Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky about healthy love and relationships. Tough, but meaningful!
We bring to your attention 20 shocking quotes by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, which caused so much controversy. There are no indifferent: someone completely accepts them, someone rejects them with indignation. And for those, and for others, his words have tremendous power. They are based on "healthy cynicism" and many years of experience.
1. A healthy person does not want to get married. The first thing you should do is stop wanting to get married. In other words, if you want to get married, you need to stop thinking about it, devalue the idea itself.
2. The guarantee of a happy family life, marriage and sex with one partner is only in one thing - in a stable psyche. No concessions, no compromises - this is all a direct road to a cardiologist or oncologist. When a person has a stable psyche, he can live with one partner all his life. And love him alone.
3. People are not liked because they bend. A woman will be just an empty place for a man if it is impossible to say about her who she is, what she is and what she likes for breakfast. The paradox is that men just adore bitchy women.
4. The reason for women's problems is not that he behaves like a goat. The reason is that she has a neurosis that requires an exit. And for this exit you need a certain person and a relationship in which she could suffer. Therefore, she deliberately enters into such a relationship, because from childhood she has a mental need for this.
5. We measure love by the level of suffering. And healthy love is about how happy you are.
6. When a flight attendant shows you life-saving appliances, what does she say about oxygen masks? "If you are traveling with a child, provide a mask first for yourself, then for the child." This is the whole point. Everyone is trying to help the child, remaining an absolute psycho. It doesn't work that way. If you want your child to feel good, do something with your head first.
7. Men are so arranged that since the time of their mother they only approach those who give them approval with their eyes. A healthy man is like a child. He comes up when a woman smiles at him, looks into his eyes ...
8. Healthy people always choose themselves, and neurotics always choose relationships to their detriment, and this is the main difference.
9. A woman should never tolerate in a relationship that she does not like. She should immediately talk about it, and if the man does not change, she should part with him.
10. Men, like children, like it when a woman has character.
11. If a person replaces the whole world for another person, this means that he simply does not have his own world.
12. Loneliness is not a lack of love around. This is a lack of interest in oneself, moreover, from childhood.
13. As for finding a partner, I’ll tell you, who should I look for? The only quality your partner can have is that he hooks you. Everything else does not matter at all. If you love him, worry about him, worry - then there are no "bars".
14. What needs to be done to get married? And there is only one thing to do - to be yourself. It's enough. And they love, in principle, only for this.
15. Do you know what is the fundamental difference between a healthy person and a neurotic? A healthy person also suffers, but from real stories. And the neurotic suffers from fictional stories. And if suffering is not enough, he still catches up with his beloved Kafka, Dostoevsky and the bottle.
16. If you do not like the way a man behaves, do not look for excuses for his behavior. A situation in which “he did not call back” for a healthy girl means the end of a relationship, for an unhealthy one - the beginning of love.
17. As the writer Christopher Buckley (author of the novel Thank you for smoking, there is also a film) said, you should not eat in a restaurant called "Like Mom" and go to bed with a woman who has more problems than you.
18. Modesty adorns no one. Due to insecurity, insecurity and low self-esteem, a girl lives without sex and relationships, not because she is scary, but because she treats herself badly. The task of the psychologist is to rid her of this.
19. Family therapy is divorce. Only one type of family therapy I find really useful is the mediation of a psychologist in divorce. But it is precisely this that is not practiced in Russia.
20. The only time in a person's life when he is objectively dependent and when he can be considered a hostage is childhood and dependence on his parents. This does not last long. In other cases, being in any relationship is a conscious choice of an adult.
Mikhail Labkovsky is a Russian psychologist known for his harshness in his statements and outrageousness. A practitioner with 30 years of experience can afford some harsh judgment, because his experience saves both families and lives.
We studied the advice of relationship gurus and chose the most capacious of them.
For those who are in search
- No one needs someone who is not needed by himself. And the one who accepts himself as he is, lives a tasty, fulfilling life, despite all possible everyday problems.
- If you are uncomfortable with a man on the first, second, third date, do not appoint a fourth. In the first meetings, a man shows himself in the best way, and if you are already unpleasant to be with him, nothing good will come of this relationship.
- As for young, successful and beautiful women who cannot find a match for themselves, because they supposedly have a high bar - this is the inability to have relationships and the fear of them.
- If you want to get married, you have to stop thinking about it. This is the same as wanting to have a doll on the hood, a veil and the rest of the crap. In healthy people, the situation looks a little different. First, they have a need to love. With this need to love, they find a man who loves them.
- You should never associate with married men. Fish are sold in a fish store, meat - in a butcher's shop. Don't waste your time. A married man does not need a wife, he already has one at home.
For those in a relationship
- If you want to get married, meet or even live together for six months or a year and nothing happens, you need to ask once if he wants a family and a wedding. If a man is not ready to start a family, then it's time to say goodbye to him. In an amicable way, of course. Like "I treat you very warmly and will continue in the same spirit, but away from you."
