When after death loved one a certain time passes, relatives are wondering about six months from the date of death? The rules for holding a commemoration exist not only in Orthodox tradition, but also refer to secular norms adopted in a particular culture.
How do Christians commemorate the dead?
There is no information in church books on how to organize memorial table and is it worth going to the cemetery six months after the death of a relative. But church rites for the dead still exist.
According to tradition, a prayer service is ordered for the deceased person after six months. A variety of prayers for the repose are also read. In the church, on the memorial eve, a candle is placed for the deceased.
At home, the relatives of the deceased can pray for the repose of his soul in front of the icon. Sometimes during this prayer, a photo of the deceased is placed next to the face of the saint and a candle is lit.
A commemoration feast can be organized both at home and in a special restaurant, where there is a special menu for such occasions. On this day, you can take kutya and pancakes to the cemetery, which are left on the grave.
All relatives and close friends of the deceased are invited to the memorial table. Prayers are said before the start of the meal. Then stories from the life of the deceased person are told.
The menu for remembrance includes fish pies, salads, kutya, pancakes, pickles. If during this date there is a post, then the table should be set modestly. This is especially true for those people whose deceased relatives were deeply religious during their lifetime.
Whether to drink alcohol during the wake, everyone decides for himself. But it is still not worth using it in large quantities. It is necessary to remember the deceased with a slight sadness. It is not advisable to indulge in strong grief, because he went to better world to God.
Wake with date transfer
How to commemorate six months from the date of death, if it is not possible to organize a commemoration on this particular date? According to the rules, it is possible to organize a commemoration three days before this date, and two days after it.
On the day of commemoration, you can distribute all the things of the deceased to those in need. Before this period, it is possible to perform such manipulations, but not everyone can do it. Sometimes it is advised to wait a year to give someone personal items and clothes of the deceased.
But if relatives cry a lot for their deceased, then it is necessary to take his things out of the house exactly after the onset of six months from the date of death.
On the morning of the day of remembrance, it is necessary to distribute alms to the poor and ask them to pray for the deceased person. In the evening, you can attend a service and submit a note there with the name of the deceased, so that they pray for him in the church.
What can not be done at the wake?
At the wake, you can not do the following things:
So, how to commemorate six months from the date of death, if emotional condition leaves much to be desired? It is necessary to drink a sedative. Ask family and friends to help organize the funeral. And try to understand that the pain of loss will someday subside, it will not always be so bad. Everything related to the commemoration must be organized with all care and attention. After all, according to beliefs, the soul of the deceased on such a date is nearby and observes the degree of respect that the living have for her.
05.10.2014
After a person leaves this world, you need to remember him. In this regard, certain traditions have developed that must be observed several times a year, after his death. They commemorate the deceased in the church, it is advisable to do this more often so that there is no comparison with any of the dates.
It is very important that the prayer for the deceased, his reassurance, be observed. But very often, due to the fact that everyday fuss seizes people, there is absolutely no time, even a year after death, to go to the grave, go to church. By the way, many people still don't go to church to commemorate the dead, because they don't know how to do it.
How to commemorate
Early in the morning, on the day when six months have passed since the death of a person, you need to pray for his soul. It is desirable that the prayer be at home in front of the photo of the deceased and the icon. You will also need to light a candle, which you should first buy in the temple shop. Before you go to the grave of the deceased, you should go to the church, but so that there is no service there. Leave a donation there and buy another candle.
It is also worth submitting a note where the name of the deceased will be written, this should be done in a special window of the church, where the ceremony is ordered. It is better to order a commemoration at the proskomedia, this suggests that a piece of it is taken out of a special prosphora for the deceased and lowered into a certain bowl filled with holy water. This will be a sign of washing away the sins of the deceased.
It will be necessary to defend the memorial service, after the Liturgy has passed, put a candle for the repose. So, they say that prayer will be more effective for the deceased if on this day the commemorator himself takes communion.
Memorial at the cemetery
Buy another candle, and take it to the cemetery, you need to put it on the grave of the deceased. It is worth going to the cemetery immediately after the above procedure.
