How to calm a loved one with words during a nervous hysteria? How to calm and cheer up a crying person

In the article you will learn:

How to calm a person in hysterics using psychological methods?

Hello friends! Have you ever encountered inappropriate behavior from loved ones or friends? I had to. And this was not the most pleasant experience. I was at a loss then and did not understand what to do, how to calm a person in hysterics. Firstly, it was scary for him - it was unknown what he would do. Secondly, it’s terrible to feel your own powerlessness when you really want to help.
But that was a long time ago. We all get a little freaked out by the winds of change sometimes. And now I know, I can, and I practice how to provide first aid to a victim. And, of course, I will be happy to share my findings with you.

Don't let the hurricane rage

A person who is in a hysterical fit screams a lot, speaks emotionally, may cry, make nervous movements and rash actions. The deep purpose of this behavior is demonstrative, the desire to involve one in one’s own volcano of experiences.
Therefore, the task of the one who is nearby is to extinguish it at the stage of conception. But not with words, in this case they may not help, but, on the contrary, harm. Any response, especially an emotional and negative one, can provoke the further development of a nervous breakdown.

To calm a person, you need to give valerian or bring ammonia in the very first minutes. Any sedative, except alcohol! Also stick to the rule, silence is golden. That is, do not try to calm down verbally, and especially do not get excited in this situation yourself, do not swear or shout.
It's better to hug tightly and wait for the emotions to subside. After a couple of minutes, begin to carefully, calmly ask questions and discuss the problem.

Intensity of emotions

If the process cannot be stopped and there is no response to your attempts, then you will have to resort to harsh methods. When a person is trembling and shaking, there is no point in hugging and reassuring. Actions are needed that will distract a person from his condition.
To stop a hysteria, you need to ask distracting questions that will engage the logic of our mentally damaged person. Ask about work, children, anything unrelated to the problem. Try to turn on the brains of those who have gone crazy. This method, by the way, is good if you have to calm a person over the Internet.
If the attempt is hopeless, proceed to physical actions:

- clap your hands
- press on the painful point just below the elbow bend
- give a slap, but be careful not to get bitten
- shake your shoulders two or three times
- splash a glass of water
- pour water under the shower
- drop the chair
- jump onto the windowsill, table

Such distracting actions can pull a person out of his state and calm raging nerves. After this, short commands should be given: “Drink water!”, “Come with me!”, “Lie down!”, They also help restore normal psyche.
Since after a hysteria, as a rule, a breakdown occurs, then in accordance with the commands, give a glass cold water or hot tea and put you to bed. Now you can console with words, support, encourage, talk. But, under no circumstances read morals or lecture! “I told you so”, “I warned you” - such phrases should not exist.

Safety precautions

Trying to stop inappropriate behavior, think about safety rules:
1. Under no circumstances leave the person alone. Be there if the tantrum continues. An exception may be when the process has just begun and you can return to the victim at any time in less than 1 minute.
2. Remove all dangerous objects from the premises. There are especially many of them in the kitchen. Therefore, hide the knives and forks, or take the person to another room.
3. At the beginning of the article, I mentioned that hysteria is caused by demonstrative reasons, so it is necessary to clear the room of all third parties. And if the hysteria happened on the street or in a crowd, then take him to a secluded place. Deprive the actor of his audience.

Think about psychological safety a man who has been knocked out of balance. After he has calmed down, be sure to talk to him about the problem. Don't leave him alone with his troubles. Don’t lead conversations in a different direction, but listen calmly and carefully.
I would like to emphasize that it is important not to become infected with other people’s emotions. Avoid excessive sympathy and pity. If necessary, let me cry. But think about your own condition, do not take everything to heart.
Also, do not give any advice or offer a solution to the problem in this situation. Because at the moment there is a process of understanding what happened. A person is now incapable of solving this in any way. And your suggestions can only cause new wave experiences.

If a child is hysterical

For infants, loud crying is a signal of discomfort, pain, or unmet need. For older children, crying and hysterics are often a way of manipulating parents to get what they want.
And, as a rule, it is very difficult for parents to calm a raging child. No matter how they persuade, exhort or threaten, nothing works. Over time, such manipulations become a habitual pattern of behavior.

