Svetlana Zakharova, an art therapist, a member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League and the Association of Art Educators and Creative Workers, tells about what to do if one of your colleagues constantly gets on your nerves.
A problem that has a solution
A work team is not always a team of like-minded people. Very often among colleagues there are such people who cause obvious irritation in others. The reasons for this irritation can be both real and far-fetched, but work is work. Employees are often forced to communicate even with people who constantly call negative emotions. If you notice that one of your colleagues annoys you or literally pisses you off, it is important to know that this problem can be solved.
Most often, the irritation of colleagues is caused by certain qualities of an employee: professional incompetence, excessive curiosity, manners of communication (loud voice, currying favor with superiors, unwillingness to make contact). Other, no less rare causes of irritation are some habits (frequent telephone conversations on personal matters, carelessness in clothes, the desire to gossip or poke your nose into other people's business, the habit of whistling or humming something), bad smell(tobacco, garlic, perfume, aftershave or stale clothes). But these are not the only reasons - strong irritation can also be caused by the fact that your colleague is somewhat similar to an unloved relative or some other person unpleasant to you, and his very presence next to you can cause negative emotions.
If one of your colleagues annoys you, take a piece of paper and write everything on it first. positive traits this employee, then his negative qualities. After that, write down those actions or actions of this person that annoy you the most. Such an analysis will help you better understand the cause of your irritation - and then it will be easier to cope with negative emotions.
Each of us has our own values in life, so you will definitely meet people with different views on life and behavior that differs from yours. And if the manners of some colleague annoy you, this does not mean that this person is bad. It’s not his fault that he annoys you, it’s just that you are with him different people and your life values do not match. Perhaps you are annoying someone too. Try to remember that everyone is different, this will help you stay calm. Remember that you do not have to love everyone, and learn to accept your colleagues for who they are - they will not change!
Even if one of your colleagues pisses you off, you should not allow your irritation to be noticeable: it is quite possible that this person does not even realize that he irritates you. Show restraint and composure, limit communication with him to the minimum required Business Etiquette, and communicate with him only on business matters. Remember that in his eyes you must look professional and positive, so that he does not have antipathy towards you.
We are often irritated in others by what we do not understand or cannot accept. Learn to monitor your emotional reaction and do not succumb to provocations. If you notice that your colleague is deliberately trying to unbalance you, get ready to remain calm: perhaps he is doing this out of boredom, or maybe he just wants to ruin your mood and is waiting for a response. In this case, it is better to ignore all the attacks and behave calmly, with a smile. This will allow you to save your nerves and avoid conflict.
Positive communication and calm discussion of the situation will help to resolve the problem without conflict. In such a conversation, it is necessary to avoid an accusatory tone and not impose your point of view on the interlocutor. For example, if your colleague generously sprays himself with cologne or loudly discusses his personal affairs on the phone, then he most likely does this unintentionally and may not even realize that his behavior annoys someone. In this case, a tactful and calm conversation without witnesses will help clarify the situation and resolve the problem.
Tip #6: Learn to manage your anger
The best way to deal with irritation caused by an unpleasant colleague- is to engage in the performance of their immediate professional duties. Focus on work, because after all, this is your main goal of being in a team of employees. And it is precisely because of work that you cannot leave, slamming the door, never to see that person who annoys you so much again!
The following techniques will also help to get rid of irritation.
Do not suppress irritation in yourself - say to yourself mentally: "I am very annoyed, and this A.A. just pisses me off!" When you acknowledge your negative emotion, it will be easier for you to deal with it.
At the first sign of irritation, start breathing deeply - this will help to calm down.
Switch from the negative to something positive - think about plans for the weekend or about the upcoming meeting with friends, dream about a future vacation, plan a shopping trip or call a loved one on the phone.
Try to get rid of the presence of the annoying person for at least 5-10 minutes - leave workplace and walk along the corridor, and if possible, retire at least for a while in your office.
At the end of the working day, go in for sports - go to the pool or gym and throw out all your negative emotions that have accumulated during the day. If this is not possible, you can walk down the street at a fast pace, this will also help relieve irritation.
Summarizing
Most of the time we fail to "get rid" of a colleague who irritates us, but it is important to know that relationship problems are most often caused by the inability to communicate properly. With a positive attitude towards all colleagues, you will be able to see them as your associates, and not enemies, and then even the most unpleasant of your colleagues will annoy you much less.
Trite? But it is effective.
Some people are annoyed by the excessive emotionality of their colleagues or, conversely, inhibition, detachment from the team, or excessive friendliness and importunity. At the same time, you need to somehow find mutual language with everyone if you don't want to go crazy.