You need to light a candle. Set a table near the grave where there will be food, so that it seems like you can eat together with the deceased. So they say that the spirit of the deceased will soar in the clouds, being nearby. It is worth putting food on the grave. But remember that it is very important that all the fasts that are at this moment must be observed.
Say a prayer for the soul of the deceased. And invite all those who came to visit him to your home to sit at the memorial table. Food must be prepared in accordance with the fast.
Remember that before you commemorate at the table, you need to conduct a lithium by reading a prayer. And before the guests begin to eat, it is worth serving kutya from rice and honey, raisins.
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In general, to be baptized or to cross yourself with the banner of the cross is your personal business, none of the clergy will condemn you, even if you do something wrong. All-knowing and all-seeing grandmothers are another matter. ...
Before entering into a formal relationship, people are faced with a great many different questions. These questions can be both small and insignificant, and very important and significant. For example, what date...
How to commemorate the dead: questions and answers
What days are the dead remembered? Is it possible to bury suicides? How to pray for deceased parents? Archpriest Igor FOMIN answered the most common questions about how to properly commemorate the dead.
What prayer to commemorate the dead? How often do we commemorate the dead?
The dead Christians are commemorated every day. In every prayer book you can find a prayer for the departed, it is an integral part of the home prayer rule. You can also commemorate the dead by reading the Psalter. Every day, Christians read one kathisma from the Psalter. And in one of the chapters we commemorate our relatives (relatives), friends who have departed to the Lord.
Why commemorate the dead?
The fact is that life continues even after death. Moreover, the final fate of a person is decided not after death, but after the second coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, which we are all waiting for. Therefore, before the second coming, we can still change this fate. When we are alive, we can do it ourselves, doing good deeds and believing in Christ. Having died, we can no longer influence our own afterlife, but this can be done by people who remember us, who have a heartache. The best way to change the posthumous fate of the deceased is a prayer for him.
When are the dead remembered? What days are the dead remembered? What time of day can you remember?
The time of the day when you can commemorate the deceased is not regulated by the Church. There are folk traditions that go back to paganism and clearly prescribe how and at what hour to remember the dead - but they have nothing to do with Christian prayer. God lives in space without time, and we can reach heaven at any moment of the day or night.
Church established special days commemoration of those who are dear to us and have departed to another world - the so-called Saturdays. There are several of them in a year, and all but one (May 9 - Commemoration of the Dead Warriors) have a rolling date:
Saturday meat-and-fat (Universal Parental Saturday) March 5, 2016.
Saturday of the 2nd Week of Great Lent March 26, 2016.
Saturday of the 3rd week of Great Lent, April 2, 2016.
Saturday of the 4th week of Great Lent, April 9, 2016.
Radonitsa May 10, 2016
May 9 - Commemoration of the deceased soldiers
Saturday Trinity (Saturday before the feast of the Trinity). June 18, 2016.
Saturday Dimitrievskaya (Saturday before the day of memory of Dmitry Solunsky, which is celebrated on November 8). November 5, 2016.
In addition to Parental Saturdays, the departed are commemorated in the church at every divine service - at the proskomidia, the part of the Divine Liturgy that precedes it. Before the Liturgy, you can submit notes "about commemoration." The note writes the name with which the person was baptized, in the genitive case.
How is it remembered for 9 days? How do they remember for 40 days? How to remember for six months? How to remember for a year?
The ninth and fortieth days from the day of death are special milestones on the way from earthly life to eternal life. This transition does not occur immediately, but gradually. During this period (until the fortieth day), the deceased person gives an answer to the Lord. This moment is extremely important for the deceased, it is akin to childbirth, the birth of a little man. Therefore, during this period, the deceased needs our help. Prayer, good deeds, changing yourself in better side in honor and memory of those close to us.
Six months - such a church commemoration does not exist. But there will be nothing wrong if you remember for six months, for example, when you come to the temple to pray.
