Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Decided to change your life, fix something and rethink? Look around, at those around you. Perhaps among them there are those who always pull you down, make you upset, take away positive energy. Think about how your world will change if you refuse to communicate with these people.
10 types of people you shouldn't hang out with
Have you decided to change your life, fix something and rethink? Look around, at those around you. Perhaps among them there are those who always pull you down, make you upset, take away positive energy. Think about how your world will change if you refuse to communicate with these people.
Let's single out 10 types of such people.
People who make your life more stressful
We sometimes need stress. This is a stimulus to action, a shake-up for the soul. stress due to various situations happens and will always be - this is normal and even useful. But there are special people who, with their words or actions, deliberately put you in a state of stress, worries.
Such individuals endlessly "load" their problems. Communicating with them is listening to endless whining and complaints. Negative emotions pour over you in a stream and put you in a state of despondency. Such acquaintances try to convince you of the futility of the efforts made in some business, they demotivate you. It is better to isolate yourself from such “friends”, reduce contacts to a minimum.. They are - energy vampires, except for fatigue and irritation from such communication, you will not get anything.
People using you
The duty of friends is to come to the aid, to support, if possible, mentally and materially. about. A true friend is a gift to be cherished and cherished. To come to the aid of friends at the first call, putting aside their affairs - this is what is required from a loved one, a kind of litmus test showing the level of our spiritual development.
People who don't respect you
Every person wants to be respected. Disdainful or unworthy attitude offends, offends. If among your acquaintances there are such unceremonious persons who demonstrate their disrespect for you, they are not worthy of your attention. In addition to low self-esteem, they will not bring anything into your life. Get rid of those whose words or constant jokes spoil your mood. Do not waste your time on people who do not want to see you as a person worthy of respect.
People who hurt you
All people make mistakes and do stupid things. You need to be able to forgive, especially when it comes to loved ones.. Resentment against others destroys the person himself from the inside. If among your environment there are people who regularly hurt, who do not have sincere remorse in perfect deeds - move them away from you. Do not develop masochism in yourself. It harms you first of all and negatively affects loved ones who love you.
Liar people
Almost everyone can lie, embellish something, invent. Most of the lies are harmless, we often even guess that the interlocutor is “flooding”, we love to lie ourselves. When this lie does not bring harm, one can understand, but there are people who lie all the time. Their lies can be dangerous. Such "copies" will easily let you down, they will set you up at any moment. Without trust, there is no friendship. Surround yourself with only those you can trust. Your life will become calmer, you will always feel confident in your loved ones, only such reliable people can become a support.
hypocrites people
A person who says one thing in the face and another behind his back cannot be a friend. Only cowards, hypocrites, scum act like that. They don't have the courage to be honest. Often this behavior is driven by malicious intent.: quarrel, upset, hurt. They are not just unpleasant personalities, they are dangerous creatures that can ruin a reputation, interfere with a career, even break a life. Stay away from these hypocrites, don't have any association with them. Only complete disregard for such personalities will protect you from trouble.
Selfish people
Everyone suffers from selfishness. But there are egocentric people. They know how to communicate well, they are quite fun to be around. They know how to correctly and tearfully ask for help, so it is impossible to refuse. However, you will not wait for reciprocal attention or support from them. They are not able to give, help, sacrifice. These "pseudo-friends" are especially harmful as they create the illusion of friendship. You will expect help from them, but they will disappear at the most crucial moment. After all, their own interests are above the troubles of others.
People who pull you back to the old way of life
Our lives are constantly changing. We develop, grow mentally, acquire new habits. It is quite natural and natural for new people and acquaintances to appear in the environment. Sometimes it’s time to break off relations with old comrades, especially when it comes to people who are trying to slow down your development, pull you down, and prevent the fight against bad inclinations. If a friend does not want to grow with you, no longer shares interests, it is better to disperse. Now everyone has their own path. Life is a movement, you should not stop.
People who are "a childhood friend - there's no getting away from him"
It is very rare when people are friends from school to old age. We choose our friends according to interests, worldview. It can be sad and painful to part with those who were near long years, whether it is a classmate, classmate or colleagues a. Of course, this does not mean at all that you should immediately and permanently end the relationship. It is quite normal to keep in touch by phone, congratulate on the holidays and just wonder how life has turned out for former friend. But deliberately torment yourself by communicating with a person with whom there are now no common topics and goals.
