Hello. I am 26 years old, no education. My life is heading for the abyss. I lose willpower and interest in life.
Recently, a girl with whom I was together for 12 years left. I love her very much. They started dating at the age of 14 and almost without breaks. I wanted to start a family with her, have children.
Our town is Russian, but the country speaks Lithuanian. We are both Russians, we studied in the same Russian school. I'm not a stupid guy, but I didn't get on with the Lithuanian language from the 1st grade. In the first grade, the teacher insulted me and called me stupid and humiliated me in every way, because I could not understand the Lithuanian language. After that, I became closed and timid, I generally stopped understanding all subjects, but after the 1st grade I was transferred to another school with a very good teacher who tried to get me up to the 5th grade and she succeeded. But with Lithuanian, I still had a stupor. Although there was foreign language German, I began to learn it from the 4th grade and understood it well, a year later I began to speak it as if it were my native language. Everything else got better and better. By the end of school (we have 12 classes), my classmates spoke the state (Lithuanian) fluently, since it is necessary for entering universities, and I couldn’t do anything at all, although I understood that I couldn’t do without it. But due to the fact that I had good marks in other subjects, I managed to enter the university as a mechanical engineer. I studied for a year, I missed a lot because I didn’t want to go there, because it was difficult for me to write down in Lithuanian, that nothing was clear. I was expelled and I immediately submitted a new application with my girlfriend (she is a year younger than me, so the second time they entered together) for admission and entered aeronautical engineering, on a semi-paid basis. I was taken by exact sciences I didn’t have any problems, I grasp everything quite well, but where I had to write and there was Lithuanian grammar, everything was hell for me. But I sometimes copied, so that at least the teacher could understand what I was writing about. We studied in the capital, but lived separately. She's in a hostel, I rented a room. The girl told me that I needed to learn Lithuanian, but I brushed it off, although I knew what I needed. I was expecting someone to kick or help from her, but she told me that she tried to somehow force me and prosla and began to communicate with me in Lithuanian, nothing came of it and she said that I had a very difficult character. As a result, I flew out of the university, after a year and a half I sat at home and could not do anything and tell my parents too, they left for another country to earn money for my studies and provide for me. Although from the very beginning I wanted to earn money and study on my own, my parents categorically forbade me and made scandals for me if I started looking for a job. As a result, after I flew out, I just sat at home, each time waiting for my girlfriend in hometown for the weekend, we went out for a walk, but all our friends began to disappear. I understand because of me that she gave me a lot of time. I closed myself in and all the days before the arrival of my girlfriend, I watched films and played computer games, in short, I hammered my head so as not to think about the problem that I flew out of the university, I have no job, I was very afraid to tell my parents.
But then I finished the welder's course, I had acquaintances, but I never made any friends.
And the old ones don’t care about me, everyone already has families and their own affairs, and no one cared about me, except for my girlfriend.
As a result, I began to look for a job in the capital, but they took me only with work experience. There was nothing useful. I lived in a hostel with a girl.
She graduated from the bachelor's degree and entered the university for a master's degree, and I remained without education.
She went out with her classmates, but I was kind of superfluous.
As a result, I went to another country to my parents, to work and try to realize myself, I less than a year abroad, but he came to the girl for the holidays, saw each other 4 times in 8 months, every week.
I work, but I get mine, but at least I can afford something.
And now, before the girl was supposed to defend the deployment, she had stress and we had a fight over some little thing, and it so happened that we didn’t communicate for 2 weeks. I didn't want to distract her and annoy her before the defense.
Then she defended, she appeared very good job, she came to her very good friend and they walked, drank and reveled, but they didn’t even remember me. I wrote to her, congratulated her and decided to chat. To which I heard that she no longer wants a relationship with me, 12 years is a lot and it all needs to be stopped, that this cannot continue. But we had plans that she would come to me and we would start life here in another country. She still wants to move in, but to her friend. Started going to clubs and hanging out in different places, she puts all her pictures on the social network so that I can see it all.
Thus, she shows how good she is without me and that she is very cool now, and I am the one who always supported her, cared when there were difficult situations in her life, with her parents, when we lived in my apartment, in our hometown, when I made all the conditions for her to study at the university, she became unnecessary. She fought with me for 4 years, that she is cool and all so independent and turned my masculine nature into a woman, when there were litters, I was hysterical like a woman.
