How should the 40th day of commemoration of the deceased pass. What trials does the soul go through after death?

After the death of a person, the time comes for the burial of his remains to the earth. There they are to rest until the general resurrection. However, the care and love of the Church for its children does not end there. On certain days, the clergy pray for the dead and make a sacrifice for their repose. The 3rd, 9th and 40th days after death are considered special days for remembrance. What is the commemoration of the dead in 40 days, how to commemorate the dead correctly? This procedure must be consistent with church teachings.

How to commemorate the dead in 40 days

The fortieth day after the death of a person is considered the most crucial date, since it is then, according to the canons, that the soul leaves the earth and receives a verdict on its future location. She is no longer able to change the situation, but relatives are able to help.

On this day, you should pray earnestly to ask the Lord to show mercy and make a fair decision. To save the soul, relatives should give up some of the sins for a while. What does it mean? For a while, you should stop watching TV, listening to music, smoking or drinking. Such a refusal will bring benefit and consolation to the deceased.

Unshakable traditions

Commemoration is considered an important tradition, and it is important to conduct them correctly. Religious people must be present at the funeral. As a rule, 40 days are celebrated with a dinner with a simple lean cuisine without cooking gourmet dishes. An obligatory dish of the funeral table is kutya as a symbol of the rebirth of the soul. Before trying dishes on the table, people always eat at least a spoonful of kutya.

In no case should a wake be a joyful occasion to meet with relatives and friends. Fun is not allowed here. On the fortieth day, they certainly go to the cemetery to bring flowers and a candle to the deceased. Laying flowers on the grave is considered a sign of respect and great love, and also symbolizes the severity of the loss.

For all forty days, mourning is held for the deceased (simple dark clothes and restrained behavior). Preparation for organizing a wake should be based on concern for the deceased and their needs, and not on the choice of menus and colors.

According to the tradition of Orthodoxy, on the 40th day after the death of a person, you can distribute his things to those in need with a request to pray for his soul. Things that do not remain with relatives as a sign of memory should be taken to the church.

A church memorial service, consisting of prayers, is ordered for the deceased. All those who pray ask God's mercy and absolution for the soul of the deceased. During the memorial service, all those gathered should stand with lit candles. Candles are a sign that people believe in a bright life after death. At the end of the memorial service, they are extinguished. This symbolizes the sudden cessation of earthly existence.

A man has died. What to do? How to bury? What are the funeral rites? What to do on day 40?

When loved ones leave us forever, a lot of questions spin in our heads, the answers to which we are looking for everywhere in books, on the Internet, in various symbols. In this article you will find answers to the most popular questions.

How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one?

“Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will harm yourself. With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and you will be comforted by him after the departure of his soul ”(Sir. 38:20, 21, 23)

Is it necessary to hang a mirror if one of the relatives has died?

The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death occurred partly comes from the belief that anyone who sees his reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many “mirror” superstitions, some of them are associated with divination on mirrors. And where there is magic and sorcery, fear and superstition inevitably appear. A hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which depends entirely on the Lord.

How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?

The farewell kissing of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased or are applied to the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.

What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?

After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or you can leave it in the temple. The icon is not left in the coffin.

What is supposed to be eaten at the wake?

According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The memorial meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The memorial meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. They also eat pancakes, sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be fast. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased. Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased at this table with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. It is sinful and shameful on the part of Christians to make such a commemoration, which brings inexpressible sorrow to the newly-departed soul, which these days is being judged by God's Court, and it longs for especially fervent prayer to God.

How to help the deceased?

It is quite possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good for the sake of the deceased to work for the Church or in a monastery.

On Death, Burial and Commemoration of the Dead If a person died on Holy Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter Canon is read.

Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.

There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?

It is necessary to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. After death, when the soul goes through ordeals, judgment is made, one must intercede for it: pray and do works of mercy. It is necessary to do good for the deceased: donate to the monastery, to the church, distribute the things of the deceased, buy sacred books and give to believers from the day of his death until the fortieth day and after it. On the fortieth day, the soul is determined to the place (of bliss or torment) in which it will remain until the Last Judgment, until the second Coming of Christ. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.

Why is the death of the body necessary?

“God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wisdom 1:13,14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wisdom 1: 15, 16). For many people, death is a means of salvation from spiritual death. So, for example, children who die at an early age do not know sin. Death reduces the amount of total evil on earth. What would life be like if there were always murderers-Cains who betrayed the Lord Judas and others like them? Therefore, the death of the body is not “absurd”, as the people of the world say about it, but is necessary and expedient.

What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?

As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.

What commemoration of the dead is the most important?

The Holy Fathers of the Church teach that the most powerful and effective means of asking the departed for the mercy of God is their commemoration at the Liturgy. It is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the church, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the remission of the sins of the newly deceased. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?

Holy Tradition proclaims to us from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the testing of the soul after its departure from the body. For the first two days, the soul of the deceased remains on earth and, with the Angel accompanying it, walks to those places that attract it with the remembrance of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely. Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly cloisters and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. In this state, the soul stays for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the 9th day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints. After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. Requiems and litias are performed on these days.

Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous. On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church by submitting notes for the Liturgy and (or) a memorial service.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?

Private, private (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read the psalms at the tomb. Churches do not bury or commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: Catholics, Protestants, non-Christians, and all those who died unbaptized. The rites of the funeral service and memorial services were compiled with the certainty that the deceased and the person being buried was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church. Being outside the Church during life, heretics and schismatics are further away from it after death, for then the very possibility of repentance and turning to the light of truth is closed to them.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased unbaptized?

The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized, for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised to those who love him. For the alleviation of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in the womb or during childbirth, Orthodox Christians pray at home (they read the canon) to the holy martyr Huar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

Who is the newly-departed, ever-remembered?

Within forty days after the death of the deceased, they are called the newly deceased. On memorable days for the deceased (death, name day, birth), he is called ever-memorable or ever-memorable.

