Mom demands an account of all your actions. And you want to become independent faster. How to start an independent life?
You already consider yourself an adult and do not want to come home by ten o'clock for the sake of your mother's peace of mind. And talk about your new fans out of respect for dad. How to convince your parents that you are quite ripe for an independent life?
open door house
Some mothers and fathers are sure that young people, having decided to start an independent life and after they rent a separate apartment, will instantly turn it into a brothel where idleness and debauchery reign. The idea that their daughter in an independent life can embark on a dubious path: abandon her studies for the sake of a bad company or fall in love with a womanizer - deprives parents of peace. That is why, having learned about your desire to rent an apartment, they are alert: who are you going to live with? And they don't believe they're alone. In this situation, it is useless to argue with the parents. If there is no trust between you, then be patient. Changing relationships is a long process. Keep goodwill, do not be offended by ridiculous suspicions and prepare for the move. After all, independence lies precisely in the fact that a person implements his decision, despite the criticism and protests of others. A little time will pass, and your parents will understand that you have not become worse at school, you have not been expelled from work, you look as fresh as before. And in your apartment there is comfort instead of the mess that they were so afraid of. And instead of complaining to your friends that your daughter left home, mom will proudly tell you about your independence.
Living wage
Some parents are confused by the impracticality of a young girl who decides to start an independent life. Suddenly, before washing, you forget to pour powder into the washing machine? Or will you ruin your stomach with underdone semi-finished products?
The desire to clothe, shoe, feed and make your life as comfortable as possible does not give parents the opportunity to come to terms with the idea that their child can cope with life outside the native nest.
Peace and harmony at a distance
To calm your loved ones, surprise them with culinary masterpieces, practical purchases, the ability to put things in order and create comfort in the house. After dinner of Milanese lasagna at a beautifully set table, dad and mom will come to the conclusion that their daughter is quite ready for independent swimming.
There are families in which the relationship between parents and children is so close that the thought of the latter's private life seems blasphemous. Why would you leave your home? Are you not loved enough here? Won't you be bored? With whom will you be frank in the evenings?
Mom will ask you these and other questions with pain and resentment in her voice. Similar psychological attack Of course it's hard to endure. Nevertheless, tell your parents more often that you love them very much. And the desire to start an independent life is not connected with the desire to get rid of their society, but with the fact that you want to try your hand, understand yourself, realize your plans and dreams in your personal life.
Let them know that you are renting an apartment near your parents' house so that you can see them. Invite your mom to go shopping with you and choose things for a new home. And ask your dad to teach you how to connect household appliances. By participating in your move, helping you get settled, your parents will not feel abandoned by you, and you will start your independent life with a light heart.
The beginning of an independent life is an important stage in the biography of any person.
When you first start living alone, it means financial independence and the freedom to make any decisions. Just yesterday you were a man who doesn't put on his pants until one in the afternoon and loves to watch football, and now you have turned into a man who does not put on his pants before one in the afternoon, loves to look at football and lives on his own. This slight difference is what makes you an adult.
Remember Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker, "With great power comes great responsibility." We get all the coolness at our disposal adult life, but in return we are forced to deal with boring adult responsibilities: interact with the boss at work, pay for a communal apartment, and generally live on our own.
And there is. All these grains real life- the biggest pain in the ass that happens to adults. Of course, living on your own without neighbors and parents is cool, but literally everything else sucks all the members of the world. You do not trust me? When was the last time you heard someone say, “Man, try living on your own when you have to cook and buy toilet paper for yourself. COOL!"?
There are a billion sucky moments in living on your own, and I'll tell you about the most important ones.
1. Food is expensive
Have you ever wondered how much all that stuff in the fridge costs? I don't really. And then I discovered that I had to fill this refrigerator myself. And what turned out? All my favorite foods: cheese, honey, chocolate paste, fruits of all stripes are expensive. They are so expensive that I don't always buy them. I have enough money for an old-fashioned set like cereals, potatoes, basic vegetables, soy and cottage cheese (yes, I'm a vegetarian, stone me while I'm still here), but sometimes you have to save on delicacies. What can you do, it's a pain. If it weren't for rent, things would be much better. O breakfast cereals, o drinkable yoghurts, o tofu and tofu noodles from Chinese eateries, how few of you are in my independent life!
And healthy food is even more expensive. All those sprouts and whole grain pasta (I'm a pasta eater, I love pasta) are expensive. Stay out of these departments. Especially if you are standing on the border that separates the rogue from the normal person, like me.
2. The rent is expensive, the apartment is tiny, and the neighbors are musicians.
You will pay half your salary for rent, no matter what city you live in, and in exchange you will receive not the most luxurious apartment, a free bonus to which are neighbors who love to dance, hammer nails, drill walls, play drums, swear and wash clothes at three in the morning.
3. Bills are annoying and come at the most inopportune times.
About these monthly gifts: here is water, here is light, here is all the rest of the rubbish, get it, sign it. Imagine that you went on a date with a supermodel, and when you have already come to the point, she takes it and hits you in the balls. Feelings are about the same. Of course, to some extent, these bills allow us to do super cool things: turn on the lights and stay warm in winter - but they also make you do other super cool things: give away money and make you choose between crackers for breakfast and cheese, and not enough without thinking about either.
