Question to the psychologist:

Hello!

Three weeks ago I learned shocking information for me. The daughter admitted that my husband - her own father - periodically "paws" her. At first he did it, as it were, by the way, when he woke her up in the morning and casually ran his hands over her chest and panties. Passing by, he sometimes spanked on the priest, as if flirting. And once, when they were with their grandmother in the village, he invited them to look at the starfall. He arranged a couch on the street, and lying next to her under the blankets put his hand between her legs. Those. it was not just some kind of impulse that he could not cope with, it turns out that these were his purposeful, planned actions !! I still cannot understand why he was sure that she would be silent? Was he not at all afraid that I would find out? Why did my daughter not resist these actions and admitted this to me only after 2 weeks ?! On the same day, I told my husband that I knew about his harassment, he denied it for a long time, but when I realized that my daughter had told me all the details, I confessed, said that he had done a stupid thing and in fact did not mean anything like that ... since then I feel like in some kind of nightmare, the world collapsed in one day. It was difficult for me to talk to my husband, and I wrote him a letter, where I expressed all my pain, all my thoughts, tried to do it as carefully as possible, but firmly outlined my position - we can no longer be together under any circumstances. He left. The first days I often wrote SMS, repented, asked for reconciliation, but my answers were short and categorical. Sometimes he comes to visit us, brings gifts, spends a little time with the children. We have four of them, the youngest is a year and a half and he is madly in love with him, I think that this is the biggest pain for him right now ... The eldest daughter naturally avoids him. After these meetings, I feel terrible guilt and regret that everything turned out this way. I understand that now I need to give more of my attention and love to my daughter, who in this situation turned out to be a victim, but for some reason I feel most sorry for my husband. For three weeks now he has been living in a garage, there are no living conditions there, it is damp, cold ... And when he stopped by for the last time, I saw that he was ill. She invited him to live at home while he refused, he was afraid of infecting the children. I haven’t written for three days, I’m worried about him, I constantly think about him and what’s wrong with him ... Yesterday I couldn’t stand it and wrote to him myself - to find out how she was feeling. He replied that it was already a little better. She offered to help rent an apartment - he said that it was not necessary. This feeling of my guilt and pity just paralyzes me, I can not do anything. And I have children, I need to communicate with them, work, just live. I also care about what happens to my daughter, how I can help her when I myself am in a terrible state. Sometimes I notice that I am angry with her. The upcoming conversation with the parents still hangs with a heavy burden, no one knows anything yet ... I really do not want the real reason for our breakup to become known to at least someone! Firstly, I don’t want everyone to turn their backs on my husband, and secondly, for my daughter to become the subject of all sorts of gossip and discussion. I can’t tell anyone, I don’t have anyone to consult, all day I go and talk to myself. There are a lot of different voices in my head - mine, his, relatives ... Sometimes I catch myself saying something out loud ... Once I visited a psychologist to just talk out, he conducted a constellation that helped me to see the situation from the outside , I realized that now I just need to think and take care of myself, about my daughter, and not about my husband, but so far I'm not very good at it. And I would also like to find out from the experts - are similar inclinations like my husband's, do they generally lend themselves to some kind of treatment, elaboration? Sometimes I start to doubt the correctness of my decision ... Maybe it was worth trying to cope with this problem together? I used to think about getting a divorce more than once, but now, when a really serious reason for this has appeared, I doubt if I really want this ... some of them or just an objective view from the outside.

The question is answered by the psychologist Gladkova Elena Nikolaevna.

Hello Olga!

After reading your letter, many words and many feelings arose. I would like to very much support you in your decision to protect your family from incestuous impulses. But even more I want to try to help you look at situations from a distance, so that you can evaluate all aspects of what happened and give yourself the opportunity to get rid of the destructive feelings of guilt and condemnation of all participants in what happened.

It is difficult to overestimate the influence of a father on the formation and development of his daughter! It is thanks to the father that the girl learns to recognize in herself those qualities that, over time, will allow her to accept her identity inherited from her mother. Seeing love and recognition in her father's eyes, she will learn to recognize these feelings in other men, which will help her even more and better cope with the role of a beloved woman, a caring mother.

