How to correctly refuse a client: four principles of polite but firm refusal. How to competently, culturally and politely refuse a person a request, a loan of money without offending him: words, phrases, dialogue. A colleague, a friend constantly asks for help: how delicately and rightly

I can't refuse. That is, of course, I try to say no politely, but I very rarely succeed. Usually, all my attempts to politely refuse and at the same time not hurt the person end either with an insult or with the phrase “well, I’ll see what can be done.” The most extreme case - it . I don't know if a lie is small, good or half true. This is an even more difficult question.

constantly deceive - not a very good way out, which in the end will still lead to a conflict, since you will finally get confused and lie.

How to refuse your boss, who once again asks you to stay after work? How to say a firm “no” to your relatives so that they are not offended? How do you let your friends know that you can't help them right now?

In fact, there are a lot of options, we just don't know about them.

Your offer sounds very tempting, but unfortunately I have too much to do right now.

With the phrase “this sounds very tempting”, you make it clear to the person that his offer is of interest to you. And the second part says that you would love to participate (or help), but at the moment you have too many urgent tasks.

A beautiful refusal, but from my own experience I can say that for close friends or relatives, it will do it once or twice, and even then not in a row. If you refuse them in this way for the third time, the fourth time no one will offer you anything. This is especially true for picnics and other recreational activities.

Remember, once or twice - and then either change your social circle (for some reason you constantly refuse them?), or finally go somewhere. Suddenly you like it?

But for people you don't see that often, this answer is perfect.

I'm sorry, but the last time I did this or that, I had a negative experience

Mental or emotional trauma - another interesting option. Only a sadist will continue to insist that a person do what he did not like. Or a complete optimist with the slogan “What if the second time will be better?!”.

Although with some grandmothers trying to feed their emaciated offspring, the answers “I don’t eat meat,” “I’m lactose intolerant,” or “I don’t like boiled vegetables” do not work.

But if you say that the last time after you drank milk, you could not be in society all day because of stomach problems, you might be saved. Grandma, of course, will look at you a little askance and with a slight reproach, but she will not pour it into a cup with the words: “Well, this is homemade, from Aunt Klava, nothing will come of him!”.

I'd love to, but...

Another good way to say no. You would love to help, but unfortunately you can't at the moment. Just don't go into lengthy explanations of why.

First, starting to explain something in detail, you gradually begin to feel. And secondly, in this way you give the person the opportunity to cling to something in your story and persuade you.

Just a short and clear answer. No essays on the topic "I would love to, but you understand, I need to do ...".

To be honest, I'm not very good at this. Why don't you ask N, he's a pro at this

This is by no means a translation of the arrows.

If you've been asked to do something or help with advice, and you don't feel competent enough, why not suggest someone who really understands it? So you will not only not offend a person, but also show that you care and you are trying to help in any way you can.

I can't do it, but I'll be happy to help with…

On the one hand, you refuse to do what they are trying to impose on you, on the other - still help and at the same time choose what you want to do.

You look great, but I don't quite get it

What to do if a friend bought a dress that, to put it mildly, does not really suit her. Here the dilemma "who is more friend" arises. - the one to tell the truth, or the one to say she looks great in all the outfits?! This applies not only to appearance, but also to the choice of an apartment, work and life partner, after all.

But who are we to talk freely about fashion? If we were, for example, well-known designers, then we could criticize and immediately offer several other options to choose from.

And if not? Then either say everything as it is, if you are sure of the adequacy of a girlfriend or friend, or transfer the arrows to some celebrity from the world.

It sounds great! But now, unfortunately, I have a very tight schedule. Let me call you...

This answer is great when the option is interesting, but right now you're really not in a position to help. So you not only do not offend the person, but also leave for yourself the opportunity to join the offer that interests you a little later.

Even at lectures on psychology at the university, we were taught that it is necessary to refuse, starting a sentence with the word “yes”, and then adding the notorious “but”.

It works, though not always. It all depends on the situation and the person. You won’t be able to play around for a long time and sooner or later you will have to explain why it’s still “no”.

But if you are diplomatic and firm enough, then over time people will know that if you refuse, it is not because you are just lazy or you do not want to have anything to do with them, but because you are a very busy person and you will definitely you can, but a little later. In the end, people must learn to respect you and your opinion. As well as you - someone else's.