What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?

If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services.

Do the dead pray for us?

If the deceased is righteous, then he himself, being before the Throne of God, will respond to the love of those who pray for him with his fervent prayer. Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?

The dead babies are buried and requiems are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins (since babies do not have consciously committed sins), but they ask to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.

Is it possible to pray for the repose of suicides and commemorate them in the temple?

Suicide is based on disbelief in the Providence of God and despair - these are mortal sins. Mortals, because they do not give room for repentance, remove the saving grace of God from a person. A person voluntarily and completely gives himself into the power of the devil, blocks all paths for grace to himself. How will it be possible for him to be affected by this grace? It is quite natural that the Church cannot offer for such people a propitiatory Bloodless Sacrifice and no prayer at all. If a person who took his own life was mentally ill or was driven to suicide by bullying and harassment (for example, in the army or places of deprivation of liberty), then his funeral service can be blessed by the ruling bishop. For this, a written petition must be submitted. Private, home prayer for the repose of suicides is not prohibited, but this must be done with the blessing of the confessor.

Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?

If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the funeral in absentia must be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery. The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.

Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the Church. This is a daily enhanced commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until a private judgment that determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order a longer-term commemoration in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order a commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books for the deceased, the better.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the undead deceased?

If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, was not a theomachist and did not commit suicide, then you can order a memorial service, you can also sing in absentia.

Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa?

What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?

The Church never prays for suicides. We must repent of what we have done in Confession and do not act like this again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.

What is Parents' Saturday?

On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all deceased Christians. Memorial services that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all the departed Christians are commemorated. After the Liturgy there are also common requiems.

When are Parents' Saturdays?

Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare happens eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the great martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), there is Demetrius parental Saturday.

Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

You can and should always pray for repose. This is the debt of the living to the dead, an expression of love for them, since the dead themselves can no longer pray for themselves. All Saturdays of the year, which do not fall on holidays, are dedicated to the remembrance of the dead. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple and order memorial services on any day.

What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?

Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa, they share the joy of the Lord's Resurrection with the departed, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought the souls of the Old Testament righteous from there. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called "radonitsa", or "radonitsa".

The commemoration of the deceased soldiers is performed by the Orthodox Church on May 9, on the feast of the Victory over Nazi Germany. Warriors killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 11, New Style).

Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

Believers bring various food to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In former times, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.

What is eve?

Eve (or eve) is a special table (square or rectangular), on which stands the Cross with the Crucifixion and holes for candles. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Candles are placed here and you can put food to commemorate the dead.

What foods can be put on the eve?

Usually on the eve they put bread, cookies, sugar - everything that does not contradict fasting. You can donate lamp oil, Cahors on the eve. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.

If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

Doesn't mean anything. The Lord only then stops a person's life when he sees him ready for the transition to eternity, or when he sees no hope for his correction. “Do not hasten death with the delusions of your life, and do not attract destruction to you by the works of your hands” (Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).

What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received a notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him that, at the hour of the exodus of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but so that the Lord Himself would take Her soul into His Divine hands. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; For God will bring every deed into judgment, even every secret thing, whether it be good or bad” (Eccl. 12:13,14).

It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11: 5) He who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and received communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity and regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not take communion, but died on Bright Week, how can one say that he received The Kingdom of heaven?

Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of the sins related to the deceased, forgive him all offenses and ask for forgiveness themselves.

How many days are mourning for the deceased?

There is a tradition of forty-day mourning for a deceased loved one, since on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will be until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. The day of death is the day of the second birth, but for a new one - not earthly, but eternal life. Before visiting the cemetery, you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service and submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia).

Can the dead be cremated?

Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian faith for another and the only permissible way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59, 60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the whole Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the dead) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence. If the deceased bequeathed to be cremated, it is not a sin to violate this dying will. Cremation can be allowed only in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.

Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?

There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.

What to do if a dead person is dreaming?

Dreams should not be ignored. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer (in the temple and at home) for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience of the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime is tormented?

For a dead person, a living person can do much more than when he was alive. The deceased are in great need of prayer and alms given for them. Therefore, we must give all our strength to prayer: read the Psalter at home, submit memorial notes in the church, feed the poor and the homeless, help the old and sick, and ask them to commemorate the deceased. And in order to calm your conscience, you need to go to the temple for confession and sincerely tell the priest everything that she convicts.

What to do when visiting a cemetery?

Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased an appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.

Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?

In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating or drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. No need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?

Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as the anniversaries of death and namesake days of the dead.

Information about all organizations providing funeral services, religious holidays and customs in Minsk and other cities of Belarus, you can find on the website of the directory of Funeral Services

Wake 40 days: 7 rules to follow when organizing, 10 dishes that can be cooked, 6 prayers that are read for 9 and 40 days, 7 memorial dates in Christianity.

People who do not believe in an afterlife consider death to be the final chord of human existence. Like, he died - and that's it, nothing was left of him, except for the grave. And about the immortal soul - it's all nonsense. But even among hardened atheists, few people dare to violate funeral traditions.

40 days of commemoration - an opportunity to remember the deceased, drink a glass for the repose of his soul, put a candle in the church, and gather with relatives.

But this date is far from the only one that needs to be dedicated to the deceased.

People say that a person is alive as long as the memory of him is alive.

In the first year, the deceased is remembered quite often and not only by heartbroken relatives, but also by everyone who takes part in the commemoration.

Funeral rites are obligatory for Orthodox Christians. They are held according to specific rules that you need to know in order to provide peace and grace to the soul of a loved one.

Conventionally, any commemoration can be divided into 2 parts:

Church. This includes a memorial service ordered by relatives in the church, and a series of prayers that are read by relatives of the deceased. Unchurched people are afraid to make a mistake, to order something wrong, to do something wrong. Do not worry, because in any temple you will be prompted for the right decision.
Gastronomic. That is, exactly what we mean when we pronounce the word “commemoration”: a dinner for which people from the close circle of the deceased are called to commemorate his soul.