In short, I invested so much labor of love and everything else in her, but in the end they told me so far and now she is still trying to finish off by the fact that she is independent and beautiful, she puts everything on the Internet so that she knows that after a week of separation she is already walking in full, that they say I was a hindrance to her.
Why so with me? I am reliable, I never betrayed her, she was always happy with me, and now I get only slaps from her.
My world is destroyed, the only one whom I trusted, loved, told me so far. For what?
So what's now?
As I was 4 years in depression, and remained.
And now I don't know how to live at all.
I feel like something. I was betrayed, used and thrown out. I am alone, without purpose and faith in people.
I haven’t written much yet, there are no specifics. But that's all I can now, my head is a mess. My heart is bleeding. Soul whines. Cats scratch.
There are no friends. With parents to say this, you can immediately go to the coffin. It is impossible with them, I grew up on my own and educated myself. They have a bunch of psychological disorders, they are worse than children.
Now I distract myself after work with all sorts of videos and rubbish, so as not to feel the world around me, this wild pain. Most of the money goes to pay own apartment In your country.
What do i do? Help, so you want to live happy? And not to think that if you disappear now, then you were born in vain, because no one cares about me!
I lie to everyone around me. I have a lot of lies. I tell you something that was not there, but I really want to. I lie about my education that I have completed my studies and will soon receive a diploma.
In fact, I'm not stupid, but there is no willpower at all. I can't do what I need to do. I don't remember where it started. Maybe because I didn't graduate from university. When I take on a task, I can’t bring it to the end, I don’t have enough strength, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to.
Now in a country where they speak English. I speak English very badly. Finding friends is not realistic.
How to get on your feet, how to get rid of your psychological problems?
How to become a man? Want to be a good man? Reliable, necessary, strong spirit.
I'm still a coward. I seem confident from the outside and very strong, so to speak, with a core inside and not physically destrofic. But in the distance I will be blown away because of any problem. The last fight was 15 years ago. But 6 years ago I was beaten by a gopnik in front of my girlfriend. Although I am not a nurse and started to fight back, I was knocked out due to the surprise of the attack. Often a girl drove me to a state of madness to see what kind of rampage I was. Of course, my strength is not measured, but I don’t understand why it was necessary to do this. But I never beat the girl and did not cause physical pain.
Something went wrong, and you feel that your life is not a fairy tale that you imagined as a child. So what's the reason? Answer yourself honestly to the questions presented, summarize and find out the reason why everything is wrong.
1. How do you spend your leisure time?
If it is TV, meaningless, “slobbery” series, online games that “gut” your wallet and do not bring any benefit ... The list can be continued for a very long time, but the fact is that this is a useless pastime that does not make sense and benefit.
Walks in the city, forest, park or a trip to nature, games on fresh air, with children and friends, that's what's useful! After all, “sticking” into a TV set or computer, you fence yourself off from everyone, and quietly “survive” in your little world. The choice is yours.
2. Like to whine and complain?
With what mood do you meet the new day? What do you think? “Oh no, damn work, I’m already tired of it ...” or “Great, new day! Today I will succeed, I will succeed!”. Feel the difference? How do you treat your employees and loved ones? Do you speak well of them in communication with other people, or do you condemn and gossip? Are you satisfied with what you have to be happy?
If you understand that everything is not so rosy, then stop planting negativity in your head. Try not to say "nasty things" about yourself and about the people around you, strive to see good side and notice the positive moments, trying to increase their number in your life.
3. Do you take a couple of steps towards self-development every day?
Our mind is like a bright and beautiful library that requires care and visitors (thoughts), and the absence of both makes it old junk full of spiders and cockroaches.
Daily "brain" loads will make you interesting interlocutor and broaden their horizons and interest in life. Read, write, compose, go to trainings and courses. Always add to your knowledge base and you will become interesting person for yourself and other people.
4. Do you believe in yourself?
If you constantly tell yourself that you are not worthy of something or that today is not the right day for victory and, in general, you are a loser in life, then you can lie down and die right away. Faith in yourself brings success. Negative thoughts give rise to “fruits”, which then have to be eaten with tears.
