We all know from experience that when it comes to making decisions and defining a course of action, feeling takes into account every little thing no less and often more than thinking... That is why in the late 90s. psychologists increasingly began to say that for the successful realization of a personality in life and work, the most important thing is to have the ability to effectively interact with people around, to be able to navigate in various situations, to correctly determine the personal and emotional characteristics of others, to find adequate ways to communicate with them.
Today, in order for you to be a whole person, you need, in addition to a high intelligence quotient (IQ), also a high emotionality index (EQ). These two indicators are inextricably linked. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a person's abilities that are involved in the awareness and management of their own emotions and those of others.
American scientists "invented" emotional intelligence Peter Salovei and Jack Mayer in 1990. Then, together with David Caruso the researchers proposed their own model of emotional intelligence, a model of new abilities. Which ones? First of all, these are the abilities of perception, insofar as emotions contain information about us, about other people and about the world around us. Emotions are a type of data, which is why it is so important to accurately determine what we are experiencing and what people are experiencing. Our emotions (mood) determine our thought processes. In a bad mood, we think and behave in a completely different way, not like in a good one. Simple expressions of emotional intelligence are the keys to health, gaining leadership, and increasing foresight, ambition, self-esteem, and better understanding.
American psychologist Daniel Goleman developed the ideas of his predecessors and proposed a model of emotional intelligence, which is based on five core competencies... It is not necessary that all five points be clearly expressed, it will be enough if emotional knowledge of oneself and correct self-esteem are such.
1. Knowing yourself
The more we learn about ourselves, the better we can control ourselves and choose the necessary line of behavior in a given situation. It aims to make us strive for change. Without self-knowledge, our emotions could direct us to do what we do not want, turn us into completely different people than we would like to be.
How to develop?
Understand the difference between “I think” and “I feel”. Ask yourself how you are feeling throughout the day, but be honest. If your heart is beating fast, or you are gasping for breath, then this is a common subconscious reaction. Ask the question, "How does it feel?" Name this feeling - fear, excitement, calmness, etc. Talk about your feelings with friends and family more often. Over time, you will become more accurate in determining what kind of feeling / emotion owns you at a given moment.
2. Self-control
As we listen and study our inner feelings, taking step by step towards self-discovery, self-control regulates and coordinates these very feelings to obtain a positive, not a negative result. Self-control gives the rational side time to tidy up feelings when needed. It also helps us to act thoughtfully and responsibly by doing what we say.
How to develop?
Watch what you mentally tell yourself. Accept that you are human and can have any kind of emotion. Be prepared for the emotional outbursts caused by repetitive situations and learn to manage them. Let the unpleasant and annoying situation turn into a problem-solving exercise. When faced with something that requires an unwanted emotional response, contain your anger by focusing on the behavior. Change the situation so that the behavior becomes the problem, not the person at whom your anger is directed. Use humor to see new facets of the situation.
3. Self-motivation
Self-motivation is directing the power of our emotions to something that can inspire us to do various things. It allows you to clearly see the goals and the steps required to achieve them.
How to develop?
Realize that you can control and choose what you feel or think about. Put in more effort and as often as possible present a picture of the desired future. Connect with people who share your values and principles and are moving towards their dreams. Keep learning because the pursuit of knowledge will strengthen your character strengths and provide you with the information you need to help you now or in the future.
4. Empathy
Emotional intelligence helps you treat others with dignity, compassion and empathy. It's good when a person knows how to separate the emotions of other people from their own. Empathy begins with the ability to listen, which means connecting with the person. People who lack empathy tend to focus more on their own needs and pay little attention to the problems of others.
How to develop?
Try to listen more to the interlocutor and "feel" in his experiences. Studies show that in communication, the interlocutor perceives only about 7% of words, intonation accounts for 38%, and 55% for facial expressions, gestures and eye contact. What you say out loud and what you convey to others without words should not be different from each other. It serves as proof of your honesty and builds trust. Try to see the situation from the other person's point of view so that you can better understand them.
5. Effective relationships
This competence is about making successful contacts and the ability to manage the emotions of others. If a person has a variety of social skills, then he has the best opportunities for establishing cooperation.
How to develop?
Talk to friends and coworkers about your ideas and interests because it's so damn contagious! Organize creative exchanges - it builds trust and fosters an atmosphere of interaction. Be prepared to pass on experience and knowledge to others or become a mentor, and be open to other people's knowledge and experience. This is very important, especially in a work team. By sharing your own experiences and knowledge with others, you show your ability to perceive other people's ideas and thoughts, and that you do not consider yourself a know-it-all.