Another important point is visiting the cemetery. At the commemoration, you go to "visit" the deceased in order to:

demonstrate to him - you have not forgotten about him;
tidy up the grave;
bring fresh flowers;
put a treat for the poor, who will eat it with gratitude for the remembrance of the soul.

There are a lot of commemorations in the first year:

After the burial. It is on the day of the funeral that the first memorial dinner is held, to which everyone who paid the last tribute to the deceased in the cemetery is usually invited.
Breakfast. In the morning after the burial, the family goes to the churchyard to bring breakfast to the "deceased" and commemorate him near the grave. No one except the closest relatives is invited to this action.
3 days. This date is important for the family of the deceased. The main stages of commemoration: a visit to the burial place and a family dinner.
9 days. It is believed that up to 9 days the soul of a person lives in the "paradise", but not yet in heaven. The commemoration is arranged precisely on the ninth day, because that is how many "angelic ranks" there are.
40 days. According to Christian canons, it was on the 40th day that Jesus Christ ascended to heaven - which is why the date is so important for Christians. A commemoration for the "fortieth" is a prerequisite.
Six months. The date of the commemoration is not considered mandatory, therefore it is missed by many. If you want to remember your loved one on this day, visit the cemetery, order a memorial service in the church and sit modestly with your family, remembering the good things about the deceased.
1 year. The last major memorial number. On this day, they not only order a memorial service, but also organize a big dinner in honor of the deceased. Ideally, you need to call everyone who was at the funeral, but if finances do not allow, then you can get by with a smaller number of “guests”.

After a year has elapsed from the date of death, you can commemorate your loved one whenever you want (for example, on the day of his birth and death, on other important dates for you), ordering memorial services and distributing sweets for the repose of the soul. Large feasts can no longer be organized.

The most important commemoration dates, in addition to the funeral number and 1 year, are the 9th and 40th days. We will talk about them further in more detail, because many traditions have been forgotten.

9 days: commemoration according to the rules

This is the first of three important memorial dates. There are certain rules and traditions that must be followed.

What does the soul expect from the wake on the 9th day

According to church dogmas, exactly 9 days are given to a person after death in order to complete his earthly journey, say goodbye to relatives and friends whom he happened to leave and prepare for a meeting with the Lord.

9 is a sacred number in Christianity, because that is how many angelic ranks exist. It is the angels who must bring the spirit of the deceased on the 9th day after death to the Judgment of the Lord, so that her fate is decided: to stay in paradise or go down to hell if her sins are too serious.

But the verdict has not yet been passed, and from the 9th to the 40th day, ordeals await the soul. That is why relatives should be especially careful during this period so as not to aggravate the sins of the deceased with their rash acts. And it's not just about the proper organization of the commemoration.

Of course, you will grieve for your loved one, but it is important that your grief is not so inconsolable that the soul cannot leave this world at all.

Wake for 9 days according to church canons

Relatives are required to express their grief for the deceased not with endless tears, but with prayers and good deeds.

Required on memorial day:

Book a memorial service at the church.
Defend the service on this day to pray in the temple for the deceased and put a candle that will light the way for him in the days of ordeals.
Distribute sweets and money to the poor.

You can make a donation on behalf of the deceased to those in need: an orphanage or a nursing home, a hospital, a shelter for the homeless, etc.

Be sure to visit the grave on the 9th day to remove dried flowers from the day of the funeral, light a candle, and pray for the soul of the deceased.

If possible, order a lithium - the priest will come and pray at the burial place for your loved one. But it is permissible to read the prayers at the commemoration on your own.

In addition to the traditional "Our Father", you can read the following prayers:

God of spirits and all flesh, righting death and abolishing the devil, and bestowing life on Your world! Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of the departed Thy servants: His Holiness Patriarchs, His Grace Metropolitans, Archbishops and Bishops, who served You in the priestly, church and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, Orthodox forefathers, father, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors for faith and the fatherland laid down their lives, faithful, killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen in the scum, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of the suicidal, those whom we commanded and asked to pray for, for whom there is no one to pray and the faithful, the burials of the Christian deprived (the name of the rivers) in a place of light, in a place of greenery, in a place of rest, sickness, sadness and sighing will flee from here.

Any sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, like a good God who loves mankind, forgive, like a person, who will be alive and will not sin. Thou art only one except for sin, Thy righteousness is righteousness forever, and Thy word is truth. As You are the Resurrection, and the Life and Peace of Your dead servants (the name of the rivers), Christ our God, and we send glory to You with Your Father without beginning, and the Most Holy, and the Good, and Your Life-giving Spirit, now and ever and forever and ever. Amen.

Remember that in prayer it is not so much the words themselves that are important, but sincerity.

40 days of wake: everything you need to know about this date

This is the second important date in the tradition of Christian commemoration, which in no case can be ignored if you care about the well-being of the deceased in the next world.

What happens to the soul on the 40th day and does it need a wake?

It is on the 40th day that the soul must hear the verdict of God, where it will be further: in Paradise or Hell.

It is believed that it is after this time that the soul completely breaks away from the body and realizes that it is dead.

The 40th day is the last term when the spirit visits his native places to say goodbye to worldly life, close, dear to the heart things.

In no case should relatives and friends sob and lament strongly on the day of the commemoration, so as not to increase the suffering of an already fragile soul, not to tie it forever to the earth, where it would forever wander between the world of the living and the dead.

You can often hear stories that it was on the 40th day in a dream that the deceased was a relative to say goodbye.

And after this period, you should stop feeling his presence nearby. If this did not happen, then somewhere at the wake you made a mistake, did something to tie the soul of the deceased to the ground.

Consult with the priest how to remedy the situation.