- Any - and I emphasize this - any woman who sits at home for years and deals only with household and children, degrades. It's unavoidable. And in the end, a man becomes bored with his wife, he begins to consider her stupid, and then half a step until the divorce. And note: initially the man did not insist on anything, it was the woman who happily and clapping her hands decided to stay at home.
- If he bothers you, just part with him. Don't be afraid to be alone. No man in the whole world is worth breaking himself, sagging under him, neglecting his desires and needs. No one.
- It's simple: he is - the way he is. And you are as you are. You either feel good together, or you need to separate. And it's better before you took out a mortgage and had three children.
- Anyone who is mentally healthy is guided by his feelings and always chooses himself. Neither beauty nor love requires sacrifice. And if they do, it’s definitely not your story. Bring it down. There is no purpose for which it is worth enduring something in a relationship.
For all
- You can't stand on tiptoe all your life, and disappointment is always more painful than initially showing yourself real.
- People who do not love themselves cannot love each other, so they cannot have a happy couple either.
- It is necessary to deal with the head, and not with the suitors. When a woman says, “I loved,” this is often not a story about love. This is a story about a drug dealer who supplies her with the suffering she needs. And healthy love is about how happy you are.
- If you do not like the way he treats you, does something unpleasant, you tell him about it once. If things don't change, goodbye.
- A normal person does not continue a relationship in which he is not respected. However, he will not even start them.
Based on materials -
For most women, loneliness is a terrible scourge. And it so happened in society that a woman must definitely get a certain status, that is, get married as soon as possible. Often this desire becomes similar to psychosis - girls and women go all out, just to keep the first man they come across ...
What is a woman who has never been married to do? How to find a husband if you already have a child, or even several? How to deal with the insoluble problem of intimacy? When will the psychosis that leads to these shameful consequences end? Perhaps you need to ask a psychologist ...
Mikhail Labkovsky, a psychologist with 30 years of experience, claims that the desire to get married is like a neurosis. After all, if a woman feels loneliness, then she has no interest in herself, and this problem may well come from childhood. The woman is not comfortable with herself, she is trying to fill this gaping void.
There seems to be only one way out - to find a partner. However, the first thing an applicant must understand is to literally make it clear to herself that this is not a story of her unhappy love. It is not true that she cannot get married. She is a neurotic, and her condition, her neurosis, shapes behavior, pushes to extremes.
A woman suddenly decides that she is not pretty enough or, on the contrary, is too pretty, that there is a crisis in the country, that she has a small income, that she definitely needs to remove these wrinkles. She literally creates barriers for herself, and the reason lies in her inner state. But is it suitable for family life?
Mikhail Labkovsky explains - the guarantee of a happy family life in a stable psyche. If a person is doing well with this, then he will calmly live with one partner all his life and will love only him alone. These are by no means compromises or concessions in a relationship, they are all a direct road to a cardiologist or oncologist.
Conclusion: it's about the right question or, if you like, the request. How to find love is what should worry you first. A healthy woman does not want to get married. This is from the category of looping on a veil, dress, ribbons on the car and other tripe. In healthy people, it all looks very different.
First and perhaps most importantly, healthy people have a need to love. With this need, they find a man who also loves them. The psychologist emphasizes that no extraordinary measures need to be taken for a successful marriage! It is enough just to be yourself - after all, they love it for this very reason.
So take care of your psyche and discard these clichés "get married as soon as possible"! Happiness is the main thing, and not the presence of a man next to you, who only gives you the necessary status. Share this information with others and be sure to write in the comments what you think about this.
We bring to your attention 20 shocking quotes by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, which caused so much controversy. There are no indifferent: someone completely accepts them, someone rejects them with indignation. And for those, and for others, his words have tremendous power. They are based on "healthy cynicism" and many years of experience.
1. A healthy person does not want to get married. The first thing you should do is stop wanting to get married. In other words, if you want to get married, you need to stop thinking about it, devalue the idea itself.
2. The guarantee of a happy family life, marriage and sex with one partner is only in one thing - in a stable psyche. No concessions, no compromises - this is all a direct road to a cardiologist or oncologist. When a person has a stable psyche, he can live with one partner all his life. And love him alone.
3. People are not liked because they bend. A woman will be just an empty place for a man if it is impossible to say about her who she is, what she is and what she likes for breakfast. The paradox is that men just adore bitchy women.
4. The reason for women's problems is not that he behaves like a goat. The reason is that she has a neurosis that requires an exit. And for this exit you need a certain person and a relationship in which she could suffer. Therefore, she deliberately enters into such a relationship, because from childhood she has a mental need for this.