Put yourself in your place annoying colleague. He must have had a reason for this behavior. Perhaps a joint lunch or dinner will help you better understand a person. Try to get closer, understand why he behaves so strangely. When you get to know a colleague better, you will gradually stop noticing his shortcomings.
Look for the positive
There are positives in every situation. A colleague constantly crawls on a chair, speaks loudly on the phone, wears too fragrant perfume? But because of him, you have already replaced the old office chairs new ones (they broke too often), the boss rarely comes to you (he is also annoyed by a loud voice), mosquitoes do not fly into your office.
In addition, by communicating with those who annoy you, you temper your character, gain new experience, strengthen your nerves and learn to ignore minor trifles. This will help you focus more on work and not be distracted by interference.
Set the rules
It is better to discuss the problem than to hush it up. Do not be shy and do not be afraid to offend someone - speak directly about what you do not like.
- If the source of your irritation is constantly chewing something in the workplace, agree to eat only at lunch or only in the kitchen.
- If you are annoyed that your colleague asks too many questions or is just a chatterer, arrange to take a few 15-minute breaks from work when you can discuss a sore point.
- For those who are annoyed by violators of personal space (they just come and sit right next to you, look at your monitor, touch your personal things), we advise you not to be afraid to voice that this is unpleasant for you and that it’s better not to do this.
Use the mirror method
If, for example, you are annoyed by a colleague who constantly criticizes your work, start playing on his own field. Wait for him to make a mistake and take the opportunity to criticize. Nobody likes to be seen. So he will most likely retreat.
This advice is also suitable for dealing with those who constantly discuss someone, spread rumors and gossip, do not miss the opportunity to enjoy other people's troubles. As soon as they feel for themselves what it is like, they immediately calm down. Of course, it will not help you to make friends with them, but such people will understand that you must be reckoned with. As a result, you will work together and stop wasting time on unproductive relationships.
In every office there is a personality that annoys all employees. This person distracts from work with lengthy conversations, takes someone else's food, laughs out loud inappropriately and does not follow hygiene well. Take a look at our list and make sure that you are not one of these 13 types of employees who annoy the entire team.
Chatterbox
Such a guy or girl is called only by the media. This abbreviation in our case is interpreted as "too much information". Who is interested in knowing about menstrual cycle an employee or that she detoxifies with cabbage soup? If you belong to the category of talkers, remember that too much information clutters up the brains of your colleagues. Other employees are trying their best to isolate themselves from you, because they have an important project on their nose. They do not need to know about your life, so make sure that private information does not spread beyond your home. This information is annoying and pushes the boundaries of acceptable office norms. 
Gossip
You've probably seen workplace gossip on popular sitcoms. But one thing is cinema, and another thing is real life. In fact, the gossip that circulates in your office space destroys the trust between colleagues. At first, this way of communication may seem like something funny, but when the gossip gains its strength, not only the person to whom it was directed, but also the rest of the team, will suffer. Gossips must understand that at some point in time their negative energy boomerang back against them. Once upon a time, they can also become an object of ridicule and gossip. 
The one who talks too loud
Maybe you don't gossip behind your colleagues' backs, but you have another annoying habit. When one of your relatives calls you on the phone during your lunch break, you start talking in raised tones. Do you really think that colleagues want to know about the details of your personal life?
If you're the type of person who doesn't have a volume control, you'll be distracting your colleagues and preventing them from focusing on their work. Speakerphone is good, but only if you have a separate office. All employees should be mindful of the people who work alongside them. In the end, if you urgently need to talk to one of the relatives, retire to the conference room or the corridor. 
He loves specific food
Many people prefer to carry their lunch to the office and eat at the workplace. There is nothing wrong with ordering food from a Japanese restaurant. The problem arises when your dinner smells strongly. A sharp specific smell quickly spreads within the office space. Perhaps not all colleagues will take it with a bang. Another annoying trait is the habit of leaving half-eaten food for dining table or throwing leftovers down the sink when washing dishes. 
He is far from hygienic
If we talk about sharp unpleasant odors, then spicy food has a serious competitor. The scents of the body follow you everywhere in a long train. If you forget to take a shower and don't wear deodorant, co-workers don't want to sit around you. The same can be said about people who do not take care of their mouth hygiene, eat onions or garlic at dinner, and also wear the same socks for several days. As soon as such a person takes off his shoes, his colleagues will immediately run to ventilate the room. There is one more nuance regarding strong odors: some people are allergic to perfume. Therefore, use perfume only for parties. Keep your office odor-free. 
mod
When people come to an interview, they strive to make the right first impression. If you were wearing red sneakers or socks with a funny pattern, the hiring manager must have appreciated your creativity. However, you can generate ideas without dressing according to last word fashion. If we talk about women, then in their appearance hides another problem: the desire to dress too sexy and defiant. Each employee is required to look appropriate and comply with the dress code established by the organization. 