People who needlessly take up your time and space
Time is running fast. We always fail to do something. You don't have to waste yourself on everyone you meet. Limit the number of acquaintances. Give your time and energy to people who inspire, support, motivate you. Create high-quality, useful communication in your life. A large number of empty acquaintances and meaningless conversations only steal your time, energy and destabilize mentally.published
In an ideal world, every person with whom you communicate will be attentive, kind, generous, sympathetic, and so on. These people will understand any jokes without offense ...
Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world. Most of us in Everyday life there are people who call negative emotions. Sometimes we know why it happens, sometimes we don't. There is no getting away from this, we have to work and communicate with people who are unpleasant to us.
1. Start with yourself
When you communicate with a person who is unpleasant to you, remember that you cannot change him, but you can change the attitude towards him. Take control of your emotions. This person is not worth the nerves that you spend on him.
2. Stay neutral
In a controversial situation, do not find out which of you is right. Let everyone have their own opinion on a particular issue and save your nerves.
3. “What if…?”
This question will allow you to consider communicating with unpleasant person from a different angle. You perceive the relationship with this person as negative, but even in this situation you can see something good. Try to see in a person positive aspects and mark them for yourself. "What if he wished me well?" — ask yourself.
Very often people do not notice the good. We think this goes without saying. But when a person does something wrong, we immediately notice it.
Try to praise and support the person you don't like when he really deserves it. In time, you will hear the same in response. After a while, you will stop considering him an unpleasant person.
4. Increase the space
Move to work in another room, sit at the other end of the conference table, try to communicate more with other people. Ignoring is an effective way.
When you answer, communication with the person continues. If you say that you are busy and do not have time to talk, then the unpleasant interlocutor will have no choice but to switch his attention to someone else.
5. Draw boundaries
Decide clearly for yourself what you can tolerate and what not, and stick to those limits. Warn the person who tries to violate them about your limits of patience. You must make it clear what is unacceptable for you and what the consequences may be.
6. Don't take it too seriously
If a person treats you badly, don't take it personally. Perhaps he is so critical of everyone around him. There are people who are always dissatisfied with everything. Listen only to those people whose opinion is authoritative for you.
7. Be honest
Directness and openness will help you get rid of unpleasant people. If you can't help someone, don't make excuses, just say no. If you do not want to communicate with someone, just inform the person in a gentle way. Some people don't even know they annoy you.
The world is not perfect, and people are not angels - we all have to learn this simple truth back in early childhood. Hostility to a person most often does not exempt from the need to communicate with him, work in a team, and even ask for services. Experts say that with the most unpleasant person you can build good relationship. Let's try to figure out together how this can be done.
5 reasons to learn how to get along with unpleasant people
- own nerves. If socializing with people is still impossible to avoid, then it makes sense to make it more enjoyable. This will help save nerve cells and do not think that they are not restored. Of course, this is a joke. But the stress that a person experiences when dealing with unpleasant interlocutors does not lead to comic consequences.
- Maintaining your own authority. When we show signs that we are uncomfortable with communication, it reduces our credibility in the eyes of others. Any constructive discussion can turn into mutual accusations, insults and loss of respect. You need it? Unlikely.
- Problem solving. The peculiarities of human psychology are such that people often refuse to solve problems in order not to communicate with those who are unpleasant to them. This does not improve the situation and complicates life in general.
- Lack of choice. During consultations, psychologists often find out that their visitors suffer from communication with unpleasant people, but forced to endure, tk. you don't have to choose. Take it for granted that on the way to your goal, during your career growth, you do not always choose the environment. It develops under the influence of external factors.
- Ability to adapt. The psychology of behavior depends on. Accept the idea that you yourself are eager to learn how to get along with unpleasant people. dream of acquiring a new skill that will help you better adapt to society. Try to experience the real excitement!
There are simple tricks to simplify communication with unpleasant people and even make them your allies:
- Avoid"dangerous" topics and look for neutral, but rather pleasant ones. If you've had a heated argument about something before, don't bring it up. It is better to ask friendly questions about work, hobbies, family, successes of children.
- Let's speak out. Your task is to seem like a pleasant conversationalist, which means you talk less and listen more. Smile, nod and... keep quiet. You may need to better understand people and learn how to properly maintain a conversation.
- Follow behind body language. Control gestures that betray your disinterest or dislike in a conversation: shift less, do not look at your watch, do not take closed positions. Relax!
- Don't be sarcastic. You may think that sarcasm speaks of your sense of humor. Forget! This is a form of attack, and the answer will not be long in coming.
- Don't take anything personally. Sometimes it seems that sarcastic statements are directed at you personally, but this is not always the case. Abstract!