The task of mothers and fathers is to accustom their child to the fact that not all his wishes can come true. How to stop the child's violent protests?
1. Parents should master themselves first. There is no point in explaining to the child the reasons for refusal, shouting at him and attacking him. Moreover, there is no need to punish! If this is difficult, move away from him. But without emotional outbursts and comments, calmly.
2. If you see that your child is scared by his own reaction and “crazy,” then hug him and provide support. Explain, if he does not show irritation, that this happens and it will pass. The baby should not worry about this.
3. Next, distract the child with a game, an interesting cartoon, or a snack. And don't focus on what happened.
4. Unfortunately, most often children begin to behave uncontrollably in stores, clinics, and on the street. In this case, you need to go to a place where there are fewer people and turn away from the crying child. Deprived of spectators, he will quickly stop making noise.

In addition to the fact that the main task is not to be provoked, parents must understand why their little one does this. Perhaps this is the only way to express your desires when parents are overly authoritarian. Then you should reconsider your attitude towards your child and become more democratic.
Or she does this because she doesn’t know how to show her emotions. In this case, you need to teach it. For example, talk about the emotions that the child experiences. “Now you are irritated, but this is temporary”, “I see that you are angry now”, etc.

Preventive measures

Most The best way from stressful situations for adults and children, it is to keep them out. Of course, we cannot influence events that are beyond our control. For example, difficulties at work, accidents or the loss of a loved one. But many nervous conditions can be avoided by discussing problems in a timely manner.
Don’t wait for them to accumulate and explode, but speak out and show emotions towards them. Throw out everything that is unpleasant to the soul. If necessary, contact specialists in a timely manner. Or use those psychological methods which I told you about today.

With love to you, June!
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Hello, dear friends!

First aid may not always be medical. Sometimes misfortunes happen in life and people should be prepared for them in advance. How to help a person cope with the flow of tears? How to calm someone down?

Psychological methods and techniques are designed primarily to relieve the state of affect and awareness of what happened. You shouldn’t say phrases like “calm down” or “you’ll get over it, everything will work out!”

The fact is that a person who has lost a loved one, at the moment of realization, cannot believe in the truths you are pronouncing. Even if they are true and effective. Similar phrases will be perceived as betrayal and insult to the deceased.

The most important task of those around you at the peak moment of necessary support is to describe to the victim as accurately as possible what is happening to him and what will happen next.

People sometimes think that when faced with grief, they will simply go crazy. They become afraid of their own reactions to stress and may behave inappropriately. Starting from hysteria and ending with complete and suicidal apathy.

What's happening?

When we cry, our body produces substances that can calm and relax the central nervous system. nervous system, relieving mental suffering.

It’s great to have people nearby who tactfully and intelligently approach the issue of support during such a difficult period in life. And at the same time, it is worth understanding all the responsibility for emotional condition friend, because at this moment he certainly won’t be able to.

What is special about this condition?

the person is already crying with all his might or is about to cry;
noticeable trembling of the chin or lips;
, Bad mood;
the gaze is directed to one point.

It also happens that an individual is ready to cry, but a psychological barrier does not give her the opportunity to do so. Accordingly, release due to emotions does not occur, and as a result, the long-awaited relief does not occur.

If such behavior continues for a long time, then nervous overstrain can cause enormous harm not only to the body, but also to psychological health.

And at the same time, it happens that streams of tears transform into oceans and take on the appearance of an uncontrollable element that develops into dangerous hysteria. In such a state, a person who cries does not sensibly assess what is happening, but is subject to an emotional display of internal experiences.

There is no point in appealing to logic at such a moment. How to help a person get out of a harmful state?

First psychological aid for “flooding” with tears

1. Be there

You shouldn't leave a person alone. You can qualitatively and tactfully help him overcome his anxiety and step by step lead him by the hand from the frightening feeling of helplessness, self-pity or uncontrollable anger.

When a person is left alone, she cannot stop chasing thoughts in a circle that push her to continue the “wet” banquet. By pumping yourself up and encouraging you with words or thoughts, an individual can hit a dead end and cause trouble.

