How we treat ourselves is how others treat us. Low self-esteem is a syndrome that can lead to serious problems both in your career and in your personal life.
perfectionism
Perfectionism can be both a manifestation of low self-esteem and its cause. A perfectionist who strives for non-existent perfection or simply high standards rarely gets satisfaction from his work and is therefore more susceptible to criticism. He strives to conform to the ideal image that he has created for himself, and, not achieving it, he experiences a feeling of disappointment in himself, up to contempt.
Speech
A person with low self-esteem constantly uses certain words in his speech. Firstly, these are negative phrases expressing denial: “impossible, not sure, not ready, I do not have the appropriate knowledge; yes, but…”
Secondly, constant apologies. And thirdly, phrases that belittle the value of human actions and labor. Surely you are familiar with excuses: “I was just lucky”, “my colleagues did most of the work, and I just helped them”, and so on. People with low self-esteem do not perceive compliments and gratitude well, trying to immediately argue with praise and prove the opposite. Why? It's all about the guilt complex. It doesn't matter what. Perhaps the work was not done well enough in their opinion, or they made little effort to fulfill the request, even if they did it. Guilt is the next sign by which you can identify a person who does not think too much about himself.
Guilt
Feelings of guilt, like perfectionism, can be the cause of low self-esteem. As psychologist Darlene Lanser says, if a person feels deeply guilty and long time he cannot forgive himself for this, he will constantly reproach himself for this, remind him of his "burden on his heart" and be constantly ashamed of his actions. Ultimately, he will lose self-respect and with it self-esteem.
The relationship can also be reversed. A person with low self-esteem suffers from constant self-criticism and is not able to adequately perceive the mistakes of the past. Hence the neurotic guilt in insecure people
Depression
According to research by Dr. psychological sciences, Lars Madslen - the cause of frequent depression or constant bad mood There may also be self-doubt. According to her, self-esteem is the key to both development and recovery from depression, which is considered a serious psychological problem.
excuses
People with low self-esteem tend to justify others, even if their actions are contrary to all norms of behavior. Usually they argue that everyone has their own circumstances, that everyone can be understood. Psychologists explain this position as an attempt to avoid criticism, which can be encountered when judging others.
Lack of initiative
What really hinders people with low self-esteem in the professional field is the lack of initiative. Such a person, having received certain powers, will, at any opportunity, transfer them into the wrong hands. No wonder, because he is not sure that he will cope with his task, even if he is an "ace" in his field. In a dispute with an interlocutor, he is also unlikely to be able to defend his position, preferring to agree with his opponent.
indecision
Such people are not ready to bear responsibility for their decisions. They generally prefer not to decide anything. Suddenly they make a mistake, and the decision turns out to be wrong. In this case, it will not be possible to avoid criticism. The worst thing for insecure people is criticism of loved ones: relatives, friends, whom they are afraid of losing. After all, this, in their opinion, will be the price for the wrong decision.
Hello.Today we will talk about self-esteem and how to live with it.
Low self-esteem and how to deal with it is the topic of our today'sreflections. Because if you look closely, we will see how much our attitude towards ourselves affects our lives. I passed three times psychological test by self-assessment and each time I was given a new result. According to themestests, I have both high, and normal, and low self-esteem. Who to believe? :)If you doubt like mewhat type are you, I advise you to learn more about the signs of low self-esteem
- Is there a lot of negativity in your speech? Know that the first sign of low self-esteem is the frequent presence in your speech of phrases such as: “I can’t, it’s impossible, I don’t know how, everything is bad” And so on.
- Constant striving for excellence. If you spend hours making up your face before you go to the store. If you see your own and other people's shortcomings and constantly try to fix them hard. Striving for perfection is a signself-doubt.
- Guilt. If you constantly apologize for your missteps. Or you are completing a task in order to once again show everyone that you are not succeeding, then you should be on your guard.
- People with low self-esteem afraid to be proactive. Often take the position "To be lower than the grass, quieter than the water." They don't want to stand out because they don't feel confident.
If you have these signs of low self-esteem, then you need to be more attentive to the next section.