An anniversary is a day of remembrance when we - those who loved a person - gather together. The Lord commanded us: Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them (Matt. 18:20). And joint commemoration, when we read a prayer for relatives and friends who are no longer with us, is a bright, sonorous testimony before the Lord that the dead are not forgotten, that they are loved.
Should I celebrate my birthday?
Yes, I think that a person should be commemorated on his birthday. The moment of birth is one of the most significant, great stages in everyone's life, so it will be good if you go to the temple, pray at home, go to the cemetery to commemorate a person.
Is it possible to bury suicides? How to remember suicides?
The question of the funeral service and church commemoration of suicides is a very controversial one. The fact is that the sin of suicide is one of the most serious. This is a sign of a person's distrust of God.
Each such case must be considered separately, because suicides are different - conscious or unconscious, that is, in a state of severe mental disorder. The question of whether it is possible to bury and commemorate in the church a baptized person who committed suicide lies entirely with the responsibility of the ruling bishop. If a tragedy happened to one of your loved ones, you need to come to the ruling bishop of the area where the deceased lived and ask permission for the funeral. The bishop will consider this question and give you an answer.
As for home prayer, you can certainly remember the person who committed suicide. But the most important thing is to do good deeds in his honor and memory.
What can be remembered? Is it possible to change vodka? Why are they commemorated with pancakes?
Funeral feasts, memorial meals, came to us from time immemorial. But in ancient times they looked different. It was a treat, a feast not for the relatives of the deceased, but for the poor, crippled, orphans, that is, those who need help and will never be able to arrange such a meal for themselves.
Unfortunately, over time, feast turned from a work of mercy into an ordinary home feast, and often with heavy drinking ...
Of course, such libations have nothing to do with a real Christian commemoration and cannot affect the posthumous fate of the deceased in any way.
How to remember the unbaptized?
A person who did not want to unite himself with the Church of Christ, of course, cannot be commemorated in the temple. His posthumous fate remains at the discretion of the Lord, and we cannot influence the situation here.
Unbaptized relatives can be remembered by praying for them at home and doing good deeds in their honor and memory. Try to change your life for the better, be faithful to Christ, remembering all the good things that the one who died unbaptized did in his life.
How are Muslims remembered? How are Jews remembered? How are Catholics remembered?
In this matter, it makes no difference whether the deceased was a Muslim, a Catholic or a Jew. They are not in the womb Orthodox Church therefore they are commemorated as unbaptized. Their names cannot be written in notes for the proskomedia (the proskomedia is part of the Divine Liturgy that precedes it), but you can do good deeds in their memory and pray at home.
How to commemorate the dead in the temple?
All those dead who combined themselves with the Church of Christ in the Sacrament of Baptism are commemorated in the temple. Even if a person for some reason did not go to church during his life, but was baptized, he can and should be commemorated. Before the Divine Liturgy, you can submit a note “for proskomedia”.
The proskomedia is part of the Divine Liturgy that precedes it. At the proskomedia, bread and wine are prepared for the future Sacrament of Communion - the transfer of bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ. It not only prepares the future Body of Christ (Lamb - a large prosphora) and the future Blood of Christ for the Sacrament (wine), but also reads a prayer for Christians - living or dead. For the Mother of God, the saints and us, ordinary believers, particles are taken out of the prosphora. Pay attention when they give you a small prosphora after Communion - it’s as if “someone dug out a piece” from it. This priest takes out particles from the prosphora for each name written in the note "for the proskomedia".
At the end of the Liturgy, pieces of bread, symbolizing the souls of living or dead Christians, are immersed in a bowl of Christ's Blood. The priest at this moment reads the prayer “Wash, O Lord, the sins of those who are remembered here by Thy Blood by the honest prayers of Thy saints.”
Also in the temples are special memorial services - requiems. You can submit a separate note for a memorial service. But it is important not only to submit a note, but also to try to personally attend the service where it will be read. You can find out about the time of this service from the servants of the temple, to whom a note is submitted.
How to commemorate the dead at home?