Thus, emotional intelligence broadens our understanding of what it means to be smart. Often people with high IQ, but low EQ do not fully use their potential and lose their chances of success because they think, interact and communicate in a non-constructive manner. The ability to create a certain atmosphere of communication is one of the most important skills that determine communicative competence. Skillful management of emotions makes it easier to cope with yourself in difficult life situations. Emotional intelligence helps maintain self-confidence and determination in achieving goals, and adapt to changes.
In the question "How to learn to control emotions" the goal sounds. Many people want to learn to control their emotions. After all, a balanced and restrained person is perceived as reliable, intelligent, serious. Too emotional people frighten others, and it makes no difference what emotion is off scale: either a person is crying out loud, or laughing out loud.
Before you start working on yourself, you need get rid of from the prevailing stereotype that emotions are something light, insignificant, something that must quickly submit to reason.
People often say to others: “Calm down! Stop worrying now! Can't you pull yourself together? ”, But when it’s their turn to worry, they just don’t know what to do with themselves.
Emotions rule people and people get very angry with themselves when they cannot manage emotions, because underestimate their strength and meaning.
Why you shouldn't be angry with yourself when emotions control and direct, you can understand, having learned what emotions are in general. We encourage you to read the article to learn more about the nature and functional significance of emotions.
Emotions it is not just some kind of mental processes and states, it is a complex psychophysiological internal regulation mechanism mental activity and behavior aimed at meeting the actual needs of a person. Roughly speaking, emotions help a person survive. Both bad and good emotions vital people, they regulate behavior, directing a person to the side To achieving and maintaining well-being and from trouble.
Manage emotions - social need. Although it is difficult, it is possible and often simply necessary for a cultured, civilized person.
Emotional control is ...
Emotions, overstepped normal manifestation, no longer serve for the good of a person, they provoke diseases (including mental ones), spoil relations with others, make it difficult for self-realization in various spheres of life, change personality (a person becomes impulsive, irritable, aggressive, etc.).
Overly prolonged and intense emotions, especially negative ones, can make a person unhappy and significantly ruin their life. It is known, for example, that in a state of passion, an individual can even commit a crime.
Emotions to control hard, and such their extreme intense and inhibiting all other mental processes of the form as affects is generally impossible. The stronger the emotion, the more effort it will take to control it. Therefore, it is much easier do not bring emotion to a state of excessive and too long, learn to control yourself.
No matter how difficult it is, a huge number of people know how to regulate their emotional state. Actors, politicians, lawyers, military men do it masterfully - many people know how to control themselves.
Control emotions it is not the same as suppressing or ignoring them! Controlling emotions implies:
- skill be aware of, that is, catching yourself thinking about the emergence of emotions and understanding exactly how this or that experienced emotion is called,
- skill accept and good and bad your emotions and understand their functional significance, need for the body and personality,
- the ability to manage them, that is, to maintain normal the intensity and duration of the experience.
Emotional control it is managing them to the extent that it is possible when they have already arisen, as well as the ability to prevent the unwanted development of strong, excessive, dangerous emotions.
How to learn to control emotions in 5 steps
There are many emotions and each of them requires separate consideration. It is easy to guess that the mechanism for containing laughter and fear will be different. But still there are some universal recommendations given by psychologists:
Small secret: To loosen tightly tightened muscles, tighten them even more. It is necessary to press, squeeze, squeeze, twist the clamped area even more, after which this muscle group will automatically relax. If you can't give yourself such a mini-massage, then you need to try to grimace at least a little, so the muscles of the face will relax.
So, the essence of control over emotions in the ability:
- be aware of them and their bodily expression,
- an effort of will to control their intensity,
- intelligently regulate their behavior without denying the presence of emotions.
Any emotion is a hint, a signal for action. You need to listen to her.
Most people want to learn how to control negative emotions (fear, anger, resentment, guilt, envy), but negative emotion stimulates a person's activity aimed at avoiding harmful and dangerous external influences!
Emotion is not an enemy, but a friend. If you understand this, it is easier to understand yourself. If a person is annoying, instead of hiding the negativity, wouldn't it be better not to communicate with him at all? If you are afraid of something, maybe you don’t need to do it, but if you do, then first getting rid of fear? If envy arises, maybe it's time to stop comparing yourself with someone and become more confident in yourself?
What emotions are the most difficult for you to control?
You can not restrain your emotions, get angry, shout, laugh, cry bitterly and loudly resent. Do you think anyone likes this sincerity? Only your enemies are pleased to watch this performance. Learning to manage emotions!
Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we commit acts of which we subsequently repent. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control over ourselves, so emotions prevailed over reason. That is, it was not we who controlled our emotions, but they controlled us.
Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the absence of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain composure and subjugate feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.
They do not think about the future, and their expenses often far exceed their income.
Intemperate people flare up like a match in any quarrel, not being able to stop in time and compromise, which deserves the reputation of a conflicted person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors say that many diseases have a direct connection with such negative emotions as anger, etc. They are preferred to avoid by people for whom their own peace and nerves are dear.
People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can keep them. It is not surprising that in whatever field they work, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for this is the lack of self-control.
A developed sense of self-control allows you to keep a cool head, sober thoughts and an understanding that feelings can turn out to be false and lead to a dead end in any situation.
There are also situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. "The secret ... is to understand when to be one, when to be different!"
Self-controlled people deserve respect and authority. On the other hand, to many, they seem callous, heartless, "insensitive blockheads" and ... incomprehensible. Much more understandable to us are those who from time to time "indulge in all serious", "break down", lose control over themselves and commit unpredictable actions! Looking at them, and we do not seem so weak to ourselves. Moreover, it is not so easy to become restrained and strong-willed. So we ourselves and reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason, and not by feelings, is joyless, and therefore unhappy.
The fact that this is not so is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist the temptation of the moment are more successful and happy than those who are unable to cope with emotions.
The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist at Stanford University. It is also known as the "marshmallow test" because one of its main "characters" is an ordinary marshmallow.
The experiment, conducted in the 60s of the last century, involved 653 4-year-old children. They were taken one by one into a room where one marshmallow lay on a plate on the table. Each child was told that he could eat it right now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michelle Walter left the child alone for a few minutes and then returned. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before his return, and only 30 waited for it and received a second. Curiously, the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two more countries where it was carried out.
Michelle Walter followed the fate of his charges and 15 years later came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything and now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more educated and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves the quality of human life.
Yitzhak Pintosevich, who is called the “coach of success,” argues that those who have no control over themselves and their actions should forget about efficiency forever.
How to learn to manage yourself
1. Let's remember the "marshmallow dough"
30% of 4-year-olds already knew how. This character trait came to them "by nature" or their parents brought up this skill in them.
Someone said: “Do not bring up your children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself. " Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, and we ourselves arrange hysterics in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower in themselves, and we ourselves show weakness. We remind you that they must be punctual and we are late for work every morning.
Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying "weak points" - where exactly we allow ourselves to "dissolve."
2. Components of control
The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:
- Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
- You should control yourself systematically, and not from case to case;
- Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve the problem at such and such a time. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this among our colleagues. If we do not meet the announced time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount will serve as a good incentive not to be distracted by extraneous matters.
3. We write down the main goals facing us on a sheet and put (or hang) it in a prominent place
Every day we control how much we have managed to progress towards their implementation.
4. Putting things in order in our financial affairs
We keep credits under control, remember if we have debts that urgently need to be repaid, we reduce debit with credit. Our emotional state is quite dependent on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems in this area, the less we will have reasons to “lose our temper”.
5. We observe our reactions to events that cause strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our experiences
We imagine the worst option and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inappropriate and thoughtless behavior.
6. Doing the opposite
We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say "a couple of warm words" to him. Instead, we smile and compliment. If we feel offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, do not get angry, but rejoice for him and wish him a happy journey.
From the very morning we were overwhelmed by laziness, and - we turn on the music, and we take up some business. In short, we act contrary to what the emotion tells us.
7. A well-known phrase says: we cannot change circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them
We are surrounded by different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we meet with someone else's envy, anger, rudeness. It is necessary to come to terms with what we cannot influence.
8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation
Just as physical exercise develops the body, so meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, you can learn to avoid negative emotions, not to succumb to passions that interfere with a sober view of circumstances and can ruin your life. With the help of meditation, a person plunges into a state of calmness and attains harmony with himself.
Not everyone can master their own emotions perfectly. It is not always easy to properly respond to the emotional attacks of others, sometimes feelings are overwhelmed with such force that there is no way to stop them. And then the reaction comes out either too intense and inadequate, or even something that should not be turned on. Can you learn to manage your own emotional state? How to take control of your mood when you need it?
Here are 7 ways to tame the senses that will help you switch your inner lever to the right wave. In other words, we will teach you how to manage your emotions.
1. Keep a calm face
Surely you noticed how difficult it is for young children to control their own facial expressions? They grimace and move their eyebrows a lot, it is hard for them to restrain surprise or joy, so they lose their temper so quickly if something does not suit them or offends. Children can't control their face! Relax facial expressions, remove unnecessary folds, offended lips or eyebrows drawn together. You will be surprised how quickly this will align the internal state, return self-control and determination to act.
