How to learn to be an interesting conversationalist? How to be an interesting conversationalist in any situation

However, despite the fact that most people can speak, unfortunately, not all of us are able to be interesting conversationalists with whom other people would like to spend hours of free time, just to hear another phrase from our lips. So how do we become great speakers who can manipulate, laugh, and just fall in love with an audience with just a couple of the right words?

Oddly enough, becoming an eloquent rhetorician is very simple, despite the fact that it will take more than one year to achieve mastery in this craft. At the heart of an interesting speech to others, first of all, lies such a concept as “surprise”. Yes, it is precisely because of the ability to surprise listeners with each next sentence that we become interesting and, in a sense, attractive speakers. For example, would it be interesting to watch magic tricks when you would know perfectly well how each fragment of the trick is done and what to expect in the final of the next magical act? Of course not! The same is true in the ability to speak - you can consider yourself an arbitrarily cheerful person, but if you tell the same jokes that you read in the book “101 Funniest Jokes” for days, no one will smile, but just go to listen to a lecture , for example, on rudimentary reflexes or quantum physics in life ordinary person.

The second most important lesson to learn before you start dreaming of becoming a great speaker is that you should never try to talk about something you don't know. It is possible that you do not have deep knowledge in any subject, with the exception of one. So try to surprise people with what you know on this subject, and do not seek universal recognition by keeping up the conversation on topics that you have just heard for the first time in your life. Many people ask what to do at a time when the topic, known and understandable to you, cannot be changed, just as you cannot simply remain silent. The answer, as always, is simple - the ability to self-criticism will help you. Simply put, if you are faced with a situation where you are forced to keep up a conversation about something that you do not know, try to take advantage of your ignorance and instead of answering ask others questions on the topic, you can even try to use your cunning and ask the interlocutors something something on this topic that they will be forced to think and try to find an answer for a long time, than you can give a little sharpness, but also interestingness to your communication. If you cannot do this, then you can simply translate the question asked to you, in the form of a joke, to any other person in your group.

And, finally, the third most important skill that any more or less popular speaker in society possesses is courage and the absence of excessive modesty. You always need to remember that when you say something, you pronounce words, phrases and whole sentences in front of people like yourself, who can just as well get up and start talking in such a way that they will quickly forget about you and you will be forced to sit on the sidelines and quietly sip tea, while some Vasya Petrov from the factory will amuse and make others laugh, as well as amaze them with facts about some machine. Therefore, it is extremely important to remember that as soon as you open your mouth and pronounce the first sound, from that moment you turn into the king of triumph and it depends only on you how long it will take before you are overthrown. How should a king rule? That's right - loud, clear, multifaceted, intelligent, and most importantly - fair. Based on this, we formulate the formula for ideal rhetoric: good rhetoric = loud and clear speech + cultural, unexpected and interesting proposals to others.

Finally, I would like to note that the main thing is not to be afraid to speak and express your personal opinion, since people who are only able to agree with others have never loved, and will never love. Even if your opinion is completely contrary to the thoughts of others - express everything the way you think, and then you will at least be respected for your courage to go against others, and if you “demonstrate” your controversial opinion with the help of a wonderfully delivered speech, then the interlocutors will not say anything bad at all, but will only thank you for the wonderful minutes during which they listened to this magnificent, eloquent speech.

Find out what it means to you personally to be a good person. Some people think that it is enough just not to harm others, but goodness is often expressed in what you do for others, and not in what you do not do. A good person should help himself and others. You must decide what it means to you to be a good person.

Choose a role model for yourself. That way you can look up to someone. This person should have those character traits that you want to possess. Think about how you can adopt these traits and apply them to your work, creative pursuits, relationships, lifestyle, and nutrition.

• Who do you look up to and why? How does this person make the world a better place? Can you do the same?
• What qualities of this person do you admire and can you develop them in yourself?
• Always keep a role model in your head to inspire you. Think about how the person would react to the question or event, and respond in the same way.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Try to understand that many people are doing better than you, but many are much worse. If a person feels unhappy because of comparison with others, he is wasting time and effort that could be spent on developing his personality. Praise yourself every morning. Good mood makes you a more positive person and helps you share kindness with the world.