But the line of admiration that she receives from her father is too thin, and the mental stability of men in today's all-permissive world is sometimes too weak in order to clearly distinguish between paternal love and male love, which girls at this age are already beginning to seek and feel the attention of men on themselves ...

Therefore, the first unconscious attempts to "seduce" your daughter with a man who is definitely important for her in life could serve as an impetus to trigger the "instincts" inherent in any man, which could not be restrained by his other role - the role of father.

I don’t want to, I won’t, and I don’t advise you to blame your daughter, but I can understand the reaction of a weak man who finds it difficult to resist the onslaught of these awakening instincts of sexuality inherent in adolescence. I would not be surprised if the father figure in your husband's family was weak or completely absent.

The fact that your daughter did not immediately decide to tell you about what happened may indicate that she herself could be frightened of her own behavior and the reaction of a loved one to him. It is possible that he could tell her that she was to blame for what was happening between them. And it is very difficult for a teenager to cope with such feelings of guilt, which is why most incests are never revealed.

Even if we assume that not everything that happened was in fact, and some facts could be the result of the child's fantasies about how it could be, there was still a reason for such fantasies if you did not notice any deviations in your daughter mental development! Incest in today's world can even be regarded as entering the bathroom or sanitary room, at the moment when the child is taking a shower or bath, or relieving himself!

The child's behavior can be justified by the fact that she is not yet a mature person and may not be aware of her actions. But an adult must cope with his desires, especially those directed at his own children!

Like the psychologist you visited, I recommend that you pay attention to your daughter, since such a trauma, in addition to possible sexual disorders in the future, may be accompanied by a feeling of guilt for the parental breakup and color the child's future life in search of an opportunity to make amends for this guilt.

I would like to reassure you that this behavior is being treated, but I will be dishonest if I say that such behavior needs increased control, and it seems that your husband cannot provide it.

By making and defending your decision to protect children from such injuries, you can allow your husband to take part in caring for children from afar, thereby depriving him of the opportunity to follow his uncontrollable desires and cause possible harm to someone else from the children. And the feeling of pity has already played a cruel joke with more than one regretting person, so I consider this feeling unacceptable for making such important decisions not only in your life, but also in the life of your children.

5 Rating 5.00 (21 Votes)

My family is in a very dire situation. I don’t know how to describe it briefly. We're four. Husband 40, me 33. Two children. Daughter 7 years old, son 11 months. When I met my husband, the daughter was already there. She was six months old. He raised her. It can be seen that they love each other. The daughter is always very worried if we are in a quarrel. He comes up to me, says, Mom, I don't want you to swear over me. It would be better if I didn't say anything .... In general, I found out about this (although what exactly "this" is still not clear) three years ago. My daughter was crying, she said something about pussy, my husband shook his head in dumbfoundedness, he said, I’m not a pedophile. They talked for a long time, everyone cried, I believed, he promised to prove that everything was wrong ... three years have passed. In the spring I caught them in the kitchen, my husband has a morning erection in his panties, his daughter hangs around his neck. He then admitted that since the age of 4, his daughter herself has shown an unhealthy interest in him, crawls into panties, climbs under the covers, copying me, lies on his shoulder, hugs me. I admit it in principle, she accidentally saw us having sex for a long time ... my husband says, he was afraid to tell, he thought it would pass, they say 4 years old are still small. It was 3 years ago. And when this spring I caught (is this word appropriate) them in the kitchen, I decided to talk to my daughter again. She cries, sobs, says Daddy himself thrust his hand into my panties and asked him to hold him there while I was in the shower. He says, only you don’t get divorced, I don’t want without my dad. And cries. I'm shocked. I'm going to my husband. He says it was not like that. Then he says I don’t remember, they say, maybe he was drunk, but they say I’m not a pedophile, I have no sexual interest in her. Then I talked with my daughter, she admitted that it happened and she climbed to dad. In general, somehow we survived this story ... the day before yesterday my husband came from the watch. We haven't seen each other for 10 days. Everyone was so happy, missed. Great dinner, gifts, sex. In the morning the next day, I woke up my daughter to school, went to lay down again in our bedroom to my husband and son. After about 10 minutes, the husband got up and went to the gym, the daughter had not gone to school yet. And I lie and somehow I feel uneasy. I go out into the hall. The husband is lying on his stomach on the couch in the phone, the daughter in the corridor pulls on a backpack, but I feel something wrong with my spine. In the evening I take turns talking to them. The daughter says that daddy touched himself in front of her ( masturbated). The husband says he didn’t do it in front of her, and when he did, he didn’t see her. Daughter in tears. Do not get divorced, do not swear, it would be better if I were silent. I sob, drink sedatives and want to go out the window. My husband is in shock, is silent ... this morning he left again on watch for a week, he says I will die without you, I will prove that there is nothing like that and never happened. I don't know what to do, who to believe. I don’t want to raise my son (11 months) without a father, they love each other, the child is sooo long-awaited, desired, but after all, I have only one daughter, clever, beautiful ... and there is also me. I really love my family. Everyone. Including the cat and the hamster. I am madly in love with my husband. He's really very good. Family, rugged, smart, funny. But also cunning. I will not be able to destroy my family, divorce and leave with my own hands. I can not. Physically. I will die. The children will be left alone. But I can't ruin my daughter's life either. Although she is crying, begs not to leave dad. And in general, she does not look intimidated. He always runs to the doorstep to meet dad from work, hangs on his neck. All of this really drives me crazy.