By staying close, you provide support even without words. Who wants to be left alone with themselves when the whole world has already collapsed? Sometimes even silence and the awareness of the presence of another living soul in the room already calms and pacifies.

2. Build contact

Touching, stroking and tangible warmth warm the soul. By making physical contact, you seem to be saying: “I’m here, everything is fine! You are not alone in your grief."

Hold the crying person's hand, lightly stroking the phalanges of the fingers. Light touches on the person's back or hair are possible. The main thing is to take it in moderation and not if it aggravates the relationship.

An extreme situation can provoke hysteria and aggressive behavior. Often in this case hugs are practiced. Unless, of course, it threatens your life.

A raging mind instantly calms down if it is treated with kindness, kindness and tenderness. If you were able to wrap a person in a strong and secure hug, then try to adapt to his breathing rhythm and gradually slow it down at the first sobs.

Stroking and rocking will add an atmosphere of comfort and security when calming a crying person.

3. Accession and consent

The teachings and lessons of mentoring are not applicable in this delicate matter. If you were able to calm the person down using touch, try to get the person to talk. Ask questions that will allow him to talk through his pain as much as possible and let it out.

« Tell me how you feel?», « I'm listening to you...», « Yes, I understand how unpleasant it is for you», « I heard you, continue" Similar verbal techniques confirm the fact that he was heard and understood. And most importantly, they paid attention to him and sympathized with the loss or sad event in his life.

Nod your head, make eye contact, and appear calm. But this does not mean that you need to sit opposite and glare at the person with your eyes, “uh-huh” and “uh-huh” for show.

Try to understand and in no case judge the person for expressing emotions. Just don't rate them. Do not try to pacify or convince an emotionally unstable interlocutor.

Only in this way can you become a full-fledged support and the right listener. Talk less about your feelings than about the feelings of the person crying.

No need to bring personal examples from life, unless you are asked to do so. When people experience grief, they think it is unique. But the joy is the same for everyone. Therefore, radiate a friendly smile and invite your loved one to drink a cup herbal tea to calm down.

4. In severe cases

If the situation has reached a dead end and you cannot bring the tear factory back to normal health, then be sure to read these recommendations:

remove unnecessary onlookers from the room and create cozy atmosphere. Dim light, blanket and water;
try to stay alone with the individual, if the situation and the emotional disposition of the crying person allows this. If he categorically disagrees with someone's presence, then invite him to talk to you on the phone. Leave the room and continue the dialogue using your mobile phone. Stay close;
switch person. A sharp sound, sometimes even a symbolic slap in the face or a joint fight of dishes, is suitable for this. Offer to take out all the pain on a pillow or by screaming;
speak to the person in short verbal phrases: “ Sit down. Wash yourself. Take a sip of water." etc.;
after a hysteria, complete relaxation usually occurs due to lack of strength. Therefore, put him to bed;
remove all sharp, piercing and cutting objects from visibility;
do not be led by the whims of the “sufferer”.

Friends, this is the point.

See you on the blog, bye-bye!

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“My friend had a very hard time when her husband left the family,” says Elena. “She depended on him both emotionally and financially, and to support her, I tried to help her find a job. I persuaded my friends to take her to probation, it seemed to me that a new activity would help her get out of a state of emotional numbness. However, she took my efforts with hostility.” “This is an obvious example of what a sincere desire to help can lead to,” says social psychologist Olga Kabo. “It is likely that at that moment my friend did not need active proposals, but silent sympathy. And effective help with work would probably be useful a little later.” Researchers at the University of Louisville identify two main types of behavior when people try to calm someone down. The first involves specific support and psychological assistance in resolving the problem, the second comes down, rather, to silent sympathy and a reminder “everything passes, this too will pass.” “These two dissimilar strategies can be equally effective in helping different people, says psychologist Beverly Flaxington. – The only problem is that we often, for various reasons, choose the one that is not suitable for a particular situation. A person perceives our words as false and insensitive. And we understand that not only did we not help, but it seems that we upset him even more.” Psychologists admit that choosing the right words for comfort can be a difficult task.

What should you (always) consider?

