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Loving a person, spending years next to him, but unexpectedly being erased from his life is not an easy test. Such a denouement causes physical and mental torment, and the heart is squeezed for a long time from injustice, longing and loneliness. Such wounds do not heal right away - painful attacks sometimes make themselves felt for years. The question of how to stop worrying about separation from a loved one for women who find themselves in an unforeseen situation is especially acute.
There is nothing to be surprised at: this part of humanity is genetically tuned to find happiness through self-realization in the family. The plans for the future of most girls are correlated with the duties of a wife, the joys of the desired motherhood. The disappearance of the object of love, with which dreams and hopes were associated, no matter what the circumstances, is perceived as a tragedy. The problem of how to relieve mental pain becomes central during this period.
How to get rid of the heartache of love: step by step
The fact that from the state of deep sensory shock more slowly than others "climb out" of the face complicates the matter. It is vital for such people to find peace of mind. And without realizing that the goal cannot be achieved at an accelerated pace, they will not be able to get out of the created conflict. For a long journey, you also need to stock up on strength of mind. Nevertheless, for the sake of a renewed self - one who has said goodbye to illusions and is ready for a new one - it is worth overcoming all the milestones of this path.
Time heals: give it to yourself
- -. Do not think why it is so bad in your soul - just take a walk in a space conducive to light sadness: on a walk, in a quiet room, in the kitchen over a cup of tea.
- - Let disappointment, anger, grief, anxiety and uncertainty about the future pass before your eyes sequentially, stage by stage. Plunge into the sea of emotions, but don't let yourself drown in it forever.
- - If at this phase you lost interest in everything - right up to the desire to leave the house, take care of yourself, observe an elementary regimen - seek the help of a psychologist. Such stress will be relieved by a professional.
Get rid of reminders and help others
- - Tips on how to get rid of the past will not work if you constantly bump into the things of the ex. Bridge burning rituals are overkill. Give unnecessary trash to someone who needs such good.
- - Perhaps, along the way, you will remember about charity and pick up items that will bring joy to people in need and deprivation. Agree: their grief is incomparable with your loss.
- Move from being with comforter friends to being comforter. Try on the role of a comrade and advisor. Begin to listen, comfort, and lend a shoulder to help others.
Get away from provocations and start to recover
- - Avoid provocative factors such as association-generating songs, haunted cafes, community photos. Do not linger on them, switch to fresh songs and resting places.
- - Use energetic, incendiary music, rhythmic dance melodies as a medicine. They will create an endorphin surge and lift your spirits. Dance and move more.
- - Change from the position of "tired of everything" to the enjoyable chain of reading a book, watching a thriller, a concert, a comedy show.
Change your lifestyle and be positive
- - The habitual way of life that accompanies your coexistence is destroyed - that's understandable. But it doesn't mean that. To cope with your mental pain, look for alternatives to your previous activities.
- - You may not need drastic changes. But a pleasant hobby, a trip to another city in a nice company or a lone tourist is what you need. The change of scenery sets up a different plot.
- - Change your image, engage in personal growth. Feel the reserves hidden in you and give them a go. We dreamed of mastering the macrame technique, karate techniques - go ahead. A lot of time and you are free!
- - Love yourself - this trait does not repulse, but attracts, gives success and endows with resilience.
- - Compassion and help to others is a guarantee that you will never be left alone.
- - Joke and smile: now you not only know how to live on - you have someone to support you.
- - Trust people and give them love. Sad experience is not a reason to lose faith in good. It is not far off.
In an ideal world, former lovers part with a smile and promise to be friends to the grave. In reality, it can be painful to see someone who used to give love and affection, and now put someone else's photo on the desktop. If the wounds haven't healed, allow yourself to be and don't promise to stay with your ex or ex. At least until the moment when passions subside and mental wounds heal.
Unfriend on social media
The problem of our time is that every step of a person is captured on the Internet. If your heart is broken, turn the page and don't be friends with your ex on social media. You don't need to know where the ex-lover spent his vacation, with whom he went to the movies, or what gifts her new boyfriend was giving her yesterday's passion. If the hand does not rise to press the coveted button, at least exclude the news of the former from the feed. And there - time will tell.
Delete saved messages and dialogs
New life - clean archives in the phone and messengers. As sorry as the past may be, delete all chat messages to avoid the temptation to reread them in a melancholy mood. Otherwise, drunken tantrums, as well as calls, for which you will later be ashamed, are guaranteed to you. Both of you are already different people, and there is no going back to the past. It's time to clear your memory.
Delete the number of the ex
Intrusive calls with attempts to explain themselves will not benefit anyone. You will be hurt, your ex will be embarrassed. Remove ex-boyfriend numbers immediately after. After a couple of months of silence on the air, you may well not want to communicate with someone you once loved passionately.