Church rules of commemoration for 40 days

The deceased himself is no longer able to change anything, is not able to correct any of the mistakes made during his lifetime. But his relatives are able to facilitate the transition of a loved one to Paradise with the help of a worthy commemoration on the 40th day.

Order a magpie in the church and give a donation to the temple. Be sure to pray on your own (in the temple or at home) in your own words or in the texts of special prayers:

Give rest, O Lord, to the souls of your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven. Amen.

It would not be superfluous to give up some of your sin on the 40th day, for example, drunkenness or adultery, in order to facilitate the transition to paradise for the dead, or to make a donation to some kind of charitable foundation.

On the 40th day, in addition to the commemoration at home or in some institution, visit the cemetery to:

carry flowers;
light a candle;
treat the poor (if you don’t meet anyone, put a treat on the grave);
pray;
to say goodbye for the last time - after all, soon the soul will finally leave the earth.

Wake for the dead

Funeral dinner on the 9th and 40th day

An important part of the memorial day is lunch. It is significant, first of all, to the living, because the dead are more important for the church commemoration and the sincere grief of loved ones.

Remember that neither on the 9th nor on the 40th day do they send out invitations to the commemoration. Those who remember the deceased come and want to honor him with their attention. Therefore, the commemoration usually takes place in a narrow circle of friends and relatives.

Here are a number of rules that must be followed when organizing a commemoration on the 9th and 40th day:

Don't chase the amount of food. Do not set goals to impress the "guests", to show them that you have money, to feed those present to satiety. Such pride is a sin from which it is the dead who will suffer.
Look for a post on the calendar. If the commemoration on the 40th or 9th day fell on a church fast, give up meat - give it up altogether. Several fish dishes are allowed, the rest of the food should be cooked from vegetables in vegetable oil. If fasting is strict, then dairy products should also be excluded. But even if the commemoration fell on a period free from food restrictions, do not fill the table with meat. Adhere to the policy of moderation in the formation of the menu.
Do not place forks on the funeral table. They symbolize the pitchfork used by devils in hell to torment sinners. The main cutlery is spoons, even for second courses and snacks. The illiterate, indignant at the lack of forks at the wake, you can explain why you do it that way.
Start your meal with the Lord's Prayer. Ask everyone present to pray for the remembrance of a loved one and make the sign of the cross before you start dinner.
Speeches in memory of the deceased should be welcomed by relatives. No one should be forced to speak, but it is also impossible to forbid people to speak, to rush them to finish their speech as soon as possible. Those present gathered not to eat for a week ahead, but then to remember the deceased with a kind word.
Prepare the room where the commemoration will take place on the 9th and 40th days. Be sure to put a photo of the deceased with a mourning ribbon. Light a candle or lamp near the image, put a bouquet of flowers. A glass of water, covered with a slice of bread, and cutlery are also placed near the photo so that the deceased can have a meal with everyone.
Keep order. If you see that someone is behaving inappropriately (swearing, laughing, talking loudly), carefully reprimand this uncultured person. If this does not work, ask him to leave, explaining that by his behavior he multiplies your grief. But in no case do not start scandals at the commemoration - this is a great sin before people, and before God, and before the deceased.

Dishes that can be prepared / ordered for the commemoration on the 9th and 40th day:

Separately, it must be said about alcohol. The church does not encourage wake drinking and believes that it is possible to do without alcohol at all, but people usually take a different view and put wine and / or vodka on the table.

It will not be a big sin if you still add alcohol to the funeral menu, but make sure that those present drink no more than three glasses, otherwise the wake will turn into a banal booze, during which they will forget what occasion they gathered at all.

You can control the amount drunk on the 9th and 40th day after the funeral by limiting the number of bottles on the table. Estimate how many people came to the wake and how many bottles of wine / vodka are needed for everyone to drink only 3 glasses. Hide the excess and do not give in to the requests of drunks, such as: “Bring more alcohol. How is it to remember Mikhalych dry? He'll be offended!"

40 days - commemoration, which are arranged only for the closest. It is not so much the feast itself that is important, but the church component of commemoration and the sincerity of your feelings for the deceased.

REMEMBER OF THE DEAD

P why do people die?

- “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the perishing of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wisdom 1:13-14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked drew her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wisdom 1:15-16).

To understand the question of mortality, it is necessary to distinguish between spiritual and bodily death. Spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God, Who for the soul is the Source of eternal joyful being. This death is the most terrible consequence of the fall of man. A person gets rid of it in Baptism.

Although bodily death after Baptism remains in a person, it acquires a different meaning. From punishment, it becomes the door to paradise (for people who not only were baptized, but also lived pleasing to God), and it is already called “dormition”.

What happens to the soul after death?

According to Church Tradition, based on the words of Christ, the souls of the righteous are angels on the eve of paradise, where they stay until the Last Judgment, waiting for eternal bliss: “The poor man died, and was carried by angels into the bosom of Abraham” (Luke 16:22). The souls of sinners fall into the hands of demons and are "in hell, in torment" (see Luke 16:23). The final division into the saved and the condemned will take place at the Last Judgment, when “many of those sleeping in the dust of the earth will awaken, some to eternal life, others to eternal reproach and shame” (Dan. 12:2). Christ in the parable of the Last Judgment speaks in detail that sinners who did not do works of mercy will be condemned, and the righteous who did such works will be justified: “And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life” (Matt. 25 :46).

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?

Holy Tradition proclaims to us from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the test of the soul after it has departed from the body. For the first two days, the soul of a deceased person is still on earth and, with the Angel accompanying her, walks to those places that attract her with the memory of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. The soul stays in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. These days the Church performs requiems and litias.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the deceased. Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.

On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church by submitting notes for commemoration at the Liturgy and Panikhida.

What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received a notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him that, at the hour of the exodus of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but so that the Lord Himself would receive Her soul into His Divine embrace. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them, and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; for God will bring every work into judgment, and every secret thing, whether it be good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14).

