. John died there of AIDS in 2007.

I do not hide my status from others. Recently, at a hospital appointment, the doctor asked me if I was hiding the fact that I had AIDS? I turned around and showed her the biohazard sign I had tattooed on my neck last year. “I understand the answer is no,” she said.

Biohazard sign. Image: florenceinferno.com.

Matthew Hodson, 47

Lives in London with "husband". HIV was diagnosed in 1998.

"If I can't be honest about having HIV, then who can?": Matthew Hodson. Photo: Antonio Olmos for the Observer.

I tested for HIV in 1998 after the International AIDS Conference in Vancouver reported on the effectiveness of combination therapy. I think the reason I was there was because I needed to know for sure that there was already some kind of working treatment option before I needed it myself. And I was right...

Then they said that HIV can take five or ten years of life from a person. Now the life expectancy of an HIV-infected person does not differ from that of an uninfected person: this is now called "life change" and not "limitation of life."

I took it very much to heart, I even stopped having sex for a while, I felt dirty and sick. But everyone has their own destiny. And after imagining all the worst-case scenarios, especially that I won't even make it to 50, I pulled myself together.

I often communicate with young people who have recently been diagnosed. They think they are losing everything, including themselves, like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

Starting a new relationship was very difficult. I have a lot of other positives than a positive HIV test, but I see that for some people this is almost vitally important: whether I have HIV or not.

Luckily, I'm now "married" so I don't have to worry about disclosing the diagnosis. If I were single, I would immediately tell the person that I am HIV+.

I have a job, I'm safe and comfortable - if I can't tell you about it in advance, then who can? In a way, this is my responsibility.

As part of my work as director of the special men's health charity GMFA, I often interact with young people who have recently been diagnosed. They think they are losing everything, including themselves, like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

We need to remember that all these images are now part of the story, but there is still a lot of negative information around this topic. This is due to the fact that HIV is mainly transmitted through sexual contact, and it often affects special men.

There are still remnants of deeply homophobic sentiments in this country (Great Britain). They are no longer predominant, but they are difficult to completely drown out.

It's scary to look back. If you were a young special man in the mid-80s, you would have suffered losses comparable to those who survived the First World War. I knew 30 people who died during this period, but many other guys knew much more.

Joe Josh, 66

Lives in Reigate. The diagnosis was made in 2008. I have a 25 year old daughter.

“I became a kind of pin-up model for the topic of aging with HIV”: Jo Josh. Photo: Antonio Olmos for the Observer.

The presence of HIV infection draws certain associations in the minds of people. Most infections occur through unprotected intercourse, and for many people, this means that there is something nasty about it.

I hate the word "disclosure" (diagnosis). I don't feel like I have to "reveal" if I don't want to. I did not talk about my diagnosis to my daughter until I myself came to terms with it. She was 18 at the time and I was in shock. It took a couple of years to accept the situation. Let's start with the fact that you don't know much about HIV, how much better medicines are today than before. Then you begin to understand that everything will be fine.

I just don't fit the role of HIV-positive: woman, 60, middle class. Some people in my class cannot come to terms with HIV: “We are not drug users.”

I came out (revealed) on BBC News, where I spoke as a spokesperson for the HIV charity Body & Soul. After that, my phone did not stop ringing.

My friends supported me, but overly emotionally. Many of them told me in a voice beyond the grave that I was very brave. “No, really, I’m fine,” I answered, and sometimes there was only deathly silence in response.

I just didn't have the right to have HIV: woman, 60, middle class. Some people can't handle it. I don't need medication yet, and sometimes I feel like a liar. I became a kind of pin-up model for the topic of aging with HIV.

I'm not talking about how I got infected. It's starting to become a bit of a soap opera and I'm more interested in being open about living with HIV than how I got it. This is the only way to change people's attitudes towards HIV-positive people.

Becky Mitchell, 40

Has been living with HIV since 2012. Lives in Bristol.

“There is nothing to be ashamed of. Just crossed paths with some selfish bad guy once.”: Becky Mitchell. Photo: Antonio Olmos for the Observer.

I can't say that I was particularly delighted when I was told about the diagnosis, but I was not discouraged by this information either. As part of my work at the Environment Agency, I have seen many people living with HIV, such as our former chairman, Lord Chris Smith, who is a well-known HIV positive person. He always seemed so active. I thought maybe things aren't so bad these days.

I got tested for HIV after I found out my partner was HIV positive. He decided not to tell me about it. So that was the end of our relationship. I didn't have any symptoms and I actually only got infected two or three months ago.

The number of mine that are fighting infection] is still at a safe level. Drugs are not usually prescribed at this stage, but I volunteered for a clinical trial that required people with good CD4 counts and low virus levels, so I take one pill a day.

Due to taking medication and taking very good care of my condition, my health is in perfect order. True, now I am more careful: I used to demand too much from myself when I went in for sports, now I allow myself to relax.