Rearrange the apartment
After parting, girls often want to do something with their appearance: in spite of the former, to get a haircut or dye their hair daring pink. Not worth it. Instead, rearrange your apartment or at least your bedroom so that nothing is reminiscent of lazy Sunday mornings in bed. No way to rearrange the furniture? Buy a couple of new sets of underwear. A new chapter in life - new bedding. Guys, that won't hurt you either.
Go in for sports
Sport not only helps to tighten the body, but also boosts mood through the production of endorphins. If the pain of parting is too much, sign up for and beat the pear from your heart. Naturally, under the supervision of a coach.
Take your time to date others
Spontaneous sex with unfamiliar people has not yet cured anyone from heart pain. It will only get worse. Take your time, take care of yourself, the desire to enter into a relationship will come later. Watch all the films and programs that the former half did not want to watch, go to those places where there was no time to go in the relationship. Consider your 30 Day Love Detox.
Don't whine on social media
Take your time to tell the world how painful you are. The pain will pass, but the sediment and the glory of the whiner will remain. Leave foggy statuses, tearful verses and other vanilla things for teenagers. You are taller and stronger than that. So be it, one photo can be uploaded. But only the one where you are happy and content with life.
Don't analyze the past
“If I hadn’t started a quarrel,” “If I had become a blonde,” “If I had come home from work earlier,” you can continue indefinitely. That's it, the train has left. What had to happen happened. Do not overload yourself and do not analyze the past. The best is yet to come.
How did you deal with the breakup? Share in the comments!
You cannot live without mental pain; sooner or later it will make itself felt. It can be provoked by any event that no one expected, and for which no one was preparing. She strikes a crushing blow, breaking everything that was familiar and seemed so reliable. Mental pain is the most terrible and destructive of all that can harm a person. Because it is inside and you cannot run away from it. She would have to face it anyway. You can distract yourself from it, but only for a while. Very soon she will declare herself again, which is why it is so important to learn how to cope with it, and even better to avoid it by any available means, although it is very difficult. But nothing is impossible for one who believes.
Dealing with heartache
When the soul hurts, it ceases to please the world around us, what seemed wonderful yesterday, today only aggravates the pain and causes suffering. And, even having managed to forget for a minute, people very soon remember her again and again. And no matter what they do and say, no matter how distracted and try to forget, she does not go anywhere, but waits in the wings to grab attention again.
And here it is important not to run away and not fill the whole day with business, but to find time when no one will interfere with putting things in order in your own soul. For the daily bustle, grandiose plans or a desire to get through this day faster, most never look into their souls at all. It does not occur to them or they are very afraid of it. Their head is busy with something else, but not with the fact that order should be not only at home, in the workplace, in the family, but also in their own souls. But that doesn't protect them from pain. All the same, she will remind you that she also needs attention.
And if at first it will be just a feeling that something is going wrong, then as soon as an unpleasant event occurs in life, pain will fill the soul, which has been abandoned for so long. And it will be possible to get rid of it only by understanding what led to this, what became the reason for its appearance.
Because you can get rid of something only by finding the source. And to do this when all the negativity that occurs in a person's life has accumulated in the soul is very difficult. Any information, especially negative, leaves its mark. And so that this does not affect the general state of mind of a person, it must be pondered, drawn conclusions and released. Instead, people absorb everything they see and hear without even trying to analyze and assess what happened. And then they wonder why they lose their nerves at the slightest failure. But the soul simply did not have the strength to calmly react to everything. Too much negativity is pouring on her already.
TV with its terrible news and stories, disrespect, inattention, lack of money, never ending household chores, problems not working, quarrels, unfulfilled dreams of career growth, fear of making the wrong choice, difficulties in relationships, lack of understanding in the family or loneliness - all this leaves wounds and clogs the soul with negativity.
And instead of finding the source of the pain, understanding what provoked it, and how to get rid of it with the help of the available means, the person does not know where to start. Everything that he so carefully tried to ignore seemed to fall on him. And wherever you look, there is no way out.
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Because he once did not want to analyze what was happening, did not adhere to hygiene when choosing programs, news or films, refused to deal with what did not suit in life, constantly avoided finding out relations with those who offended or caused pain. And now, when the thicket of patience is overflowing, there is no strength to pull myself together. Life has turned into a strip of obstacles that are increasingly difficult to overcome, and there is no end or edge in sight. Mental pain becomes a constant companion that does not disappear anywhere, no matter how hard you try to pretend that everything is normal.
But don't despair. It doesn't matter why the soul hurts, the main thing is that no matter how bad it is, you can cope with it if you understand that it's time to stop listening to those around you, whoever you may be.