Man with a clipper
Your co-workers don't have to hear those clicking noises while you're trimming your nails on the job site. Each of them is indignant and asks this question: didn’t you really have more time and space for this procedure? Such things look repulsive in the eyes of others and demonstrate your disrespect for them. Most people believe that the procedure for cutting nails, as well as other hygienic manipulations, should be hidden from prying eyes. 
The person who doesn't put their phone on silent
Your personal mobile phone is a big problem for others if it is not put on silent mode. This happens often: people leave mobile devices on their desktops, while they themselves go to long time. If someone is desperately trying to get through to this caller, office workers forced to listen to the incessant trills of the bell. This is very annoying and distracts people from work. Therefore, if you know that you may be called, set the device to silent mode. Don't forget about the people around you. 
Refrigerator raider
There is a simple rule of etiquette that applies to the life of the office: if you have not put anything in the refrigerator, do not go near it. Many employees are surprised to learn that the food they put there in the morning has mysteriously disappeared. If you yourself have become a victim of someone's blatant impudence, do not hide the problem, but report the loss to the personnel manager.
The one who is always absent
"Thank you for visiting" - if you hear this phrase from your colleagues on a regular basis, it's time to start thinking about your productivity. Other employees may see you as the least contributor to your department. The inability of one of the colleagues to be available while working on important project very annoying. In order not to be one of those people who are called ghosts behind their backs, streamline your work schedule. If you are forced to leave, leave a message on the desktop with the coordinates for communication or indicating the time of return. 
The one who disturbs colleagues at night
There is nothing more annoying than waking up at 2am on a Saturday to a phone call or text message beep. Whatever the value of the information, you must be aware that you are disturbing the peace of your colleague. There is an unwritten rule about the time of silence, and this rule must be respected. wee hours, deep night or vacation of one of the employees make you understand that people are not to be disturbed. 
lazy employee
In every office there is a person who functions as furniture and goes to work to sit in a chair, look out the window and just serve the allotted time. However, this approach forces other employees to work "for themselves and for that guy." No one likes to make a big contribution to the success of a common cause, but to receive the same reward for this as those who did almost nothing. If you are on the other side of a conflict of interest and have to work for one of the employees, do not leave the problem unattended. Find out why this person is failing in their mission. Perhaps he lacks competence, or laziness is to blame for everything. 
The one who always complains
Never send complaints about your colleagues on e-mail. It is necessary to educate a negligent employee or apply any sanctions to him using more subtle methods. First, talk to this person one-on-one and explain your position. Secondly, contact the manager for advice, without naming any names.
Work is not just an occupation that provides a certain level of income. Work is both self-expression, and communication, and the acquisition of some experience in the professional field. For some, self-realization in a professional sense does not really matter, but for some, to take place as a specialist, to advance in career ladder is almost the meaning of his whole life.
But in any case, everyone worker I want his activity not only to generate income, but also to deliver positive emotions. However, this rarely happens. Even if a person works in a profession that he dreamed of from school, the pleasure from work can be spoiled, for example, by a boss or colleagues. Indeed, perhaps the most difficult thing at work is building relationships with the team. Colleagues are not a circle of friends who are united, if not by common life values and interests, then at least by mutual disposition and affection. A team is an association of people of the same profession or, rather, of the same kind of activity. Accordingly, among them there may be those with whom it is pleasant to spend time outside the office walls, and there may be those whose mere presence causes only negative emotions.
You can, of course, openly to express these people their dislike, you can keep neutrality, but these behaviors will not bring relief, peace of mind and balance. The slightest collision - and there will be an explosion. In addition, a tense atmosphere is by no means conducive to either productive work or career growth. We must try to change this situation.
How? Known to almost everyone wisdom says that if you can not change the circumstances - change your attitude towards them. These words fit perfectly with the situation described. So, you need to start by trying to analyze why this or that colleague causes unpleasant. And then objectively look at him and understand whether these feelings are justified. Perhaps, in a colleague, higher professionalism and the desire for career growth are annoying - then the irritation experienced is nothing more than envy. And we must fight it with all our might. And to begin with, to admit that a colleague is really an excellent professional, and his ambitions are not unfounded. And then think about (if it is really necessary) how to develop such qualities in yourself. Maybe something to learn from the "irritant"?