Think well, praise yourself for any achievements, believe in yourself and do not wait for approval from the outside. Indeed, most often, waiting for this very “approval”, we do not dare to do what we want, perhaps it would be right, but it’s too late. Remember, your life is a responsibility only for you, any actions committed to please someone will not bring you happiness.
5. Do you have a plan?
Phrases like: “you need to live here and now” or “take everything from life!” are so popular that no one thinks about their meaning. Homeless Vasily also wanted to “live now!” and took everything from life. A loan and a bunch of debts, rested, and when he returned, he was left without a home and without money.
It is clear that we are all human and we want to live, not exist. It's not that you can't be spontaneous and throw yourself "in all serious ways", break away as you should and calm your soul. The main thing is to take care of the future. A well-designed “life plan” changes everything, and you know that you will receive “candy” for your efforts.
More reasons why your world is going downhill
6. Are you a shopaholic? Love to buy all sorts of knick-knacks?
Just think how much money you spent "in the hole." After all, an enterprising person will not squander on unnecessary things, and will save money to buy the desired and long-awaited. Consider how much you could save by not buying junk, which you will throw away anyway. Think about it.
7. Do you go to bed on time?
A person who is constantly experiencing a lack of sleep can be seen from afar. This is a gray, lethargic, nervous "creature", with a constant loss of attention and interest in life. If you recognize yourself, then it's time to start a normal life, and stop torturing yourself! Otherwise, it will not bring anything good, except for health problems.
8. Do you love your body?
If your body disgusts you, or maybe you are embarrassed by it, then ask yourself the question “why”? Answer honestly and conclude that it is time to change. Take a start to healthy life, eat right, exercise to look perfect. Finally start that very “new” day that you often think about at night. Love yourself, then you will be loved and respected.
9. Is your life monotonous?
Many people manage to live according to the principle “home - work - home”, but are they happy? Are you satisfied with this state of affairs? If not, then it's time to change this rhythm and set a new pace. Bring variety into your life and feel the wind of change that is so fresh and light!
Learn to relax, to give relaxation, because you can burn out, like an old light bulb that is never turned off. Go to events, take time out for walks with family and friends. Or maybe you haven’t been to a disco for “a hundred years”? The soul asks, but the mind does not allow. Why then torment the soul? Grab your spouse, friends and go enjoy the vacation you've been dreaming about for a long time. There is nothing wrong with that you want to relax.
10. Everyone around you owes and owes?
Remember, if you live by this principle, you will not find happiness. After all, the constant resentment that comes from your side poisons everything and everyone around you. You are building a wall that you yourself can no longer jump over. And let's try to answer for yourself and your problems. Then there will be fewer guilty ones and it will be easier for you to understand how to unravel the “tangle” that you yourself have confused.
Do not be upset if you recognize yourself in at least one of the above points. This is an occasion to bring new colors to life! Change the colors of life as you like. After all, you are an artist, and you can draw for yourself the fate that you dream of!
“Just a little more, and everything will work out, this time for sure!” - I thought
“And the result depends entirely on you?” came an inner voice.
“Shut up, I’ve been going to this for so long, this time I won’t be deceived!”
“Ok, I'm so simple, to clarify. By the way, do you know exactly what your goal is?
"And whose else?"
“Well, for example, imposed by your environment.”
"Let go, there's no time."
“Well, look for yourself, I just asked, I care about you. I have a feeling this is not your waythe creator has a different plan for you but it's up to you, of course.
“Aaaaah, how you got me, I need to move forward, I will definitely succeed, this is a goldmine ...”
“It’s up to you, of course, but it will already be .... the last time you were simply used for their own purposes, I feel sorry for you ...
I have a feeling that yourunning with all your might, but standing still what are you like a boat without oars, which is dragged by the current of the river lower and lower until it runs aground, and there is only musty silt around...It's difficult to breathe.
But it's up to you, of course. I know a way out of this situation, ”the inner voice did not lag behind.
"How do you know him?"
“I am you in the future, who was able to live on, despite the failures, and learnedfind resources for all desiresthat you can only dream of."
What would you do in this situation?
Would you listen to advice or score on this quiet voice that breaks through your swarm of thoughts about how to live on, and the constant need to solve problems right here and now, through problems in relationships, at work, with health ....
Do you have a little time and a modicum of courage to stop, figure out your course, correct it and learn to liftcorrect sailthat will bring you to the shoreyour dreams?
