It would be much easier for people to achieve their diverse goals if they learned to communicate constructively. In our world, everything is based on communication: family, business, self-development, interaction with society, and if you learn the basics of constructive dialogue, then shorten your path to success at least several times.
What is constructive dialogue (CD) and how does it differ from usual?
The main difference in these concepts lies in the purpose for which the conversation is generally conducted, and, of course, in the style of the dialogue itself. Normal conversation is about information exchange and emotional outburst.
The goal of constructive dialogue is the orderly finding of the truth, which forms a clear human outlook.
Remember the difference! If you see a conversation in front of you that is not aimed at any goal, then this is common chatter. Such chatter is aimed solely at the exchange of information without understanding it. Which means as a result of this chatter, the person has only emotions: positive or negative depending on the communication style.
The main difference between a constructive dialogue lies in the mutual desire to achieve a common view and full understanding, and until the goal is achieved, the interlocutors do not stop their communication. And that means that as a result of such a dialogue, a person should form some kind of awareness that will improve his quality of life.
From this same difference follows the next sign - orderly and respectful communication.
People are able to openly discuss issues only when they feel attentive involvement from the interlocutor. Any shouting, sarcasm, grinning or inattention obscure the desire to communicate, and thereby violate the main goal of a constructive dialogue - mutual finding of truth.
From this day on, we will begin with you to analyze the basic tips that develop constructive communication skills. And the first advice, with which we begin our excursion, is ...
Ability to hear!
This is a very simple rule, and yet it is rarely followed. Yes, yes, you think that hear your interlocutor, but often you just listen... And this is not the same thing at all.
Admit it honestly, you are used to taking the interlocutor's thought on the fly and, having recognized only the first words, strive to give a quick answer. Why waste time if you already have a clear idea? Now ask yourself a question: are you ready to guarantee that you really understand the essence?
Or do you just consider it as such, because you previously talked about the same topic with other people?
Our past communication experience in many ways imposes perception on certain topics. What you mean by the words “I know in advance what you’ll say” means that the course of a similar conversation from the past is already recorded in your memory. And you are literally trying to walk along the same path with a new interlocutor, without plunging attention into the essence of his speeches. In this case, you do not consider the fact that his ideas may differ significantly from those of your past interlocutor.
Thus, people come to a clash, in which one of the participants in the conversation is closed from constantly interrupting his thoughts by the second interlocutor, and the other is very pleased that he was able to answer in advance the questions not yet asked to him.
Even if you are really convinced that all the thoughts and ideas of the interlocutor are familiar to you, do not rush to answer him with ready-made answers. His thoughts and ideas are based on his picture of the world, which may be incomplete or, conversely, overwhelmed with false facts. This means that until you discuss his picture of the world and can not jointly correct it to a single vision, your ready-made answers will be regarded as something "tricky, alien".
Learn to listen carefully to the interlocutor - this is the only way you can see his picture of the world!
This is the first step towards understanding each other. This is the only way you can truly recognize the thoughts and ideas of the other person. And if they are already familiar to you, but you do not agree with them, then only through attentive listening will you get the opportunity to see the picture of a person's world, and find in it the keys to a single view of the world.
If you don’t believe yourself, you don’t believe others either. If you don't believe yourself, that disbelief reflects on those around you. In other words, you attract untrustworthy people and situations. And if you believe in yourself and your actions, then others will accept your attitude.
If you are having experiences that you don't like, then you are blocked from within. It is worth eliminating this block, and at the same moment everything falls into place.
Basic counterintentions:
—I'm not good enough. Nobody loves me. Since you think you don't deserve friendship or love, you don't try to get close to people, and therefore you don't find yourself either friends or loved ones.
—It's impossible... Even realizing that the goals that you would like to set for yourself have more than once been achieved by many other people, you may consider them unattainable for yourself simply because you think that you lack some necessary qualities, knowledge, tools or resources. This happens on a subconscious level automatically, and as a result, you often reject an idea without even considering it properly.
—Tunnel vision... People with this counter-intent believe that there is only one solution to a problem and only one way to accomplish a given task. If your answer begins with the words "Yes, but ...", it means that this counter-intention is peculiar to you, and you believe that success can be achieved only in one way or another. Thus, you block all other paths to achieving goals.
—Nothing will come of it anyway... A person often fails, not because it is inevitable, but because he believes in failure.
There is nothing special about me. The person is always responsible for their successes and failures, but with this counter-intention it is much easier to blame someone else for your unenviable position, instead of making the right choices that can lead you to success.