How well do you know the person and understand their problem?
Human Temperament
His ability to deal with the problem on his own
The depth of his feelings
The need, from your point of view, for professional psychological help

One of the factors in how we perceive outside support is our sense of self-confidence. A study from the University of Waterloo (Canada) 1 found that people with low self-confidence are more likely to reject attempts by loved ones to help them find a more optimistic and constructive outlook on things. And this distinguishes them from those who are more confident and, as a result, open to rethinking what happened and taking action. Obviously, you will help less confident people, if you just be there and share their experiences, without any attempts to change your perspective on the situation or simply distract yourself from it. But for people with enough high level I'm sure your active support would be more effective. Understanding another person's needs does not happen overnight - it takes time to get to know and understand them well. There are also existential problems that it is important for a person to face and cope with on his own. There are people who currently do not feel the need for attention and prefer solitude. At the same time, psychologists identify a number of rules that should be followed if a loved one is in trouble.

Strategies to note

Stay close. Sometimes words lose all meaning. And the best thing you can do is just be there. Call, invite to visit, to a cafe or for a walk. Stay in touch without making your presence intrusive. "Just try to always stay within reach of loved one, suggests social psychologist Olga Kabo. – It seems to us that this is insignificant, just to answer calls and be ready to listen. But for your loved one, this is a huge support.”

Listen. For many of us, opening up is not easy. Be patient and support your loved one when they are ready to talk. “When the person starts talking, encourage him with a few phrases,” advises Olga Kabo. – If tactile contact is important to him, you can take his hand. After that, don't interrupt and just listen. Do not give any assessments or advice - just be careful with your words. Your interlocutor needs to free himself from the burden negative emotions, and a frank story about what happened, about your feelings and experiences is the first step towards recovery.”

Be gentle. Of course, you have your own point of view. However, it may be important for the person to speak up. And if your thoughts go against the way he currently sees and experiences the situation, it will cause him even more pain. It is possible that your constructive (as you think!) advice may be useful. But not now, but when the acute period passes and your loved one will be able to treat what is happening more sensibly and balancedly. Let him know that you will be there and support any decision. “You can help a person look at a problem from a different angle by asking questions. It is important that they remain neutral: “What does this mean for you?”, “What would you like to do next?” and, of course, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Be positive. Remember, right now your loved one needs your support, which means it is important that you still have emotional resources to help. While empathizing, do not allow the despair and feeling of hopelessness in which your interlocutor may be to overwhelm you. It is worth thinking and acting like doctors. Try to outline the distance between your life and what happened to your loved one. Think: yes, what happened is difficult. But he needs time to live and accept the situation in which he is immersed. You look at it from the outside and therefore maintain a more sober view.

1 D. Marigold et al. “You can't always give what you want: the challenge of providing social support to low self-esteem individuals,” Journal of Personality and social psychology, July, 2014.

Which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that is happening, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
Suffering phase. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. Characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, memory and sleep disturbances. The person also experiences constant anxiety, a desire to be alone, and lethargy. Stomach pain and a feeling of a lump in the throat may occur. If a person experiences the death of a loved one, then during this period he may idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. Characterized by restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan your activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less often.
Recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief gives way to sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Is it necessary to console a person? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not given help, this can lead to infectious diseases, heart diseases, alcoholism, accidents, and depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as best you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person is not listening to you or is not paying attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console strangers? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person doesn’t push you away, doesn’t run away, doesn’t scream, then you’re doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in consoling people you know and people you don't know? Actually, no. The only difference is that you know one person more, another less. Once again, if you feel empowered, then help. Stay nearby, talk, involve in common activities. Don't be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's look at the methods psychological support in the two most difficult stages of grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

Don't leave the person alone.
Touch the victim unobtrusively. You can take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, pat your loved ones on the head, or hug. Monitor the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch or does he push away? If it pushes you away, don’t impose yourself, but don’t leave.
Make sure that the person being consoled rests more and does not forget about meals.
Keep the victim occupied with simple activities, such as some funeral work.
Listen actively. A person may say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and keep returning to emotional experiences. Avoid advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand him. Help the victim simply talk through his experiences and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

Talk about the past in the past tense.
If you know the deceased, tell him something good about him.

