Late for work funny. Jokes - pictures, video jokes, funny stories and anecdotes

Explanatory note for being constantly late

I'm late for several reasons. I drive a car - the road is unpredictable and I consider it the height of idiocy to risk my life for the sake of 10 minutes of working time. Since see paragraph 2 I do not smoke, and this suggests that, unlike 90% of the office staff, instead of 5 smoke breaks for 10 minutes, or rather 50 minutes a day, while the rest kick the bulldozer, I am on my workplace and WORK! Further, see item 3 Since I am a responsible person, at least 2 times a month I have to sit at work until 23-00 (then the office closes) and WORK! Because those who smoke 50 minutes a day for a month accumulate 16 hours and fail to cope with their work let me down. So 16 hours of smoke break + 8 hours of processing = 24 hours per month I WORK more than anyone else in our office, and I am late by a maximum of 2 hours per month. If management sees no economic benefit in my lateness, they can fire me and find another more punctual employee. I wish that he was a smoker and, coming to work on time, “stealed” you every month for 2 working days.

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Yuri's explanatory note

I was late for work because of a healthy lifestyle! I went to work early, but because I had no cigarettes, they gave me a hard blow on the tambourine. I went to the infirmary, but it was closed. Then I bought a bottle of vodka and began to wash the wound. Therefore, I smell of alcohol, my face is broken, and poor speech and impaired coordination of movement are the result of a concussion! I did not drink, honestly.

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Explanatory note of the chief accountant

I was three hours late, because in the morning I had a dream that the balance had finally come together. The result was a series of powerful uncontrollable orgasms. Please get in position.

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Explanatory Michael

I confess that I was late for work by 6 hours due to the fact that yesterday I was late for a tasting of a new line of products from the Kristall plant. In the morning, from 8-00 to 14-00, I remembered where I work, until my mother came and prompted me. I dare to assure you that this will not happen again in the future, because. I prudently scribbled the work address and taxi phone number on the refrigerator door.

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Sergey's explanatory note

I was late for work for half an hour, because anyway I won’t do anything until ten, we drink tea in the morning, but so much doesn’t fit into me.
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Anna's explanatory note

I am systematically late, because I think that everything related to work should be approached systematically.

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Explanatory Deniska

I was not late, but adjusted my working day today to adequately inadequate yesterday's and inversely proportional to normalized.

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Explanatory Paul

On September 8, 2006, he was late for work, because before taking his child to kindergarten, he was impatient at the most inopportune time for the most suitable need. The delay time corresponds to the duration of the same physiological process. This case can be attributed to force majeure circumstances, i.e. "force majeure", as they do not depend on my Desire to be in time for work.

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Explanatory Victor

I'm late because you haven't paid your salary on time for a month! You will be indignant, I will quit altogether!

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Explanatory note of Yuri Yurievich

I'm late for the service. The reasons for this unseemly act are very mysterious and rather rooted in the realm of the irrational, therefore I am unable to give any acceptable explanation for what happened. As a person of fine mental organization, I cannot but feel the full depth of my fall, but the same reason will hardly allow me to even think about a possible relapse.
I suggest:
1. Consider what happened as a misunderstanding.
2. Treat me condescendingly, especially since I have already received my portion of mental torment (see above).

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Explanatory newbie

I am a newbie, working in your company for the second day. Since today is Monday, a hard day after the weekend, I took the subway and arrived at my old work. And only by the surprised look of my former director I realized that I had come to the wrong place. Comment: Everyone was crying.

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Explanatory Sergo

I was late, because I drank very, very hot tea, my bladder burst and I scalded my legs.

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Explanatory loader

Yesterday my wife was fired from her job for drinking! And this is after 10 years of life spent on this work. We decided to celebrate it. And today I got caught at the entrance of the factory. Therefore, I was late.

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Explanatory note of the senior warrant officer

I, the senior senior warrant officer of the special forces Matveev, can explain the following about being late for work. As always, I woke up at 5.30, ran a 10 km cross, did 200 push-ups, pulled myself up 100 times, and then took an ice-cold shower. Then I had breakfast, polished my boots, stroked the camouflage, put it on, put on my unloading gear, equipped it with clips, grenades, took a pistol, machine gun, put on a helmet, applied war paint, put on gloves, looked in the mirror before leaving ... and shit myself!

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Explanatory note ... I was late for work for half an hour, because anyway I won’t do anything until ten, we drink tea in the morning, but so much doesn’t fit into me.