In every prayer book you can find a prayer for the departed, it is an integral part of the home prayer rule. You can also commemorate the dead by reading the Psalter. Every day, Christians read one kathisma from the Psalter. And in one of the chapters we commemorate our relatives (relatives), friends who have departed to the Lord.
How to commemorate in a post?
During fasting, there are special days of commemoration of the dead - Parental Saturdays and Sunday, when full (as opposed to shortened on other days of fasting) Divine Liturgies are served. During these divine services, a proskomedia commemoration of the dead is performed, when for each person a piece is taken out of a large prosphora, symbolizing his soul.
How to commemorate the newly deceased?
From the first day of the repose of a person, the Psalter is read over his body. If the deceased is a priest, then the Gospel is read. The Psalter must continue to be read even after the funeral, until the fortieth day.
The newly deceased is also commemorated at the funeral service. The funeral service is supposed to be performed on the third day after death, and it is important that it is carried out not in absentia, but over the body of the deceased. The fact is that all those who loved a person come to the funeral, and their prayer is special, conciliar.
You can also commemorate the newly deceased with a sacrifice. For example, to distribute to those in need his good, solid things - clothes, household items. You can do this from the first day after the death of a person.
When to remember your parents?
There are no special days when it is necessary to commemorate our parents, those who gave us life, in the Church. Parents can always be remembered. And on Parental Saturdays in the temple, and daily at home, and submitting notes “for proskomedia”. You can turn to the Lord at any day and hour, He will definitely hear you.
How to remember animals?
Animals are not accepted in Christianity. The teaching of the Church says that eternal life is prepared only for man, since only man has a soul for which we pray.
The man didn't die, he just walked out...
The man didn't die, he just walked out...
He left everything in the house as it is...
He just can't see or hear
He no longer eats the bread of the earth...
He just became not like people,
He opened another... astral way...
Where is another life... other wisdom
Where is a different salt ... a different essence ...
There will be a bookmark in the book
On the page about his love...
There is a note on the table... very briefly:
“Remember, but only ... do not call in and ...”
The man didn't die... just walked out
And spread the air bridges
Between the shores past life
And another invisible line...
Elena Gromtseva.
The hour is coming when the remains of the deceased are buried in the earth, where they will rest until the end of time and the general resurrection. But the love of the mother of the Church for her child, who has passed away from this life, does not dry out. On certain days, she prays for the deceased and brings a bloodless sacrifice for his repose. Special days of commemoration are the third, ninth and fortieth (while the day of death is considered the first). Commemoration these days is consecrated by the ancient church custom. It is consistent with the teaching of the Church about the state of the soul beyond the grave.
The third day. The commemoration of the deceased on the third day after death is performed in honor of the three-day resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity.
For the first two days, the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the Angel accompanying her to those places that attract her with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, evil and good deeds. The soul that loves the body sometimes wanders around the house where the body is laid, and thus spends two days like a bird looking for its nest. The virtuous soul, on the other hand, walks in those places where it used to do the right thing. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him, the God of all. Therefore, the church commemoration of the soul, which appeared before the face of the Just, is very timely.
Ninth day. The commemoration of the deceased on this day is in honor of the nine orders of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him for us, intercede for mercy on the deceased.
After the third day, the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. She remains in this state for six days. For this time, the soul forgets the sorrow that it felt while in the body and after leaving it. But if she is guilty of sins, then at the sight of the enjoyment of the saints, she begins to grieve and reproach herself: “Alas for me! How busy I am in this world! I spent most of my life in carelessness and did not serve God as I should, so that I too would be worthy of this grace and glory. Alas, poor me!” On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling the soul stands before the throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the merciful Judge to place the soul of her child with the saints.
Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, for the acceptance of the special Divine gift of the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. The prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration on the fortieth day after death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.
After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - according to earthly affairs, it is assigned a place of residence until doomsday. That's why it's so timely church prayers and commemoration on this day. They blot out the sins of the deceased and ask his soul to be placed in paradise with the saints.