   Love yourself. Learn to love yourself. Embrace your identity. The only way to love others is to first accept and love yourself. You should feel good about what you do for yourself and what you believe in, not just what you do for others. If you try to do something for others, forgetting about yourself, it will turn into resentment, anger and depression. If you love yourself, you will be able to sincerely help others.

   • Are you trying to artificially impose on yourself the qualities of a good person? If inside you hate yourself and are angry at the whole world, you cannot be considered a good person, even if you do good deeds.

2. Be yourself. Always be yourself and don't try to pretend to be someone else. Don't act like someone else. Be yourself and do what you can. So you will be a sincere person who can give good to the world. If you are true to yourself, you will be able to understand what you believe in and what you consider important.

   Meditate and/or pray. Prayers higher powers or meditation will help you develop the qualities you need. Meditation and prayers will allow you to find inner peace and focus on your inner world. When you understand yourself better, you will know what you really want and gain clarity in your life. When you become calmer, you will feel better, and this will help you become a good person.

   Start with small changes. It is impossible to change overnight, but small changes are very important. Every month or every two months, set a goal to overcome one or two habits that you do not like.

   • Goal 1 example: "I will listen to others without interrupting with words or gestures." Think about how unpleasant it will be for you if someone tries to say something when you have not finished your statement.
   • Goal 2: "I will try to think of things that will make the other person happier." Sharing food or drinks with people when they are hungry or thirsty; you can give up your seat or do something else.

3. Review your goals daily. To become a good person, it is important to reread the list desired qualities everyday. It must become part of you. Follow the tips from this article, and also come up with something new from yourself.

   Be honest. Lying destroys trust and ruins relationships. Don't lie to others - be honest with them. Good people do not lie, they directly talk about their thoughts and feelings. Instead of lying and getting someone else into a difficult situation, be direct about what you think. Don't be passive aggressive.

   Make small acts of kindness a habit. The little things will help you get better. Smile at someone or hold the door. Very soon it will become a habit that you won't even think about.

   Show empathy. Remember that kindness, understanding and compassion are the result of loving and caring for others. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see the situation from their point of view. Think about how you would feel if you were that person. Most likely, you will begin to consider the feelings of other people. It will show in your words and actions. Be a good person, not in order to appear good in the eyes of others, but in order to benefit others.

   • Don't always try to be diplomatic. Do not be afraid of possible difficulties.

Interaction with others

1. Accept all the people around you. To become a good person, it is important not to judge others. A good person accepts everyone, regardless of their race, age, sexual orientation, gender and culture. Remember that everyone has feelings, that every person is valuable and worthy of respect.

   • Respect the elderly. Do not forget that someday you too will grow old, and you will need help. The next time you are in mall, in a parking lot or anywhere else, look around for an elderly person who needs help (for example, with bags). Offer your help - he will appreciate it. If the person refuses, apologize and wish him have a good day. If you meet an elderly person somewhere, smile at him and ask how his day is going. This may be enough to make the person feel better.
   • Show empathy for people with disabilities mental development. They also have feelings. Smile at them and treat them like people worthy of respect. If someone makes fun of you, ignore it and keep talking to the person who is your true friend.
   • Don't be racist, don't be homophobic and be tolerant of other religions. The world is multifaceted. Learn new things from other people and enjoy this diversity.

2. Control your anger. If you are arguing with someone, keep your anger under control. When arguing about something with a friend, do not be rude, but do not hide your feelings. Talk to the person and solve the problem. It is better not to take out your anger on each other, but to take a break and think about the problem. Try saying this: "I want to look into this because you are my friend. Let's not talk about it for a while - this needs to be considered."

   Praise other people. Nice words are an easy way to create a welcoming atmosphere. Praise a colleague's new hairstyle and a passerby's dog on the street. Compliment friends you envy. It is very correct to praise what is worthy of praise, and you would certainly want your successes to be noted by others too.

   Listen carefully to others. Many people rarely listen to the words of others. Everyone wants to matter and be valuable. Listen to people. Follow the person's story. Do not be distracted by external stimuli and do not look at the phone.

