Hello. I have a question: the 15th anniversary of my father's death is coming soon. Is it possible to remember him in advance, one day in advance (in connection with a business trip)? Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on this day? Thanks in advance for your reply.
Dear Vyacheslav!
Forgive me for the Lord's sake that I did not answer you soon. All laziness - or even things go. I owe the Scriptures almost the whole world. I will strongly know how much I am guilty before you - my non-response. But for God's sake, do not think that I have forgotten you. I always remember and remember.
Regarding the commemoration of the deceased, we can say that home prayers and commemorations in the church should be performed on the very day of your father's death, and the memorial table can be moved to another time.
After all, after death a person can no longer pray for himself, we must do it for him. Prayer for the departed is the greatest and most important thing that we can do for those who have passed away. By and large, the deceased does not need a coffin or a monument - all this is a tribute to traditions, albeit pious ones. But the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for our constant prayer, because she herself cannot do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God.
That is why home prayer for loved ones, prayer at the cemetery at the grave of the deceased is the duty of every Orthodox Christian. Commemoration in the Church provides special assistance to the deceased.
On the day of commemoration of the deceased, his close relatives and faithful friends pray for him, expressing by this the belief that the day of a person's death is not a day of destruction, but of a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer a place for earthly diseases, sorrows and sighs.
There is such a purely worldly superstition - to arrange a memorial feast. In the Orthodox sense, although it is possible, it has no independent meaning. Previously, such a memorial meal was served after everyone prayed together for the deceased in church.
The commemoration means the prayer of relatives and close people for the repose of the deceased, so that with their prayers the Lord would have mercy on him and honor the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the main meaning of the commemoration. It should be borne in mind that the meaning of the memorial table is to feed the poor, the sick, etc., that is, the creation of alms in memory of the deceased. It is better to remember her in the Church, to stand up to pray for her soul. You can also go to the cemetery.
If desired, on this day, you can read the akathist about the repose of the deceased. First of all, of course, you should come to the church at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration in the altar (best of all, if it is a commemoration at a proskomedia, when a particle is removed from a special prosphora for the deceased, and then as a sign of washing away his sins lowered into the Chalice with the Holy Gifts). You can order a magpie or other many-day memorial service.
After the liturgy, a panikhida should be served. Prayer will be more effective if the one who commemorates this day himself takes part in the Body and Blood of Christ.
On certain days of the year, the Church commemorates all fathers and brothers who have passed away by faith, who have been vouchsafed to Christian death, and those who were overtaken by sudden death were not admonished to the afterlife by the prayers of the Church.
Every deceased Orthodox Christian must be commemorated annually on the days of his birth, death, and name day. It is very useful to donate to the church on memorable days, to give alms to the poor with a request to pray for the dead.
Prayer for the departed Christian
Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the life of your eternal reposed servant, our brother (name), and like the Good and Humanitarian, forgiving sins, and consuming unrighteousness, weaken, forgive and forgive all his free and involuntary sins, deliver him eternal torment and fire of hell, and grant him the sacrament and pleasure of Thy eternal good, prepared for those who love Thee: if you sin, but do not depart from You, and doubtlessly in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, God in the Trinity is glorified, faith, and One in the Trinity and the Trinity in Unity, Orthodox even to the last gasp of confession. Even so, be merciful to that, and faith, even in Thee instead of deeds of imputation, and with Thy saints, as Abundant, rest: there is no man, who will live and not sin. But Thou art One besides all sin, and Thy righteousness, the truth forever, and Thou art the One God of mercies and generosity, and love for mankind, and we give You glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and forever and ever. Amen.
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According to Orthodox traditions, the soul of a deceased person wanders the earth for forty days, saying goodbye to his family and friends. The fortieth day is very important for the soul, it is then that she appears before the face of God and is responsible for all her life's actions. On this day, the soul itself is no longer able to change anything, but this is subject to the relatives and friends of the deceased. Our ancestors sacredly revered church traditions, and they instilled this in us. But today's rhythm of life puts us at times before a difficult choice. No one is able to stop time or make it run faster, the commemoration does not always coincide with our weekend, and the question remains relevant for many: is it possible to remember forty days earlier?