He was late for work, because before taking his child to kindergarten, he was impatient at the most inopportune time for the most inopportune need. The delay time corresponds to the duration of the same physiological process. This case can be attributed to force majeure circumstances, i.e. “Force majeure,” as they do not depend on my desire to be in time for work.

I'm late because you don't pay your salary on time for a month! You will be indignant, I will quit altogether!

Explanatory newbie
I am a newbie, working in your company for the second day. Since today is Monday, a hard day after the weekend, I took the subway and came to my old job. And only by the surprised look of my former director, I realized that I had come to the wrong place.

I was late, because I drank very, very hot tea, my bladder burst and I scalded my legs.

Today, such and such, Friday, I was 5 hours late for work because I thought it was Saturday.

Explanatory principle
I'm late because I'm always late.

Explanatory Alexander Borisovich
I woke up in the morning, went to brush my teeth, and accidentally squeezed out the whole tube of toothpaste. While putting the paste back, I did not notice how time flew by. I promise to use toothpaste in the future.
Sincerely, Usenko Alexander Borisovich

Explanatory
I was late for work on purpose. I wanted to see how things would turn out.

Late for three hours, because. after yesterday corporate holiday, in your honor, by the way, I came to my senses on a bench in a park in Tver.
How I got there, I don't know.

Waking up in the morning, I heard a song on the radio with the words: “Ay, bells, bells, doo-doo, but I won’t go to work today.” That’s how it all happened. work on time.

Explanatory secretary
Today, September 10, I was late for work because I could not get out of the car on Volgogradsky Prospekt, I had to go to the final one, while the traffic jam cleared on the way back.

Explanatory Igor Vladimirovich
I was late for work on May 6, 2005. The delay was due to the fact that, due to my psychosomatic anomalies, since about 1995, I have been systematically communicating with demons.

Explanatory note of Alexander Yurievich
I was late for work because of my wife. In the morning, at the appointed time, the alarm rang, which woke my wife. She doesn't like my alarm clock, so she threw it away and hit me on the head, which made me pass out for a couple more hours.

Writing an explanatory note is just a formality. After all, the late employee has already received his portion of mental torment - while in a hurry he was going home and rushing to the bus or metro, coming up with an excuse on the go. But the formality must be observed. HR managers assure that it is best not to invent anything and tell the truth in a note. However, it seems to us that a bit of humor in explanatory note is able to soften the blow of the punishing right hand of the boss, raised above the head of the unfortunate worker.

27 funniest explanations

1. Explanatory chief accountant

I was three hours late, because in the morning I had a dream that the balance had finally come together. The result was a series of powerful uncontrollable orgasms. Please get in position.

2. Explanatory Yuri

I was late for work because of a healthy lifestyle! I went to work early, but because I had no cigarettes, they gave me a hard blow on the tambourine. I went to the infirmary, but it was closed. Then I bought a bottle of vodka and began to wash the wound. Therefore, I smell of alcohol, my face is broken, and poor speech and impaired coordination of movement are the result of a concussion! I didn't drink, to be honest.

3. Explanatory Michael

I confess that I was late for work by six hours due to the fact that yesterday I was late for a tasting of a new line of products from the Kristall plant. In the morning, from 8.00 to 14.00, I remembered where I work, until my mother came and prompted me. I dare to assure you that this will not happen again in the future, because. I prudently scribbled the work address and taxi phone number on the refrigerator door.

4. Explanatory constantly late

I'm late for several reasons. I drive a car - the road is unpredictable, and I think risking my life for the sake of ten minutes of working time is the height of idiocy. Since (see paragraph 2.) I do not smoke, and this suggests that, unlike 90% of the office staff, instead of five smoke breaks for ten minutes, or rather, 50 minutes a day, while the rest kick bullshit, I'm at my workplace and work!

Further (see paragraph 3.), since I am a responsible person, at least twice a month I have to sit at work until 23.00 (then the office closes) and work! Because those who smoke 50 minutes a day accumulate 16 hours in a month and, failing to cope with their work, let me down. So 16 hours of smoke break + 8 hours of overtime = 24 hours a month I work more than anyone else in our office, and I'm late by a maximum of two hours a month.

If management sees no economic benefit in my lateness, they can fire me and find another, more punctual employee. I wish that he was a smoker and, coming to work on time, “stealed” two working days from you every month.