Letova Olga

Your company can produce a great product at a fair price or provide the highest quality service, you can be polite and considerate to your customers. But it does not matter, because customers will always find a reason to be dissatisfied.

The program freezes, the taxi is stuck in a traffic jam, the courier is driving too slowly,“I thought that it would be green, and this is the color of the sea wave”, “can I have a discount of not 10% but at least 35%”, “where is the moon from the sky for these couple of thousand?”.

No, reciprocal rudeness, even if it seems like an adequate response, is not an option. But in any case, you must learn to say “no” to clients, on the one hand, without burning guilt and, on the other, without aggression.

We will tell you about ways to politely refuse, which will help you cope with an awkward situation and shamelessly say “no” to a client without ruining your relationship with him.

Ask for clarification

Quite often, customer complaints are emotional, but not very meaningful:

“Your update sucks, what the hell!!! Return everything as it was!”, “Where is that manager, it seems that his name was Vasily, with whom I talked on Wednesday? I want to work only with him, but I don’t know you at all and don’t want to know! What does quit mean? How can I be?.

When clients behave in this way, they at least give you the opportunity to ask a clarifying question, such as this:

“I am very sorry to hear this. Could you clarify what exactly you liked about the previous version that you couldn't find after the update? Why did you like working with Vasily? If you explain, I will try to take this into account, and maybe it will become more convenient for you to work with our company.”

Of course, you will not replace the new version of the product with the old one, nor will you persuade the retired Vasily to return back, you will not even try. In this case, it doesn't matter.

You will give the client a reason to feel that their opinion is really important to you and that your company cares about it.

By the way, an added bonus is that customer explanations will actually help you solve their problem.

Promise the client to consider his request in the future

Very often, customers take the phrase too literally. "every whim for your money" and want from your company what it cannot give them.

Pizza delivery companies don't usually provide trash pickup or dog walking as an added option. And pizza is not always the same as rolls. Companies specializing in organizing children's parties rarely deal with bachelor parties, but sometimes the client does not think so.

It would seem simple “no, we deliver pizza, not rolls” it would be enough. But this is not entirely true, because

Firstly, this upsets the client and reduces his potential loyalty (after all, someday he will want pizza),

a Secondly, you deprive yourself of an additional and completely free marketing tool.

In order not to upset the client, you can answer something like this:

“Unfortunately, at the moment we are not engaged in the delivery of rolls, but we will definitely think about it. Our company closely monitors customer requests, and if there are enough requests like yours, we will revise our range in the future.”

The client is pleased to know that his request will not disappear and that he was paid attention, even if this is the type of client who is trying to order a striptease from a children's party organization.

However, it is important to keep in mind that this kind of polite refusal only works if your company is really ready to change its product line based on customer requests.

But don't lie

No matter how much you want to reassure the client just to get rid of him "here and now", don't do it. Avoid lies and empty promises.

You should not lie to the client that his request will be taken into account and considered if you are not even going to share this information with those who make such decisions.

It is bad to deceive a client, not only because it is unethical, but also because people usually feel good about this kind of insincerity, and your slyness can turn against you.

It's better to upset the client and say "no" than to cheat by saying: "We will certainly consider your request." Because after a while, when you forget about him, or your unsuspecting colleague or, even worse, your boss, is in your place, the stubborn client will call back and ask how things are going with his “Wishlist”.

Say "no" in other words

If you still need to refuse a client's request, you may well do so without using the word "no" at all.

Instead of “No, we do not and will not have a stripper cake” you can say “Yes, we understand that many people like striptease and groceries and that it would be an interesting move to combine them, but I'm afraid our company is not ready for this and it is unlikely that we will ever have this option” or "There is currently no way we can do this for you, but thanks for taking the time."

An honest but polite response is more likely to leave the door open for future success, and the client won't feel like they've wasted their time with you.

Let the client feel like they've been heard

Very often it is important for people to understand that their problem has been heard and understood. Simple tricks like addressing the customer by name or phrases like "I understand what you're talking about" continue to work.