The need to check mailbox in anticipation of new scores makes your heart flutter like you're beating assholes in World War II. What can I say. Turn off the light in the toilet when you are not sitting in it. That's all I can help.
4. Things get dirty all the time
Having an apartment with things is like having a baby that constantly vomits. Dust, dirt, garbage, spider bugs - all this will be in your house if you don't clean up. Kitchens and bathrooms get dirty too, and that's even worse. Urgently start a girl and let her scrub it all.
5. You need to buy toilet paper often and as early as possible.
That's where the shock is. Toilet paper was just always in the closet when I lived at home. Remember that book that Harry Potter always had, even when they were in the woods? It was the same for me toilet paper. She was always in my house, she grew straight out of the holder, and I always expected to see her in her place. Not that case. I just can't put it into words: you shit a lot more than you think and use more sracpapyrus than you think. Buy early and as often as possible. You won't regret it, I guarantee it.
6. Moving is the biggest stress in the world.
I'm convinced that hell is a place where bad people fall after death, and Satan forces them to move every two weeks. The first thing to remember about moving is that all your friends will immediately find family events scheduled right for that date, and no one will want to help you. Another thing to remember is that all your stuff weighs billions of tons and doesn't go through the door. And one last thing, everything you bought at Ikea is solid until you start moving it. When you move a table bought in Ikea, made, as it was written, “from composite durable wood”, it turns out that in fact it was assembled from cartons, which are held together only by a strip of cheese melted in the microwave.
Moving sucks. Friends suck. Ikea sucks. processed cheese- that's cool, but it can't be used to make furniture.
Hello. I'm 17 years old. I'm finishing the school. It so happened that I have a relationship with a girl. She lives in Yekaterinburg, I live in Moscow, we met on the Internet. I immediately realized that we are very similar, we have a lot in common. We fell in love after telephone conversation, admitted and now we seem to be dating. But the problem is that we have never seen each other, and we cannot come to see each other either. However, our feelings are mutual and strong! I am from a good cultural family, it will be a shock for parents to find out that I have such a relationship! I don’t consider myself a lesbian, but rather a bi-sexual, because I fell in love with men and plan to sooner or later, by the age of 30, have children, maybe get married (if I’m lucky). Now we are entering institutes, she is in her city, I am in mine. Both are completely financially dependent on their parents. We are afraid to talk about our love. But we really want to meet, then live together. What to do? Help me please.
Psychologists Answers
Anna, the advice is very simple - and - "sorry if it seems too primitive to you."
"Just let things take their course."
And - I believe that everything will gradually get better - the way it will be right for you!
Good luck to you!
Petr Yuryevich Lizyaev - assistance of a medical psychologist, psychoanalyst in Moscow
Good answer 4 bad answer 1Hello Anna! for the time being, it remains for both of you to study, get on your feet and gradually understand yourself - as long as there is financial dependence on your parents, until then it will hang on you like shackles. Your personal life is your space and you can keep your parents out of it so as not to face rejection. However, you yourself still have to understand yourself - so far there is only falling in love, behind which there is nothing yet - while you have come up with both love and its image, BUT how relationships can be built in reality WILL be different from what you now imagine imagine! And you also need to be prepared for this. Understand why girls are attracted (perhaps this is a way of their self-identification), when it arose, what kind of relationship they had with their parents (what model of a man and a woman was in front of you and how you were formed in the role of a Girl). Are you afraid of relationships with young people and have you had any? You just have to figure it all out!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 3 bad answer 0 
Anna, good afternoon!
You write "I immediately realized that we are very similar, we have a lot in common." It's so great to meet such a person. But is it love? Talk on the phone and immediately confess your love: isn't it too hasty? What is love for you? And did you know that opposites attract, not people who don't look alike?
Maybe your relationship with this girl is just friendly? You are interested in each other, you can share similar problems with her and much more ... It's great! And it's okay to look for and find people with similar interests. And without such a relationship, the life of any person is incomplete. But! Why seek sexual relations with friends? Maybe it's just a tribute to fashion?
You are very young, but your attitude towards having children speaks of the traditional values that your family has instilled in you. Why did you decide to deny yourself the joys of a traditional family? Maybe you are trying to prove something to your parents?
In your situation, I have more questions than answers and it is better to look for them with the support of a psychologist. Self-knowledge through reading literature on relevant issues will not be superfluous here either.
Karpova Lyudmila Nikolaevna, psychologist in Moscow
Good answer 2 bad answer 2Boys and girls from poor families have to get up quite early. Different circumstances can force them to live separately from their parents (from mom and dad):
- Striving for independence;
- the desire to ease the burden of parents;
- the desire to get other pleasures that are not available in the current financial situation (for example, to pay for a hobby).
So how can you live on your own at 18, especially if you're also a student?
About everything in order.
Why is it better to live separately from your parents?