A tribute to tradition
The day of death is considered the first when the soul begins to wander between the worlds. The wanderings end at the fortieth - a decision on the future fate of the soul. The importance of this point cannot be overstated. The most important thing we can do is pray for a person, remember all his positive qualities. With our prayers and memories, we ask the higher powers to make a positive verdict and be merciful.
The deceased should be remembered throughout all forty days, therefore, when asked whether it is possible to remember a person earlier, the answer can only be "yes." However, it is on the 40th day that it is necessary to visit the church and order a memorial prayer. Try to remember the deceased with kind words as often as possible.
If you are unable to organize a memorial dinner on the 40th day, do not be discouraged. The memorial meal itself has no meaning for the deceased. It is not a plentiful table and all kinds of food that is important, but your attention, prayers and memories are important. Submit a note to the liturgy in the church, attend the service on the 40th day, at the end of which order a panikhida.
Prayer remembrance
The tradition of gathering loved ones at the memorial table has existed for many years, but church officials note that on especially important days after the death of a person, it is prayer commemorations, and not memorial dinners, that play a huge role. In ancient times, it was customary to share food with the poor and beggars, attend the service and order a memorial prayer for the salvation of the soul of the deceased.
It should be noted that memorial days often fall on major church holidays. Priests urge to spend time not at the table with friends and family, but in church - in prayer for the soul and in the name of all saints.
It is very important not only to order a prayer for the repose of the soul, but also to be present at this time in the temple, turning to the Lord together with everyone. It is the prayer commemoration that should not be postponed a day earlier or later, it should be held on important days for the soul - the 3rd, 9th and 40th after death.
Commemoration of the departed. Is it necessary to remember the deceased day after day? Is it possible to remember earlier or later? When and why?
- They commemorate on the 3rd day, 9th day, 40th day, and the year from death, they also commemorate on the days of his earthly birth, on the days of his name day (the day of remembrance of the saint whose name he bore). 3,9,40 days, as a rule, celebrate a day in a day, and an anniversary, for example, if you cannot, you work on this day, you can spend commemorations earlier than three days before the date. According to the folk, you can't celebrate your birthday earlier, but you can remember it. Now why do we celebrate the third day, after all, the main thing is not the table that we set and that on this table, the main thing is PRAYER. According to the scriptures (When on the third day there is a commemoration in the Church for the soul of the deceased, then the soul of the deceased receives relief from the guarding Angel in grief, which it feels from separation from the body, it receives because praise and an offering in the Church of God for her has been accomplished, from which in it gives birth to a good hope, for in the course of two days the soul is allowed, together with the Angels who are with it, to walk on the earth wherever it wants. Heaven for the worship of all kinds of God. After worship on the 3rd day, it is commanded to show the soul various pleasant abodes of saints and the beauty of paradise. All this is considered by the soul in six days, wondering and glorifying the Creator of all kinds - God. Beholding all this, it changes, and forgets the sorrow that felt, being in the body and after leaving it.But if she is guilty of sins, then at the sight of the inheritance of the saints, she begins to grieve and reproach herself - Alas! fuss about this in the world? Alas for me, poor! After six days, the soul is again ascended by the Angels to worship God. After the second worship, the Lord of all orders to take the deshu to hell and show her the places of torment located there, the various branches of hell and various torments of unclean sinful people. The soul rushes through these different places of torment for thirty days (from the 9th to the 40th), trembling so that it will not be imprisoned in them either. On the fortieth day, she again ascends to God and now the Judge determines her place of confinement, which is decent for her deeds.
- Yes, when you want to remember, but if you want - do not remember at all. He doesn't care anymore. The commemoration is needed more for those who commemorate, because remembering the dead, they, in fact, remember themselves at a time when he was still alive.
- According to the teachings of the Holy Orthodox Church, all believers in the Lord Jesus Christ do not die, but live forever. "Everyone who lives and believes in Me will not die forever" (John 11:26). Therefore, dying Orthodox Christians do not cease to be members of the Holy Church, maintaining prayerful communion with all her other children.
Anyone who wants to show his love for the dead and give them real help can best do this by prayer for them and, in particular, by submitting a note for commemoration at the Divine Liturgy. We cannot do anything better or more for them. They always need this ... (Archbishop John (Maksimovich)).