5. Explanatory of the lost

I arrived today, August 24 of this year, for workplace to 9.23 due to objective reasons. Spending the night with an unfamiliar girl in Altufyevo (it seems), I got up ahead of time. But, having left the entrance, I got into a heavy fog. Because of what he lost orientation in space and time. I wandered for a long time, found the entrance to the entrance again. Taking care for his own safety, he decided not to leave the house until the fog completely dissipated.

At 8.40 o'clock, feeling something was wrong, he again tried to leave the entrance, found that the fog had treacherously transformed into a strong smog. Realizing that I was already very late for work, and sincerely worrying about the progress of the Cognos direction entrusted to me by you, I made a courageous decision to make my way to the metro.

Based on the foregoing, I sincerely believe that for the heroism and resourcefulness shown in difficult weather conditions, deserves not punishment in any way, but encouragement in the form of a day off, to restore psychological balance after experienced severe stress, and also for the purpose of getting to know a girl who is still unfamiliar, in fact, more closely.

6. Sergey's explanatory

I was late for work for half an hour, because anyway I won’t do anything until ten, we drink tea in the morning, but so much doesn’t fit into me.

7. Explanatory Anna

I am systematically late, because I think that everything related to work should be approached systematically.

8. Explanatory Deniska

I was not late, but adjusted my working day today to adequately inadequate yesterday's and inversely proportional to normalized.

9. Explanatory Paul

On September 8, 2006, he was late for work, because before taking his child to kindergarten, he was impatient at the most inopportune time for the most inopportune need. The delay time corresponds to the duration of the same physiological process. This case can be attributed to force majeure circumstances, i.e. - force majeure, as they do not depend on my desire to be in time for work.

10. Explanatory Alexey

I was two hours late for work because in a dream, I dreamed that I woke up, washed my face, drank a cup of tea as usual, went to the parking lot, warmed up the car and arrived at the office by 8.30 for a planning meeting. The planning meeting was attended by you, your deputy, myself and the chief accountant. From my dream, I clearly remember that you came in a gray sweater, you smelled of garlic and fumes, and therefore your deputy, who was sitting closest to you, grimaced, held his breath and turned his head around.

You raised the issue that the deadline for the delivery of the budget was over and prepared to listen to my explanations. As usual, I noticed that the chief accountant did not provide me with a tax report, while she was scratching her leg in woolen tights, because, as it turned out later (in the same dream), she had not shaved her legs for more than a month. The Deputy Director was more silent and sighed a lot.

I imperceptibly moved my chair closer to the exit, and the chief accountant, noticing my movements, began to scratch my leg more vigorously. You continued to list the pressing problems of our organization and issue instructions and instructions. At the same time, the air in the office was filled with a persistent, disgusting smell from your mouth.

As a friend who slept next to me later told me, at about this moment I tossed and turned in my sleep and uttered obscene language that was not very intelligible. By the end of the planning meeting, the secretary looked into the office, but after breathing in, for some reason she forgot why she had come, apologized and left, closing the door.

At that moment, my friend, who, as I have already emphasized, was sleeping nearby at that moment, heard a loud cry: “Do not close!”. When the planning meeting was over, the chief accountant and I rushed outside to smoke, and you, as usual, asked your deputy to “start the Internet”, and he, red with excitement, remained and looked after us with sad eyes.

As we walked down the stairs to the street, I stumbled. At that moment, my awakening came. I completely deny my guilt about being late. firstly, I consider my dream to be honestly worked time, and secondly, all your instructions from my dream will be completed by the end of the week.

11. Explanatory Victor

I'm late because you don't pay your salary on time for a month! You will be indignant - in general I will quit!

12. Explanatory wise man

Dear director. Yesterday we sat for a long time with friends and thought about the meaning of life. We came to a definite conclusion! There is absolutely no point in coming to work on time.

13. Explanatory Yury Yurievich

I suggest:
1. Consider what happened as a misunderstanding.
2. Treat me condescendingly, especially since I have already received my portion of mental torment (see above).

14. Explanatory Alexandra

15. Sergey's explanatory

I, Sergey Ivanov, was late for work due to the fault of Mosgortrans. There was an emergency in the trolleybus in which I was traveling. The driver, apparently, was drunk, and his horns fell off. For a long time he did not admit that his horns had fallen, and said that we would go now. And since he was drunk, he could not lift them. Then he nevertheless confessed that the horns had fallen, but a lot of time passed. Then I went to work three stops on foot, as the trolleybuses did not run.