Self-image is how you perceive yourself in relation to other people. This is the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you are capable of. Self-image is very important as it directly affects your self-esteem and self-confidence. The image includes:
what do you think about your appearance;
how others perceive you;
-what do you think of yourself as a person;
what other people think of you from your point of view;
- how much you like yourself and how much, in your opinion, other people like you.
To develop positive self-esteem, it is necessary to develop a positive attitude towards yourself and the world around you, value yourself highly and treat other people responsibly. Self-esteem is not narcissism, but self-respect.
Enough! You must take responsibility for everything that happens in your life! You are responsible for any events in your life. Stop feeling like a victim. Stop blaming the world around you. There are many great opportunities around, but for some hidden reason, you will not realize them.
You always attract exactly the kind of energy with which you are harmonized., and if this energy is negative, then it is the negative that you will receive.
One way to change negative beliefs about yourself is to change your mental habits... Mental habits are internal dialogues that you have over and over.
Examples of negative mental habits: “I’m not a leader by nature, so I cannot start my own business,” “I have a wide bone, so I won’t become graceful,” “My parents have also always lived from paycheck to paycheck, so what can I expect push?".
And there are also positive mental habits: “I love myself the way I am”, “I expect miracles every day, and therefore something good constantly happens to me”, “The universe loves me!”.
Most people have built their beliefs about what they can and cannot do based on fairly minor events.
What we become is not determined by what is given to us from birth. For the same reason we cannot blame others for our successes and failures, for this is a direct road to irresponsibility and helplessness. Better to change yourself and your attitude towards other people. This is the path to happiness and success.
The first step to breaking the helpless mindset is to clear the mind of negative dialogue generated by internal programming... Whenever you have a negative thought, stop your mind and remove that thought from it. Now you have full opportunity to replace this negative thought with a positive one. When negative thoughts pile on top of one another, over time, you can break your spirit. Therefore, if you only release some of them and ignore others, it can lead to depression and self-pity.
So why do you still have a hard time living? Why do you try new methods of achieving your goals and fail over and over again? One of the reasons is the idea of \u200b\u200bcontrol. We all like to think that we are in control of our own little corner of the world. In order to gain control, we equip comfort zones, establish rules and draw boundaries - sometimes without even realizing it all. It is possible that you have built protective walls around yourself that actually limit your accomplishments and prevent any attempts to go beyond them.
Destructive internal dialogues fall into three main categories: regret, indecision, and fear.
"Oh, I'm a poor thing"
If you meet every difficulty with the words: "Oh, I'm a poor thing," then the result will be your life - sheer misfortune. If you tend to see yourself as a victim of events, rather than a participant in them, it weakens your ability to solve problems, and you may end up spending your entire life as a victim.
Often a person who has fallen into a vicious circle of thinking "Oh, I'm a poor thing" says something like this:
- My boss always underestimates me;
- I am constantly forced to spin like a squirrel in a wheel - I don't even have time to rest;
- For some reason, every man I meet always turns out to be a complete insignificance;
- My wife seems to think that I paint money;
“It’s not easy to find a job now, so I hold on to what I have. Etc. in this spirit.
The next time you catch yourself complaining, "Oh, I'm a poor thing," try to take on some of the responsibility for what is happening by starting each sentence with the pronoun "I":
- I made a choice in favor of staying in this job, although I am extremely dissatisfied with it.
- I allow family members to put me in a difficult financial situation, because I'm afraid to refuse.
- I make a choice in favor of dating men who are obviously not suitable for me, because I am afraid of a serious relationship.
- I love it when people sympathize with my hardships.
Master of excuses
Another type of destructive behavior that limits your belief in yourself is the "justification master." A master of excuses is extraordinary inventive when it comes to avoiding or postponing moving towards his goals. Usually his excuses look something like this:
- I'm too tired.
- I do not have much time.
- I have too many responsibilities.
- I'm too old.
- I'm too busy.
- I'm too young. Etc.
Take responsibility and stop making excuses!
We all live in certain comfort zones, and if an individual within one comfort zone reaches a new level, others inevitably try to drag him back.
Regret
Regret haunts everyone from time to time. Perhaps you regret unfinished business, a broken relationship, or unfulfilled plans. Regret floods a person's thoughts, causing him to hesitate or be overly cautious. These thoughts are especially harmful to those who, on the basis of them, you form your personal history, when they begin to think about all these "what if ...". For instance,
What if:
- Would I agree to this job?
- Would I accept this business offer?
- Would I be more thrifty when I was young?