For prayers for the dead, a special day has been assigned on Saturday, on which the funeral service is due (except for holidays, if it happens on that day).
Love for deceased relatives imposes on us, now living, the sacred duty of praying for the salvation of their souls. According to the priest Nikolai Uspensky, ... by praying for deceased relatives, we bring them the only blessing that their souls yearn for, mercy from the Lord.
From ancient times, there is a custom to commemorate each deceased on the third, ninth and fortieth days after his death, as well as to perform magpies. Sorokoust is a continuous commemoration for 40 days after death.Also, the annual day of death, birthday and name day are dedicated to the commemoration of the deceased in the sense that the deceased is alive and immortal in spirit and will once be completely renewed when the Lord erects his body.
In addition to participating in funeral services, the Holy Church commands her children to commemorate the dead at home prayer as well. Here, each praying person is given some freedom to exercise personal zeal. In addition to evening and morning prayers, monks and laity read the commemoration, performing a roll-call commemoration of the living and the dead. In addition, there is an ancient custom to read the Psalter for the departed. At home prayer, with the blessing of the confessor, commemoration can also be performed for those who cannot be commemorated at church services - their relatives and friends who died outside the enclosure of the Orthodox Church - unbaptized, heretics, etc. The Optina elders allowed even suicides to be remembered at home prayer.
In addition to praying for the departed, another act of remembering them is charity. Charity is understood not only as a donation to the poor in memory of the deceased, but any benevolence in relation to the needy.
St. John Chrysostom said: A luxurious burial is not love for the dead, but vanity. If you want to sympathize with the deceased, I will show you a different method of burial and teach you to lay the vestments, an adornment worthy of him and glorifying him: this is alms.
- You can, of course, not on a day-to-day basis, but the body change will take place exactly on the day it should be. The commemoration is usually done three times, in accordance with the change in the body of the deceased (on the third day the image changes, on the ninth the body disintegrates, on the fortieth day the heart decays). On the ninth and fortieth days, relatives of the deceased are expected to visit the cemetery and organize a memorial meal at home.
- You can pray any day, these are days, weeks, years ... and there is eternity! It is just customary to remember especially about the deceased on the day of his death, but this does not mean that it is impossible on another day.
- Just remember him ...
- Alcohol is a great deceiver! The insidious drink first makes a man - cheerful, and then an alcoholic and impotent. It is even more tragic for a woman. From a cute creature, she turns into a disgusting creature. Fortunately, female alcoholism is easier to treat than male alcoholism.
After visiting the temple or praying on the 9th day, it is also customary to collect a table for friends and relatives of the deceased. In most cases, Orthodox Christians, including those in Russia, of course, follow this rule and organize a commemoration without fail.
However, it sometimes happens that it is not possible to organize a meal on the 9th day for some serious reason. And of course, in this case, relatives have a question about whether it is possible to hold a commemoration earlier or later.
9th day value
According to Orthodox canons, within 2 days after death, the soul of the deceased remains on earth and visits its usual places, saying goodbye to loved ones. On the third day, the deceased appears before God.
Over the next 6 days, the soul is shown paradise and the abodes of the saints. On the 9th day he is taken to hell, where over the next 30 days the angels acquaint him with the places of torture of sinners.
On the 40th day, the soul of the deceased is called to God again. And at this moment he already decides where she will stay in the future - in heaven or in hell - until the Last Judgment.
Is it possible to celebrate the 9th day earlier or later: the opinion of the priests
Since this date for the deceased, according to the ideas of the Church, is really of great importance, it is not recommended to postpone it. However, the priests believe that the most important thing is not the organization of the commemoration itself, but prayers for the deceased.
This means that on the 9th day it is imperative to go to church or to pray for a loved one who has departed at home. If for some reason it is not possible to gather relatives and friends on this day, you should at least distribute memorial food to friends and certainly the sick and the poor. Actually, the memorial meal itself can be postponed to a later date.
When a memorial table cannot be assembled
Thus, only prayer for the deceased is obligatory on the 9th day in Orthodoxy. In the church, the priests recommend defending the liturgy and ordering a requiem for the deceased. It is not necessary to organize a memorial meal on this day.