- Rest. Communication with an unpleasant person is very tiring, so take pauses and breaks.
- Contact for advice or ask for a small favor. Human psychology is such that we involuntarily feel sympathy for people who recognize our importance. Asking for advice or favor is the most reliable way emphasize your respect and gain trust.
- Find something nice and say it. No matter how unpleasant a person is, he certainly knows how to do something well. Find those positives and compliment when appropriate.
Following simple recommendations, you can end the endless confrontation with unpleasant people. You will be able to arrange them for yourself, and you yourself will become better at treating them. It is possible that yesterday's opponent and "enemy" will become your friend and adviser. This often happens.
Every day we communicate with a huge number of people. Unfortunately, it is impossible to always meet only with those who are dear to you, close or just pleasant to talk to. Quite often there are situations when the interlocutor is unpleasant for you for some reason, but you have to communicate with him regularly. Emotions at such moments are difficult to hide, but still, you can use a few tips to reduce your dislike a little.
First, determine the reason for your relationship with this person. In this case, the main role can be played by external data, some distinctive manners of behavior, the attitude of a person towards you at the moment of communication. It is likely that this interlocutor behaves incorrectly towards you, for example, makes offensive jokes about you, sarcastically, makes unreasonable remarks. In any case, if during a conversation with this person you experience a feeling of discomfort, then this should be reported. This must be done as correctly as possible so that hostility does not develop into constant conflicts. Tactfully hint to the interlocutor that you do not like some moments in his behavior.
by the most in a simple way ridding yourself of communication with unpleasant people is the maximum distance of them from yourself. For example, if you have to see a person every day and he is your colleague, then try to schedule your working day in such a way that your communication is minimal. And at some points, you can even begin to ignore it. For example, if you are communicating with someone on a work issue, and an unpleasant interlocutor is trying in every way to intervene, then just try not to react either to his words or to his presence. If the interference in the conversation becomes persistent and intrusive, then ask the unpleasant colleague to attend to his job duties.
Another situation is if an unpleasant person is not only present in your circle of friends, but is also one of your close relatives. In such a situation, it is not always possible to limit meetings, sometimes they are forced. However, it is much easier to sort things out with a relative than with an ordinary acquaintance or work colleague. It is likely that the attitude towards you is due to some particular situation.
Most better ways impact on an unpleasant person is the use of a sense of humor and the maximum removal of him from himself. As soon as the interlocutor tries to offend or offend you with something, try to turn his act into a joke, you can even make fun of his behavior. Thus, you will not only put the offender in an awkward position, but also give a kind of rebuff to his attack. The main thing is to never react to provocations, just try not to notice the person you don’t like, not to react to his words, not to respond with aggression to aggression.
You are not 15 for a long time, but the feeling that native person(parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable, does not let go. All your attempts to communicate have come to nothing. It doesn’t matter why: maybe this same relative is just an emotional rapist and doesn’t want to negotiate, but wants to ruin your life. Or just a bad character and a hard fate for a person, and you sob into the pillow at night, trying to understand what is to blame. The important thing is that you would be much happier if you interrupted or reduced communication to a minimum. However, the fear of condemnation crosses out all the arguments of reason. After all, we hear from childhood that swearing with relatives is bad. Because there is nothing more important than family, and friends and others like them come and go. In the end, what will people think?
If a person is unpleasant to you - think about yourself
“In such cases, we are talking about respecting personal boundaries,” the family psychotherapist Marina Travkova is sure. “You can run away from your relatives to distant lands, but the tension will still remain. Therefore, first you need to hear yourself, without closing your eyes to your own discomfort, and finally choose who is dearer to you: you or all those people who "say something". It is impossible to please everyone, therefore a person who sets himself such a task is trapped. Such a lifestyle deprives joy, strength and health. It is born, as a rule, where a person was taught from childhood to be "the right one" and inspired that "not like that, wrong, no one needs him." Remind yourself that you are no longer a helpless baby. For a child, it is mortally scary to receive who he loves and who he depends on. But you have grown up. And if someone is upset by your behavior, then, most likely, neither you nor the upset person will die from this. Gently but confidently explain that you, of course, relatives, but such a situation would no longer satisfied. Get ready to resist - usually the behavior of "bear me anyway" is very pleasant to the one who practices it, and your loved one will not simply refuse it. You still can’t be good for everyone, and in this situation, someone should show indifference to you, and this someone, most likely, is you yourself.
Is it necessary to communicate with an unpleasant person?