I need a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a friend ... someone to discuss this with. But not with anyone. You can't talk to your friends on this topic, there is no money for a psychologist yet. And I am in unbearable pain. There is nowhere to run either. I am alone in my grief. And I can only discuss it with my husband. You can't talk about that. Help ... I'm afraid, after leaving my husband and children, I will begin to blame my daughter for everything, although she is not to blame, the relationship with her will deteriorate. But you can't leave everything like that! What should I do? How to rip everything out of the heart? How to erase gigabytes of memory from your head? I'm between two fires. I'm about to burn. Help.

Hello Julia.

In adults, arousal may occur when interacting with children. These desires are not always manageable. But that's not what makes a person a pedophile.
It is important how an adult then deals with this excitement. It is important what choice he makes. And this choice depends on the adult person 100%. Only he himself can say to himself that even if he is aroused, he still will not perform any sexual actions with the child, in her presence, ask her, show her, etc.
Symbolically, the message to my daughter should look like this: "I like you, I admire you, but I am your mother's husband and I will only be with her. We will have nothing with you." And of course you yourself cannot encourage the child, seduce him, etc.

Children can behave provocatively, they are just beginning to recognize their body, their still childish attractiveness. But children are not responsible for their actions, they still do not fully understand what is happening to them.

From the age of 4, the daughter herself has shown an unhealthy interest in him, climbs into her panties, climbs under the covers, copying me, lies on his shoulder, hugs me.

The child is simply copying the behavior of the parents. Many children want to become a husband for mom, and many children want to be a wife for dad, not yet fully understanding what this means. When we talk about a child, the words "unhealthy interest" are meaningless.

It's not great that an adult does not explain to a child that it is impossible to do this with dad, that dad will sleep and lie under the covers and only allow mom to touch him in panties.

Daughter in tears. Do not get divorced, do not swear, it would be better if I were silent.

Only adults should take responsibility for everything that happens. For this, it is important not to swear and not discuss these issues in front of your daughter, not to arrange confrontations and not to find out who is lying. Whatever decision you make regarding your future life with your husband, you must explain to your daughter that this is only your adult business. And that she did everything right, that she told you. Talk to your daughter and explain that if this happens, if dad asks her to touch him, shows, masturbates in front of her, etc. - then it is not right and harmful for him and for her.

Respectfully yours, psychologist, gestalt therapist,
Makarova Lola.

“After they parted, he took the child with him several times. After that, the grandson began to say the words "pisya" and "priest", talked about all the obscenities that his father did to him, - says the grandmother. - Also, the child constantly straightened his panties and pants, he was always disturbed by something in that area. Rides on the bus and singsong: "Pi-i-xia, pi-i-xia". People are watching, we don’t know how to distract ”.

Natalya adds that the child, after visits to his father, also could no longer wash - as soon as splashes fell on him, he fell into hysterics. After questioning, he confessed: "Dad wrote in droplets at me!"