What is the concept of heaven?

Paradise is not so much a place as a state of mind; just as hell is suffering resulting from the inability to love and non-participation in the Divine light, so paradise is the bliss of the soul, resulting from an excess of love and light, to which one who is united with Christ fully and completely partakes. This is not contradicted by the fact that paradise is described as a place with various "mansions" and "halls"; all descriptions of paradise are only attempts to express in human language that which is inexpressible and transcends the human mind.

In the Bible, "paradise" refers to the garden where God placed man; the same word in the ancient church tradition called the future bliss of people redeemed and saved by Christ. It is also called the "Kingdom of Heaven", "the life of the age to come", "the eighth day", "new heaven", "heavenly Jerusalem". The Holy Apostle John the Theologian says: “I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. Iya, John, saw the holy city of Jerusalem, new, descending from God from heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven, saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them; they will be His people, and God Himself with them will be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death; there will be no more mourning, no outcry, no sickness, for the former has passed away. And He who sits on the throne said: Behold, I make all things new... I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end; to the thirsty one free of charge from the source of living water... And he (the angel) lifted me up in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, holy Jerusalem, which descended from heaven from God. He has the glory of God... I did not see a temple in him, for the Lord God Almighty is his temple, and the Lamb. And the city has no need of either the sun or the moon for its illumination; for the glory of God hath illumined him, and his lamp is the Lamb. The saved nations will walk in its light... And nothing unclean will enter into it, and no one given over to abomination and falsehood, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life" (Rev. 21:1-6,10,22-24 ,27). This is the earliest description of paradise in Christian literature.

When reading the descriptions of paradise found in theological literature, it is necessary to keep in mind that many Church Fathers speak of the paradise they saw, into which they were raptured by the power of the Holy Spirit. In all descriptions of paradise, it is emphasized that earthly words can only to a small extent depict heavenly beauty, since it is "inexpressible" and surpasses human comprehension. It also speaks of the "many mansions" of paradise (John 14:2), that is, of different degrees of blessedness. “Some (God) will honor with great honors, others with less,” says St. Basil the Great, “because “star differs from star in glory” (1 Cor. 15:41). And since there are “many mansions” with the Father, some will rest in a more excellent and higher state, and others in a lower one. However, for each of his "abode" will be the highest fullness of bliss available to him - in accordance with how close he is to God in earthly life. “All the saints who are in Paradise will see and know one another, but Christ will see and fill everyone,” says St. Simeon the New Theologian.

What is the concept of hell?

There is no person who is deprived of the love of God, and there is no place that is not part of this love; however, everyone who has made a choice in favor of evil, voluntarily deprives himself of God's mercy. Love, which for the righteous in paradise is a source of bliss and consolation, becomes a source of torment for sinners in hell, since they recognize themselves as not participating in love. In the words of St. Isaac, "Gehen torment is repentance."

According to the teachings of St. Simeon the New Theologian, the main reason for a person’s torment in hell is an acute feeling of separation from God: “None of the people who believe in You, Vladyka,” writes St. Simeon, “none of those who were baptized in Your name will endure this great and the terrible severity of separation from You, Merciful, because it is a terrible sorrow, unbearable, terrible and eternal sorrow. If on earth, says St. Simeon, those who do not partake of God have bodily pleasures, then there, outside the body, they will experience one unceasing torment. And all the images of hellish torments that exist in world literature - fire, cold, thirst, red-hot furnaces, lakes of fire, etc. - are only symbols of suffering, which comes from the fact that a person feels himself not involved in God.

For an Orthodox Christian, the idea of hell and eternal torment is inextricably linked with the mystery that is revealed in the divine service of Holy Week and Easter - the mystery of Christ's descent into hell and the deliverance of those who are there from the dominion of evil and death. The Church believes that after His death, Christ descended into the abysses of hell in order to abolish hell and death, to destroy the terrible kingdom of the devil. Just as having entered the waters of the Jordan at the moment of His Baptism, Christ sanctifies these waters filled with human sin, so when He descends into hell, He illuminates it with the light of His presence to the last depths and limits, so that hell can no longer endure the power of God and perishes. St. John Chrysostom in the Paschal catechumen says: “Hell was grieved when he met you at the bottom; grieved, for he was abolished; grieved because he was ridiculed; grieved, for he was put to death; grieved, for he was deposed." This does not mean that hell no longer exists at all after the Resurrection of Christ: it exists, but the death sentence has already been passed on it.

Every Sunday, Orthodox Christians hear hymns dedicated to Christ’s victory over death: “The Angelic Cathedral was surprised, in vain you were imputed to the dead, but the mortal, Savior, ruined the fortress ... and freed all from hell” (liberating everyone from hell). Deliverance from hell, however, should not be understood as some kind of magical act performed by Christ against the will of man: for those who consciously reject Christ and eternal life, hell continues to exist as the suffering and torment of God-forsakenness.

How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one?

The sorrow of separation from the deceased can only be quenched by prayer for him. Christianity does not see death as the end. Death is the beginning of a new life, and earthly life is only a preparation for it. Man is created for eternity; in paradise he was nourished by the "tree of life" (Gen. 2:9) and was immortal. But after the fall, the path to the tree of life was blocked and man became mortal and corruptible.

But life does not end with death, the death of the body is not the death of the soul, the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased with prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will hurt yourself... With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and you will be comforted by him after the departure of his soul ”(Sir. 38:20-21,23).

What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?

The voice of conscience accusing of guilt subsides and stops after sincere heartfelt repentance and confession before God to the priest of his sinfulness towards the deceased. It is important to remember that with God everyone is alive and the commandment of love applies to the dead as well. The deceased are in great need of the prayerful help of the living and the alms given for them. The one who loves will pray, do alms, submit church records for the repose of the dead, strive to live pleasing to God, so that God will show His mercy on them.