Perhaps a colleague annoys because once he made some unpleasant remark about you, looked askance, etc. Then you need to tell yourself that his attitude is his business. He does not want to communicate - so be it. And for its part, it is necessary to behave in such a way that no one can blame for alienation - to be above unworthy emotions (even if they are justified).
colleague can annoy simply by their behavior or appearance: manner of speaking, facial expressions, movements, or style of clothing, smell. And such irritation is very difficult to overcome, because negative emotions arise regardless of the desire of the irritant or irritated. It’s just that the external manifestations of this colleague are unacceptable, contrary to tastes and aesthetic perception. But it's not his fault. Perhaps your voice or perfume makes someone wince. Therefore, in this case, you just need to ignore it and repeat to yourself more often what tastes and colors, as they say ...
Irritation can also cause colleagues along with his life values habits, interests. Then all the more you should not give in to emotions - you are just different people. Besides, no one obliges you to be friends. But here, before taking out final characterization colleague, you should take a closer look at him, try to understand this person. Why does he think like that? Why is he interested? Why does he act this way and not otherwise? It is possible that some of his thoughts, some technique in the work can be taken into account. You should not limit yourself only to your own views and habits. Sometimes, if it does not contradict your principles, it is worth introducing something new into your character and worldview.
So whatever the reason unpleasant emotions towards a colleague or even several, there is no need to rush to conclusions. Relationships between people are hard work. And for a calm and harmonious environment in which you are, it is worth working hard, isn't it?
“My colleagues insanely enrage me: all as one (more precisely, as one) are stupid. Or so it seems to me. I work in the accounting department, we are 8 people in the department, we sit separately from our organization, that is, we see all dayactuallyonly each other. The team, of course, is entirely female, and this is unbearable: you can’t agree on anything with anyone, everyone has PMS, then the guy left, then the child got sick ... How to survive in such a team? For the day I'm awfulI get tired of my colleagues and their endless stupid talk. And it’s also very boring to spend your whole life in such a society. Vera, 28 years old.
Dear Faith!
It's always good to start with yourself and remember the saying: "Jupiter, you're angry, so you're wrong." It is useful to think about where and what you yourself may have done wrong and are now waiting for either a fair retribution, or news about how your miscalculations harmed the common cause.
Another option: you feel that you are not appreciated enough, and therefore you unconsciously get angry at colleagues, devalue them. Consider whether these ideas apply to you. In general, if colleagues enrage you so much, this is an occasion to remember the shadow - we, which is usually indicated by strong negative feelings towards someone.
But apart from the (certainly very helpful) analysis of your shadow side and projections, how else can you help yourself to improve your life at work?
Small close-knit team
You write that you have a small team. This is always a problem in conditions where there is no rotation of personnel and people work together for a long time. On the one hand, everyone got used to each other so much that they understand from the first word. On the other hand, many of the processes necessary to maintain a healthy climate in the team seem to die off in small departments. For example, flyers, meetings, summing up work, and the like. After all, it seems that everything is already in plain sight, why breed unnecessary bureaucracy. But such work rituals are needed - they support our working spirit, once again designate our professional roles and help to recognize the boundaries of these roles. In a small team that usually operates on a family basis, this is especially important.
Plays a role and then, and how he does it - just for show, "for tone" (already better!) Or really sees good decisions, notes good luck?
In a small team, the need to preserve its autonomy is especially strong. And it is important that colleagues understand each other when someone, for example, does not go to dinner in the usual composition.
It would be nice to come up with some harmless way to express claims and dissatisfaction to each other, which you probably have accumulated a lot.
Homework
Well, in individually You can try to help yourself by analyzing what exactly makes you angry in your colleagues. If it turns out that most of your complaints about them are related to work, it's time to discuss this with your manager. Perhaps you are that invaluable employee who subtly feels all the changes in the process, and your opinion will help organize the work better.
If you realize that most of your grievances are personal, related to the habits and behavior of colleagues, and not to their professional qualities and competencies, then - at least - it's time for you to go on vacation. And as a maximum, it makes sense to think: “What in my life, besides work, is going wrong?” You write about boredom at work. It is unlikely that only your “party neighbors” are to blame for this, is it true? Is there an opportunity for you to make your work here more interesting? Are you ready to take on more responsibility for this? Think about that too. And if you realize that you want more, go to the management and directly declare it.