Do not rely on them in everything and think that you can be happy if someone is with you. You must seek support exclusively within yourself. It's great when someone who supports you is nearby, but until you believe in yourself, no one will solve your problems that prevent you from enjoying life. Only you are capable of doing this, realizing that it is within your power and no one else can.
Take it for granted that there is and will be negative. Yes, he knocks down, sometimes causes unbearable suffering. But only you decide how it will affect you. If you are responsible for your life, then you yourself decide how to react to what is happening. Otherwise, you put your destiny in the hands of those who hurt you, willingly or unwillingly.
Top 7 how to deal with heartache
The one who is attentive to himself and realized that his soul is a temple, and it requires attention no less, and sometimes more than the body and even more so than those around him, never experience crushing blows. Yes, no one is immune from crises. At a certain age, some earlier, some later, everyone rethinks their life and - this is absolutely normal. People should think about, evaluate and analyze the path traveled, draw conclusions, evaluate actions and achievements, decide what to do next - go to the set goals, create new ones or even take a break and devote time to themselves and those who are around, before it's too late ... As the saying goes: you cannot earn all the money and you cannot achieve success in everything.
Those who have not deprived themselves of the right to do what they consider necessary, endure such periods absolutely calmly, and cope with mental pain much faster than anyone else. Because I learned not to react to negativity, hurtful words, actions and indifference from others, I taught myself not to wait for anything and not worry when something failed, because something else will turn out. To achieve such spiritual harmony, you must not brush off your emotions, feelings and thoughts, but believe in yourself and listen to your own desires.
You need to believe that you deserve the best and there is no one who would have the right to question this. Because a strong person knows that it is impossible to hurt someone who carefully guards his peace of mind. He will never do anything that can disturb him and will protect himself from any situations that may cause pain.
Often times, heartache arises from the fear that you are not good enough to never be happy. Therefore, stop thinking about what you are missing and what else you need to fix in yourself in order to become happy, it is better to think about whether you are going that way. Are you moving there, are you sure that you are doing everything right, is the current situation joyful, are you satisfied with your work, family relationships, health, people around you?
Analyze and don't be afraid of the conclusions you come to. The main thing is to understand that you are aware of what you are doing and will be able to protect what is dear, and do not retreat under the pressure of others. Stop considering someone better than yourself. Better to look for ways to fix what you are not happy with.
Your task is to listen to your inner aspirations and dreams, and not satisfy someone's needs. Learn to respect yourself, then those around you will begin to respect you. And when you feel that your interests are met, and you do what your soul tells you, any pain will disappear. After all, it arose because you lacked something. And when you regain your self-esteem and use the right to decide for yourself and understand what you want, you will only have to receive it.
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People who have a noble goal, be it helping the disadvantaged, serving the Motherland, protecting their rights and the rights of those who are not able to stand up for themselves, who know what they want, understand what is important to them, do not compromise with their conscience , is able to admit mistakes and correct them, if possible, never suffers. They don't have time for this.
There is nothing more terrible, dangerous, exhausting and life-breaking than mental pain. It is she who makes people do things that they would not have thought of before. It is not easy to get rid of, it is difficult to heal, but there is always a chance to learn important experience from it and move on, becoming wiser and stronger. And the main task for any person in life, no matter what anyone says, is not gaining wealth, power or fame, but the ability to live in harmony with your own soul. Without this, you simply cannot become happy.
When we part with a loved one, it seems that the pain cannot be stopped. And suffering is like suffering the loss of a relative or the death of a loved one. The stages of resignation with a breakup are close to the stages of resignation with death. This is logical, because you are really losing a person who was so close to you quite recently.
It all starts with denial.
You just cannot understand and accept the fact that
will no longer be around. Your brain puts on something like a "blockage" from intense suffering, so for a while you will think that it is still possible to return. That this is just a fight and everything will work out. Of course, it's hard to admit to yourself that
You are alone. But you need to do this in order to
.
Finally, at some point you will realize that you are alone.
The beloved is no longer around. This is the beginning of the road to recovery. Because you stop lying at least to yourself and start
... Of course, there are still several stages of adoption ahead, but a start has been made.
Next comes the stage of anger and anger at a loved one.
In all the troubles that you have experienced in
, You start to blame him. But by no means yourself. Even in small things, you blame him, you stop looking for compromises. At this stage, you can do a lot of stupid things, like trying to get revenge or making angry calls with accusations. Of course, you feel hurt, you are in pain. The accumulated anger will go away over time, but you should not do hasty actions that will not lead to anything good.