16. Explanatory Nikita

Yesterday, Monday, I could not get to my duty station due to fluctuations in the Earth's gravitational field: despite all my efforts, I could not bring myself to a vertical position.

17. Newbie Explanatory

I (full name) was three hours late for work because I didn’t have money for the tram, and I got lost, I couldn’t find your street. I didn’t come in work clothes, because I don’t have another one, but I will soon!

18. Explanatory Alexander Borisovich

I woke up in the morning, went to brush my teeth and accidentally squeezed out the whole tube of toothpaste. While putting the paste back, I did not notice how time flew by. I promise to use toothpaste in the future.

19. Explanatory Sergo

I was late, because I drank very, very hot tea, my bladder burst, and I scalded my legs.

20. Explanatory loader

Yesterday my wife was fired from her job for drinking! And this is after ten years of life spent on this work. We decided to celebrate it. And today I got caught at the entrance of the factory. Therefore, I was late.

21. Explanatory senior warrant officer

I, the senior warrant officer of the special forces Matveev, can explain the following about being late for work. As always, I woke up at 5.30, ran a ten-kilometer cross, did 200 push-ups, pulled myself up 100 times, and then took an ice-cold shower. Then I had breakfast, cleaned my boots, stroked the camouflage, put it on, put on my unloading gear, equipped it with clips, grenades, took a pistol, machine gun, put on a helmet, applied war paint to my face, put on gloves, looked in the mirror before leaving ... and shit myself!

22. FSB officer's explanatory note

23. Explanatory Andryukha

I was 4 hours late for work because in the morning I helped a neighbor take away a bottle of vodka from her husband. And then on Kirochnaya I was forced to answer questions for an hour and a half marketing research. After these words, Zhorik opened his vest and with the words: “Andryukha, this is for you,” he gave me a half-empty bottle of vodka. And to the question: “Where is the rest?” - answered: "And we pulled out of the throat."

24. Explanatory Georges

I, Chekunov VG, really was treated in a dermatovenerological dispensary for skin irritation, and not what you all thought.

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On June 18 and 19 I was not at work because I was drunk. I undertake not to drink before the holiday "Youth Day".

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On May 21, having returned from the line, I parked the car, after which we drank wine with Vasin in his car and drove to the garage, where we drove into the office of the head of the garage.

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January 25 p. I went to have my teeth treated. The doctor gave me a certificate, not a sick leave. I was offended, tore it up, and then went for a walk and did a total absenteeism for 10 working days.

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I took it at my own expense, because after the advance you need to recover. And in general, the authorities should know that after the advance and pay, I need rest days.

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January 27th I came to work in drunk due to the fact that I remarried. The new wife was two-room apartment, so I was drunk not from wine, but from happiness.

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I was at work in a state of intoxication, as I work as a garage manager.

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On July 5, Kozlova came to work in such a short skirt that I completely lost my head and, right in the archive, made her an indecent proposal on the table with documentation.

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On August 7, I was at the Evening Star restaurant, I drank so much alcohol that I don’t remember how I ended up in the entrance. The head was smeared with paint, the hair on the right temple was cut off. On the back was written: "Greetings from Olya and Tanya." All this was terrible for me, as I will now go to my wife.

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And the fact that the vodka was diluted confirms this: usually after half a liter I can no longer stand on my feet. And this time I went out into the street and even started a fight, for which I received 15 days.

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While visiting our friend, I accidentally recognized my wife's panties in a torn state, for which I hit him several times from the heart. Then it turned out, when I returned home, that our shorts were hanging whole and washed on the balcony, for which I apologize to my beaten friend.

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In the year there is only one holiday for men - and that is a worker. Since we are at work strictly with this matter, on February 24 I did not go to work. And when everything was formed, it became somehow inconvenient to come to work, and as a result it turned out that I was not at work until April 27.

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At the zoo, I decided to feed a slightly drunk bear. I threw him a piece of a bagel with a remark: “Eat, infection!”, But the district policeman did not appreciate my joke and brought it to the department.

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I do not understand metals, so I was very surprised when I was detained at the checkpoint with ten kilograms of copper wire.

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On Monday, I did not go to work for the good reason of not having a hangover of the body.

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It was very crowded in the trolleybus and an unknown citizen allowed himself to grope me in the wrong places, for which I hit him with a bag, and there were keys in it, and signs of blood appeared on his face. Of course, I apologize if he did not paw, but then who, if there were only women around?