How to fight?
There is no need to fight, you need to accept the situation and look for a solution to it. By the way, I have many friends who urgently need a solution to this “problem”. Here urgency is not needed, here the depth of the solution is needed.
I am sure that if you have ever read articles about the fight against low self-esteem, then you have come across some of the following tips:
In general, I agree with every point. It is worth understanding how to be beautiful without makeup (in order to learn to love your appearance), you need to know your positive sides(so as not to dwell on the negative). Sometimes it pays to read affirmationsto love, to focus on love and light, and so on.
All this needs to be done.
Digging deep
However, I want to warn you that often the reasons for low self-esteem lie much deeper. These points can help eliminate superficial symptoms, but in order to understand how to deal with low self-esteem, at some stages you will have to consult a specialist.
Our problems with low self-esteem are rooted in childhood. If you feel that you are not loved or constantly blamed for something. If your parents or friends ignored your opinion or made fun of you. All this can leave a deep mark that still affects you in the form of low self-esteem.
Such questions are solved by psychologists. They help you find out the reasons for your negative attitude towards yourself and professionally eliminatethem. Treatment takes place through heartache, through tears, because the cause may turn out to be too big a sore that you don’t want to touch. For example, your mom and dad wanted to teach you how to improve yourself, but chose the wrong methods. They constantly compared you with more successful guys, in all your achievements they pointed out shortcomings, so they formedyou have low self-esteem.
But you've grown up, now it's time to take chargeand get rid of the burden of the past. Do you want to be just as insecure in 10-20 years? Unlikely. Therefore, the answer to how to deal with low self-esteem is - take responsibility for your life in your own hands, go to a specialist and solve the problem.
Your life will become easier and more harmonious.
This is what I want for you (and you too).
Your June.
Ecology of life: How we treat ourselves is how others treat us. Low self-esteem is a syndrome that can lead to serious problems both in your career and in your personal life.
How we treat ourselves is how others treat us. Low self-esteem is a syndrome that can lead to serious problems both in your career and in your personal life.
perfectionism
Perfectionism can be both a manifestation of low self-esteem and its cause. A perfectionist who strives for non-existent perfection or simply high standards rarely gets satisfaction from his work and is therefore more susceptible to criticism. He strives to conform to the ideal image that he has created for himself, and, not achieving it, he experiences a feeling of disappointment in himself, up to contempt.
Speech
A person with low self-esteem constantly uses certain words in his speech. Firstly, these are negative phrases expressing denial: “impossible, not sure, not ready, I do not have the appropriate knowledge; yes, but…”
Secondly, constant apologies. And thirdly, phrases that belittle the value of human actions and labor. Surely you are familiar with excuses: “I was just lucky”, “my colleagues did most of the work, and I just helped them”, and so on. People with low self-esteem do not perceive compliments and gratitude well, trying to immediately argue with praise and prove the opposite. Why? It's all about the guilt complex. It doesn't matter what. Perhaps the work was not done well enough in their opinion, or they made little effort to fulfill the request, even if they did it. Guilt is the next sign by which you can identify a person who does not think too much about himself.
Guilt
Feelings of guilt, like perfectionism, can be the cause of low self-esteem. As psychologist Darlene Lanser says, if a person feels deeply guilty and cannot forgive himself for this for a long time, he will constantly reproach himself for this, remind him of his “burden on his heart” and be constantly ashamed of his actions. Ultimately, he will lose self-respect and with it self-esteem.
The relationship can also be reversed. A person with low self-esteem suffers from constant self-criticism and is not able to adequately perceive the mistakes of the past. Hence the neurotic guilt in insecure people
Depression
According to a study by a doctor of psychological sciences, Lars Madslen, self-doubt can also be the cause of frequent depression or a constant bad mood. According to her, self-esteem is the key to both development and recovery from depression, which is considered a serious psychological problem.
excuses
People with low self-esteem tend to justify others, even if their actions are contrary to all norms of behavior. Usually they argue that everyone has their own circumstances, that everyone can be understood. Psychologists explain this position as an attempt to avoid criticism, which can be encountered when judging others.