Thank people for letting you know what they need. Whatever their problem, it is important that they took the time to contact you, even if they do not distinguish rolls from pizza and do not understand that the call center operator will not solve their problems with low learning new technologies.

by the way: Respond quickly, but not too quickly, so as not to arouse the unpleasant suspicion in the client that you are doing this automatically without even delving into his problem.

Suggest alternatives

If you are serious about maintaining customer loyalty to your company or to you personally in the long term, you should try to help them, even if it does not bring you obvious benefits right now. Yes, you do not deliver rolls, but you can immediately name the company that does it, even if it is your competitor.

The next most important thing for the client (after getting what he wanted to receive) is the feeling that his request was treated carefully and seriously enough.

If you skillfully and almost honestly combine different techniques of polite refusal, then your “no” will be perceived by the client almost as a “yes”. This will not only avoid embarrassment, but will also strengthen the two-way relationship between the client and the company and, last but not least, between you and the client.

One of the most common difficulties is the need to refuse people. And although there are often situations at work in which, due to your professional duties, you simply cannot say “no”, other circumstances will develop day by day that give you a certain freedom of choice. How to use your right to say “no” and correctly formulate a refusal?

Think like this: By not saying “no” at the right time, you are putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own. Do you really want it? There are many situations at work where your needs are just as important, and in some circumstances even more important than the needs of your colleagues. Remember how often colleagues refused you. And you calmly and without irritation accepted this answer. So why worry about someone getting upset if you do the same?

The real problem is that the constant "yes" is easy to become a habit, and it is really difficult to change the entrenched pattern of behavior. Think of your colleagues. Can you guess what to expect from each of them? Probably yes. Similarly, your co-workers, having become used to your dependability, are likely to come to you with so many requests that you simply cannot fulfill them. Thus, the habit of constantly agreeing to work requests will lead you to become overwhelmed, because you take on more than you can do or really should do. This leads to stress, frustration, resentment, conflict and mistakes, and over time the situation only gets worse.

So, the ability to say no when you feel like it is an important skill to master. You will certainly have situations where you want to help someone, even if it is inconvenient for you. Remember: means respecting your needs and rights as much as the rights of others, as well as agreeing to compromise when necessary.

Take it step by step and don't try to do it all at once. Try one new skill and hone it until you get it right. Be prepared for the fact that not everything will work out right away. You want to learn new skills, and there are always ups and downs in learning something new.

Many do not like to say "no", believing that there is only one way to do it - a direct refusal. Such a “no” may seem rude and aggressive. And this is usually not the impression you want to make at work. You strive to establish good relationships with colleagues, but you will inevitably have to refuse someone for your own sake - your health and well-being. This means that you must be able to say “no”, but in a way that shows respect for the needs of another person. There are different ways to say no, depending on the situation. Here are three main options.

Direct rejection is the most uncompromising method, and it is rarely suitable for use at work. It is most often resorted to when someone's rights are violated. In such cases, you can loudly and firmly add: "Don't you hear me, I said no."

Asking for more information or a promise "some other time"— an opportunity for discussion, with refusal remaining among the options.

Thoughtful "no"- the most delicate way, because you show that you listened to the interlocutor.

Below I will explain in detail what each of these options are, however the choice will depend on the situation, your attitude towards it and who is making the request, because it can be your mentor, line manager, colleague or team member to whom you really want to help.

Do not try to radically and instantly change your behavior. This is especially true for rejections, as you may shock colleagues who do not expect the leopard to suddenly change color. It is much better to start small, train hard and change gradually.

9 ways to say "no"