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I made absenteeism on the 20th due to a sore head, since my brother arrived from the Donbass, and he drinks. I couldn't sit and look at him sober.

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My frequent lateness to work is explained in an elementary way. The wife sleeps on the edge. Crawling over her imperceptibly somehow does not work, and therefore I have to puff a little until she agrees to let me go from her elastic body.

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My friend got drunk after failing his exam. I got drunk, wanting to enter into his position.

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We took a bottle of unfamiliar wine, but it turned out to be long-playing, which is why I was late for work.

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We did not drink, but officially took a sample of the alcohol that arrived at the base. But there were many flasks, and we tried.

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We enjoyed sex in our free time on a voluntary basis all together, grouped by interests ( From an explanatory schoolgirl).

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Krutikov and I argued - who will drink more. He drank 2 bottles ... I don’t remember how much I drank, but I definitely won the argument ...

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I responded to his remarks with a physical argument over an insolent face so that he would not stick his nose into my family problems.

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Some hooligans or maniacs attempted to rape me, which I did not have time to figure out because of the sudden appearance of a police squad that frightened off the assassins. The policemen took me to the police to testify, so I was late for work. This will never happen again From the explanatory saleswoman).

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I didn’t swear at the head of the shop, but with other expressions.

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I came to work almost sober, but I accidentally got carried away, for which I am wildly sorry, while still in my mind.

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On the eve of recovery, we nurse, who was on duty that night in the hospital, there was an understanding of each other, as a result of which we were caught red-handed by stray patients and raised a nix.

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For some reason, the head of security called me an alkonaut, for which he was rewarded with the obscene accumulation of my vocabulary.

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Shop manager. On March 4, an incident happened to me. I brought to work compote of many years of exposure. After drinking two glasses, he suddenly felt the presence of alcohol, which was confirmed by an angry mood and a headache.

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After work pretty kutnul with friends. The next day, while still in a state of mind, I decided not to go to work, because, according to safety regulations, I understood better absenteeism than I would do something.

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After the shift, I hid in the women's locker room, not for the purpose of peeping, but because of the humorous nature of a slightly tipsy state of mind.

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I came home, did not swear with my wife, fell asleep at the table and snored so that the neighbors called the police, and they took me away for fifteen days.

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I had to pay the call girl, as she was accompanied by two kingpins, although I didn’t have a desire for her because of the fear of catching or grabbing something.

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Please bear in mind that I did no harm by my absence from work on January 8. And those who left, with a hangover, drove the marriage. I ask the local committee not to repeat such cases with me.

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From June 26th to the middle of July this year. d. I left on a love trip without warning, because I hoped to catch my husband, who is on a long business trip in another city, hot. Therefore, I was absent from work, I think, for a good reason: no one has yet canceled our families.

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I did not know how much the bribe starts with, so I turned out to be an insult to the human dignity of an official.

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I have read and agree with the protocol, which I regret.

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I came home from work succumbing and why I beat the neighbor's cow, I find it difficult to answer.

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There was no sex. It's just that a confused girl came to us in "Photography" and asked to remove her lower part.

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I did not force my neighbor to cohabitation, but simply lightly groped her for a joke, to raise the vitality of my extremity.

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The walls of the communal apartment are thin, so the husband brings a friend of an unknown name to his room, with whom he has sexual intercourse.

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He stood in a change house, leaning on his knee with his elbow, smoking.

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I had a bad toothache (flux). Went, drank, it became easier. I had to repeat. My fault is why I crawled under the fence with a sick flux.

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My tongue does not turn to describe to you the reason for yesterday's absenteeism. And this is for the best. Otherwise, you would be ashamed of your collective member.

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I was extremely indignant that a TV set produced by the factory and sold to me with a quality mark and a two-year warranty failed twice within two months of insignificant work. On this basis, I had nervous breakdown. In the evening I went to a nearby store, bought two bottles of wine " autumn garden and drank at dinner and after dinner. The quality of the wine, apparently, turned out to be the same as the TV. On the 27th and 28th I was unable to go to work because I was very ill.

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I wasn't drunk at all at the end of my shift on Friday. He ate grass, lying on the lawn, because the scythe broke, and the plan had to be carried out at any cost.

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I found them at their workplace drinking moonshine and thought that liter bottle they will have a lot. In order to avoid intoxication of subordinates, we drank this liter for three.

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I was drunk at work. Reason: celebrated his anniversary as a teetotaler, as he did not drink alcohol for exactly a year.