Maria and Natalya ran to the police, where they wrote a statement asking them to check what really happened between father and son.
"And, of course, we were against their further meetings," says the grandmother categorically. “It’s not known what he did with the child there.”
Nevertheless, according to Natalia, dad somehow came to his son in the kindergarten and began to threaten him.

"Like, if you tell someone what was in the apartment, I will take you to the forest and throw you into the river," she says. - And I'll kill my mother and grandmother too. After that, during a quiet hour in the kindergarten, the child wet himself, and then refused to go to the kindergarten altogether - he was afraid that dad would come there again ”.

In the meantime, the police opened a criminal case and summoned Sasha's mother for questioning.

“After the interrogation, the investigator came out all white and said that yes, the child confirmed everything and showed it on the doll, and she will call the prosecutor,” the boy’s grandmother describes the situation.

Maria began to cry. The child was recognized as a victim and attended sand therapy as part of a victim assistance program.

Then they interrogated my grandmother and my mother, but then something went wrong.

"Sasha began to tell new details," says the grandmother. - But when the investigator summoned him for interrogation for the second time, she could not get him to talk normally, and he answered many questions that he did not remember. In the end, they found nothing better than to close the case. They say that little has been proven guilt, all doubts are interpreted in favor of the suspect. But why not in favor of the child? "

From the decision of the prosecutor's office to close the case, it can be deducted that the investigator came to the conclusion that the grandmother and mother allegedly deliberately set the child against the father in order to influence the outcome of the court case.

Help help discord

Meanwhile, the trial was in full swing. Maria's ex-husband decided to take the child for himself.

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“And the court sided with him! - Natalya is indignant. - Assigned an examination to the child, father and daughter in order to find out whether crimes of a sexual nature were committed against the child. Instead, experts said that her daughter is paranoid towards her ex-husband, she seems to be making a sacrifice out of the child and does not see his future! "
The grandmother does not understand what it means "the mother does not see the unborn child"? And he shows certificates from the preparatory school, where teachers talk about the boy's successes, papers from the football club, where the child has been studying from the age of three, a description from the kindergarten, where his abilities are praised.

As it turns out from the conclusion, an important role was played by Mary's concern about her child. It follows from the documents that the child was often ill and Maria consulted a doctor with him. Also, from time to time, as follows from the discharge, mainly after meetings with his father, he developed a nervous tic and other disorders indicating stress and psychological tension. So, the experts considered that the mother too often consults the doctor for health reasons. And the conclusion says that in this way she "makes a sacrifice out of him."

“As for the father, the experts, just by talking with him, came to the conclusion that he“ could not commit sexual acts in relation to his son! ” - the grandmother is indignant. - That is, the conversation is enough to make one diagnose "paranoia" and "Munchausen syndrome", and the second - completely whitewash ... "

She also shows a certificate from a psychiatrist, to whom Maria went after the examination. The certificate indicates in black and white that no deviations were found.

“Nevertheless, the court did not take this into account, although this famous psychiatrist with a name was ready to come to court and testify,” Natalya is indignant. - That is, one conclusion of experts is taken into account by the court, and the other is not? But this is contrary to the law, according to which the court must pay equal attention to all evidence and not give preference to one or the other. "

She gives another example that greatly outrages her.

“After the police closed the criminal case, the video, where the child tells everything that his father did to him, was watched by a psychologist with many years of experience, Ülle Kalvik. And I came to the conclusion that the child describes everything that really happened to him, - says the grandmother. - That the child was really molested by his father, and the boy was forced to endure all these harassment for a long time. And in the next two years there should be absolutely no meetings with him, and then - only in the presence of his mother. Otherwise, he will lose confidence in his mother. "

However, the court did not take this paper into account, they say, she only watched the video, and did not meet with the child in person.

To find heroes for this material, Evgenia Dolgaya posted an ad on social networks. In one night, 54 girls responded to her post with their painful stories, which they, most often, did not tell anyone at all. We publish five anonymous portraits that were able to reveal themselves as much as possible. When reading these revelations, it may appear that they are fictional. But this is not the case.