Don't rush to answer	Before answering someone's request, take a short pause. You can ask the other person to repeat it again so that you have a few seconds to think it over. Or say "Let me think..." Check your calendar or work plan to give you time to get ready and say no.
Don't apologize too much	Apologize only when you really think it is necessary and appropriate. Many people have already gotten into the habit of repeating the word “sorry” too often. Begin sentences with "Unfortunately..." or "I'm afraid that...", but only when necessary.
Be concise	Avoid long, wordy explanations of why you can't do something. A simple phrase “Today will not work” will be enough. The following phrases may be useful - of course, when they are pronounced with friendly participation, warmth and sincere regret: "I'm sorry, but I can't do this." "Unfortunately, I just don't have time for that." "Sorry, it won't work today." (Sometimes "sorry" is fine.)
"Mirror" the behavior of the interlocutor	In this case, you mirror what and how you were asked, but still complete the phrase with a refusal. Speak in a friendly manner and with regret, look the interlocutor in the eye. You:"I don't have time in the afternoon to help you with your reports." Colleague:"But I wanted to start doing it today." You:“I understand that you wanted to start this, but I won’t be able to do it this afternoon.” Colleague:"But I need to finish everything this week." You:“I understand that you need to finish this week, but I won’t be able to help you this afternoon.”
Broken Record Technique	It is very important to insist on your negative decision, as usually the interlocutor is trying to get you to change it. Children are especially good at it! A useful technique in this case for you may be the broken record technique: just gently repeat your refusal, no matter how the interlocutor tries to put pressure on you
Explain the reason for rejection	In this case, you briefly explain the real reason for your "no". Do this only if you want to or if it's necessary. You do not have to explain your actions to everyone who asks you for something. "I can't help you with your report today because I have a business meeting this afternoon." “I don’t have time for this because I will be busy with visitors”
Offer to fulfill the request another time	In this case, you say "no" now, but you may agree to comply with the request later. In English, this technique is called a rain check - that is, a ticket stub that gives a fan the right to come to a baseball game rescheduled due to rain. "I can't help you today because I'm in meetings all day, but maybe I'll have free time tomorrow."
Ask for more information	This is not a final refusal, in this case, discussion, compromise or refusal is possible in the future. How detailed should the report be? "Can you start without me?"
Ask for time to make a decision	Never be afraid to ask for time to think things through. "I need to check my work schedule, after that I will answer you." “I can't answer right now. I'll call you later"

It doesn’t matter what gender you are, because the ability to politely refuse is extremely important in all types of relationships. There are various ways to make this task easier and still maintain peace of mind. Learn to ask for time to think, avoid confrontation whenever possible, and be as honest as possible.

Steps

Rejections in everyday life

Why is it so hard to say no. We all learned from an early age that consent is easier to give and helps to gain approval. This develops into a deep need to always indulge parents, which is associated with love and fear of renunciation. We may also fear separation and loss of our spouses or loved ones. If a friend's request is denied, there may be a quarrel or the risk of hurting feelings. At work, rejection can make you look like an unfriendly colleague or hinder your career advancement.

In theory, consent is great, but in practice, we can say “Yes” so many times that we can’t cope with the responsibility we have taken on.

Why is it so important to be able to say no? Learning to politely say no is a good way to set and maintain healthy boundaries. If you pride yourself on caring and sacrificing yourself for others, then rejection will make you feel uncomfortable. You may find yourself agreeing too often and becoming irritated or tired as you take on too much.

Time for reflection. Experts agree that the time to think before giving up is extremely important. When thinking about how to decline an invitation or request, remember that you are not required to respond immediately. Buy yourself some time to avoid resentment or hurting your loved one's feelings. But do not drag the rubber too long, as making a person wait longer than expected is also ugly. It is important to avoid situations where you immediately give a positive answer and then change your mind. This behavior will undermine your credibility.
- For example, your mother asks you in February: “Are you coming to us for the holidays this year?”. You can answer like this: “I haven’t even thought about it yet. I don't know yet how things will go at work. Let's discuss this closer to September?".
Stick to principles. If you are asked to do something contrary to your principles, it is best to refuse in a way that avoids open confrontation. Ask for time, saying that you need to think it over carefully. Think twice before agreeing to something that goes against your ideas.

