An adult does not accept it. What kind of person can be considered a "mature person" or an adult

Stories about ten classmates who were friends to gray hair, most likely, will remain only in films. At one not very beautiful moment, you will find that with many of those with whom you shared the most intimate. And all new friends are your colleagues. Because in adulthood you have neither the time nor the desire to get involved in adventures, since you are generally tired of people.

2. You will have to develop a system of self-ratings

As a child, you get used to the fact that there is always a moderator of your behavior next to you. The teacher gives grades, parents give candy or a belt. And you learn to balance between personal interests and attempts to please an adult, but at the same time you see a framework in which you can return if something happens.

In adult life, the guidelines will become much smaller and will have to be worked out. For some actions, no one will praise or scold you, and you yourself must know what is acceptable and what is not in order to continue to respect yourself.

3. With age, the fear of doctors does not go away.

You used to be afraid of the doctor because he looked into your mouth and gave you a painful injection. Over the years, the fear has not gone away, just more reasons to panic.

4. Your body will betray your age.

From point of view social life 25 is the new 18, life is just beginning at 30, and the language does not dare to call sixty-year-old old men and old women. But your body will think otherwise. One day - and quite early - you will feel that something is not right with him. In a couple of years, you will definitely know what is wrong with him, and realize that it will only get worse. You will have a first aid kit with medicines for all occasions, and you will know exactly where your compulsory medical insurance policy is.

5. Your metabolism will change

It does not matter how much you could eat and not get better: a handful or a bucket. As you age, you will have to eat less to maintain weight because your metabolism.

6. Impossible to feel old enough

The argument “when I become an adult” will never lose its relevance, just one day it will become embarrassing to say it out loud. No miracle will happen on the day you turn 18, 21, 30 years old. It’s just that one day you will find yourself in a difficult situation, decide to ask adults for help and understand that the most adult here is you.

7. Even a dream job is first and foremost a job.

The things you love will annoy you sometimes, and that goes for work too. The dream position will require a lot of labor and take a huge amount of time. A great job differs from just a job in that you will at least sometimes think about what you are doing.

8. People will not interfere in your life less.

Hopes that with age you will finally stop being taught will not come true. Everyone around you will still assume that they know better how you live. Only if before for approval it was good enough to study and not dye your hair in green color, now the list of public expectations will not fit in a 48-page notebook. At a minimum, people will think that for some reason you are interested in knowing their opinion.

9. You will find gaps in technical literacy

You can be as surprised as you like that parents never learned to write SMS, exactly until you find that you yourself are a few steps behind teenagers. After all, why learn new technology if the old one works fine?

10. You will dream of solitude.

A little bit of adulthood, and fun holidays in Ibiza will no longer be a priority in vacation plans. Your choice is a remote village somewhere in the forests of Finland, and preferably on the moon, and so that there is no mobile communication.

11. You realize that everyone is mortal

None of your relatives have the surname Macleod, so you always understood that your parents would die sooner or later, and your life too. But with age, this fact passes from the field of knowledge into a clearly realized inevitability. You will condole with friends, receive messages about the death of classmates, read the news and know that any moment of your life can be the last.

12. Successful pop and football stars are younger than you.

In many professions, even 13 is the age when it's too late to start. But you continued to secretly hope that a model scout would meet you on the street and become speechless from beauty, or that the passion for backyard football would grow into something more. And then you suddenly find out that even the contestants of the controversial TV shows are younger than you, not to mention the real rising stars.

13. Good grades at school and university do not guarantee a successful career.

Red covers of education documents do not guarantee anything at all. Your diploma will be looked at only in state structures because they have a highly regulated hiring process. V commercial companies it's more important to have an up-to-date . And it is quite likely that yesterday's losers will lead the excellent students, and not by pull, but because they really know better what to do.

14. You can't buy everything.

As a child, it seems that if you had your parents' money in your pocket, then you would buy yourself a plush puppy, and a tank model, and trendy jeans, and a computer of the latest model, and in general, everything you want. But, firstly, with age you will understand that you simply do not have enough for everything. Secondly, you no longer need a plush puppy and a tank model.

15. You can eat sweets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but you won't.

Sweets are inexpensive. They are more affordable than vegetables or quality meat. But you will often eat chicken with buckwheat instead of chocolate, because now you know everything about calories and.

16. You can throw away ice cream because it doesn't taste good.

Even your favorite delicacies will be divided for you into tasty and tasteless. For complete happiness, you no longer need just ice cream, you need the same thing.

17. Love is not necessarily one and for life

Parting with your first love will be very difficult for you. Most likely, even decide that such strong feelings experience no more. However, you will fall in love again and feel very happy.

18. Birthday is not such a fun holiday.

Even if you do not experience any complexes about the inevitable growing up and openly name your age, there will be dozens of people around who can overshadow any holiday. They will say that at your age it was already time to do, and what is now forbidden, joke about senile wrinkles and gray hair, hint at a quick walk towards the cemetery. And when you say that you yourself will figure out whether to wear a miniskirt after 25 and whether to ride a bike after 40, you will be considered a boor. Therefore, the birthday will be primarily a holiday of unpleasant communications.

19. You can stay without a family for a long time and not suffer from it.

In childhood, it seems that 25 years is a deep old age and by this time you need to create a family and have children. At the same time, at almost any age, you can find that.

20. Bad parenting predictions won't come true.

Your life will be at least normal: the apartment will not be overgrown with dirt, you will find a normal job and will be able to be responsible.