Moreover, in Orthodoxy, on some days, it is not even allowed to arrange a commemoration. For example, you cannot do this on Easter. It is not recommended to collect the table for the deceased and during Great Lent. If the 9th day falls on this time, you need to pray for the deceased, and postpone the organization of the meal to a later date. At the same time, it is still not recommended to arrange a commemoration earlier in Orthodoxy.
The Christian Church teaches us that the once created immortal man, due to the original sin of Adam and Eve, lost this greatest gift. Since then, he has become perishable and, having passed the life path that the Lord has given him, leaves the earthly world, taking with him the burden of sins committed, but not redeemed by repentance. Therefore, our prayers and ceremonies are extremely important for him to gain eternal peace. About how the departed are commemorated on the anniversary of death (a year after death), and will be discussed in this article.
Commemorations of the deceased, preceding the anniversary of death
After a person's heart stopped beating and he appeared before the gates of eternity, the Orthodox Church prescribes his threefold commemoration. It takes place on the third, ninth and fortieth days after death. It is necessary to briefly mention them, because otherwise the story will be incomplete and how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of his death.
Commemoration of the deceased on the third day is performed to commemorate the three-day resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ. It is generally accepted that the first two days after parting with the body, the soul, accompanied by the angels, still wanders around the places dear to her in earthly memories. On the third day, the angels lift her to heaven to worship the Almighty. Thus, the day of the first standing before the Lord is the beginning of the memorial cycle, the end of which will be the anniversary of death. How to commemorate according to church custom on this still distant day will be described below.
The next rite is performed on the ninth day, symbolizing the nine ranks of the angels, interceding before the Lord for the repose of the soul of His deceased servant. The Church teaches that after the third day the soul leaves the earthly world and is carried by the angels to the heavenly abodes, which it contemplates for six days.
After that, she performs a secondary worship of the Lord and is plunged into hell, where she will have to stay until the fortieth day, continuously contemplating the torments endured by unrepentant sinners. And only after the blessedness of the righteous and the suffering of the wicked have been revealed to the soul, does it appear before the Almighty, who, according to earthly affairs, determines the place of its stay until the Last Judgment.
The third, ninth, and especially the fortieth day are just as important as the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased at these stages of his stay in the afterlife is the topic of a special conversation, but we will turn to the rite performed a year after he passed away.
Daily prayer commemoration of the departed
From time immemorial, Orthodox people have developed a pious custom to commemorate in church on the anniversary of the death of all those who have passed away, regardless of how many years have passed since that sad day. However, this does not eliminate the need at home during the reading of the morning and evening prayer rules, and nowadays more and more people observe this church prescription, along with the texts contained in them, to say several funeral prayers. You can find them on the pages of an ordinary Orthodox Prayer Book.
The time that has passed since the death of a person close to us dulls the pain of the loss suffered, but, despite this, it is necessary to remember how much memorial prayers are necessary for him beyond the threshold of eternity, especially on the day when the anniversary of death has come. How to remember the deceased in order to help his soul to be freed from the gravity of sins? Many church fathers wrote about this, gaining fame with their theological works.
Preliminary cleansing of your own soul
If we turn to their writings, then in most of them one can see how much importance the authors attach to the mental and physical purity of those who intend to alleviate the posthumous fate of those close to him with their prayers. In other words, before you start praying for the forgiveness of someone else's sins, you need to repent of your own. Everyone knows that the prayer of the righteous is more often heard than the requests of one who is mired in sin.
In addition, speaking about how to remember correctly on the anniversary of death, the holy fathers strongly recommend starting preparations for this important matter with fasting, even if not for a short time. One - a maximum of two days of abstaining from meager food - meat, fish and dairy products, will help, by expelling carnal and sometimes sinful aspirations, so inherent in human nature, to direct thoughts towards the upcoming prayer communication with God. We draw your attention to the fact that fasting in this case is not a mandatory requirement, but is only recommended as a proven means of purifying your own soul and body.
This will help our prayers for the forgiveness of the sins of a loved one to be heard and find grace. The Church teaches that beyond the threshold of death it will be too late to repent of what they have done during life, and only those who remain on earth are able to pray to God to alleviate the fate of the deceased.