Anniversary. The Church commemorates the dead on the anniversary of their death. The basis for this establishment is obvious. It is known that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual circle, after which all fixed holidays are repeated again. The anniversary of the death of a loved one is always celebrated with at least a hearty commemoration of his loving relatives and friends. For an Orthodox believer, this is a birthday for a new, eternal life.
Ecumenical funeral service (PARENTAL SATURDAYS)
In addition to these days, the Church has established special days for the solemn, universal, ecumenical commemoration of all fathers and brothers in faith who have passed away from time immemorial, who have been honored with a Christian death, as well as those who, having been overtaken by sudden death, were not sent to the afterlife by the prayers of the Church. Memorial services performed at the same time, indicated by the charter Universal Church, are called ecumenical, and the days on which the commemoration is performed are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. In the circle of the liturgical year, such days of general remembrance are:
Saturday is meatless. Dedicating the Meat-Feast Week to the remembrance of the last Last Judgment of Christ, the Church, in view of this judgment, has established intercession not only for her living members, but also for all those who have died from time immemorial, who have lived in piety, of all genera, ranks and conditions, especially for those who died a sudden death. and pray to the Lord for mercy on them. The solemn all-church commemoration of the departed on this Saturday (as well as on Trinity Saturday) brings great benefit and help to our dead fathers and brothers, and at the same time serves as an expression of fullness church life which we live. For salvation is possible only in the Church - a community of believers, whose members are not only those who live, but also all who die in the faith. And communion with them through prayer, prayerful commemoration of them is the expression of our common unity in the Church of Christ.
Saturday Trinity. The commemoration of all the dead pious Christians was established on the Saturday before Pentecost due to the fact that the event of the descent of the Holy Spirit completed the economy of the salvation of man, and the departed also participate in this salvation. Therefore, the Church, sending up prayers on Pentecost for the revitalization of all living by the Holy Spirit, asks on the very day of the feast that for the departed the grace of the all-holy and all-sanctifying Spirit of the Comforter, which they were honored with during their lifetime, would be a source of bliss, since by the Holy Spirit “every soul is alive.” ". Therefore, the eve of the holiday, Saturday, the Church dedicates to the remembrance of the dead, to prayer for them. St. Basil the Great, who compiled the touching prayers for the Vespers of Pentecost, says in them that the Lord, most of all, on this day deigns to accept prayers for the dead and even for "those who are held in hell."
Parental Saturdays of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Holy Forty Days. On Holy Forty Days - the days of Great Lent, spiritual feat, the feat of repentance and doing good to others - the Church calls on believers to be in the closest union of Christian love and peace not only with the living, but also with the dead, to make prayerful commemorations on the appointed days of those who have departed from this life. In addition, the Saturdays of these weeks are appointed by the Church to commemorate the dead also for the reason that no funeral commemorations are performed on the weekly days of Great Lent (this includes funeral litanies, litias, memorial services, commemorations of the 3rd, 9th and 40th days after death, forty-mouthed), since there is no daily full liturgy, with the celebration of which the commemoration of the dead is associated. In order not to deprive the dead of the saving intercession of the Church on the days of Holy Forty Days, the indicated Saturdays are singled out.
Radonitsa. The basis of the general commemoration of the dead, which takes place on Tuesday after St. Thomas' week (Sunday), is, on the one hand, the remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell and His victory over death, combined with St. Thomas Sunday, on the other hand, the permission of the church charter to perform the usual commemoration of the departed after Holy and Bright weeks, starting with Fomin Monday. On this day, believers come to the graves of their loved ones with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ. Hence the very day of commemoration is called Radonitsa (or Radunitsa).
Unfortunately, in Soviet time a custom was established to visit cemeteries not on Radonitsa, but on the first day of Easter. It is natural for a believer to visit the graves of his loved ones after an earnest prayer for their repose in the temple - after a memorial service served in the church. During the Easter week, there are no requiems, for Easter is an all-encompassing joy for those who believe in the Resurrection of our Savior Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, during the entire Paschal week, litanies for the dead are not pronounced (although the usual commemoration is performed at the proskomedia), and memorial services are not served.