If you constantly remain in active concern for others, do good to them, then not only peace will be established in your soul, but deep satisfaction and joy.

What to do if a dead person is dreaming?

Dreams should not be ignored. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer in the temple and at home for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

How many days are mourning for the deceased?

There is a tradition of forty days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

Who is the newly-departed and ever-memorable?

In the church tradition, the deceased person is called the newly deceased within forty days after death. The first day is considered the day of death, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day after the disciple of the Church, God (at the private judgment of the soul), determines its afterlife until the universal Last Judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25:31-46).

The ever-memorable is usually called a person after forty days after death. Ever-memorable - the word "ever" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed for. In funeral notes, sometimes they write “the ever-memorable (oh)” before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.

How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?

The farewell kissing of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or kiss the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.

What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?

After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the temple.

What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?

If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.

How to help the deceased?

It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.

What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?

Prayer for those who have passed from temporal life to eternal life is an ancient tradition of the Church, sanctified for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member of it, and it is the duty of those who remain on earth to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer facilitates the posthumous fate of a person. As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.

Can the dead be cremated?

Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society during the Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for a different way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

The Gospel describes the rite of the burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in the washing of His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and being placed in a tomb (Matt. 27:59-60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.

Cremation may be allowed in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.

Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

What is eve?

Eve (or eve) is a special square or rectangular table on which stands the Cross with the Crucifix and holes for candles are arranged. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Here you can put candles and put products to commemorate the dead.

Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

Believers bring various products to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In former times, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.

What foods can be put on the eve?

Products can be anything. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.

What commemoration of the dead is the most important?

Prayers at the Liturgy have special power. The Church prays for all the dead, including those in hell. One of the kneeling prayers read on the feast of Pentecost contains a petition "for those who are kept in hell" and that the Lord rest them "in a place of light." The Church believes that through the prayers of the living, God can ease the afterlife of the dead, delivering them from torment and honoring them with salvation with the saints.

Therefore, it is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the temple, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the newly deceased. This is a feat of love for the fullness of the Orthodox Church in the person of a priest who celebrates the Liturgy for the sake of the people commemorated at the proskomedia. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

What is Parents' Saturday?

On certain Sabbath days of the year, the Church commemorates all formerly deceased Christians. Panikhidas that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On parental Saturday mornings, during the Liturgy, all formerly deceased Christians are commemorated. On the eve of parental Saturday, on Friday evening, parastas is served (translated from the Greek as “standing”, “intercession”, “intercession”) - the following of a great memorial service for all the departed Orthodox Christians.

When are Parents' Saturdays?

Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare happens eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), Demetrius' Parents' Saturday takes place.

Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

Yes, it is possible and necessary to pray for the repose of the dead even after parental Saturdays. This is the duty of the living to the dead and an expression of love for them. The deceased themselves can no longer help themselves, they cannot bring the fruits of repentance, do alms. This is evidenced by the gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). Death is not a departure into non-existence, but the continuation of the existence of the soul in eternity, with all its features, infirmities and passions. Therefore, the departed (except for the saints glorified by the Church) need prayerful commemoration.

Saturdays (except for Great Saturday, Saturday in the Bright Week and Saturdays coinciding with the Twelfth, Great and Temple Feasts), in the church calendar, are traditionally considered days of special commemoration of the departed. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple on any day of the year, even when, according to the charter of the Church, memorial services are not served, in this case the names of the dead are commemorated in the altar.

What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?

Special commemoration of all the deceased during the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945. established by the Church on May 9. The soldiers killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11, according to the new style.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, relatives close to him pray for him, thereby expressing the belief that the day of a person’s death is not a day of destruction, but a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer any place for earthly diseases, sorrows and sighs.

On this day, it is good to visit the cemetery, but first you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia), at a memorial service and, if possible, pray at the service.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?

What to do when visiting a cemetery?

Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased the appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.

Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?

In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating or drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. It is not necessary to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

What is supposed to be eaten at the "commemoration"?

Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. This is wrong, since the newly-departed soul these days longs for a special fervent prayer for her to God, and certainly not drinking wine.

Is it possible to place a photo of the deceased on the grave cross?

A cemetery is a special place where the bodies of those who have passed into another life are buried. A visible evidence of this is the tomb cross, which is erected as a sign of the redemptive victory of the Lord Jesus Christ over death. As the Savior of the world resurrected, accepting death on the cross for people, so will all the dead bodily resurrect. People come to the cemetery to pray for the dead in this place of rest. A photograph on a grave cross often prompts more remembrance than prayer.

With the adoption of Christianity in Russia, the dead were placed either in stone sarcophagi, and a cross was depicted on the lid, or in the ground. A cross was placed on the grave. After 1917, when the destruction of Orthodox traditions took on a systematic character, instead of crosses, columns with photographs began to be placed on the graves. Sometimes monuments were erected and a portrait of the deceased was attached to them. After the war, monuments with a star and a photograph began to prevail as headstones. In the last decade and a half, crosses have increasingly begun to appear in cemeteries. The practice of placing photographs on crosses has survived from past Soviet decades.

Can I bring my dog with me when visiting the cemetery?

Taking a dog to a cemetery for the purpose of walking, of course, is not worth it. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for the blind or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. Dogs should not be allowed to run over graves.

If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.

Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?

The dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins, since babies do not have consciously committed sins, but they ask the Lord to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.

Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?

If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the correspondence funeral can be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for an undead buried deceased?

Memorial services can be ordered if the deceased was a baptized Orthodox person and not from among the suicides. The Church does not commemorate the unbaptized and suicides.

If it became known that the buried person was not buried according to the Orthodox rite, then it must be buried in absentia. In the rite of the funeral, in contrast to the memorial service, the priest reads a special prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.

It is important not just to “order” a memorial service and a funeral service, but for the relatives and friends of the deceased to take prayerful part in them.