2. Relax the muscle clamps
Do you know why in the army, soldiers are trained to be collected and to keep to attention? Because the habit of keeping the body in a loose state, when the arms and legs live some kind of separate life, interferes with controlling oneself, makes a person weak and dependent. Evaluate yourself from the outside, are there any tightness in your body? Twitching your legs, tapping your toes, stooping, biting your lips betray you a person who is not used to controlling your body. Release the clamps, turn on the music, dance, relax, learn to track all body movements. This will make you master of the situation.
3. Learn to control thoughts
Thoughts are directly connected to the emotions we experience. We think about the bright and the good - we launch positive states in ourselves, we pay attention to the troubles - we automatically go into the negative. The wisdom is to remove the victim from the life role, learn to turn unforeseen problems into feasible tasks, including active and creative attitudes in your mind. Work with your inner beliefs and your emotional response will change too!
4. Master the practice of breath control
If emotions are already overwhelmed, and it is useless to change the vision of the situation, it is better to switch to the breathing rhythm and try to correct it. You should try to replace short and shallow breaths of air with slow and conscious inhalation and exhalation. For the completeness of the effect, you can familiarize yourself with yoga practices for adjusting breathing, which will help to restore the energy of the body as well. Their whole essence boils down to sharp exhalations of air from the chest.
5. Use the "key of emotions"
If resentment or anger has just begun to build up inside you, it is easy to remove them by choosing the right emotional keys - by changing the body pattern and face mask. How it works? Imagine yourself as an actor on stage who has been asked to act out emotions of joy, surprise, or indifference. What will you do? That's right, play. Clap your hands, smile, or express excitement. In real life, the same laws work: to soften the pressure of one emotion, switch your body to another. Relax, exhale, change your tone of voice, verbal formulations, remove the formidable expression on your face - and the inner state will also begin to level out. This is the key!
6. Get to know the technique of presence
Another way to remove body twitching and get out of a state of stress is to train mindfulness. This requires constant practice and a desire to analyze feelings, words and deeds. Imagine that you are your own psychologist, who closely monitors what his patient is doing, feeling and thinking. Try to keep track of what your attention is being sprayed on during the day, what bothers you or makes you happy, what causes this or that emotional reaction? Once you learn to identify the root causes of emotions, look at yourself from the outside, controlling your own involvement in the process, you will be able to control yourself.
7. Try to find inner benefits
Often emotions that arise unexpectedly and seem uncontrollable by the brain, we choose quite consciously, guided by some of our internal motives. For example, when we are offended by someone, we want to manipulate the person, demanding pleasant compensation. It is necessary to try to understand the root causes of emotions, why did we choose this particular feeling, how is it beneficial for us at this moment? Be honest with yourself, because even hysteria or anger has very specific motives. Only by realizing them can you change everything.
Remember, managing emotions is easy if you don't let things take their course and track the feelings as they arise. The main thing is a sincere desire to take control of the mood. Just set a task for yourself, and you will be surprised how quickly the body will understand who is the boss in its house.
This amazing source will give you the greatest energy for a quick breakthrough to success and self-realization when you learn to manage it using this method ...
Emotion is reaction systems on their assessment of the importance of impact for self-realization. If the impact is harmful and interferes with the achievement of the goal, then negative emotions arise. And if it is useful and allows or helps to achieve the goal, then positive emotions appear.
They can be called signals that notify the system about a change in state in the past (memories), present (current situation) or future (imaginary situation). They motivate the system to act in order to maintain its integrity, development, achievement of success, harmony and self-realization.
Emotions, as basic motives, give an initial impulse, a push that brings the system out of the state rest(calmness). They inspire, motivate, give energy to take action and change their state. Help you make decisions, overcome obstacles and act until the goal is achieved.
Depending on the content of the emotion, the system receives a different amount of energy, impulse of different strength. As a rule, positive emotions give more energy and last longer than negative ones (joy, happiness, enthusiasm ...). And negative emotions can completely deprive energy, immobilize, paralyze (fear, confusion ...), which can worsen the condition, especially in the presence of danger.
Emotions can become values that the system will try to consciously experience (become happier, have fun, admire ...). Then they will begin to influence decisions, goals, actions and relationships. But each system has its own values and emotion, which is valuable for one system, may be completely indifferent to another.
For example, if happiness is a value for a person, then he can do anything in order to experience it. But the other person may be indifferent to happiness, and do everything possible for a feeling, for example, surprise ...