Do you feel like no one wants to talk to you? You can't talk normally to a person for a long time? So you just don't know how to carry on a conversation. It should be noted that there is nothing to worry about, a person can learn everything if he has a desire. So, we set ourselves the goal of how to learn how to conduct a conversation and become an interesting conversationalist. What is needed for this?

Don't get too carried away talking about yourself. A conversation is a dialogue between two people. Consequently, a long monologue about his life is of no interest to anyone. Also try not to rush to express your opinion, think maybe someone has already said this.

To become an interesting and pleasant conversationalist, you just have to make friends with diplomacy. If you notice that this or that topic is not to your liking, then it is better not to ask about the details. On the contrary, try to delicately get away from the topic.

Do not hide your emotions, and if you don’t like something, it’s better to honestly tell the person in person. But it is necessary to speak out, observing a sense of proportion, do not overdo it in your reactions.

Don't be afraid to show your sense of humor. You can stir up and stir up any person, and reveal him, show his essence.

Learn to actively listen to your interlocutors, and try to remember the last phrase of your interlocutor. Otherwise, you will answer inappropriately, and thereby give yourself away, showing that you do not hear the person at all, although perhaps at that time he poured out his soul on you. The implications of such a conversation are clear.

If you want to be an interesting conversationalist, don't stop complimenting, but do it sincerely. Remember, flattery irritates a person, and it will be unpleasant for your interlocutor if you start flattering.

Speak so that you can be understood. That is, you should not speak in hints, especially to people who are not very familiar, they may not understand you correctly, and this may even ruin your reputation. In other words, choose your words carefully.

Never gossip! Then you will be sure that they will not gossip behind your back. Remember one rule, only speak about those who are absent that you can then repeat in front of them, and you will not be ashamed of it. Try to fully express your thoughts, and never criticize either your enemies or your friends, this will not lead to good.

Remembering the above simple rules, you will understand how to learn how to have the right conversation and become an interesting conversationalist. And we wish you good luck in this!

How to have a dialogue with an interlocutor

From time immemorial, people have appreciated those who know how to have an interesting conversation. Such people were considered very smart and well-read. At the same time, they were always in the spotlight, it seemed that they easily find mutual language with different people and can have a casual conversation on almost any topic.

Seeing such good interlocutors, we involuntarily reassure ourselves, believing that such people are born. But this is an erroneous opinion, you yourself can become interesting, develop speech skills if necessary, the main thing is to work in this direction.

How to be a good conversationalist

If you want to become an interesting conversationalist and learn how to tell interesting things (no matter what), then we advise you to start working on this. To do this, you need a notebook and a pen, yes, yes, they are.

After all, everyone knows that you can’t return the spoken words, so it’s better to learn to tell interesting things on paper. You should write down all the events of the day in this notebook, while your stories were capacious. Over time, you will learn to structure correct speech highlighting the most important.

In order to tell interesting stories, a person must have a good vocabulary smell, which can be developed with the help of classical literature. It will also be important to study scientific literature, the main thing is to select only topics that you understand, and use dictionaries and the Internet to understand the meanings of unfamiliar terms. Learn to use them in your stories, use new words in your vocabulary as often as possible, but, of course, only to the point.

Before you become an interesting conversationalist, you must understand that you will have to work hard, because in addition to enrichment vocabulary, you also need to work on the presentation of the topic and improving the diction.

If you lose the endings of words, sometimes you don’t pronounce the letters, then no matter how interesting and emotional you tell, people will not want to listen to your speech for a long time. To correct this defect, we advise you to perform special exercises with which you can develop the mobility of the lips and muscles of the tongue. Tongue twisters will also help you with this.

Learning the basics of oratory will also help you, since today there are a lot of books and seminars on this topic that you can easily find on the World Wide Web. The main thing is to have a desire to learn how to tell interesting things, and everything else is a matter of time.

Sometimes we do everything for others. We spend so much energy, we give everything of ourselves. And in response? No thanks! Is it really that hard to just say "thank you"?

Perhaps you should not do good deeds for people, because they would never do something like me? Tired. It's time to be the same. As they are to me, so am I to them.