Try not to say "no". Don't say "Yes," but understand that you don't have to say the word to say no. Instead, talk about your concerns and the reasons for the rejection.
- For example, if your boss asks you to take on another case, you don't need to say that you are already full to capacity. Answer differently: “I am currently working on case X, which needs to be completed by next week, and the deadline for case Y is next month. How much time can you give me to complete this project?
Be honest. Sometimes one is tempted to lie or make up a fable to justify one's refusal. But in this way you will only undermine your credibility and destroy personal or work relationships, because sooner or later the truth will come out anyway. Politeness is impossible without honesty.
- For example, when refusing to accept an invitation, you could say something like, “This is a great opportunity/project for someone else, but it doesn't suit me. I wish you a good time / find a more suitable person.
Stand your ground. It may be difficult for you to repeat your refusal several times if the person constantly begs you to do something. Perhaps people are already used to you always agreeing, so they may just be testing the limits of your consent. Stand your ground and confidently repeat your refusal.
- You can immediately refuse and explain your refusal: “I know that you really want to meet this weekend, but I already have plans that cannot be changed.” If the person continues to bother you, then answer him briefly but firmly.
Refusal of specific requests
1. Refusal to borrow money. Lending money to friends can put friendship at risk. If your friend takes a long time to return, then you may be hesitant to remind about it, and the person may consider that it was a gift, not a favor. If you think that your friendship or wallet will not withstand the non-return of money, then try to refuse a friend as politely as possible. At the same time, try to be as honest as possible.
  - For example, you could say something like, “I know you're having a hard time with your finances right now. Our friendship is very dear to me, but friends and borrowing money are incompatible. Maybe I can help you in some other way? or “I don’t have free money right now. I would be happy to help, but I have nothing.”
2. Refusal of a request for a donation. If you know you won't be able to meet the request, then state its importance, refuse and offer another option for help. For example: “This is a good thing, but right now I just have nothing to give. This month I have already exhausted all available funds. You can try X or remind me about it next month.”
3. Refusal of the child's request. Children usually do not like very much when they are not allowed to do something. If a child asks for something that you are not going to buy or allow him, then firmly refuse him and immediately explain the reasons for your refusal. It is very important that the child understands your reasons, and then offer him an alternative.
  - For example, you might say, “No, I don't let you stay overnight at a friend's house on a weekday. The next day you will be sleepy and tired during the lessons. I know you're upset, but you can always stay at your friend's on the day off."
4. Refusal at a big request. You don't have to say yes if you've been asked a very large request. In the end, a person may simply not imagine how tired you are at work right now. You have the right to refuse even a personal request. A good friend will always understand you and will not consider rejection as a personal insult.
  - For example, say, "I'm sorry I can't babysit your baby this week, but I have a deadline for a project at work, and my homework has piled up." Be clear and honest. Do not lie, otherwise you will definitely offend your girlfriend and ruin your relationship.
5. Rejection of a date. Speak directly and bluntly so that the meaning of your words reaches the person. When it comes to romantic relationships, ambiguity can be taken as a chance or a false hope, and this is best avoided. It’s better to say politely but directly right away: “You are a good friend / great guy, but I can’t give you more” or “We are too different.”
  - If you do go on a date and are invited to the next one, then say politely but honestly: “We had a great time, but I don’t think we are right for each other.”
  - Do not continue the conversation for a long time after the refusal. It's probably best for both of you not to see each other for a while.
6. Refusal to have sex. If your boyfriend insists that it's time for you to move on to intimacy, and you are not yet ready for this, then refuse directly: "No." If you see fit, you can explain the reasons for your refusal: the likelihood of getting pregnant, your moral principles, or the fact that you are simply not ready yet. It is important to explain that this is your personal decision and is in no way dictated by the appearance of your partner.
  - You should not expect that your partner will immediately enter into a position and stop trying. Speak very clearly.

The ability to write rejection letters is one of the most important skills of an employee of an enterprise responsible for the organization's external relations and business correspondence. The content and presentation of such a letter not only speak about the education and culture of its originator, but also form the image and reputation of the enterprise in the business environment.

What are the reasons for business correspondence

Each actively working company regularly receives letters with various offers. This may be a proposal for cooperation (commercial), for participation in an event (conference, seminar, celebration), etc. Letters of inquiry, claims, reminders, etc. are also common in circulation between organizations. Thus, the incoming correspondence of an enterprise can amount to tens or even hundreds of different messages that require a response.

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How to issue a waiver

Consideration of this or that letter in no way guarantees that the representative of the organization who received it will necessarily agree to the proposal, request or claim contained in it. On the contrary, in many cases employees of companies write refusals.

But in order to refuse correctly, certain skills are needed. It is important not to offend the sender of the letter with negative content - this is dictated not only by the rules of elementary business courtesy, but also by the possibility that in the future he may become a customer, client or partner.