Emotions make it possible to define right decisions made regarding the values, purpose and talent of the system, which affects its self-realization. Negative emotions signal danger, deterioration and deviation from the path of self-realization. Positive emotions inform about the improvement of the state, the approach or achievement of the goal, the correct movement along the path of self-realization. Therefore, it is important to be aware of your emotions, to process them, to consciously regulate your activities when negative emotions arise or for the emergence of positive ones.
Many depend on the definition and expression of emotion. quality systems: charisma, authority, persuasiveness, openness ... They most of all influence interaction, relationships and team formation.
Only by consciously and actively using emotions can you become an influential leader. His value, authority and trust in him are highly dependent on the emotions that he evokes in the entire team. Likewise for a company - the more vivid, positive emotions it evokes in the team and clients, the more valuable it becomes.
Concentrating emotions on relationship and motivating partners, you can get more resources from them and achieve more complex goals. Leaders who are sensitive to their own emotions and the emotions of team members create a more efficient work and creative environment, which leads to greater success. Research has shown that businesspeople who are more emotional and attentive to other people's emotions make more money.
It has been proven that in many cases, emotions are more determining thinking, activities and achievements than intellectual ability. Decisions can be made not on the basis of logical reasoning, rationality, justification and evidence, but on the basis of the emotions that are caused by the expected result of this decision.
For example, a person who chooses a new car can buy it not for its characteristics, reliability, safety, price / quality ratio ..., but for its color, comfortable seat, beautiful lighting in the cabin ... which evoke positive emotions in him.
Emotions are closely related to way of thinking and imagination... If in a situation you pay attention to its harmful consequences, then negative emotions will arise, and vice versa. And if you imagine a good situation leading to an improvement in your condition, then positive emotions will arise, and vice versa. Therefore, it is easier for a person who controls his intellect, thinking and imagination well to control his emotions, arousing some emotions in certain situations and suppressing others.
It is very important to be able to recognize and evaluate emotions for teachers (teachers, teachers, trainers ...) when learning other people, especially children, because they are poorly aware and control of their emotions.
The student's emotions and reactions allow the teacher to choose the most appropriate, correct teaching style and content of the transmitted experience. This significantly affects the level trust between student and teacher. And trust affects the student's commitment to the teacher and faith in the truth of the experience passed on to him. This is the main factor in whether the student will apply this experience in his activities or not, which is the main goal of the learning process.
The rise of emotions
Every emotion is bound to have a source- an external or internal stimulus that influenced the system and changed its state. Such sources can be:
- material systems (things, objects, equipment, tools, people, animals, plants ...)
- mental images (thoughts, ideas, memories ...)
- conditions, situations, circumstances in the environment
- rules, processes, principles, laws, norms ...
- values (freedom, harmony, comfort ...)
- your own state (facial expressions, body position, movements, voice ...)
Most often emotions arise in the following cases:
On perception current conditions that have an important impact on the system and shape the experience.
At remembering a situation that has evoked emotions in the past. You can recall such a situation on your own, on purpose, or when you find yourself in a similar situation. Also, memories can arise when there are elements in the current situation that evoke associations with that situation. Moreover, emotions and internal processes can become similar to those that were experienced in the past situation: heart rate, breathing, pressure ...
When simulating a situation in imagination, when you imagine conditions and processes that did not exist in reality, and assess their impact on your state.
5. . Because emotions contain information about what has happened, what is happening or a possible change in state, then they can be used when making decisions. This will determine the most effective and successful way to achieve goals. And by controlling your own and others' emotions, you can form a certain behavior that will help you act in the right direction.
Goleman's model includes the following EI capabilities:
1.personal (internal):
- self-awareness- the ability to determine and identify their state, emotions, personal resources, desires and goals;
- self-regulation- the ability to control and manage your emotions, with their help to change your personal state, make decisions and perform actions;
- motivation- emotional stress and concentration, helping to define important goals and effectively achieve them;
2.social (external):
- empathy- awareness of the emotions and needs of other people, the ability to listen, and not just hear;
- social skills- the art of evoking a certain reaction in others, managing the relationships and emotions of other people, organizing effective interaction ...
This model is hierarchical, assuming that some abilities are based on others. For example, self-awareness is necessary for self-regulation - it is impossible to control your emotions without being able to identify them. And knowing how to manage emotions, you can easily motivate yourself and quickly move to the desired state ...
Emotional intelligence development
This increases the sensitivity to your own and other people's emotions, allows you to manage and motivate yourself to increase personal efficiency and success.