CHURCH FUNERAL SERVICES
It is necessary to commemorate the deceased in the Church as often as possible, not only on the designated special days of commemoration, but also on any other day. The main prayer for the repose of the departed Orthodox Christians is performed by the Church on Divine Liturgy offering a bloodless sacrifice to God for them. To do this, before the start of the liturgy (or the night before), a note with their names should be submitted to the church (only baptized Orthodox can be entered). On the proskomedia, particles for their repose will be taken out of the prosphora, which at the end of the liturgy will be lowered into the holy cup and washed with the Blood of the Son of God. Let us remember that this is the greatest good that we can give to those who are dear to us. Here is how the commemoration at the liturgy is spoken of in the Epistle of the Eastern Patriarchs: “We believe that the souls of people who have fallen into mortal sins and did not despair at death, but repented even before being separated from real life, only those who did not have time to bring any fruits of repentance (such fruits could be their prayers, tears, kneeling during prayer vigils, contrition, consolation of the poor and expression in deeds of love for God and neighbor), - the souls of such people descend into hell and suffer for what they have done sins of punishment, without losing, however, the hope of relief. They receive relief through the infinite goodness of God through the prayers of the priests and good works performed for the dead, and especially through the power of the bloodless sacrifice, which, in particular, the clergy brings for every Christian for his loved ones, and in general for everyone, the Catholic and Apostolic Church».
At the top of the note is usually placed an eight-pointed Orthodox cross. Then the type of commemoration is indicated - “On the repose”, after which the names of those commemorated in the genitive case are written in large, legible handwriting (to answer the question “who?”), With the clergy and monastics mentioned first, indicating the rank and degree of monasticism (for example, Metropolitan John, Schemagumen Savva, Archpriest Alexander, nun Rachel, Andrey, Nina).
All names must be given in church spelling (for example, Tatiana, Alexy) and in full (Michael, Lyubov, not Misha, Lyuba).
The number of names in the note does not matter; it is only necessary to take into account that the priest has the opportunity to read not very long notes more carefully. Therefore, it is better to submit several notes if you want to remember many of your loved ones.
By submitting notes, the parishioner makes a donation for the needs of the monastery or temple. To avoid confusion, remember that the difference in prices (registered or simple notes) reflects only the difference in the amount of the donation. Nor should you be embarrassed if you have not heard the names of your relatives mentioned in the litany. As mentioned above, the main commemoration takes place on the proskomidium when particles are taken out of the prosphora. During the funeral litany, you can take out your commemoration book and pray for loved ones. Prayer will be more effective if the one who commemorates himself on that day partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ.
After the liturgy, you can serve a memorial service. A memorial service is served before the eve - a special table with the image of a crucifix and rows of candlesticks. Here you can also leave an offering for the needs of the temple in memory of the departed loved ones.
It is very important after death to order a magpie in the temple - an unceasing commemoration at the liturgy for forty days. At the end of the magpie, you can order again. There are also long periods of commemoration - six months, a year. Some monasteries accept notes for eternal (as long as the monastery stands) commemoration or for commemoration during the reading of the Psalter (this is an ancient Orthodox custom). Than in more temples will be offered a prayer, the better for our neighbor!
It is very useful on the memorable days of the deceased to donate to the church, to give alms to the poor with a request to pray for him. On the eve, you can bring sacrificed food. You can’t just bring meat food and alcohol (except church wine) on the eve. The simplest type of sacrifice for the deceased is a candle that is placed on his repose.
Realizing that the most we can do for our deceased loved ones is to submit a note of commemoration at the liturgy, we should not forget to pray for them at home and do works of mercy.