General information about a business letter

All official correspondence is subject to certain drafting rules. First of all, it must be remembered that, despite the fact that the content of the letter can be completely arbitrary, its structure and composition must comply with the standards adopted in the design of business papers, i.e. conditionally divided into three parts: beginning (address and heading of the letter), main section and conclusion (signature and date).

The writing style should be restrained, concise, without unnecessarily "loaded" sentences, complex specific terminology. Refusal should be made as correct as possible, rudeness, profanity and other extreme manifestations are unacceptable in it. When forming a letter, it is necessary to take into account the norms of the Russian language in terms of the culture of speech, vocabulary, grammar, spelling and style.

The refusal may be unmotivated, but it is still better if the letter indicates its reason.

If the answer is detailed and detailed, then it should be divided into paragraphs or paragraphs - this way the perception of the text is greatly facilitated.

In case of refusal, it is not necessary to chop off the shoulder and “burn bridges”, it is advisable to leave the path to retreat, that is, to thank for the attention paid and express hope for the possibility of further cooperation. To do this, you can specify conditions that the recipient can fulfill in order to establish a business relationship. If there is an opportunity to advise an enterprise that would also agree to cooperation or other proposals made in the original message, then it should not be neglected - this will leave a good mark in the memory of the addressee.

In whose name to write

The refusal must be written strictly in the name of the person who signed the original letter. Otherwise, the refusal may not reach the addressee or get lost in the flow of incoming mail. However, if there was no signature of a specific person under the offer letter, then a neutral form of address can be used (for example, in the form of a simple greeting “Good afternoon”).

Drafting a rejection letter

The letter can be written by hand (this format will speak of a special, warm attitude towards the addressee) or printed on a computer.

In this case, it is permissible to use a simple sheet of paper or a form with company details and a company logo.

The letter of refusal is formed in a single original copy, must be dated and numbered (in accordance with the document flow of the enterprise). At the same time, information about it should be included in the log of outgoing correspondence, noting its date, number and briefly - content. In the future, this journal may become evidence of the creation and sending of the message.

Who must sign

Ideally, under the letter there should be an autograph of the director of the organization, but perhaps this is far from always (and is almost completely excluded in enterprises with a large number of employees and many structural divisions). Therefore, any employee of the company authorized to create this kind of documentation and endowed with the right to sign correspondence can sign a letter of refusal. It can be a secretary, lawyer, head or specialist of any department.

How to send a letter

A letter can be sent in many ways, and it is best to choose the one through which the original message came. Sending via Russian post is most acceptable, but in this case you should take a registered order with a return receipt, you can also use a transfer through a representative or courier (this method guarantees faster delivery). It is also acceptable to use a fax, electronic means of communication and even social networks or instant messengers (but only on condition that the sender of the initial letter himself uses this way of communication).

Non-cooperation letter

If you need to create a letter of refusal to cooperate, see its sample and comments to it.

At the beginning of the letter, write for whom it is intended: indicate the name of the organization, position and full name of its representative, in whose name you are writing the answer. Use a polite form of address, thank you for the attention shown to your company, and then move on to the essence of the message.
Be sure to refer to the letter in response to which you are writing a refusal, indicate the circumstances that caused the negative reaction. If any additional papers were attached to his proposal by your opponent, indicate that you have read them.
If possible, express in the letter an expression of hope that cooperation will nevertheless take place, without failing to introduce the conditions that must be met for this.
Finally, sign the letter and date it.

Letter of refusal to participate in the event

When writing a letter of refusal to participate in an event, use the above recommendations for a letter of refusal to cooperate. Everything in the letter is standard, but mandatory: information about the sender and addressee, then the appeal, the refusal itself with a mention of the proposal to participate in the event and the circumstances that led to the negative answer, then the signature and date.

Job offer rejection letter

Not only from the enterprise can receive a letter of refusal. In some cases, it can be expressed by a person who has nothing to do with the company: for example, an applicant for a position. If you are just such a person, form a refusal also in accordance with the rules and regulations of business documentation. Use courtesy, indicate the name of the job offered to you, as well as the reason why you refuse it (keep in mind that a potential employer may revise the terms of the job offered to you). Be sure to sign and date at the end.