And finally, the most difficult emotionally stage comes - pain and anxiety. This stage is accompanied by the following like fear and sadness. It is very painful for you to be in mental loneliness, and fear of the future is added to everything; and together - these feelings create a sense of hopelessness. Psychologists say that tears at this stage contribute to recovery. Worse, when you want to cry, but there are no tears ... that is, they should appear, but you can't cry. This is a very alarming symptom, which alone is almost impossible to cope with. And it is necessary to get out of such a situation, because many diseases and other serious health complications can develop from severe depression: from mental illness and stomach ulcers to heart attack, stroke ...
So, after accepting the fact that you are alone, what can you do to deal with sadness?
Don't think about it!
Stop constantly thinking about your ex, this can drive you into the abyss of depression, from which it is very difficult to get out. Many people advise getting rid of everything that reminds you of
... Better not to visit
and the establishments where you can run into it. It's best to even change your lifestyle. For example, taking up a new hobby or a new sport. In addition, now there is a lot of free time to take care of yourself. Why not take advantage of this? At the same time, the head will be cleared of unhealthy thoughts about the past.
Don't be self-deprecating!
It will not lead to anything good. Constantly feeling sorry for yourself and crying - there is no sense in this. Better to spend this time doing something useful. Moreover, do not dare to blame yourself for all mortal sins. People break up, it happens. All that self-deprecation can bring is low self-esteem. And we don't want that?
Release your emotions!
Sometimes a good, savory toss against the wall can help. Or the ritual burning of those left over from
of things. You can also go out into the open field and shout a lot. It is not for nothing that psychologists use this method in relation to patients. The main thing is to give free rein to feelings, and not hide them deep in yourself. Because of this, the period of "rehabilitation" can be delayed.
Do what you dreamed of!
Perhaps you have been thinking about doing yoga or work issues for a long time, but there was no time for this. Now there is an opportunity to cover as much as possible of what has long been lying in the backyard of memory and waiting for your intervention. Write poetry, enroll in a sculpting or sewing and sewing course. Embody your .
Visit your friends more often.
Stay in society.
Don't lock yourself up.
with new people.
Communication with friends will be beneficial, and broaden your horizons. You may even find …. As for your mutual friends, there's nothing you can do about it. You will either have to see them or find a new circle of acquaintances. The best solution for you is not to see them for a while, until you become emotionally stable. Sitting at home is not conducive to "recovery" either, so ...
Visit new places!
!
Go to clubs, exhibitions, theaters, concerts, parties.
Walk often.
Play sports and / or outdoor activities.
Just do not fall into a dull routine. Rest assured, your city has so many wonderful that you did not even know about. Learn as much new as possible, engage in self-development, creativity. Try to make sure that when you get home all you have the strength to do is to crawl to …
Don't retreat!
If you have made a decision to leave, do not give up slack. Try to remove from sight all possible accessories and attributes of a past life with your ex: framed photographs, souvenirs and other items that involuntarily push you to the experience of loss ... Over time, all negative moments in are erased, this is a feature of memory. Only good moments are remembered. Believe yourself, if you have objectively decided to leave because of irreconcilable contradictions, you should not turn back. Everything that was bad between you has not gone anywhere. You cannot enter the same river twice.
All recommendations for those who are experiencing separation syndrome with a loved one are summarized as follows:
1. Recognize your position as a fait accompli
2. Control yourself and do not give up. Do not retire, stay in society.
3. Dispel the mood of sadness, gradually transferring it to the area of new positive
... Do not give yourself time to be sad, to comprehend new things at the expense of the freed up time.
4. Search for a new person, finding
.
For a successful search for a loved one, it is necessary to determine his habitat. Be able to understand: Who are you looking for? And you will understand where to look…. Write on a piece of paper in a column a list of the qualities that your significant other should have. Then collect all the qualities into several main groups, and ask yourself (you can Yandex or Google, you can puzzle friends or random people) "WHERE CAN PEOPLE OF SUCH A WAREHOUSE TO LOVE TO A GREATER DEGREE?" ... And you will be convinced that these people do not live on , nor on the Moon ... they are around you ... It may be in any hobby club, from a dance studio, or, as an option, with a colleague at work, if he / she works in a team with a clearly expressed female (male) and some other sign that suits you ... For example, you can take Your friend - a programmer in order to give him a lift home in a car, as if by chance appearing half an hour before the end of work in his office, where the editorial team of 50 girls (creative, educated) works gloriously ... and with the right approach and coordination with your friend, some of these girls will also be able to use your toss them to the right place….
The best medicine for love is love. Be open to new relationships despite the pain you have been through. After all, a completely new love can make you a completely different, happier person. Don't look for a copy of what was in the past, your new happiness will be different. People are social beings; and if you share your experiences with others, your trouble decreases, and when you share joy with others, your happiness multiplies.
Acquaintance in a bright atmosphere at themed parties:
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