And yes this shore exists . You just haven't been taught how to get to it. And this is not your fault. The temptation is too great to get carried away with another idea of quick money for simple actions. And instead of your dreams, you helped others achieve them.
Seven steps to take your life on a different path
(until she went downhill)
What did I do once to get out of this road thattakes the trolleybus of our life to the depotand puts an end to dreams of a better life.
How to spread your wings and find resources according to your desires - seven steps:
- Rejection of illusions. Often in life black line, white, black, white, and then you are already under the tail of a zebra. You can wait for this moment and realize it there (you still have to), or “stop” and take a sober look at what you are doing with your life right here and right now
- Accept and love yourself. Yes, yes, you know about it, but what are you doing? Love your body, mind, soul. Your desires and hobbies, which you have long put aside, "for this is stupidity."
- How long have you had a day for yourself? Look in the mirror. Do you like this person? You can look at him with your eyes full of love? If not, how do you think he is doing? And how can he help you in this case?
- Write down what you are grateful for. Describe all your successes. Since childhood.
- By the way, what else are you grateful for - the Creator, the world. Write at least a hundred thanks. Enlightens. He himself once sat and did not know where to start, especially like and for nothing. And then he wrote - 400!
- Understand your purpose strengths, which you can manifest in "successful" conditions and in difficult ones. How to insure your weak sides instead of fighting them (it's easier than you think, and you don't have to go to India to do it).
- Take an inventory of your desires and goals that you have been putting off for months, or even years, and understand what is still relevant and what is not, and what is preventing you from achieving them ... Write them out right now
Here right now!
Everything, big and small?
You can start with a list of ten wishes and ten "wants". In one column - desires. In the other - what you do not want. Turn it into a positive plane (if I don’t want it, then I want what?) And add it under the list of ten desires (if they didn’t match).This is what controls your life.
- Understand what fears stand in the way of your goal, easily remove them (there is a technique for how to do this quickly and safely) and move on with joy.
- Use your skills to expand them to a new level (or new skills) that will allow you to get a different result in your life.
- And, understanding your resources (which makes you get out of bed every morning without an alarm clock), every day to perform a feat that serves as your stepping stone and raises every day higher and higher, to results that seemed unattainable just yesterday.
If "horror without end" has already got ...
And this is absolutely true, I described my own doubts just a little more than a year back. I know what it's like to live in a city where the energy itself is against life. The harsh "Stalingrad land" compresses the inner spring so much that it either breaks, and you become another loser. Either you continue to hold on, live on, search, find - and it shoots with the powerful energy that has accumulated in it.
And to surrender or not - it's up to you, not your environment, not anyone else. It's only your choice.
And there are ways to get out from under the tail of a zebra. This road has already been completed, signs and benches have been placed to take a break.
There are even guides (a whole team) ready to lend their shoulder.
And if you are tired of this race and horror without end, if you don’t know how to live on, it’s time to honestly look at yourself and do a business that will bring you a stable income and the gratitude of your customers.
And you can check my words. We can chat in person. Write in the comments.
P.S.Right here and now, write in the comments what was valuable to you in the exercise:
- gratitude to yourself;
- gratitude to the world;
- ten desires and "unwillingnesses";
- goal inventory.
And what would you like to know more about.
When life went downhill what to do and why it happened?
Let's start with the second part of the question.
Until you take responsibility, alas, there is nothing to talk about further, but even more so to fix it.
If something on the outside is not the way you want, then the reason is in your thinking, in your feelings and in your choice of action or inaction. And not that someone is to blame for something and did the wrong thing, and now you feel bad.
Yes, we are used to reacting, not being the cause. We have been focused on this since childhood.
That is, something happens outside and we either rejoice or suffer, in general we react to external stimuli.
We even associate our state of happiness with our loved ones, with the presence of something or someone. What is there to talk about?
Until you get out of this illusion, you can't change anything.
The human brain is so lazy that it selects a set of response patterns ahead of time and automatically forces you to live in them.
Moreover, it is purple, these are reactions and patterns of suffering or happiness. There is no coloring for it.
Since a person really chooses how to react and what to think before then, then the energy costs will be incredible.
From here, the brain throws up stereotyped reactions to us, which are reinforced by past experiences and films, fairy tales, culture and other rubbish.