The external well-being of the family does not mean at all that a nightmare is going on inside. It is not only families with low incomes, alcoholic mothers or fathers who have served time at risk of domestic violence. Sexual violence is usually understood as harassment with a sexual overtones, involving a child in a physical act, demonstrating genitals, or even ordinary porn. In adults, everything is legislatively different, but a child who is not yet 16 years old has complete sexual immunity. This means that even his consent to participate in such actions does not mean the absence of a violent component in them and subsequent punishment. The only pity is that most victims can only tell their story to a close friend or unfamiliar journalist on condition of anonymity. These young people very rarely claim someone. It is difficult to admit that you were raped or harassed by a stranger, and it is almost impossible to tell about a close relative. But any violence entails irreversible consequences in the child's psyche: the formation of pathologies, negative character traits, a terrible shift in the value system. It is very difficult for survivors of domestic violence to build relationships and have children themselves. We have collected five stories of very young girls - one in them is scarier than the other. And the only thing that we will add from ourselves: if something like this happened in your life, do not be silent. Only publicity and a verdict can truly correct the situation.

Lana, 20 years old: "Mom said that you can't lie about this"

For the first time at the age of seven, my stepfather began to harass me. There were no threats in the usual sense, that is, physical violence. These were manipulative threats like “you don’t want everyone to know about this” or “mom will have problems if you tell someone”. This always happened when he was not sober. The first time it happened like this - I was walking on the street, and he called me home under the pretext that while his mother was at work, he was responsible for me and therefore worried. He said, they say, it's better to watch cartoons at home than to hang around on the street. He fed me with sweets, asked about my interests, about my friends. And then he invited me to watch cartoons in an embrace. I watched so often with my mother ... Why not? These are cartoons. At some point, I felt bad. I felt nauseous and desperately wanted to sleep - I complained to him about it ... He began to "calm down" me: stroking my hair, kissing on the cheek, lips, fumbling under a T-shirt, began to take off my leggings and panties, wielded his tongue. He whispered that it would pass now, that it was not at all scary and not painful. Then I never passed out, it was as if I was in a state of strong alcoholic intoxication. I remember how his hands searched every centimeter of my body, I remember the feeling of sandpaper from his three-day stubble there ... He rubbed his genitals against my body. And then he covered me, and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I was wildly sick. Mother then worked from six to eight, and she was not at home yet. He gave me coal and said that I ate too much candy, so I feel bad. I didn’t understand at all what was happening and if I had a dream at all - that’s why I didn’t tell anyone anything. I didn't believe it myself. And I wouldn’t have believed it if it hadn’t happened again.

The second time happened about six months later. The only difference is that there was no such coma. I was lying on the couch, he came up, held my hands above his head and did everything the same as the last time. And then he said that no one would believe me that my mother would have problems and, if everyone found out, no one else would want to communicate with me. That evening I told my mother. She forced me to undress, examined me and said that I was a liar, but you cannot lie about such a thing: they could put me in jail. And she added so that I would not invent anything like that anymore. Then this was repeated with regularity three to five times a year. A couple of times I tried to complain to my mother, but she only reacted with scandal and assault. He wound it up himself, saying that I was making it up, that I wanted to breed them. And then there was simply no moral strength. It was like in some kind of nightmare.

When I was 16, I found my first job and moved out from my parents. Now for five years I have not kept in touch with my family, I come only to see my brother - I try to do it so that no one else is at home.

Recently, my stepfather got drunk again and wanted to take his brother somewhere. Mother got scared and asked me to take him out of there. And I love my brother, that's why I went there. When I entered the apartment where they were, my stepfather, under the guise of greeting, patted me and tried to kiss me. She pushed him away and shouted that I would call the police if he didn’t keep his hands to himself. He got scared, and I took my brother and left. When I told my mother that he touched and kissed me, she first asked again, and then she just kept silent. She did not answer and never brought up the topic again.

I have dealt with this vicious circle thanks to a close friend. She also had a dysfunctional family. Often one of us pulled the other away from the abyss. I did not live in those years. I went from fantasy to fantasy. And reality has become a kind of nightmare. Watch it, and "wake up" somewhere in the vaults of Hogwarts, for example. I am registered with a psychiatrist. She tried to commit suicide seven times. I don't seem to have been very good at getting over it. I don’t come to them, I don’t call them. The only person I communicate with is my younger brother. Thank God, this bastard does not touch him. You know, nothing would have helped me then, and no one. I closed in myself - my own mother did not help me. Would someone else help me?