- I wouldn't give in to provocation and make this stupid mistake?
- Would I keep my thoughts to myself?
- I wouldn't say (do) it?
- Would I graduate from university?
These kinds of destructive dialogues only get worse over time. If you don't learn to free yourself from them and let go of your past, this dialogue will continue to grow, depriving you of the present and destroying the future.
Indecision
Indecision is common in many people. Although our life is full of events that can be regarded as positive, many people perceive their life from a negative perspective. For example, when family troubles or financial difficulties arise, they fall into a paralytic daze. Fearing to make the wrong decision, they don't make any decisions at all and watch their lives spiral out of control. Moreover, their negative dialogue looks like this:
- The boss filled me up with tasks. How can I get it all out?
- I'm in debt and can't pay my bills. What to do?
- I lost my job. What should I say to my wife?
- I just finished my studies. I have a lot of debt and no work. So what's next?
The main weapon in dealing with indecision is focused intention. Focus on solutions.
Take a piece of paper and make a list of every possible solution that comes to your mind. Then ask family and friends what solutions they might suggest. Once you allow yourself to explore your possibilities, you take a step forward. With this exercise, you will find solutions much faster than if you just sit and worry.
The key to solving everyday life problems is to force yourself to move forward - even if you are indecisive.
The technique of freeing "Ho`oponopono".
This technique (described in the book at the link below) is based on the idea that we ourselves are responsible for everything in our life - even if it seems to us that the source of what is happening is somewhere outside of us. And only by loving ourselves, we can recognize this responsibility and change our own life through the cleansing and healing of our higher self. This can be done simply by repeating the words:
-I love you.
-I'm sorry.
-Please forgive me.
-Thanks.
The main idea is to accept everything that comes into your life. Instead of blaming other people or circumstances for things, you take full responsibility. In the beginning, you remind yourself that you are worthy of love, and love helps you to ask yourself for forgiveness for events in your life and to let go of those events. Only by accepting full responsibility can you attract true miracles into your life.
To comprehend the true power of this ancient knowledge, you just need to abandon negative reactions, take responsibility for everything that happens and realize that you can influence your own and others' worldview.
According to Joe Vitale's book - “Wait for miracles! The missing secret to true success. "
Communication with people takes an important place in our life. Without him, love and family relationships, friendship, work, business would not be possible. As a rule, people who possess the skill of constructive communication achieve great success in their personal and professional life. But how do you learn to communicate constructively? What does the concept of "constructive conversation" mean in general? You can find answers to these and other questions in our article.
In order to understand what constructive conversation means, you must first learn the meaning of the word "constructive". Constructive is actions or reactions that are aimed at solving problematic tasks, normalizing relations and improving a difficult situation. The opposite of a constructive is destructive. If a person uses profanity, insults, groundlessly accuses other people (that is, engages in activities that take time and lead nowhere) - this is destructive.
What is the difference between constructive dialogue and casual conversation?
We think you already roughly understand what a constructive conversation or dialogue means. But this raises another question: how does constructive communication differ from ordinary communication? Well, let's try to figure it out.
The main difference between these concepts lies in the purpose for which the conversation is being conducted, and, of course, in the style of the conversation itself. The essence of a constructive conversation is the orderly finding of the truth that shapes a person's worldview. A conversation that has no purpose is just chatter. Such chatter is aimed only at the exchange of information between people. This means that as a result of the dialogue, a person has only positive or negative emotions.
A characteristic feature of a constructive conversation is a mutual desire to achieve mutual understanding, and until this goal is achieved, the interlocutors will continue to communicate. This means that upon completion of such a dialogue, a person's point of view should change about a certain issue.
Rule # 1
Orderly and respectful communication is the basis of constructive conversation. People are able to openly discuss issues only if they see that the interlocutor is closely involved in the conversation. Ridicule, shouting, sarcasm or banal inattention simply discourage the desire to communicate, and thereby violate the main task of a constructive conversation - finding a result that would suit both parties.
This is an extremely simple rule, which, unfortunately, is not always followed. Some may say, "I'm definitely not like that. I always listen to the interlocutor." Perhaps this is true. But "listening to the interlocutor" and "hearing the interlocutor" are completely different things.
Below we will share with you other important rules that every person who wants to learn to speak constructively needs to know.
Time frame
The most important thing in solving a particular problem is its timeliness. Very often people start talking about what has already happened: "You didn't take out the trash yesterday"; "You should have told me about it immediately after it happened"; "You should have brought this a week ago." Such phrases will not solve the problem. They will lead to the fact that the person begins to get out and look for excuses.