Is it possible to sing a suicide and pray for his repose at home and in the temple?

In exceptional cases, after considering all the circumstances of the suicide by the ruling bishop of the diocese, an absentee funeral may be blessed. To do this, relevant documents and a written petition are submitted to the ruling bishop, where, with special responsibility for one’s words, all known circumstances and reasons for suicide are indicated. All cases are considered individually. With the permission of the absentee funeral service by the bishop, the temple prayer for repose becomes possible.

In all cases, for the prayerful consolation of the relatives and friends of a person who committed suicide, a special prayer rite has been developed, which can be performed whenever the relatives of a person who committed suicide turn to the priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.

In addition to performing this rite, relatives and friends can, with the blessing of the priest, read the prayer of the reverend elder Leo of Optina at home: “Search, Lord, for the lost soul of Your servant (name): if it is possible to eat, have mercy. Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not put me in sin with this prayer of mine, but may Thy holy will be done ”and give alms.

Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?

No, it's not. If a person, out of ignorance, submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides (the funeral service of which was not blessed by the ruling bishop), then he needs to repent of this at confession and not do this again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?

Is it possible to submit notes in the temple about the commemoration of the deceased unbaptized?

Liturgical prayer is a prayer for the children of the Church. In the Orthodox Church, it is not customary to commemorate unbaptized, as well as non-Orthodox Christians, at the proskomedia (the preparatory part of the Liturgy). This, however, does not mean that they cannot be prayed for at all. Private (home) prayer for such dead is possible. Christians believe that prayer can be of great help to the dead. True Orthodoxy breathes the spirit of love, mercy and indulgence towards all people, including those outside the Orthodox Church.

The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, they were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, they did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised to those who love him.

Orthodox Christians pray at home for the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in their mother’s womb or during childbirth, they read the canon to the holy martyr Uar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11:5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and took communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity, regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not receive communion, but died on Bright Week, can it be argued that he inherited the Kingdom of Heaven?

If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

Doesn't mean anything. The Lord terminates the earthly life of each person in due time, providentially caring for each soul.

“Do not hasten death with the delusions of your life, and do not draw destruction upon you by the works of your hands” (Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).

Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?

There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.

Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?

Hanging mirrors in the house is a superstition, and has nothing to do with church traditions of burying the dead. Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?

The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death took place partly comes from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are related to divination on mirrors. And where there is magic and sorcery, fear and superstition inevitably appear. A hung or not hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which is entirely dependent on the Lord.

There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?

It is necessary to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. Therefore, it is necessary to intercede for the soul of the deceased immediately after his death until the fortieth day and after it: to pray and do works of mercy, distribute things of the deceased, donate to the monastery, to the church. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.

In the Orthodox faith, the fortieth day, exactly like the ninth day after the repose of a person, is considered a special date. These days the spirit in heaven finds its place, the Lord determines it to hell or to the heavenly world. In other words, God's judgment is taking place.

It is customary to think that all 40 days after the physical death of the body, the soul is among the living, near its family. Many say that they have felt the presence of the deceased throughout this period, his smell, subtle sighs and rustles. For the first three days, the spirit remembers its physical existence. On the third day, a memorial service is held. At the end of the forty-day period, the spirit leaves its native land and goes to the place allotted for it. Believers claim that the fortieth day is an important event, the spirit stands before our Lord, the Creator. A commemoration is the farewell of the soul to heaven at the end of preparations for a meeting with a higher power.

Christians argue that after the soul has left the body, it is impossible to change the sentence for it. It is impossible to change eternal life, to repent before the Creator. The soul stores all lifetime memories. But, nevertheless, relatives can beg forgiveness for the soul before the Lord. The priests say that the prayer for the repose on the fortieth day has unique abilities that can affect the decision of God. Hot and desperate prayers for the soul can determine its place in paradise.

Why was this number chosen? This is the time for the spirit to say goodbye to the earthly world and prepare it to accept the order of the Lord God. In addition, the number is often found in scripture:

For 40 years Moses led the Jews through the promised land;
The ascension of Christ took place on the fortieth day after the crucifixion.

For forty days the journey of the soul takes place. Five days after death, the soul bows before God. She is tormented by fear and anxiety about the mistakes made during her lifetime. On the ninth day, a memorial service and commemoration are held. Angels show the soul hell, and on the fortieth day God announces his decision. During this period, the soul feels a real test: it gets acquainted with hell and sees the torment of sinners. There is a comparison and importance of her positive and negative actions. Only prayers for the repose of the spirit and guardian angels help to endure the torture.

Theologians consider the fortieth day the boundary that divides the existing life and the heavenly one. According to religious canons, this date is considered more tragic and mournful than physical death. The 40th day is intended as a reminder for people that the soul goes to God.

According to tradition, prayers and memorial services for the 40th day are of particular importance. Earnest requests from God for mercy can change the fate of the spirit. Prayer during this period also helps to gain faith in loved ones and cope with the loss of a loved one. Women, in order to see off a loved one, tie their hair with black scarves, at home they light candles in front of the icons.

How to count 40 days after death?

How to correctly calculate the date of the fortieth day? The countdown is from the date of death. It is considered as the first, not taking into account the time when the person died, even though it happened late in the evening. Add 40 to this date on the calculator and get the day when the soul meets the Lord in heaven. The ninth memorial day is counted in the same way. The third, ninth and fortieth days after death in Orthodoxy are memorial days. It is customary to sincerely pray for the salvation of the soul of the deceased, to remember him with good words. They pray for a Christian in a church church and at home. Home prayer is especially important when the relatives of the deceased ask God to forgive mistakes and facilitate the departure of the soul to the higher world. In memory of a loved one, a memorial dinner is held and alms are donated.