Margarita, 20 years old: "Until the age of 14, I did not perceive it as something unnatural - it started from an early age."

Until the age of 15, I considered my stepfather to be my own father. I accidentally learned from him that I was not his own when I fought back his sexual harassment. He shouted to me that he took a mother with a child, that we owe him for the fact that he provided us with comfortable housing. I can't say exactly when he started raping me, but I was about six or eight years old.

He just knocked me down. This happened in the absence of my mother. Soundproofing in the apartment is pretty good, well, or the neighbors didn't care if I screamed. He did not hit me, I just could not move. At the age of 11-12, there was various blackmail, he could just come to my room, pick me up and carry me away, threatening to expel my mother and me, take away my computer, break or throw away my personal belongings. He just undressed, clamped his limbs so that it was impossible to resist, and did dirty things. More often than not, he simply removed everything from me, clamped my arms and legs and roughly made frictions. Sometimes he did it with his hands, sometimes with his tongue. From the age of 15 I have already learned how to fight him back, so he just pestered. At 16 or 17, I thought it was over, until about a month after I came of age, he came to my room and began to "fit in" while I slept. Fortunately, then I flared up a lot - I hit him several times, screamed loudly, drove him out and woke my mother.

In general, a wild disgust for all this began to appear in me only at the age of 14. Before that, apparently, my psyche turned so that I either "turned off" at such moments, or did not perceive it as something unnatural - after all, it began with early age and occurred frequently.

I didn’t tell my mother, because from the beginning I understood how strong and quick-tempered my mother was. She could really kill him, without exaggeration, because there was always such a trait in her - to erase from the face of the Earth the one who did badly to the child. And the problem was that we had absolutely nowhere to go. The mother began to have serious health problems, she could no longer work.

I went through all this for a long time and painfully, but in the end I overcame it. Mainly thanks to my friends, who were generally the first to whom I decided to tell. Their support helped me to first pull out what I was hiding so deeply, and then to survive a long wave of exorbitant anger. Since all these memories ceased to frighten and depress me, in some sense I grew bolder. I really wanted to make him suffer and suffer as he did me - no matter how.

For the last two or three years, my mother was sick, she was weak, she could not be nervous, otherwise it could turn out to be fatal for her. On August 31 of this year, my mother passed away, she never found out about everything. But, in fact, life has now arranged everything as it should be. If before that my mother kept me here, now she does not hold anything.

I move to another city and finally begin to realize myself, to reassemble and morally heal, because I cannot live here.

Well, the stepfather will now be the only one suffering from his mother, trying not to drown in debt and learn to live on his own. Mom always did everything for him! He doesn't even know how to wash clothes. Mom looked after him like a child, and he raped her daughter. Fortunately, I had enough head on my shoulders not to kill or do something like that. I see that now he is starting to pay for what he has done - he feels about the same as I once did. He is scared, he feels bad, he is lonely, there is little he can do. For girls who are faced with such horror, I wish to overcome my fear and even threaten that you will tell all the neighbors and at school. Many people say: "Mom is to blame, how could she not see it ?!" My mother was my best friend, and I let her pain through me. I would not have resisted if my mother did something to him and entailed punishment. Although I myself have imagined many times how I kill him. When life makes the choice “endure or die,” but you want to live, you have to grow and fight. In life, it helps to overcome everything.

Alice, 23 years old: "Grandpa was about 63 years old"

My own grandfather sexually harassed me for three years. I was eight years old when he first did it. Then I came home from school, he helped me to undress, then he said that I was cold and I needed to keep warm in order not to get sick. He began to "warm" me with his hands. Everywhere. Then he said that he knew one good way so that I would definitely not get sick - and he himself was completely naked. He began massaging me, rubbing my thighs, calming me that it was necessary, that everything was fine. He touched me everywhere, granddaughter numb with fear and horror. And then he entered me, slowly. With the other hand he held my weak body, while telling me that this is how it should be, that everything is fine. But I was in too much pain, so I started to struggle. He let go.