Being open about my HIV status is really important to me. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a normal woman - I did nothing wrong. Only once crossed paths with some selfish bad guy.

It can happen to anyone and I want people to understand that. The only place where I encountered stigma (stigma, label) is in the healthcare system. I was in a bicycle accident and the young doctor asked in front of my mother if I was an intravenous drug addict. I was shocked! It's just ignorance, lack of education and medical ethics.

I don't physically feel HIV, but HIV has become a wake-up call in my life. I feel like maybe I don't have long to live, so I don't want to waste my time on trifles, but I want to enjoy the rest of my time and do something truly important.

“Peer consultants” of the Regional Clinical Hospital No. 2 of the Center for the Prevention and Control of AIDS and Infectious Diseases - Ksenia (32 years old) and Angela (37 years old) - shared their stories of living with HIV. According to the heroines of the material, this diagnosis should not be feared. After all, you can live with it.

– Under what circumstances did you find out that you are a carrier of HIV infection? What was your first reaction?

Kseniya:- I first learned about my diagnosis in the hospital, where I applied with a purulent-inflammatory skin disease. The problem bothered me for a long time, but at a certain point it began to progress strongly, and I was afraid of blood poisoning. I passed the tests, and when the first results came, I realized from the reaction of the doctors that something was wrong. Then, in the 1990s, no one spoke openly about HIV at all, and there was no therapy for this disease as such. And the doctor told me about my diagnosis directly, without introductory words. There was a brief shock, a misunderstanding of what was happening. Deep down, I knew that this could happen to me - I used drugs, then there was a break when I became pregnant and gave birth to a child. Then, after a while, I again went into all serious trouble. And you see, all the time I thought that I would “tear”, that I was not a drug addict, that just a little more, and I would definitely quit. And when she found out that she was sick, the world collapsed. And this hopelessness lasted for several years. Church and turning to God became a turning point in my life. Only after that, awareness began to come, a new, different understanding of life appeared.

Society is still poorly informed about HIV. Many people still think that you can get infected by shaking hands or talking.

Angela:- And I have always been a representative of the so-called "golden youth." When heroin appeared in our city, it was not even considered something terrible. So, harmless entertainment, fashion. It was this permissiveness that ruined me. In my fifth year of law school, I drop out and go into nirvana. Periodically, I have forced periods of sobriety in which I try to return to a normal life. It was during one of these periods that I underwent a preventive examination, where I found out that I had HIV. If before that I had at least some hope for a better life, now this has been taken away from me. I didn’t want to live, for a long time I tried to forget myself again in drug addiction - I kept thinking that it would be possible to quickly and quietly leave this world with the help of drugs. But it was impossible to leave. Moreover, I kept expecting that I would be terribly sick, tormented. How different, because I have HIV! And nothing like that happened, the diagnosis was, but there were no manifestations of the disease. I began to think, slowly come to my senses. By force of will, I gave up drugs. I refused for a long time, but I managed. And I began to think about how to live on.

Who did you tell about what happened?

Kseniya:- Mom. I told my mom right away. We have always had a trusting relationship with her. Mom supported, reassured, said that we would live on. Although, of course, she was always very worried about me - and when I started using drugs (I am from a decent family, none of my relatives could even think that I, once an excellent student, athlete, activist, could become addicted to dangerous chemistry), and when I learned about the diagnosis. Until now, except for her and the doctor I see, no one knows about it. Neither the daughter, who is already 10 years old, nor the sister, nor the brother. No one. Our society is not yet ready for such revelations, and I do not want to put psychological experiments on myself or on my child. What for? I have enough warmth and support from my mother, and then I am a believer. Thanks to God, I gave up drugs, changed the point of support from transient material things to really important values ​​in the life of every person - family, relatives, close relationships. Everything changed. Thanks to God, I found a good interesting job that brings me pleasure. God willing, and I will meet a person with whom I can again start a family, and yes, I will be ready to tell him about my HIV status. But to speak to other, strangers - I think it is not necessary.

Angela:- I also shared with my mother in the first place. For a long time, except for my mother, no one knew about it. The next of the close people to whom I opened up was my future husband at that time. To date, my husband and I have been together for about 13 years, I still remember my feelings about this. I was very worried about our relationship, I did not know how he would react. I was afraid to lose him. She kept coming up with some phrases, picking up, as it seemed to me, some special words filled with deep meaning in order to tell him the truth. And when she nevertheless decided to start a conversation, tears poured down in hail. But, to my surprise, he took this "news" calmly. He said that I was a fool, and he was not going to leave me anywhere. And in terms of work – here I agree with Ksenia, the society is still little informed about HIV. Many people still think that you can get infected by shaking hands or talking.

- If we talk directly about therapy - how easily does it fit into your lifestyle?