REMEMBERING THE DEAD AT HOME PRAYER
Prayer for the departed is our main and invaluable help to those who have departed to another world. The dead man does not need by and large, neither in the coffin, nor in the grave monument, and even more so in the memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. But forever alive soul the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer, for she herself cannot do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate the Lord. Prayer at home for loved ones, including the dead, is the duty of every Orthodox. St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, says this about prayer for the departed: “If the all-pervading Wisdom of God does not forbid praying for the dead, does this not mean that it is still allowed to throw a rope, although not always reliable enough, but sometimes, and maybe often, salvific for souls who have fallen away from the shore of temporal life, but have not reached the eternal home? Salvatory for those souls who vacillate over the abyss between bodily death and the last judgment of Christ, now rising by faith, now plunging into deeds unworthy of it, now exalted by grace, now being brought down by the remains of a damaged nature, now ascending by Divine desire, now becoming entangled in coarse, not yet completely stripped off the clothes of earthly thoughts ... "
The home prayer commemoration of the deceased Christian is very diverse. One should especially pray for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. As already indicated in the section “Reading the Psalter for the Dead”, during this period it is very useful to read about the deceased Psalter, at least one kathisma a day. You can also recommend reading an akathist for the repose of the dead. In general, the Church commands us to pray every day for the deceased parents, relatives, known and benefactors. For this, in the number of daily morning prayers included the following short prayer:
Prayer for the dead
Give rest, O Lord, to the souls of your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.
It is more convenient to read the names from the commemorative book - a small book where the names of living and deceased relatives are recorded. There is a pious custom to keep family commemorations, reading which Orthodox people commemorate many generations of their deceased ancestors by name.
FUNERAL MEAL
The pious custom of commemorating the dead at a meal has been known for a very long time. But, unfortunately, many commemorations turn into an occasion for relatives to get together, discuss the news, eat tasty food, while Orthodox Christians should also pray for the dead at the memorial table.
Before the meal, one should perform a lithium - a short rite of memorial service, which can be performed by a layman. In extreme cases, you need to at least read the 90th psalm and the prayer "Our Father". The first dish that is eaten at the wake is kutya (kolyovo). These are boiled grains of cereals (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains are a symbol of resurrection, and honey is a sweetness enjoyed by the righteous in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutya should be consecrated with a special rite during a memorial service; if this is not possible, it is necessary to sprinkle it with holy water.
Naturally, the desire of the owners to treat everyone who came to the commemoration to taste better. But you need to observe the fasts established by the Church, and eat the allowed food: on Wednesday, Friday, long posts- do not eat fast food. If the memory of the deceased happens on a weekday of Great Lent, then the commemoration is transferred to the next Saturday or Sunday.
It is necessary to refrain from wine, especially from vodka, at the memorial meal! The dead are not commemorated with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a commemoration is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who can suffer afterlife. You should not drink alcohol, even if the deceased himself liked to drink. It is known that "drunken" commemorations often turn into an ugly gathering, where the deceased is simply forgotten. At the table, you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - commemoration). The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” at the table is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families.
On the contrary, there are pious practices worthy of emulation. In many Orthodox families, the poor and the poor, children and old women are the first to sit down at the memorial table. They can also distribute clothes and belongings of the deceased. Orthodox people can tell about numerous cases of evidence from the afterlife about the great help to the deceased as a result of the creation of alms by their relatives. Moreover, the loss of loved ones prompts many people to take the first step towards God, to start living a life Orthodox Christian.
Thus, one now living archimandrite relates the following incident from his pastoral practice.
“It was in the difficult post-war years. Comes to me, the rector of the village church, a mother crying with grief, in which her eight-year-old son Misha drowned. And she says that Misha dreamed of her and complained about the cold - he was completely without clothes. I say to her: "Are any of his clothes left?" - "Oh sure". - "Give it to your friends Mishin, they will surely come in handy."
A few days later she tells me that she again saw Misha in a dream: he was dressed in exactly the same clothes that were given to his friends. He thanked, but now complained of hunger. I advised to make a memorial meal for the village children - Misha's friends and acquaintances. No matter how difficult it is in difficult times, but what can you do for your beloved son! And the woman, than she could, treated the children.
She came for the third time. She thanked me very much: "Misha said in a dream that now he is warm and full, only my prayers are not enough." I taught her prayers and advised her not to leave works of mercy for the future. She became a zealous parishioner, always ready to respond to requests for help, to the best of her ability and ability she helped orphans, the poor and the poor.