Every time we come to this conclusion. We have already read a large amount of literature, where they are taught to say “no”. But as soon as someone once again asks us for something, and we undertake to fulfill his request, completely forgetting all the memorized advice. It is better to agree than later to experience a heavy sense of guilt and suffer from the fact that you are not loved.

You do something for a person, and for a moment it becomes easier. And then a feeling of resentment and injustice arises, an understanding comes that the act done was contrary to our own interests. We were used again and forgotten.

It seems that it has always been like this, since childhood. Everyone is just waiting to use our kindness and reliability for their own purposes. It's time to stop this. It's time to learn to say no! But how to do that? How to become bad?

Who is a good girl?

Before answering these questions, we need to understand why this is happening? Why are some people unable to refuse any request, trying their best to please others?

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan calls this behavior complex good girl. As this science of the mental explains, this complex is inherent in the owners of the anal-visual bundle of vectors.

A vector is a set of innate properties and desires of a person, which is responsible for his preferences, way of thinking, value system and behavior. Modern man has an average of three to five vectors. Some of them create stable bonds that manifest themselves in certain life scenarios.

There are people whom nature has awarded with a phenomenal memory. They are necessary for humanity to accumulate the acquired experience and knowledge and pass them on to future generations. They become good teachers and teachers, professionals in their field, experts. We are talking about people with an anal vector.

These are responsible, decent people who want to be good in everything. And people with an anal-visual bundle of vectors especially. In childhood, these are the most obedient, "golden" children.

Firstly, for children with a visual vector, more than for anyone else, emotional ties with their mother are important, so they are ready for anything, so long as these ties are not interrupted. These are very emotional children who can hardly stand their mother's coldness or neglect.

Secondly, the value of the anal vector is a positive assessment of actions, praise, especially from the mother, because the mother is no less valuable for them. Therefore, they make every effort to please their mother and receive well-deserved praise.

But sometimes adults abuse praise, praise undeservedly or, on the contrary, do not praise deservedly, using for their own purposes the child's desire to be good in everything. By resorting to the manipulation of praise, parents develop in their child an endorphin addiction to it. Such a person, even in adulthood, will strive to please others in everything.

We are all different

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that for a person with an anal vector, it is important that everything be equal, fair. If he did something, made efforts, then these efforts should be appreciated.

We look at other people through ourselves, we believe that what is valuable and important for us is just as important for other people. For example, praise and gratitude are valuable to us, and we believe that this is the case for everyone. But for others, it may be very different.

For example, people with a skin vector are not used to saying "thank you", because they act from a position of benefit-benefit. The best gratitude for them is expressed by something material. And people with a sound vector in serious conditions may not hear us at all, not pay any attention to others.

When people don't behave the way we expect, we resent them. We do not understand how you can not thank or praise for a good deed. resentment do not let us live in peace.

But at the same time, when it seems to us that we are doing too much for people, that it is time to stop, and denying something, a heavy feeling of guilt flares up in us. Even when we do something not good enough for others, we feel uncomfortable. Life turns out in constant distortions: at first we are offended by the fact that we are being used, then we suffer from guilt that we did not. This causes great discomfort and ruins life.

In the visual vector, the reason for the desire to please everyone may also be the increased importance of emotional connections. People with an anal-visual bundle of vectors may feel that if they are not kind and good to everyone, they will not be loved, which is a lot of stress for them.

How to find a way out

We cannot change ourselves or others. What to do? How to live with it? Becoming bad is not a way out. After all, this will not solve the problem, but only worsen our condition.

The way out is shown by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. First of all, you need to understand yourself, your desires and aspirations. Realizing where the need for someone else's approval came from, we begin to understand what drives us at such moments. And we, not needing praise, do not strive to please everyone. We also begin to love ourselves, and not seek love and approval from everyone in relation to ourselves.

At the training systems-vector psychology Yuri Burlan, childhood traumas are being worked out, the mechanisms of our behavior become clear, the complex of a good girl is leaving. This is evidenced by the opinions of people who have completed the training.

In relationships with girls, eloquence has always played a significant role. Sometimes relationships were created or, conversely, destroyed because of a person's ability to communicate. Communication is important not only with the opposite sex, but also with other people, especially when you want to make contacts with them or get a joint job. The male site site will give 10 rules that will help you make contacts and become an interesting conversationalist.