Kseniya:- There are no particular inconveniences in connection with this. At first, there was a transitional period, so to speak, of physiological adaptation to antiretroviral therapy. But these are all purely individual sensations, over time (quickly enough) the body adjusted to the drug regimen. And so - 2 tablets in the morning, 3 tablets in the evening. At the same time. At first I set an alarm clock, since you can’t miss it, now everything has come to automatism. No, it's not difficult, that's for sure. Probably, many will be interested in how an HIV-infected person physically feels. I answer: just like a healthy person. Only because of my HIV status I am obliged to monitor my condition twice as closely as a person with a healthy immune system.

Angela:– ARV therapy helped me give birth to a healthy child 8 years ago. My son's parameters are normal, he is completely healthy. But I strictly followed and continue to follow all the recommendations of the doctor. My only regret is that at the time when I was diagnosed with HIV, there was no such approach to controlling this disease. Of course, now it is much easier with this: drugs are issued by the state on a budgetary basis, therefore, we can say that there are all conditions for a quality life. What I want to note: therapy does not prevent me from being realized either as a mother, or as a wife, or as a member of society. And this is the main thing.

- What are the main words you consider it necessary to say to those people who have just learned about this diagnosis?

Kseniya:“I think we need to give ourselves time to accept this reality. Whatever we say now, when a person finds out that he is sick, it is always a colossal stress. But stress will pass sooner or later, and you will need to make specific decisions and take specific steps. You need to think and act with a cool head. You should not hesitate to seek advice from experienced people living with HIV, you should listen to an infectious disease specialist, be sure to be examined and adhere to the prescribed therapy. And what is important - treatment should be started as early as possible.

Angela: Nobody is immune from this disease. First you learn to live without drugs, then you learn to live with HIV, and then there comes a stage when you realize that the issue is not HIV, the issue is yourself. How do you see your life? What are your goals, what are your dreams? What do you want to achieve in the end? HIV is very sobering, it helps to realize many really important things. I stopped wasting time senselessly, began to work on myself, to change - and life acquired a new meaning. Therefore, everything is possible. And this “everything” depends on us directly.

The kidney from the donor turned out to be defective

The first scandal in the Sverdlovsk region related to HIV infection thundered 16 years ago. A young resident from the Khanty-Mansiysk Okrug waited his turn for a kidney transplant and arrived in Yekaterinburg. Doctors of the Regional Clinical Hospital No. 1 successfully performed the operation. Yes, but it turned out that the doctors, trying to meet the short time that the donor organ "lives", did not wait for the result of the HIV tests. And they transplanted the infected kidney.

"We decided so. It would be better if we announced this not on TV or radio, but we," Evgeny Samborsky, chief physician of the Sverdlovsk Regional Hospital No. 1, told reporters at the time.

Transfused bad blood

It is now, as doctors say, cases of HIV infection during blood transfusions are close to zero. But nevertheless, such incidents happened in the Sverdlovsk region. In 2003, the Ural media, citing Rospotrebnadzor of the Sverdlovsk Region, reported that in Pervouralsk, during a blood transfusion, doctors infected a man with HIV. Donated blood was contaminated. The infection itself occurred back in 2001, and the patient found out that he was infected two years later - in 2003, when he decided to take blood tests.

HIV as a bonus to sex for money

The first criminal trial in Yekaterinburg under the article "Intentional transmission of HIV infection" took place in 2001. But then it was not doctors who were judged, but a prostitute. As the investigators established, the accused knew that she had HIV, but continued to practice her craft. In November 2001, during a raid, they took her, as they say, red-handed. And they filed a case. As a result, the prostitute was sentenced to six months in prison.

Revenge on her lovers

The second high-profile trial under the article "Intentional transmission of HIV infection" took place in Rare in the autumn of 2007. This time, the defendant in the case was not a prostitute who earns money with her body, but a local "fatal woman", a 33-year-old beauty. She had affairs with four men, and only the last of them, 20-year-old, was protected. The rest got HIV. As the defendant later said, infecting her gentlemen with an infection, she thus took revenge on lustful men. And regretted only the latter.

The court sentenced the "Queen of Spades Rezha" to four years in a penal colony.

Infected during fertility treatment

Perhaps the most terrible case of HIV infection occurred a few years ago at the Preobrazhensky Clinic, a commercial establishment from the elite category, where three women were treated for infertility for money. All three victims became infected during the immunization procedure. A suspension of lymphocytes was injected under each of them under the shoulder blade. And the donor blood from which these lymphocytes were obtained turned out to be infected with the immunodeficiency virus. Later, the investigators found out that one of the nurses of the clinic, who did not know that she was infected with HIV, became a blood donor.

As a result, Elena Yarushina, a gynecologist at the Preobrazhensky Clinic, was sentenced to four years in a colony-settlement, but was amnestied in connection with the 20th anniversary of the constitution.

But the director of the Preobrazhenskaya clinic, who quit immediately after the scandal, managed to avoid punishment altogether. Although, logically, it was he who was obliged to prohibit any manipulations with donated blood, since he knew that his organization did not have a license for this.