Remember that the past cannot be changed. You can influence the present and the future. Talking about the past is only appropriate when you are discussing mistakes that should be avoided in the future. For example, if your child does not do his homework on time, you must first understand the root of the problem: he did not understand the task, did not have time due to the load of other subjects, or did he just not want to do them? By identifying the root cause of the problem, you can prevent it in the future.
Choosing the right interlocutor
Subordinates discuss among themselves the decisions of their management: some are not satisfied with the reduction of the time allotted for lunch break, others - the air conditioner that does not work in the heat, the third - the absence of a trash can in the office, etc. If they just discuss it among themselves, then in the end they will not achieve anything. With such questions, it would be more constructive to contact your superiors directly (if there is a specific proposal).
Using facts
Quite often we hear the following phrases: "You don't understand anything about this"; "I'm sure it will be more correct this way"; "I know better". On the one hand, a person wants to give weight to his opinion, but in fact, such phrases are absolutely groundless and have no argumentation under them. It so happened that people do not always know how to correctly use the available facts.
For example, to the question: "Why should we fly to rest in country" A ", and not in country" B "?" the answer follows: "Because I think so." This phrase is familiar to many married couples. It's just not entirely clear what exactly the spouse means by this. Is vacation in country "A" cheaper? Or is the nature and conditions better there? Never forget about specifics and arguments!
Solve the problem, do not change the interlocutor
In life, many people very often try to change those around them for themselves. You should try to get rid of such a trait as quickly as possible. Realizing that you are unlikely to be able to change the other person can prevent a huge number of problems that may appear in the foreseeable future.
You have a specific task ahead of you. Consider the problem that we mentioned earlier - the child does not have time to complete his homework. In such a situation, you do not need to break your child and try to re-educate him in a rather rude form. A child may not do homework not only because he is a bully and a bum. He may be too busy training. Or his tutors take a lot of his time, and because of this he simply does not have time to work on other subjects. There is a possibility that he simply does not understand this or that topic. As you can see, there can be many reasons. The main thing is to identify the problem and try to solve it.
Constructive criticism
What is constructive conversation? We think we have already figured out this issue. Now is the time to consider the concept of "constructive criticism" as it is inextricably linked to constructive conversation. As you may have already understood, constructive criticism is a balanced and reasoned criticism, in which there are no insults and other signs of destructiveness.
If you want the person to take note of your comments and correct their mistakes, there should be no aggression in your criticism. On the contrary, the conversation should be conducted in a positive tone. Structure of constructive criticism:
- Praise.
- To criticize.
- Praise.
Now let's take a look at this all with an example. Let's say you are the head of a department. One of your subordinates, who has never let you down before, did not complete the work plan. Let's imagine that his name is Igor. How to act in such a situation?
- Start with a positive rating. Example: "Igor, you have shown good results over the past months. Thanks to hard work and perseverance, you have become one of the best employees in our department." Hearing such approving words, your subordinate will be ready to discuss points that need to be finalized.
- Discuss what needs change and improvement. Example: "At the same time, you still have room to grow. This month you have fulfilled the plan only halfway. Let's discuss what you can do to improve this indicator next month."
- End the conversation on a positive note. Example: "I think with your abilities it will not be difficult for you to solve this problem."
This is where we propose to end our article. Now you know what constructive conversation means, and how it is worth leading your personal life and at work. We hope that our publication was interesting to you and you learned a lot of informative information!
B.O.F.F., SOI, SLC and "sandwich". Feedback Models
In this article, we will deal with several models that allow a successful leader to build a constructive dialogue with an employee. After all, feedback in the workflow is important for both parties. For convenience, we will use examples.
Feedback "sandwich"
The most famous model - and widely used. Easy to understand, easy to remember, easy to use.
Description: the developmental feedback block is located between the two positive feedback blocks. Hence the name "sandwich". It is used in conversations on setting goals, adjusting results, and developing employees. Usually not used for disciplinary conversations, situations involving violations, non-performance of duties, where correction of employee behavior is required.
Situation: Sergey, an employee of the sales department, fulfilled the plan on two indicators (sales volume and the number of active customers). However, the goal of selling a new product is only 50% fulfilled.
Example:
1. Start with a positive assessment.
“Sergey, it is pleasant to note that this month you entered the group of the best sellers who fulfilled the sales target by 100%. I see that you had to work hard and improve relationships with many clients - you are also among the leaders in terms of the number of active clients ”. After such approving words, the employee will be ready to discuss areas of work that require improvement.