40 days after death: wake

On the fortieth day after repose, the spiritual essence of a person returns home to say goodbye to his family and rise to God forever. There are legends saying that in the case when the soul does not see the commemoration on its own, it will be doomed to eternal torment and wandering. Therefore, without fail, on this day it is worth gathering in order to honor the memory of the deceased. In the morning, relatives go to the cemetery to the grave of a person, commemorate there, and at home they set the table with pre-prepared dishes. You should definitely take flowers and a candle to the grave. It is lit, thus expressing respect for the deceased. It is not recommended to talk loudly near the grave, make big dinners, drink alcohol. As a treat at the cemetery, you can take a small plate of kutya from home as a tribute to the deceased. If a person was a deeply believing parishioner, then the commemoration is carried out immediately after the morning prayer in the church house.

Also on this day, you should definitely visit the temple to pray to God and order a memorial service or magpie. The memorial service is read in front of a special small table in the church called kanun. Donations are placed there in memory of the dead. The main memorial prayer is the one that is sung at the liturgy. Sorokoust begins on the day of death and spend up to 40 days. At the end of this period, it is recommended to repeat it.

A funeral dinner is done with the aim of remembering a person, praying for the peace of his soul and leading it to God. This is a mournful moment and a petition from God to save the soul of a loved one. It is inappropriate to drink alcohol, sing songs and have fun here. The wake lasts about two hours. At the dinner, the main thing is that only Orthodox Christians should be present, who will support the family of the deceased morally in grief. Food should be modest, it is not the main attribute of the commemoration. It is worth avoiding meat dishes, and not donating them to the temple. Lunch goes as a continuation of the rite of worship, so everything should be done correctly so as not to offend the memory and soul of the deceased. It can be carried out both at home and in ritual cafes.

The obligatory main dish is kutya, made from rice or millet;
Fish can be cooked in any way;
It is not advisable to cook meat dishes in fried or baked form. The purpose of such a requirement is to make funeral food as simple and lenten as possible in order to relieve the soul and body;
Pancakes should be rich, but without filling;
They bake pies with different fillings - salty and sweet;
Fish sandwiches with salmon, sprats or herring;
Classic meat cutlets or stuffed with mushrooms, with salted cheese, if the commemoration did not fall during Lent;
Lean cabbage rolls with rice or mushrooms;
Peppers stuffed with meat and rice;
Salads based on lean ingredients;
Many families follow the tradition of preparing the favorite dish of the deceased for the wake;
For dessert, you should serve cottage cheese sweet cheesecakes, cookies, sweets;
Homemade lemonades, kvass, freshly squeezed fruit drinks and juices are suitable as drinks. It is recommended to cook jelly from berries or oatmeal.

All these dishes are easy to prepare, but at the same time hearty and tasty. In addition, each of them has its own sacral and ritual meaning. Crumbs from the table after dinner are not swept away or thrown away. They are carried to the grave of the deceased and left there to inform the deceased that the funeral dinner has taken place. It is worth considering when setting the table that no sharp objects, knives and forks, are placed on the table. Eat properly with spoons. They are placed on the table with the back side up. Spoons are then handed out to people at the end of the meal. This ritual has been going on since antiquity, when wooden spoons were distributed in memory of the deceased. But in contrast to this tradition, there is the following opinion, which states that dishes cannot be distributed - they are a "participant" in ritual remembrance. At night, somewhere on the table, sometimes they put a glass of vodka on the window. Top with a slice of bread. If in the morning the alcohol diminished, then his soul drank it. It is undesirable to leave alcohol on the grave, this is prohibited by Orthodox customs. In addition, on the night of the 40th day, doors and windows are tightly locked. In no case should you cry on this day, so as not to attract and return the spirit of the deceased.

Sometimes there is no opportunity to hold a commemoration strictly on the 40th day. Priests see no sin in holding them ahead of schedule or later. It is not allowed to transfer the commemoration only to the cemetery.

40 days after death: what not to do?

There are many customs about what is not recommended to do before the end of the forty day period. Some that arose back in Ancient Russia are also adhered to by us. Interesting is the fact that many of them are fiction, and the church confirms this. The most famous prohibited actions:

For 40 days, you don’t need to cut your hair, you can’t shave - this is a gesture of disrespect for the deceased;
Up to 40 days do not gnaw seeds. A strange recommendation says that this is how you can spit on the soul and memory of the deceased. Another version: the teeth of the one who committed the violation will hurt for a long time. The third version claims that the clicking of seeds will attract devils and evil spirits;
For 40 days it is forbidden to clean the house and turn off the light - you need a night lamp or at least a candle to shine;
You can’t sleep in the place of the deceased;
All reflective surfaces are covered with sheets for 40 days. The soul reflected in them can take a living person with it;
When conducting a commemoration, it is worth taking a place at the table for the deceased, put a plate, a glass and a piece of bread for him;
In the morning, warm water and a towel should be placed on the windowsill so that the spirit can wash.

Words for the fortieth day after death

At the commemoration, a mournful speech about the memory of the deceased person is necessarily pronounced and honored with a minute of silence. It would be better if some steward close to the family of the deceased would lead the memorial event. He must keep a sound mind and keep his emotions under control. He will manage the staff of the cafe and dispose of organizational issues and control the memorial speeches. Each member of the family wants to speak about the deceased. The steward must manage the order of speakers. This person diverts the attention of people crying in grief to himself. He recalls that the deceased left our world only physically, spiritually he will always be with us. And in the other world it will be better for him, peace and tranquility reign there.

If a priest is present at the commemoration, he will definitely serve a prayer service, read a sermon and the necessary prayers. In the absence of the priest, the household performs a ritual: they light candles and read the memorial service on their own.

What do they say in the memorial speech?

They remember the good deeds of the deceased, his positive aspects and qualities. This is not the time to remember grievances and misdeeds. This is the time to forgive. It would be appropriate to recall joint affairs, time spent, touching cases. There is a custom that one should say good or nothing about the dead. The family expresses sincere condolences. Memorial words - a speech filled with sadness and sorrow.