Lack of initiative
What really hinders people with low self-esteem in the professional field is the lack of initiative. Such a person, having received certain powers, will, at any opportunity, transfer them into the wrong hands. No wonder, because he is not sure that he will cope with his task, even if he is an "ace" in his field. In a dispute with an interlocutor, he is also unlikely to be able to defend his position, preferring to agree with his opponent.
indecision
Such people are not ready to bear responsibility for their decisions. They generally prefer not to decide anything. Suddenly they make a mistake, and the decision turns out to be wrong. In this case, it will not be possible to avoid criticism. The worst thing for insecure people is criticism of loved ones: relatives, friends, whom they are afraid of losing. After all, this, in their opinion, will be the price for the wrong decision.
Trying to avoid conflict
"If you're not sure, don't go." This is the attitude of people with low self-esteem. They are ready to do anything to avoid conflict situations or tension between people. Everything should be harmonious, even if this is achieved through “white lies”, which sooner or later will lead to more serious problems.
Hostility
Meets and back side medals, when people with low self-esteem, on the contrary, show open hostility and cynicism towards others. This is just a variant of the defensive position, as they say: The best way defense - attack.
Fatigue, insomnia, headache
Symptoms of low self-esteem can be not only psychological, but also physical. According to psychologists, extreme self-disappointment leads to chronic insomnia, fatigue, and headaches. published
One of the most serious problems that prevents us from living full life and achieve success in various cases is low self-esteem. This is a really serious problem, because a person with low self-esteem underestimates his capabilities - he does not believe in himself, in his strength, in his success, considering himself unworthy of him, he has very modest ambitions. But the problem of low self-esteem is an unnatural problem for us. We acquire this problem as our life in society develops. If the people around us treat us very well, and we feel close to them, like a fish in water, and have everything necessary for life, then we are satisfied with ourselves. Our own opinion of ourselves is formed from our satisfaction with our lives.
Thus, our self-esteem directly depends on what kind of people surround us, how they treat us, what opinion they impose on us about ourselves and about everything that surrounds us, and, of course, from our attitude to all this. Without other people, it is difficult for us to objectively evaluate ourselves, because without comparing ourselves with others, we may not think badly of ourselves at all. We shouldn't think badly of ourselves, it's not in our best interest, not to mention that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, because we are all different and, more importantly, unique! So, people, people and once again the people who surround us - that's who most influences our self-esteem. It is people who, by their attitude towards us, their behavior, their example, force us to evaluate ourselves in a certain way. That is, if we lived on desert island then our self-esteem would never be low. We would be preoccupied with the question of survival and would evaluate ourselves from this position. But we would evaluate ourselves without any emotions, but only from a practical point of view. But in human society, we tend to evaluate ourselves more emotionally than practically, so our environment is the soil in which we grow and mature in our self-esteem.
From the foregoing, we can draw a logical conclusion - if our self-esteem is underestimated, then our environment does not correspond to our interests. That is, we are surrounded by the wrong people who treat us wrong, not the way we need. And something needs to be done about it. Otherwise, our life will not be very good, not very pleasant. Think about whether we need low self-esteem, is there any benefit from it? It is clear that no, we do not need it and there is no benefit from it. The worse, the lower we evaluate ourselves, the less effective, less ambitious, less energetic, less happy we are. It is beneficial for us to think well of ourselves, very well, so that if we look for shortcomings in ourselves, then in a cheerful and energetic state, because only in such a state can we correct these shortcomings. But in a depressed and oppressed state, we will not be able to correct our shortcomings and will not do this, we will justify our inaction with them, and refer to them, engaging in self-flagellation. Not to mention the fact that a person with low self-esteem tends to be offended by everyone and everything, and this greatly prevents him from building constructive and lasting relationships with other people.