This is generally the most popular excuse for those who tolerate both a despot husband and a boorish neighbor. There is a sea of various “needs” that are carried out without thinking about who needs it and, in fact, for what. It is necessary to get married, build a dizzying career, travel around the world. One of these "shoulds" is the indispensable friendship with newly-made relatives and "friends of friends", as well as with their other halves. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations when rare encounters unsuitable. It's friendship. And it does not matter that we choose husbands and friends according to common interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and all the rest are included, as they are. And mutual love may not work out. Or there will be mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready and do not want to be related to them, but you continue to make a good face when bad game, supporting himself with arguments: "we are one family", "I was raised this way" and "everyone does it".
“If you dig deep,” says psychologist Marina Vershkova, “then the “it’s necessary” program has been pre-installed with us since childhood. This behavior was typical of the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we inherited it. And if you look at the surface, then this is the most common attempt take control of the opinions of others about you.You selflessly make friends with the inner circle of the person you love, in this way trying to say: "I'm good, I'm doing everything right. But try to listen to your desires and determine which way of communicating with these people suits you most of all. This way it will be easier to understand that you don’t need such communication.”
Try to speak frankly with the unpleasant person
Perhaps you yourself do not want to tenderly be friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others expect this from you. Those whom you love very much and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You make a lot of efforts, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and you yourself are offended by him - because close person he doesn’t understand you, he doesn’t see how bad you feel in the presence of his mother. Such a situation may well end in a spoiled relationship, for the benefit of which you tried so hard. Some call it female wisdom, which, however, is customary to cover up anything, from the fear of changing one's life for the better to outright stupidity.
Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, a specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: “Understand that all your“ sacrifices ”in the name of general peace are absolutely in vain. While you suffer in silence, others are sure that everything is in order, and if one day you try to present their sufferings as a kind of feat for the sake of a loved one, most likely they will simply not understand you. Agree, it’s strange to do what you don’t want to, and at the same time remain silent. Sooner or later you will simply explode and throw out everything that has accumulated for long time without controlling emotions. At the same time, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you have not shown discontent before, it means that everything suited you. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. As a result, you run the risk of being branded as an unbalanced hysteric. The best way out is a direct conversation, but based not on the personality of an unpleasant person, but on your own feelings and emotions. A compromise can always be found, but any compromise begins with a frank conversation. "It is possible that the one you are so afraid of offending will really try to be offended. If a loved one stubbornly refuses to listen to you and your desires, it remains just to put him before the fact and remind him that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.
Is habit second nature? Just not in this case.
You communicate with a colleague from times that no one else in the team remembers. But some years have passed - and you have no common interests left. Or, moreover, you become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you experience only irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: communication should be curtailed or reduced to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in reality, everything is not so cloudless.
“If you don’t just disagree, but you actually experience negative emotions when communicating with a person, it’s better to gradually reduce contact to nothing,” says Marianna Volkova. “People change over time, and perhaps you really don’t way. Of course, it's a shame to refuse a friend with whom he spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing not the person himself, but communication as a ritual that accompanied every stage of our life. " Such relationships can often be compared to many years of marriage, in which feelings have become a habit. You will most likely be sorry and insulting to interrupt them. In this case, it helps to think about the feelings of the opponent. After all, a person sincerely believes that everything is as before, and strives for communication. So even out of respect for your many years of friendship, stop pretending everything is okay. You have two options: either be honest about your feelings, or gently curtail the conversation to a level where you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to turn a blind eye to the situation.
Secrets of disguise from an unpleasant person
In fairness, it should be said that simply cutting off all contacts with an unpleasant person is not always realistic. It is unlikely that you will be able to openly tell the boss that you no longer want to see him and that all work questions are now by corporate mail. We'll have to find a way to adjust. Let's say a citizen does nothing bad to you personally, but at the same time terribly annoying. You are looking for a clue, but you do not see it - it just infuriates, that's all. "If you feel irritated in society certain person without any apparent reason, it would be worthwhile to understand yourself first, - Elena Kuzeeva hints. - Possibly unhappy at all. You may find that he resembles another person from the past with whom unpleasant emotions are associated. Or you feel next to him your inferiority in any area. Perhaps you had some expectations about him, and they were not met. After identifying and realizing the causes of irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear. "If you perfectly understand what exactly pisses you off, it remains to try to minimize the damage. Marianna Volkova advises treating every meeting with an unpleasant person as, for example, going to the dentist - so-so joy, but necessary. "It helps a lot to realize that of the two of you, only you spend nerve cells. He doesn't care if he annoys you."