The development of emotional intelligence is based on the following principles:
expand the comfort zone, get into new conditions in which new emotions can arise, for example, visiting new places, traveling ...;
analyze and be aware of these new emotions as soon as they arise;
repeat situations in which emotions arise in order to better determine their influence on activities, their reaction when they arise and try to control them;
deliberately stop negative emotions in certain situations that cause them;
deliberately arouse emotions in ordinary situations in which these emotions did not arise;
determine the emotions of other people. To do this, you can study how emotions are expressed (for example, study the book by P. Ekman, W. Friesen "Recognize a Liar by the Facial Expression"), or simply ask how a person feels when you assume that he has an emotion ...
stir up emotions in other people. For example, with the help of stories, anecdotes, metaphors ... It is necessary to determine the correspondence between the impact and the emerging emotion, consciously repeat this impact so that the same emotion appears in different people.
For the effective development of emotional intelligence, you can apply the following methods:
Education
At any age, in any field, at any time, it is important to continue your learning and self-study. Moreover, the more expensive it is, the more professional and successful the teachers / trainers / mentors from whom you study, the more impact this training will have on all spheres of life and on personal qualities, including EI. At the same time, first of all, it is advisable to study general, humanities (philosophy, psychology, natural science, biology ...) in order to better know the world and your place in it, including gaining knowledge about emotional processes. And after realizing yourself, your talent and destiny, choose a narrow area of development, your profession, corresponding to your vocation, and become a recognized expert in it.
Reading quality literature
For development in any area, it is extremely important to read books, practical guides, magazines, articles as much as possible ... But it is even more important to analyze and apply information from them in practice. It is also important to choose high-quality literature - popular, secular, news materials in the overwhelming majority of cases do not affect development in any way, but only take time and clog up memory. Books and manuals written by professionals, recognized experts, have a completely different effect: they provide important, verified information, allow you to form personal principles, behavior, goals, expand the paradigm, but most importantly - motivate you to take action. Therefore, for the development of EI, it is important to choose quality books, for example, Daniel Goleman "Emotional Intelligence".
Keeping a diary
Introspection is one of the main abilities of EI. And the materialization of thoughts during the introspection of one's own and others' emotions makes this process the most effective. In the diary, you can write down any situations that caused emotions, describe your feelings, identify and classify emotions, draw conclusions, how you could react in a similar situation next time. For convenient diary keeping, you can use the Personal Diaries service.
Development of qualities
You can improve individual components of EI - qualities described in EI models, such as self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, etc. How to improve them is described in the method Development of personal qualities.
Travels
This is the most effective way to expand your comfort zone because you find yourself in a completely new environment that you did not even imagine. And this can give the most powerful, vivid, new emotions that have never been heard of before. They can be learned to manage and use in the same familiar conditions, which will give additional motivation, energy to carry out ordinary activities and achieve new goals. Travel can also lead to a change in value systems, which also changes emotions and their impact on activities. For example, having visited poor countries, you can begin to appreciate more familiar things: food, water, electricity, technology ..., get more pleasure from using them, start using them more rationally, more economically.
Flexibility
When making decisions, you can use not only your experience, your point of view, but also take into account the opinion of those who may be influenced by this decision, and seek compromises. This will avoid the emergence of negative emotions and, due to the environmental friendliness of the decision, can cause positive emotions in everyone who participated in its adoption and implementation. The opposite of this approach is called rigidity, when you act only on the basis of your experience. Then the chances are high that the solution will not be environmentally friendly and cause unpredictable harm.
Communication
Very often, emotions arise during normal communication. Chatting with new acquaintances or old friends on new topics, you can experience new emotions. By evaluating and managing them during a conversation, you can significantly change its results. For example, during negotiations, if you flare up, you can lose potential clients or partners. And if you evoke strong positive emotions in the interlocutor, then you can get much more resources from him than expected, for example, more money from the sponsor.
Creation
Creating something new, unique, guarantees positive emotions. And the creation of masterpieces, something that will be of interest, demand, for which others will be grateful - this is perhaps the main source of the most powerful, positive emotions that a person can experience in his life. The more grandiose creation you create, the more new and powerful emotions arise.
Victories, awards, success
New emotions often arise when achieving goals, participating in competitions, training in front of them, or even ordinary arguments. And the moment of winning and receiving an award always arouses strong positive emotions. And the more important the victory, the more difficult it was to achieve it, the more resources were spent on it and the greater the reward, the stronger emotions arise.
All of these methods create emotional experience, which is the foundation for managing emotions. Without this experience, it is impossible to consciously arouse or inhibit emotions. It creates a clear picture of what emotions can arise in response to certain changes, how they can affect the state and activity, and what can be done to get rid of harmful and arouse beneficial emotions.
The development of emotional intelligence makes it possible motivate and persuade other people on a deeper, value-based level than can be done by words and deeds. This greatly improves relationships, which speeds up the achievement of common goals and self-realization.