Continuing the conversation about how to properly commemorate the dead on the anniversary of death, one cannot but recall the custom of ordering regular commemoration of the deceased for forty days in the church in advance of this date. This rite is called the forty-mouth and originates from the first centuries of the establishment of Christianity in Russia. In this case, it serves as a preparatory stage for the main actions to be taken on the day of commemoration.
Where to start a church commemoration?
Despite the importance of home prayers, the main emphasis is still on the church service on the day of the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased in the temple of God, you should ask the priest in advance, who will help you perform this rite in full accordance with the traditions of the Orthodox Church. We will dwell only on some of the generally accepted rules.
Usually, before the beginning of the liturgy, a note is submitted with the name of the deceased for his commemoration in the altar. By the way, the names of other close people who left this world at different times can be inscribed in it. All of them also need prayer support. In addition, on the day of the anniversary of death, as at any other time, it will be very appropriate to order a memorial service for the deceased.
What is a memorial service?
Since this funeral rite, which has long been accepted in Russian Orthodoxy, has a special meaning, continuing the conversation about how to commemorate the deceased on the anniversary of his death, it is worth dwelling on it in more detail. According to the rules set out in the Trebnik, a liturgical book regulating the procedure for performing the sacraments and other sacraments, the requiem can be held both in the church and in the house of the deceased, where the priest is invited for this purpose, as well as in the cemetery or in the place where life was cut short. a loved one. The funeral service is very similar in structure to the funeral service. The only difference is that in this case several prayers are excluded from it.
Kolivo, prosphora and alms are integral parts of the rite
In addition, in the Trebnik, indicating how the dead are commemorated on the anniversary of their death at home, in the cemetery and in the temple, it is ordered at the end of the church rite to put on the eve - a small rectangular table with a crucifix, where funeral candles usually burn - a dish filled with kutya - porridge made from whole wheat grains and poured with honey. According to church tradition, it is called a coliva. Leaving the church, you should take one or several prosphora with you and eat them at home on an empty stomach even before the commemoration meal begins.
Regardless of whether the memorial service was performed in the church, or the relatives of the deceased limited themselves to a modest domestic rite, it is highly recommended on this day, as on any other, to give alms to those whom the vicissitudes of life forced to seek food for themselves with outstretched hand. This humanly good deed is, moreover, the fulfillment of one of the main God's commandments, which prescribes love for neighbors and help to all who need it. It should be strictly observed throughout life, and not only on the day when someone's death anniversary comes.
How to remember a loved one in a cemetery?
Paying tribute to the memory of a loved one, it is also customary to visit his grave on the anniversary of his death. It is there that we most acutely feel the irreparability of the loss suffered. It is highly advisable a few days before that, having come to the cemetery, to check whether the tombstone, cross and fence are in proper order. If something needs to be repaired or painted, then you should do it immediately, and in any case, clean it up. In the fall - sweep the fallen leaves from the grave, in the winter - remove the snow, and in the spring and summer it is advisable to plant live seedlings.
On the anniversary of death, you can visit the cemetery both before going to church and after it. In this case, there are no rigid attitudes, and everyone can do what is more convenient for him. The only exception can be those cases when the relatives of the deceased want a priest to serve a litiya at the grave. Usually, there are churches on the territories of cemeteries, where you can apply with such a request, and it is better to do this in advance, since the priest may have other requirements for that day.
Ritual traditions governing the procedure for how to properly commemorate the departed on the anniversary of death allow all appropriate actions to be performed without the participation of a priest. In this case, one of those present, and among them, as a rule, are the closest relatives and friends of the deceased, can read the memorial prayers himself. They will be especially gracious if those present begin to do it one by one. The laying of natural or artificial flowers and wreaths is also an integral part of visiting the grave.
Memorial meals at the grave and at home
At the end of the reading of the prayers, the time comes for a short memorial meal, performed right at the grave. The tradition of the Orthodox Church prescribes to eat pancakes, jelly, and kutya on it, which was discussed above. You can also add fruits and homemade cakes to this simple menu.