Has it ever happened to you that you communicate with a person, but he causes you some discomfort? It seems that he is outwardly attractive, does not say bad words, but something repels him. You naturally You want to end contact with him as soon as possible.

However, there are people who do not have bright beauty and great knowledge, but it is so easy and fun to communicate with them that you don’t want to stop meeting. It seems that the person is not to your taste. It seems that he does not tell any truths and hidden information. However, it is so pleasant to communicate with him that you do not want to break away.

With each century, the ability of a person to communicate well with people around him becomes the main priority and a step towards. A lot of people say that you need to be well connected to be successful. However, in order to have these good connections you need to be able to be a pleasant and interesting conversationalist. And this is an axiom both in the field of work, business, and in love.

How to arrange an interlocutor?

Tell the person: “I understand you!” - and he will want to continue to communicate with you and continue. Many people ask themselves the question: “How to win over the interlocutor?”. There is nothing easier than just letting him be right even when you disagree with him. Everyone thinks their opinion is the only correct one. Your opinion can be just as wrong as the other person's thoughts. Why argue about who is right and wrong? You can just let everyone be right to begin with! Thus, you win over anyone, because everyone wants to be right.

People don't need much. Give them understanding. When a person is understood, they do not try to argue and convince, then he relaxes and is imbued with gratitude to the interlocutor. You don't have to take someone else's point of view. If you think otherwise, then you have the right to remain with your opinion if it seems to you more correct. If the interlocutor speaks reasonable words, you can correct your opinion. But be that as it may, no matter what you do with your point of view, tell the interlocutor: “I understand you!”.

Understanding does not mean agreeing. To understand means to accept the right to the existence of someone else's opinion, no matter how erroneous and incorrect it may be. When a person feels that you "accept" him, then he will relax. He may even want to hear your thoughts and ask about them. Perhaps he will continue to talk about the topic of the conversation that you are having, and come to a broader understanding of the issue. Give understanding to the other person. This will allow not only to win over the interlocutor to yourself, but also to calm him down, prompting him to look at the issue more broadly.

Often people do not understand each other, or rather, do not want to accept other people's points of view, because they have their own opinion, which they consider to be more correct. But the argument begins where the interlocutors begin to fight for whose opinion is the most correct, right? Why start a fight when you can avoid it? Accept the right to the existence of someone else's opinion, tell the interlocutor about it, even if your thoughts do not change from this. It is not necessary to fight for the correctness of someone's point of view. You can just listen to what the other person thinks and draw your own conclusions. It is not always necessary to convince someone. The other person has the right to be wrong. Life will put him in his place if he is really wrong. You can make mistakes, just like your interlocutor. And no one, except life itself, will convince you of this. That is why many people, arguing their opinion, often give examples from life.

Tell your partner: "I understand you!". Not only will you become his friend, but you will not provoke a quarrel, you will allow the other person to calm down, not fight you, and also look at the situation more broadly, even listen to your ideas and not resist them. Do you see how many pluses there are in one expression, where you accept the right to the existence of someone else's opinion, no matter how it contradicts yours?

10 rules of an interesting interlocutor

So, you want to become interesting, attractive and a good conversationalist. Here you need to show not only understanding, but also show communication skills that create ease in communication. Consider 10 rules that will make you an interesting conversationalist:

1. tell me interesting stories. Sometimes there is an awkward silence between the interlocutors. Don't they have anything to say? In fact, they just don't know what to say to them. However, in the life of every person, funny, interesting or exciting events happen. It is about them that you can remember, tell with a smile on your face, have fun and laugh together. Main aspect- The story must be positive. No need to talk about your problems or tragedies. Tell funny, positive, interesting or educational stories.
2. Joke. Humor has always been considered one of the attributes of a good interlocutor. Here you can use jokes, funny stories even make up their own jokes. Allow yourself to laugh a little - draw the attention of the interlocutor to what makes you laugh. Here important nuance- if the interlocutor does not know how to laugh at himself (his shortcomings), then you do not need to joke about him.
3. Give compliments. A compliment is a positive evaluation of another person. Who hates to hear nice things about themselves? Even shy people are pleased to hear that others see them with positive side. No need to bombard the interlocutor with compliments. You can say 2-3 compliments for all the time. However, it will be much nicer than saying nothing at all. One nuance - really notice what is in a person, no need to flatter.
4. Listen and speak. In communication, a person either listens or speaks. A good conversationalist can do both. Bad interlocutors go to extremes: either they listen and are silent all the time, or they constantly talk without letting other people say a word. You need to be able to both shut up in order to let the interlocutor talk, and tell something when the interlocutor now wants to listen to your opinion.
5. Look into the eyes. Confident People do not hide their eyes, but constantly maintain contact with their interlocutors. They look straight into your eyes. Of course, they sometimes translate their gaze. However, they do not hide themselves and do not make their interlocutors shy.
6. Don't interrupt. This quality should be developed by many, because quite often people interrupt each other. Before the interlocutor had time to express everything he wanted, he was immediately interrupted. You can interrupt once or twice, but if this happens constantly, then the interlocutor loses interest in you. He begins to think that you do not want to listen to him, which means that you do not respect and do not take into account his opinion.
7. Don't ask too many questions. The conversation, of course, consists of questions and answers. However, it shouldn't look like the other person is being interviewed. You ask a question, the person answers you, and it is desirable that his answer be open, affecting various themes. For your part, you can supplement his answer, agree, refute or tell a story that relates to your topic. Questions don't always have to come from you. Let the interlocutor also be interested in something from you, and you give as detailed answers as possible.
8. Don't criticize. If you want to spoil the other person's mood, start criticizing him. But will he consider you an interesting conversationalist if he feels guilty, pathetic, worthless after your words? Criticism is necessary only on the case. It should be short and concise. However, you should not focus on it. Criticized - and that's enough, move on to another topic.
9. Don't brag. This quality is rare, but still found. Boasting makes a person miserable, and his interlocutor makes him get rid of the imposed feeling of worthlessness. While you boast, you are proving to the other person that you are better than him. No need to rise at someone else's expense. You can talk about your achievements that you are proud of. However, do not forget at the same time to ask what your interlocutor is proud of - listen to his boasting!
10. Expand your social circle. The more people you communicate with, the more communication skills you will have. Different people require a different approach. And this requires you to be flexible and understand your interlocutor, how you need to communicate with him and behave. If you know how to be different in communication, then you become interesting.

Laughter disposes the interlocutor

Do you want to become part of the company? Would you like to make friends with someone? Do you intend to win over your loved one? Create a situation where your partner will laugh heartily. It doesn't matter what exactly you do or what you laugh about. Important - it's a splash positive emotions, which encourage a person to open up to those who made him laugh or were just nearby.

There have been studies that have given the same result. People who were in high spirits were more likely to reveal their secrets, to become sociable and good-natured towards those who were nearby. Laughter brings people closer, research has shown.

How is this phenomenon explained? It is possible to consider in the mechanism such a moment as the elimination of the causes of isolation. A person in a depressed state or when immersed in despondency often closes. He trusts those who surround him at this moment. He does not know what he can say, and what is better to keep silent. Thus, contact with others is disrupted due to the fact that a person becomes closed.

In the moment of laughter, the grievances that grieved are forgotten. Negative thoughts are no longer scrolling in my head, but something cheerful and positive arises. The brain relaxes, the person himself lets go of the negative, which gives rise to a feeling of stability and calmness. When he does not see any threats for himself, he becomes open and friendly. Most effective method achieving such a state is to make the person you need laugh.

At the moment of a comedic situation, people approach and become open. They remove their barriers with which they used to protect themselves from a cruel world. Thus, if you want to make friends or attract the attention of the right partner, learn to make him laugh, amuse and delight. This will give him a feeling of comfort.

How to become an interesting interlocutor in the end?

Most The best way learning to communicate well with people is to constantly contact them. How can with large quantity communicate with people. Keep track of what mood you evoke in them, what words and phrases evoke positive or negative emotions in them. Practice, change your communication style, adjust your skills depending on the result, and then you will become interesting.