The ideal development of EI leads to the emergence emotional competence- the ability to be aware of and manage any, even unknown emotions in any conditions. It allows you to determine the impact on the activity of new, not previously experienced emotions, even if you have never heard of them, and to manage them. It also allows you to control emotions of any, even the highest intensity, reduce or increase it to the desired level. It also acts as a protective barrier that prevents it from exploding and causing harm.
To determine the current level of development of your EI, you can use the following tests:
Emotional development coefficient
Emotional intelligence
Emotion recognition
Attitude towards others
Because all emotional processes significantly affect the activity of the system, it is important to be able to manage these processes in order to improve their condition, develop, act effectively, successfully achieve goals and self-actualize.
Reduced to the following main processes:
- the excitement of a useful emotion, i.e. transition from a calm to an active state;
- extinguishing a harmful emotion, i.e. transition from an active to a calm state;
- change in the intensity of emotion.
These processes also apply to the system itself, i.e. management of personal emotions, and to other systems, i.e. management of other people's emotions.
Managing emotions effectively is only possible when you realize them, you can consciously determine the moment of their occurrence and correctly identify them. To do this, it is necessary to accumulate emotional experience, repeatedly find yourself in situations that arouse a certain emotion. Without this, management can lead to an inadequate change in their intensity (for example, they wanted to extinguish an emotion, but on the contrary, it intensified), it can be completely useless or even cause harm.
An important role in the management of emotions is played by imagination... The better it is developed, the more realistic and large-scale images and situations it can create, in which emotions will be the most vivid and intense. You can improve your imagination with imagination training.
Also affects the management of emotions memory... The better it is developed and the more emotional experience it has, the more vivid memories you can get from it. You can improve your memory with memory training.
Because emotions are closely related to by will, then the stronger it is, the easier it is to manage emotions. Therefore, one of the ways to manage emotions is to develop will, perseverance and self-discipline. You can improve them using the Self-Discipline Training method.
When managing your emotions, it is important to adhere to the following principles:
If at the moment you are experiencing one emotion and want to excite another, then you must first to repay current, going into a calm state, and only after that excite the necessary one.
It is necessary to consciously manage their external expression: facial expressions, movements of arms, legs, body as a whole, its position, gestures, voice ... For example, for joy to arise, it is usually enough just to smile. To extinguish anger, you can freeze, sigh and put on a normal, calm expression on your face.
For excitement emotions need incentives. They can be obtained through the following channels:
- visual: see the source of emotions (for example, a beautiful landscape), imagine it, go to certain conditions, situations, watch a movie, a picture ...;
- auditory: strangers and their own words, thoughts (inner voice), voice volume, speech rate, music, sounds ...;
- kinesthetic: facial expressions, body movements and position, gestures, breathing ...
Congruent, the coordinated use of all these channels at the same time allows you to most quickly excite even the most powerful emotion. Moreover, for maximum efficiency, it is recommended to use them in the same sequence: visual (draw a picture in the mind), auditory (add words, music ...) and then kinesthetic (make an appropriate facial expression, take a certain pose ...)
For example, you can simultaneously imagine or remember a situation in which you experienced joy, turn on joyful music, say "I am fun, joyful, cool" and actively dance, then you can experience very strong joy, perhaps even delight.
But if, using all channels, one of them, for example, kinesthetic, will be controversial emotion (not congruent), then the general state may not change or even become the opposite of the desired one.
For example, if you want to experience joy, imagine a picture, listen to music, but the body is very lethargic, the expression on your face is sad, sad or even angry, then emotions may arise negative, not positive.
Thus, in order to arouse a certain emotion, one can recall the situation in which it arose in the past. Recall the details of what was around, what actions they performed, what words and sounds were heard, what they felt in the body, what were the thoughts ... If the experience of experiencing the necessary emotion is absent or forgotten, then the emotion cannot be aroused in this way. Then you can consciously create the conditions in which this emotion can arise, and get the missing emotional experience.
Also, to arouse a certain emotion, you can introduce a visual image (picture) of a situation in which this emotion could arise in reality. In the absence of emotional experience, it is difficult to determine in which imaginary situation which emotion will arise. Then you need to accumulate this experience - to move into new conditions, to participate in new situations that can give new emotions. With this experience, it will be possible to identify the basic elements of conditions and situations that arouse a certain emotion and use them in imagination.
For example, if in many situations when joy arose, a certain person was present or a certain resource was received, then analogous elements can be used in an imaginary situation and the emotion will arise again.