And all the bad things happen when everything falls out of hand, when a person reaches a certain point and completely leaves reality in such an automatic perception of reality and a reaction to it.
Let me explain:
When your interlocutor is not totally present in communication with you, but flies somewhere in his plans and dreams, you can always feel and see this.
It is unrealistic to have a dialogue with him and do something, you yourself do not need this - right?
Yes, he is with you in body, but roughly speaking with brains and soul in other dimensions.
We ourselves treat our lives the same way, and hence we have so many problems.
If a life went downhill, then this only means that you have not been aware for a long time and do not choose your life (do not conduct a dialogue with it). But you just react like Pavlov's dog to external stimuli.
You don't have to go far:
When everything is bad, it’s hard to force yourself to think roughly, it’s hard to think otherwise.
Meditation at the hour of time, when you have turned gray, dreamed - this is a good thing, but useless in general.
Since the rest of the 23 hours a day you draw Armageddon in your brain and look for moves on how to adapt to it with less losses, and not how NOT to live in it at all.
It turns out a step forward (planning, dreams, meditations), and a thousand back.
From here, the speed of problems is gaining momentum.
What to do?
On the contrary, allow the brain to panic exaggeratedly per day for an hour. Thus, to recognize the problems (it is important to be able to see them), and not close your eyes, going into the dumbest positive psychology, thinking that crocodiles do not exist.
Since while you whine and whine, the lump of troubles will grow and slide downhill, as a result, it attracts more and sculpts problems.
Of course it won't stop.
Only you can stop and change the state of affairs.
Choose different thoughts.
Feel them.
And actions will be easy if you have done all the steps correctly before.
And through willpower, without taking the first two steps, everything will go with a creak, break and crunch along the way, periodically covering you with either total laziness or illness. Do you need it?
Laziness and the brain's need for automatism and rest are much stronger than artificial Wishlist, visualizations and your social needs.
Think about it.
He will "make you" if you do not use him according to his own laws.
Information about how our machine works between the ears is full on our website with you - study and implement.
Hello readers of my blog, you may have noticed that last month I began to write very rarely, this is due to problems in my life. And finally, everything ended, unfortunately, unfavorably for me. Remember, I wrote an article, now I want to continue it.
Think, Every person has to go through the difficult stages of their life., so to speak, to fall as low as possible in order to feel life in all its manifestations. As one wise man once said: until you feel what it means to be at the very bottom, you will not truly understand what it means to be at the top.
No, don't be too scared, I'm alive and well, but recent events make me look at myself from a different perspective. Boy, you're 23 and you don't really have anything, uh future prospects foggy. You may wonder what you have been doing all these years, how did it happen?
I can say that I relied on chance, everything in my life developed by itself, and I didn’t particularly worry about my future fate, but when your plans fall apart at one fine moment, you realize that you lived wrong, when a huge tub of dirt, reproaches, insults pours out on you, you realize with horror that you let down not only yourself with your inaction.
Of course, we have to urgently adapt to new circumstances and look for the fastest way out of this unpleasant situation. The most important thing is to find the strength in yourself to survive all this, not to be led by your emotions, not to fall into, and even more so not to fill your grief with alcohol, since then it will be even more difficult to return to normal.
The best thing that can be done now is to analyze in detail all the events that preceded this, and understand what was done wrong, because in most cases the person himself is to blame for his situation. Such periods are designed to show us that before that we lived incorrectly and that we need to radically change our destiny. As they say: when one door closes in front of us and another opens, we are still trying to get to where the path is already closed to us.
If you do not give in to panic, and weigh everything, then most likely it will turn out that it's not all that bad, as it seemed at first glance, just life takes a sharp turn. I would not like to go into details, I can only say that I stepped on the same rake three times, apparently there was simply no other way out.
I understand this and I know what needs to be done. A person should not lose faith in his good future, no matter what happens. If he stops hoping for the best and starts, then he will achieve nothing.
Everywhere you need to look for pluses, even in the most seemingly hopeless situation. In my case, this is getting new experience, new acquaintances, and, of course, more time that I can devote to you dear readers. See, nothing is wasted, so wish me luck, and see you soon on the pages.
P.S. As usual, a new song in each post: Pair of Normals - Get Up!