2. Discuss what needs improvement and change, agree on an action plan.
“At the same time, there is still room to grow. Pay attention to the sales of the new brand. This month you have completed only half of what you planned. It is now important for the company to bring this product to the market. Let's discuss what you can do to improve this indicator next month. ” Note, there is no criticism. There is dialogue and constructive discussion.
3. End the conversation in a positive way.
“Excellent, the plan has been agreed, now we are acting. I am sure that with your ability to work with clients, this task is within your reach. Remember: if you increase sales of a new brand, you will be able to become one of the top three winners in the competition that is currently underway. If you need help, come in. "
B.O.F.F.
Description: abbreviation of the initial letters of the English name of the four steps of the model. Behavior - Outcome - Feelings - Future.
Situation: a new employee of the customer service department, Irina, regularly violates the standards of quality service, namely: she does not greet customers, is rude, ignores customer requests, does not answer phone calls, is delayed during lunch breaks.
Example:
- Behavior. Tell Irina your observations about her work. Specifically, in the language of facts, preferably with details, dates of observations. Discuss the reasons. Sometimes it happens that an employee is not fully aware of what is expected of him.
- Outcome. Discuss with Irina how her behavior (irritation and rudeness when working with clients, ignoring requests, long absence from the workplace after a break) affects business results, the number of complaints from clients, and the number of clients served.
- Feelings. Tell me how you feel knowing that Irina works this way. You are upset, upset, not very happy, it is unpleasant for you to realize. Discuss how other employees feel when Irina is away from work for a long time and they have to work with additional workload. Thus, you will help Irina realize the unacceptability of her behavior.
- Future (Future). Talk with Irina about what she can do in the future to eliminate this behavior. It is best to ask questions and get answers from the employee. This will allow her to take responsibility for decisions and actions in the future. At the end of the conversation, agree on specific actions and deadlines - outline a plan for the future. And it is very advisable to schedule a date for the meeting at which you will sum up the work on yourself that Irina will do.
SOI
Description: Standard - Observation - Result.
Situation: Andrey, an employee of the technical support center, did not respond to a request for troubleshooting from the business development department.
Example:
- Standard (Standard). Remind about established standards. “For the second year in a row, our department has been using a standard of rapid response - any request must be answered within 15 minutes. This does not mean that the malfunction will necessarily be eliminated within these 30 minutes, but our customer will receive an answer that the application has been accepted and we have started working. "
- Observation - State facts and observations. “The customer did not receive a response to the application that came to you yesterday at 10:25 from the business development department until today. The malfunction has not been eliminated: there is still no access to the system ”.
- Result. Discuss the impact of the behavior on the business, team, customers, employee. “As a result, the business development department had to postpone negotiations with a large client yesterday, they could not get the information necessary for preparation. This is an important client for the company, and we have no guarantees, they will not start negotiations with competitors because of our sluggishness. "
It makes sense that the next step would be for the employee to make a commitment to change their own behavior.
SLC
Description: Successes - Learn - Change. This feedback model fits well into team work: the work of project teams in summing up the final or intermediate results, team meetings.
Situation: The project team has completed the first phase of the development of the new system.
Example:
Ask each member of the project team to mark the 2 most important personal accomplishments of the project, 1 the most important lesson they learned, and 1 change to be made in the second phase of the project. Then let everyone give their opinion. List and select the 5 most important achievements, 2 lessons and 1 most important change. The number of items in the list may vary depending on the situation, the size of the project team.
Of course, there are many other ways to build a conversation with an employee. This article provides an overview of the most well-known and successfully applied feedback models.
Vladimir Belyaev
Hello dear ladies and gentlemen! Man is a social being. We constantly interact with other people: at home, at work, in the store and so on. Communication often comes down to simple chatter, "how are you", "what's new". But sometimes we need to solve an important problem and there is no room for empty talk. Here we need a constructive dialogue. It is not always possible to speak competently, not all people know how to hear each other, and often two people talk about completely different things. Today I offer you the necessary conditions for constructive communication.
What is constructive communication
More often than not, we just want to chat with a friend, have a good time and carry ourselves away with a casual conversation. But what to do when we are faced with a difficult task that requires a solution? Then we resort to constructive conversation that helps to find a solution, leads to a final choice, and suggests a direction for the successful completion of the task.
At work, we are more likely to engage in constructive communication than at home. But even at home, we must be able to use the right dialogue when necessary. Agree, destructive communication with your child will not lead to progress. This interaction includes screaming and quarreling, untimely and unfair punishment.