You can't say:

“You can’t recover from such a loss,” “Only time heals,” “You are strong, be strong.” These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
“Everything is God’s will” (helps only deeply religious people), “I’m tired of it,” “He will be better there,” “Forget about it.” Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, since they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
“You are young, beautiful, you will get married/have a child.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And they tell him to dream.
“If only the ambulance had arrived on time,” “If only the doctors had paid more attention to her,” “If only I hadn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only intensify the bitterness of loss.

Suffering phase

Your behavior:

In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
Give the victim plenty of water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
Organize for him physical activity. For example, take him for a walk, do physical work around the house.
If the victim wants to cry, do not stop him from doing so. Help him cry. Don't hold back your emotions - cry with him.
If he shows anger, don’t interfere.

Your words:

How to comfort a person: the right words

If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the area of feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings.” Tell me how you feel.
Tell me that this suffering will not last forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. Tactfully avoiding these topics hurts more than mentioning the tragedy.

You can't say:

“Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
“And someone has it worse than you.” Such topics can help in situations of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare one person's grief with another's. Conversations that involve comparison can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

There is no point in telling the victim: “If you need help, contact/call me” or asking him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little, take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema. Sometimes this has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to seem intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support someone if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn't answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write an SMS or email e-mail. Express your condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the deceased from the brightest sides.

Remember that helping a person overcome grief is necessary, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, this will help not only him to cope with the loss. If the loss also affected you, by helping another, you yourself will be able to survive the grief easier, with less losses for your own mental state. And this will also save you from feelings of guilt - you won’t reproach yourself for the fact that you could have helped, but didn’t, brushing aside other people’s troubles and problems.

We all know how difficult it is to find yourself in a situation where you need to console someone, but you can’t find the right words.

Fortunately, most often people do not expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. So first, just describe how you feel. For example, using the following phrases: “I know that it’s very difficult for you now,” “I’m sorry that it’s so difficult for you.” This way you will make it clear that you really see what it’s like for your loved one right now.

2. Confirm that you understand these feelings.

But be careful, don’t draw all the attention to yourself, don’t try to prove that it was even worse for you. Briefly mention that you have been in a similar position before, and ask more about the condition of the person you are comforting.

3. Help your loved one understand the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, first he just needs to talk it out. This especially applies to women.

So wait to offer solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting understand their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by telling others about them. By answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some solutions himself, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and simply feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

Tell me what happened.
Tell me what's bothering you.
What led to this?
Help me understand how you feel.
What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word “why”; they are too similar to judgment and will only anger the interlocutor.

4. Do not minimize the suffering of your interlocutor and do not try to make him laugh.

When we encounter the tears of a loved one, we, quite naturally, want to cheer him up or convince him that his problems are not so terrible. But what seems trivial to us can often upset others. So don't minimize another person's suffering.

What if someone is really worried about a trifle? Ask if there is any information that conflicts with his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. It is very important here to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, otherwise it may seem too aggressive.

5. Offer physical support if appropriate.

Sometimes people don’t want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a loved one nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions should correspond to your usual behavior with a particular person. If you are not too close, putting your hand on your shoulder or giving him a light hug will suffice. Also look at the behavior of the other person, perhaps he himself will make it clear what he needs.

Remember that you should not be too zealous when you console: your partner may take it for flirting and be offended.

6. Suggest ways to solve the problem

If a person only needs your support and not specific advice, the above steps may be sufficient. By sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask if there is anything else you can do. If the conversation takes place in the evening, and most often this happens, suggest going to bed. As you know, the morning is wiser than the evening.

If your advice is needed, ask first if the interlocutor himself has any ideas. Decisions are made more readily when they come from someone who is themselves in a controversial situation. If the person you are comforting is unclear about what can be done in their situation, help develop specific steps. If he doesn’t know what to do at all, offer your options.

If a person is sad not because of a specific event, but because he has a problem, immediately move on to discussing specific actions that can help. Or suggest doing something, like going for a walk together. Unnecessary thinking will not only not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will aggravate it.

7. Promise to continue to support

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how difficult it is for your loved one right now, and that you are ready to continue to support him in everything.