Unfortunately, in the Soviet period, when the domination of atheistic ideology tore people away from the primordial church customs, standards that were completely alien to true piety were developed. One of them was the tradition of drinking alcoholic beverages at the grave, and often just getting drunk. We can say with full confidence that this fundamentally contradicts church rules, and it does not matter if the grave is visited on an ordinary day or it is the anniversary of death.
On the same day, it is customary to commemorate the deceased at a home meal, to which relatives are invited, as well as those who knew and loved him during his lifetime. Often a priest is one of the participants in the feast. Sometimes for this purpose they rent a room in a cafe or restaurant. In order for the commemoration to take place in accordance with the established tradition, a number of simple rules should be observed, as set out below.
The beginning of a home meal, like the one that was served at the cemetery, must be preceded by the same memorial prayer for the deceased. If a priest is invited to the house, then he reads, if not, then one of the relatives or several people in turn. Prayer in this case is important both for the repose of the soul of the deceased, and for the mood of those present in a solemn manner corresponding to the given moment.
Features of the memorial table
It is quite natural that each hostess tries to set as rich a table as possible, replete with various dishes, and thus please the tastes of all those present. However, it should be borne in mind that the church calendar, in addition to fast days, that is, those in which no restrictions are imposed on the list of foods to be eaten, also provides for fasts, both one-day and multi-day.
Since the commemoration itself is part of the Orthodox tradition, the meal menu must also meet the requirements set by the church for the day on which the anniversary of death fell. How to remember the deceased with only lean treats is a question that each housewife decides independently.
It is important to take into account that no matter how richly the table is served, the meal should begin with the traditional tasting of the same kutya. This custom has a very definite meaning. Wheat or any other grains from which it is prepared symbolize the resurrection of the soul, and honey poured on top is the pleasure that awaits the righteous in eternal life.
How to maintain a proper table setting
Another important point associated with a home meal is the correct choice of alcoholic beverages. If their use in the cemetery is inappropriate, as discussed above, then at the home table or in a restaurant it is permissible. However, in order not to darken the memory of a dear person and his death anniversary, remember the day of his death, taking into account the advice set out below. This will help avoid unpleasant situations that often arise as a result of excessive libation.
To be on the safe side, it is not recommended to put strong forty-degree drinks on the table. Better to give preference to church cahors or some light wines. At the same time, it is necessary to ensure that even their use does not go beyond the reasonable. Otherwise, the memorial meal can easily turn into an ordinary banquet, during which the memories of the deceased give way to laughter and fun, inappropriate in the given setting.
Scandals, abuse and a showdown at the memorial table are extremely unacceptable. It is advisable that during the whole lunch only the deceased was talked about, various episodes from his life were recalled, and everything that he had done good to people was told.
You can invite guests to view photographs of the deceased in the home or a video on which he was captured. Even if the deceased was not always distinguished by dignified behavior, the bad on this day should be forgotten. Instead, it is appropriate to focus on all the good things that he left behind.
Two more important questions
One should not lose sight of such a very essential question: what to do if the anniversary of death coincides with any of the major church holidays? How to remember - before or after, if on the day of the holiday itself, memorial prayers are not accepted (for example, on Easter)? In this case, the ceremony is postponed to the next weekend, or another convenient day. But even in this case, one should visit church, confess, receive communion, light a candle for the repose of the soul and give alms precisely on the anniversary of death.
There is one more important problem that the anniversary of death (1 year) poses to the relatives of the deceased, when people have to be remembered unbaptized or non-believers, or even suicides. Is it possible to pray for them at all, and if this is permissible, then how to do it correctly?
The answer can be found in the epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Colossians, where he says that for Christ “there is no Greek, no Jew, no barbarian, no Scythian ...”, and all are equal for the coming Kingdom of God. Therefore, it is possible and necessary to pray for all people, since for each deceased an important stage in his stay in the afterlife is the anniversary of death. Remember sooner or later - it depends on the calendar date, as discussed above.
The only thing that should be taken into account is the established rule to submit memorial notes to the church only with the names of those who underwent the rite of baptism during their lifetime and did not burden themselves with the sin of suicide. For all others, you need to pray for yourself, in the church and at home, in the cemetery, as well as in the place where death cut short the days of their lives. One must ask the Lord to grant remission of the sins they have committed and to rest souls in the Kingdom of Heaven.