5. We measure love by the level of suffering. And healthy love is about how happy you are.
6. When a flight attendant shows you life-saving appliances, what does she say about oxygen masks? "If you are traveling with a child, provide a mask first for yourself, then for the child." This is the whole point. Everyone is trying to help the child, remaining an absolute psycho. It doesn't work that way. If you want your child to feel good, do something with your head first.
7. Men are so arranged that since the time of their mother they only approach those who give them approval with their eyes. A healthy man is like a child. He comes up when a woman smiles at him, looks into his eyes ...
8. Healthy people always choose themselves, and neurotics always choose relationships to their detriment, and this is the main difference.
9. A woman should never tolerate in a relationship that she does not like. She should immediately talk about it, and if the man does not change, she should part with him.
10. Men, like children, like it when a woman has character.
11. If a person replaces the whole world for another person, this means that he simply does not have his own world.
12. Loneliness is not a lack of love around. This is a lack of interest in oneself, moreover, from childhood.
13. As for finding a partner, I’ll tell you, who should I look for? The only quality your partner can have is that he hooks you. Everything else does not matter at all. If you love him, worry about him, worry - then there are no "bars".
14. What needs to be done to get married? And there is only one thing to do - to be yourself. It's enough. And they love, in principle, only for this.
15. Do you know what is the fundamental difference between a healthy person and a neurotic? A healthy person also suffers, but from real stories. And the neurotic suffers from fictional stories. And if suffering is not enough, he still catches up with his beloved Kafka, Dostoevsky and the bottle.
16. If you do not like the way a man behaves, do not look for excuses for his behavior. A situation in which “he did not call back” for a healthy girl means the end of a relationship, for an unhealthy one - the beginning of love.
17. As the writer Christopher Buckley (author of the novel Thank you for smoking, there is also a film) said, you should not eat in a restaurant called "Like Mom" and go to bed with a woman who has more problems than you.
18. Modesty adorns no one. Due to insecurity, insecurity and low self-esteem, a girl lives without sex and relationships, not because she is scary, but because she treats herself badly. The task of the psychologist is to rid her of this.
19. Family therapy is divorce. Only one type of family therapy I find really useful is the mediation of a psychologist in divorce. But it is precisely this that is not practiced in Russia.
20. The only time in a person's life when he is objectively dependent and when he can be considered a hostage is childhood and dependence on his parents. This does not last long. In other cases, being in any relationship is a conscious choice of an adult.
Mikhail Labkovsky is a practicing psychologist with 30 years of experience, and for the last 20 years he has also been a TV and radio host. Many do not like his cynicism, some listen to his advice, but no one remains indifferent.
We we present to your attention 15 of the best sayings of Mikhail Labkovsky
A healthy person does not want to get married. The first thing you should do is stop wanting to get married. In other words, if you want to get married, you need to stop thinking about it, devalue the idea itself.
The key to a happy family life, marriage and sex with one partner in only one thing - in a stable psyche. No concessions, no compromises - this is all a direct road to a cardiologist or oncologist. When a person has a stable psyche, he can live with one partner all his life. And love him alone.
People are disliked for that they sag. A woman will be just an empty place for a man if it is impossible to say about her who she is, what she is and what she likes for breakfast. The paradox is that men just adore bitchy women.
The reason for women's problems is not that he behaves like a goat. The reason is that she has a neurosis that requires an exit. And for this exit you need a certain person and a relationship in which she could suffer. Therefore, she deliberately enters into such a relationship, because from childhood she has a mental need for this.
We measure love by the level of suffering. And healthy love is about how happy you are.
When the flight attendant shows you life-saving appliances, what does she say about oxygen masks? "If you are traveling with a child, provide a mask first for yourself, then for the child." This is the whole point. Everyone is trying to help the child, remaining an absolute psycho. It doesn't work that way. If you want your child to feel good, do something with your head first.
Men are made like that that since the days of their mother they have only approached those who give them approval with their eyes. A healthy man is like a child. He comes up when a woman smiles at him, looks into his eyes ...
Healthy people always choose themselves and neurotics - relationships to the detriment of themselves, and this is the main difference.
A woman should never tolerate in a relationship what she doesn't like. She should immediately talk about it, and if the man does not change, she should part with him.
For men, as for children, I like it when a woman has character.
If a person replaces another person with the whole world, this means that he simply does not have his own world.
Loneliness is not a lack of love around you. This is a lack of interest in oneself, moreover, from childhood.
I will tell you about finding a partner, and who to look for? The only quality your partner can have is that he hooks you. Everything else does not matter at all. If you love him, worry about him, worry - then there are no "bars".
What need to do, to get married? And there is only one thing to do - to be yourself. It's enough. And they love, in principle, only for this.
Modesty does not adorn anyone. Due to insecurity, insecurity and low self-esteem, a girl lives without sex and relationships, not because she is scary, but because she treats herself badly. The task of the psychologist is to rid her of this.