It is good to live with parents: they will feed, water, wash, clean, wake up, drive up, give pocket money. Ideally, of course, because there are also parents with whom it is much more difficult to live physically and mentally than on your own.
Why then do young people try to do everything to live separately on their own? Statistics have found that the age of separation from parents decreases every year. Now young people are trying to separate themselves as soon as they finish school. So what's the deal?
- Parental oppression. Parents are wiser, they always know everything better. Adults do not accept mistakes, because they chew everything so carefully to their fools. And young people want to make mistakes. And then learn and fail again. How else to gain experience, if not on your bumps?
- Round the clock control. You can't just come home without explanation at three in the morning. It is imperative to say where and with whom you were, and also be sure to swear three times that this will not happen again.
- Eternal control of progress. The triple for the exam is a consequence of your drinking with friends three months ago. So no discos anytime soon until you get GPA 4.9 for the entire session.
- Constant guilt for doing everything wrong. Disappointment in the eyes of old people, which breaks the hearts of both them and you yourself.
The advantage of living separately from your parents is that you lose all of the above. Be prepared to lose cozy atmosphere, pocket money, around the clock love and care.
First part-time job
If you've never had to make money before, try to figure out what you're good at.
If you know that you are good at Russian language and literature, you can write essays for classmates.
Okay, that's not really a legitimate example. Give private lessons to those who are lagging behind, do tutoring. Don't worry: they even started their journey with some crappy job as a child.
If you can't find a subject you're good at, find a parent who needs help with a child. Babysitting for a few hours a week will help you start raising your capital.
pros: such work can be done without prior pedagogical training; you get some kind of salary.
Minuses: You may not have the patience to work with capricious and restless creatures. After all, often these classes are needed not by themselves, but by their parents.
Still not yours? Then pay attention to copywriting, contextual advertising, help with walking pets.
Renting an apartment yourself
So, if you are a minor, then you need to know what time you can live separately from your parents. The law says that children under 14 cannot be registered separately from their parents.
If there are good reasons, children can register in any place separate from their parents.
From the age of 16, if necessary, an emancipation procedure can be performed - premature recognition as an adult.
All these complications can be completely avoided if you a good relationship with parents and they do not mind if the child begins to live separately at 15 years old or at any other age. In this case, they will help you in everything: in finding housing, in concluding a lease agreement, and they will also be responsible for you.
Renting a house is very expensive. But we have some tips for you on how to lower your tuition costs and help yourself and your parents a little.
Pros of renting an entire apartment: the ability to receive guests or come home at any convenient time; housekeeping in the usual way, independence from the tastes and views of other people; selection of the desired area (closer to work or to the university); you do not have to worry about the integrity of your own things and products
Cons of renting an entire apartment: high price rent; not always a decent condition of the apartment; the owners can appear without warning and also raise the rent without warning; may be asked to leave at any inconvenient moment; neighbors will closely monitor you and with loud music or guests they can immediately call the police; the degree of wear and tear of furniture and appliances is unknown, so you are responsible for any damage.
Renting a room
It is much easier and cheaper to rent a room than an entire apartment. And it looks like it's the same rental apartment but not entirely, but only a part of it.
But there are some nuances here that you should know.
For example, my classmate rented a room in her first year at a seemingly cute grandmother. But things soon took an unexpected turn. As soon as a student went to a disco or returned home 5 minutes later than the usual schedule of classes at the university, a sweet granny played around with her classmate's mother and washed those bones. Not what we count on when we want to start an independent life, is it?
However, if an adequate owner comes across (or even he will live separately, and rent the whole apartment by rooms different people), then there is a chance to live "high".
pros: you can choose the location of the apartment yourself; often good conditions because often the owners themselves live in the same apartment and take care of the territory).
Minuses: shared bathroom; visit restrictions; inconvenience to the hosts if you return late; the opportunity to run into inadequate roommates.
Renting an apartment with others
Often renting a 3-4-room apartment together with classmates or classmates is cheaper than renting a separate room. In doing so, you get a bunch of features, both good and not so good.
pros: obvious savings; there will always be a person who will explain an incomprehensible topic or work with you; there is always someone nearby who will share household duties with you (cleaning, taking out the garbage, cooking, etc.); You can arrange a competition yourself to choose a neighbor.
Minuses: you still have to reckon with other people's views and everyday habits; if someone decides to move out unexpectedly, you will have to spread the cost of their rent between yourself and other tenants, or pay the entire rent yourself.
So that life with neighbors does not give you surprises, here are some tips from experts:
- Choose a neighbor with a similar rhythm of life and interests.
- Work on a list of rules for living in an apartment. Include the most important points that your potential neighbor should never step over.
- It is better to immediately inform the owner that you are renting an apartment with a neighbor. In the future, this will avoid a lot of problems, because the owner can appear at any time. And when he sees 2-3 toothbrushes and several pairs of shoes, he will become so furious that you yourself will not lose your home.
In general, choosing the right housing, if you have already decided to live separately from your parents, is a whole science. And it is better to immediately tune in to the fact that you will not immediately master it. Get ready to change 3-4 residences before you find the one. And while you are at the very beginning of this hard way let our people help you in any way they can!