For excitement of other people's emotions, you need to make the same channels work for another person. For example, so that he remembers a situation or presents it. To do this, you can use open-ended questions, stories or metaphors that will create a certain image in the person's mind or evoke memories.
For example, in order for a person to experience joy, you can ask him: "What was your happiest day in your life?" Or you can say: "Do you remember when you first came to the sea, remember how happy you were then ...". Or: "And imagine that you are in the most heavenly place on earth, next to you are the people closest to you ... What would you feel then?" Then the person will immediately have images and memories that will evoke emotions.
To to repay emotion, you need to go into a calm state using the following methods:
- relax, stop moving, sit or lie comfortably;
- focus on your breathing, start breathing slower and deeper, hold it for a few seconds after inhaling ...;
- change the voice, decrease its volume, speak more slowly or stop speaking altogether for a short period;
- imagine or recall a situation in which you experience maximum safety, comfort, coziness, warmth.
To extinguish other people's emotions, you can ask to perform these actions (in no case to force, unless, of course, it came to affect with harmful consequences). For example, you can say in a calm voice: "Calm down, take a deep breath, sit down, drink some water ...". If a person does not want to calm down, then you can try to switch his attention. For example, again, you can tell a story, a metaphor, ask an open-ended question ...
To learn how to change intensity specific emotion, you can apply the following method:
1. Completely realize this emotion, identify, classify, determine the sensations that it evokes in the body, what actions it motivates, determine its sources, remember the situations in which it arose, or be in such a situation in order to experience it vividly. This will take an emotional experience.
2. I use scale from 1 to 100%, imagine what this emotion would be at maximum intensity (at 100%). Imagine what sensations would be in the body, what actions I would like to perform, how intensely to act ...
3. Determine current level this emotion at the moment on the scale.
4. Moving small steps(5-10% each) up this scale, change the intensity of this emotion in the body. To do this, you can simply imagine how the value on the scale increases and its intensity increases. Or, you can imagine / remember situations in which this emotion was more intense. It is important that the changes are felt in the body, the activity changes. If there are difficulties in the transition to a higher intensity, then you can reduce the step, for example, increase the intensity by 2-3%.
5. Reaching maximum intensity, you need to start decreasing the intensity to 0, using a step of 5-10%. To do this, you can also imagine moving down the scale or imagine / remember situations with a lesser intensity of this emotion.
6. Then you need to reach 100% again, then again to 0% ... And continue this process until you get quickly change the intensity of an emotion with its real expression in the body.
7. To consolidate the skill, you can go to a certain intensity, for example, by 27%, by 64%, by 81%, by 42% ... The main thing is that there is a clear sensation of emotion in the body.
For mood management it is enough to know their causes and take measures to eliminate them (to get rid of a bad mood) or create (to make the mood good). These reasons usually include:
- internal processes and state: sickly or healthy, cheerful or drowsy ...
For example, if you are in a bad mood, you might find out that you are sick. Then, to raise the mood, it will be enough to take medication, go to the doctor ... and recover.
- environment: comfort or disorder, noise or silence, clean air or unpleasant odors, pleasant or annoying people ...
For example, if there is a mess, discomfort at the workplace, then there may be a bad mood. Then you can clean up, bring beauty and cleanliness.
- relationship: the mood of other people is transmitted to the person.
For example, if you meet a friend and talk to him pleasantly, your mood improves. And if you meet a person with an evil expression on his face, who is also naughty from scratch, then the mood may deteriorate. Then you can simply stop contact with such a person and chat with someone who is pleasant.
- thoughts and images: By remembering or imagining situations, they arouse the corresponding emotions. Therefore, to improve your mood, you can imagine or remember an incident that caused positive emotions.
For example, remembering a funny incident or a happy moment in your life. Or imagine a trip in a beautiful car that you have been dreaming of for a long time. Or, for example, an athlete, thinking before the competition about possible injuries, defeat, etc., will have a bad mood. Then you can think about a victory, a reward, etc., to improve your mood.
- desires and goals: reaching an important goal, the mood can be good, and if there are unresolved problems, then it can worsen.
For example, to cheer up, you can set yourself a goal that you really want to achieve. Or you can solve a long-standing problem that caused discomfort or prevented you from moving towards a desired goal.
Also a significant plus of emotion management is success in all areas of life. Indeed, in this case, there is no harm at all with strong emotional "outbursts" and there is always energy to achieve any goal.
In any case, even if emotions are not used for development and self-realization, they are still necessary for ordinary life in order to be in a good mood, tone, be happy, feel joy even from little things and share your emotions with loved ones.
Develop your emotions and manage them, then your success, your happiness and your self-realization will be inevitable.