Competent communication is aimed at finding a solution to the problem that faced us. Choosing a kindergarten for a child, buying a car, choosing wallpaper for the bedroom.
Any everyday conversation can be conducted in two ways: simple ranting and healthy dialogue.
In the first case, partners do not hear each other, they just express their opinion, speak for the sake of conversation. Here it is rarely possible to come to a joint solution, the problem is most often not solved and starts to drift.
The second option allows parents to decide together the future of their child and find the most suitable kindergarten. Wallpaper will delight both husband and wife for many years, and the car will serve faithfully for the whole family.
If you and your partner often cannot come to a common decision, often quarrel and constantly argue, then I suggest you read the article "". There you can find many practical tips for solving this problem.
Who and when should teach the child competent dialogue
As a parent, I can assure you that you must take on this responsibility. Social studies at school will not teach a child to competently structure his speech, give the necessary arguments, listen to the interlocutor. Only if you are very lucky with a teacher who gives himself one hundred percent to his work, and this is a very rare case in our time.
The conversation between children and adults most often occurs according to a certain scenario. Mom or dad are older, they are right, they must be obeyed, their opinion is unshakable. The child acts in the role of a little one, who can do nothing. This is an absolutely destructive approach to dealing with a child.
You, as a parent, should be able to hear what the baby is telling you, how he explains his position. You must teach him to choose words. Competently build your speech and correctly present information.
The first step is your own speech. Remember that children constantly follow the example of mom and dad.
The second step is to talk to your baby like an adult conversation partner. Speak in simple and understandable words, but do not lisp. Teach him to correctly build arguments, use the necessary facts, offer his options.
Never scare off a child's initiative. Saying "what a stupid idea" you will kill all the child's desire to think. Explain why his idea will not work now, when it will be better to apply it.
I bring to your attention articles that may interest you: "", "".
Necessary conditions for competent communication
Let's take a look at the essential principles of constructive dialogue that will help you come to the right decision, allow you not to waste time, teach you to listen to your partner and lead to success.
Time frame. The most important thing in solving a problem is its timeliness. People often resort to talking about the past: you didn't do your homework yesterday; why didn't you call me last week; it should have been ready the day before yesterday. Such requests do not lead to a solution to the problem, they call on a person to make excuses, make them lie and get out.
Remember, the past cannot be changed. The deed you did yesterday will remain there forever. You can influence the present and the future. Therefore, the requests should refer to these times.
Talking about the past will be relevant if you are analyzing errors to fix them in the future. In order for your child to do their homework on time, you need to understand what problem they are facing. He does not understand the task, he has no time left due to other activities, he simply forgot about the task. And here you decide together how to help the child avoid a similar story in the future.
Wrong choice of interlocutor. The wife complains to her husband that their child broke the flower pot again. The husband listens silently, but does not offer any options, because, to put it mildly, this issue does not bother him at all. In this case, the woman acts destructively.
She should have turned to the child herself, who is directly involved in her complaint. It is with the child that she can find a solution to the problem.
Subordinates constantly discuss management decisions among themselves. No kitchenette to dine on; the salary could be divided into two parts; uncomfortable office chairs and so on. With such questions, it would be more constructive to turn to the leadership, with a specific proposal.
Using facts. How often in conversation do we hear similar phrases: because I said so; it will be right; you do not understand anything in this matter. These are just empty phrases that do not carry any argumentation. A person does not always know how to use the available facts correctly.
Why is it better to send a child to this kindergarten, and not to this group? Because I think so, the wife answers. And what she means by this is completely incomprehensible. The kindergarten is closer to home and we won't spend a lot of time on the road? Are there more qualified educators in this institution? The best food?
We solve the problem, but do not change the interlocutor. In psychology, there is such a phenomenon as an attempt to change those around you for yourself. You should try to get rid of this as early as possible. If one day you realize that you cannot change another person, then you will instantly get rid of a huge number of problems.
You have a specific task ahead of you. The child does not do homework. You do not need to break and reeducate the child, but to achieve a solution to the problem. If it is difficult for him himself, then he must help. If he doesn’t have enough time, then it’s time to redo his extra class schedule. Solve the problem, do not change the interlocutor.
I suggest you list of modern booksare great at helping you expand your knowledge of constructive communication.
How often do you encounter destructive behavior of the interlocutor? Why can't people hear each other? How can this be avoided? What methods do you use to turn the conversation into a constructive channel?
Learn to speak correctly!