After that, he more than once "helped" me to undress and touched every part of my body. Due to life's circumstances, I often stayed with him at home. Not so long, but often. Of course, I understood that something was wrong, that I didn’t like it, but I was silent. Everything happened as if in a fog - I was just trying to disconnect at that moment when he did something with his tongue. He was about 63 years old.

When she got a little older and could push him away, he just started to spy on me: he would accidentally run into the room when I was changing, or he would go into the bath as if by accident. Father ignored my requests to put the latch on the door. It happened that my grandfather just squeezed me and held me between my legs with his palm. And then he just disappeared ... He did not come home and did not answer calls. Only six months later he was found dead on the site of an abandoned summer cottage village, buried in a closed coffin.

Katya, 18 years old: "Father's phrase 'you yourself are to blame' really knocked me out"

My mom went on a business trip. She was gone for a month. During this time, my father did not pay for the rented apartment, and we were evicted. We went to his relatives. The first night my dad's brother slept there, he was 40 years old, and I was only 12. All day he talked with me about studies, about my hobbies, about friends. He told me that despite my age, I am very smart. At night I did not want to sleep and did a crossword puzzle. He came to the kitchen, sat down next to me and offered to argue: who will solve these scanwords faster. We solved them until two in the morning. But it was already clear that he would answer these stupid scanword questions faster than me. Lost ... He said that I owe him a wish. His desire was to sit down 20 times. I squatted, but I remember further how he covered my mouth with his hand and lifted my nightgown. Touched me. From the knees and above to the abdomen, he simply opened his arms, touched his chest, climbed into his panties, painfully touched his genitals. I cried, choked on my tears, but as soon as I tried to scream, he let me go and ran into the corridor. I ran into the room and could not move. I told my father this, but he kept silent and said that it was my own fault - and, since we are their guests, he could not do anything. Then I could not tell anyone about it. And dad just went on to sleep.

In the morning I took my younger sister and went to my classmate. Her mother was her sister's class teacher and let us stay without question. Probably, I scared my uncle - he thought that I would get tired of squats and, frightened, I would be silent. But everything worked out so clearly for him ...

All night then I did not sleep until seven in the morning. I was afraid to tell someone about it - my father’s phrase “you are to blame” really knocked me out. As luck would have it, I never saw my uncle again. Mom quickly divorced her father, and we never crossed paths with his relatives again. Mom was pulling us all the time. I didn't want to burden her with this news - she would have gone there and just hacked them all down there. When my mother came from a business trip and found out that my father had missed the apartment, and my younger sister and I were on the street, she left him. Before that, there were many situations - my father drank and a lot - but this was the last point for my mother.

Elizaveta, 22: "He was caught red-handed with another niece"

We have a big family. I am the eldest, from the age of five my mother's brother began to harass me. Touched in intimate places, kissed there, but did not rape. Only sometimes, when no one was there, he asked to "lick the lollipop." He is ten years older. Since his fifteen, he morally mocked me and harassed me.

For many years I was afraid to tell my parents. This lasted until my 13 years old, and at 13 he wanted more - to deprive me of my virginity. I started shouting in horror that I would tell everything, and he stopped. She was afraid to stay at home alone with him - and this happened often. Later she began to threaten him directly, overcame her fear, and he simply left to work in another city. Now, when we see each other, he smiles sweetly at me and calls me “beloved nephew”. Well, I try not to see them at all.

Later, my aunt, who lived with my grandmother, got married, and I often visited them. Her husband loved beer and growing girls. My chest was just beginning to grow, my hips were rounded. I was about 15 years old. They had a separate room, and there was a computer in it. When I was sitting at the computer, and he was at home, he came up from behind and touched my breasts, legs, buttocks. It ended six months later, when relatives caught him red-handed with another niece in the same situation. In general, it was customary in my family to see violence: my father drank, my mother gave birth and stayed at home, there was a critical lack of finance - a very long history. But I grew up, and these children's complexes have influenced my life. I am aware of where and how it affects.

It seems to me to have a child is a very responsible decision, you need to be ready not only financially and physically, but also as a person. You are raising a person who will interact with society, you need to grow a personality and give her everything that you have learned yourself, and be a friend to this new person. Parents just need to be friends with their children - they are touched or offended at school, and you do not know if you are too busy or you have no time. You need to pay so much attention to your child so that he himself openly shares everything and can ask for advice.