And what should we, or rather those of you who have low self-esteem, do with it? You will probably agree with me if I tell you that self-esteem needs to be raised if it is low. And even if it is not underestimated, it still needs to be increased, because the higher it is, the better. How to do it? Well, this can be done in two ways - you can pump yourself up in an appropriate way, influencing your emotional sphere, or you can, with the help of awareness, brush aside all bad thoughts about yourself and begin to evaluate yourself practically, without any emotions. What method do you prefer? I prefer the latter. Therefore, we will talk about it in this article. I do not like all these psychological pumps, pumps, pumps, although I use them in my work with people in moderate doses, because it is not as practical and not as effective as understanding. What's the use of fooling a man like balloons, pumping his psyche, if this ball can go down, either with the help of other beliefs and suggestions, or with the help of appropriate circumstances? In a word, this is not very effective, and for a person who decides to raise his self-esteem seriously and for a long time, the option of pumping his psyche is not an option. But a complete understanding of yourself and your capabilities, and their skillful use - this is a really serious approach to business. When you understand the essence of the issue under consideration, you can generally evaluate yourself in the way that it is beneficial for you to evaluate yourself, regardless of the objective circumstances.
Do you think our self-esteem should reflect our real capabilities and life experience? Nothing like this. You can be a complete loser who has made a lot of mistakes in your life, and at the same time have a very high opinion of yourself. And contrary to the beliefs and statements of many people, including all kinds of specialists, this inflated opinion of yourself will be much more useful for you than the so-called objective self-esteem. Why? Yes, because it is much more important for you not who you were in the past and even who you are in the present, although it is certainly necessary to take this into account, but who you want to become. Do you want to be a failure, do you want to be a weakling, do you want to constantly make mistakes in your life? I'm sure not. But if your self-esteem is low, then you consider yourself worse than others in some way, you are convinced that you are not capable of something, you are weak in something, and much of what you do is wrong. In general, you better know what you don't like about yourself. Well, perhaps objectively, it is, and you need to be aware of your shortcomings and weaknesses to be able to correct them while working on them. But here lies the trap of the so-called objective self-assessment. It does not allow a person to start working on himself - he lacks self-confidence for this work, lacks energy, lacks faith in the best, and, ultimately, the desire to start changing something in himself. Even "light redecorating A person is not able to do something about his psyche - considering himself an incorrigible loser. How many people do you know who, having low self-esteem, enthusiastically, overflowing with energy, worked to increase it? That's it. Therefore, many people do not need the truth about themselves, for nothing but frustration, depression, emptiness, despondency, sadness, and the like. negative emotions She doesn't bring them. And how can you work on yourself, how can you strive for more and better when your hands give up? There are, of course, very strong people who can face the truth and use that truth as a powerful incentive to work on themselves. But such people, as you understand, are few, very few.
When we struggle with low self-esteem, we primarily struggle with a person’s lack of faith in himself. We don’t need any truth, we need a beautiful fairy tale about the future - about our bright future, so to speak, to which any self-respecting person should want to strive. And he must understand that this fairy tale is actually a fairy tale, but it can become a reality if you believe in it and start working on its implementation. We must all understand this. At such moments, a person realizes that he is the architect of his life, the architect of his destiny, the architect of his happiness. It doesn't matter who he was, and who he is now, what matters is who he can become. Do you understand? A person needs energy, energy, to increase his self-esteem, and then to make himself better, in order to objectively correspond to a high opinion of himself. We first invent ourselves, so to speak, design, and only then we make ourselves, and not vice versa. On the contrary, it is not efficient. Give a man a lot of money - he will puff himself up and think he knows what. Take that money away from him and he will again be blown away, and again become an insecure loser. Why do we, why do you need such dependence on circumstances?
Therefore, when they say that a person's self-esteem should correspond to his real position in society and his real opportunities Don't take these words seriously. Today you, suppose, are a loser, and tomorrow, having undertaken certain actions, you can succeed in something, in some business that is important to you, and then one truth will be replaced by another truth. It is important to take these very actions, and in order to take them, you need to be of such an opinion about yourself that you have already achieved the success you need. Try to realize these words of mine, proven by the experience of many people, in full, and then you will think about yourself the way you need to think about yourself, and not how you are forced to think about yourself by circumstances and other people. And your self-esteem will be determined by you, depending on your interests and your desires, and nothing else.