And what things from adult life have come as a surprise to you? Share in the comments.

Adulthood does not mean growing up. A person becomes an adult when he enters a new phase of his life and begins to take work, relationships with people and his future more seriously. An adult has thoughts about his future needs, and superficial entertainment and meaningless affairs no longer seem so attractive. If you feel like you're stuck in adolescence and you feel the need to become a more mature person, you should check if you're ready for the next stage in your life. Remember that all adults are different. Perhaps what describes other adults will not apply to you.

Steps

Analysis of relationships with people

Assess the quality of relationships with people. As people age, it becomes more difficult to maintain friendships. Your circle of friends may become wider, but close friendships may become less. Perhaps you have a few friends you've known since childhood and a few new friends that have come along. Think about how long you have been in touch with people, both romantic and friendly.

• Are you able to maintain strong relationships with people for a long time?
• Are you able to overcome difficult stages in life without losing touch with friends?
• Have you been in a long-term stable romantic relationship?
• If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are growing up.

1. Analyze how well you manage to resolve conflicts. Even the most mature people have arguments. The way you behave in conflict situation, says more about you than what caused the conflict. Adults are aware that all people are different and remain calm. They may agree, disagree, or compromise. They also know when to apologize and are good at forgiving.

   • Remember that an adult and a passive person are two different things. Just because you never fight back doesn't mean you've matured.

2. Think about what you want from a romantic relationship. Young immature people need bright emotions and passion. When a person grows up, he begins to look for a partner who is not only interesting, but also suitable in character. Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer yes to them, most likely, your relationship can be called mature.

   Imagine the perfect event. Where does it go? How many people are there? What do you do? In their youth, many people like noisy crowded parties in clubs or bars. As people get older, they begin to appreciate quieter activities with friends more. Sometimes you may want to go to a noisy party, but dinner and board games houses seem more interesting to you.

   • If socializing and talking to people means more to you than parties and alcohol, that's a sign that you're maturing.

3. Think about how you treat children. When a person grows up, he begins to separate himself from the younger generation. You may not like the musical preferences, clothes and entertainment of young people. You may not even approve of what they choose in life and their behavior (you think that your generation is better brought up). However, you can also admire their innocence, playfulness, humor, and freedom from duty, since all these qualities people often lose with age. This means that you no longer belong to this group and consider yourself an adult.

   Attitude towards obligations

   1. Make a list of your obligations and tasks. An adult person not only has obligations, but is also able to cope with them on time. Think about what is in your area of ​​responsibility. Are you able to complete all tasks on time and without reminders? Here is a small list of responsibilities that adults often have:

      • child care;
      • caring for elderly parents;
      • payment of rent or housing loan;
      • maintaining the car in working condition;
      • grocery shopping and cooking for the family.

   2. Think about your priorities. In adolescence, the main priorities are to take care of yourself and have fun. With age, priorities change and begin to include caring for others. For instance:

      • You may be worried about health, pension, debts.
      • You may be looking for financial stability rather than wealth.
      • You can start saving money for your children's education and medical expenses.
      • You may even be considering what to do if you or your spouse dies.

   3. Think about your living conditions. Being independent is one of the main goals of an adult. If you know how to clean the apartment, do minor repairs around the house and generally keep the house in order, you can say that you are an adult. Answer the following questions:

   4. Consider who is dependent on you. Being an adult means taking care not only of yourself, but also of others. Maybe some people depend on you. Having dependent people is a sign of maturity. If you can answer yes to at least one of the following questions, then you have adult responsibilities:

      • Do you manage a team at work? Are you responsible for specific clients? Are you required to comply certain tasks? Do you do carpooling?
      • Do you care about family members? Do you have children? Do you have pets? Are there sick or disabled people in your family?
      • Do you help your friends when they need help? Are you responsible for certain friendly activities?

   5. Assess your financial situation. Many people consider financial stability a sign of growing up. However, not all young people manage to quickly achieve financial independence, and many turn to their parents for help for some time. Analyze your financial situation. How good are you at making money? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer yes to many of these questions, it means that you can be considered financially independent.

      • Do you pay taxes?
      • Are you paying rent or a home loan? Are you able to pay everything on time?
      • Are you saving money? Do you invest in them?
      • Do you pay all bills on time?
      • Are you worried about your credit history?
      • Do you have debts? Are you able to pay them on time?

   Way of thinking and habits

   1. Think about the future. Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Do you have a plan or are you just waiting for something to happen to you? In childhood, a person lives in the present moment. Perhaps he is thinking about what will happen tomorrow or in the coming months. An adult person seriously evaluates his future. He may strive to do something that will affect the future and seek stability rather than adventure. Growing up can manifest itself in different ways:

      • You have decided to save money for retirement.
      • You have started to buy more expensive and durable items that will last a long time, instead of cheap items that you plan to quickly throw away.
      • You are planning to become a parent. If you already have children, you are making plans for their future, not just your own.

   2. Think about how important health is to you. The more mature a person becomes, the more clearly he understands how his decisions affect health. A person begins to think about nutrition and sports. He may also start exercising more to maintain his figure. A person may experience death. Think about your relationship with your own health.

      • Do you suffer from joint pain or lack of flexibility?
      • Do you exercise for longevity?
      • Do you exercise because of heart problems or to solve some health problem (for example, high cholesterol)?
      • Are you worried about high level salt, fat and sugar in your diet?
      • How often do you think about your death?

   3. Think about how you make decisions. In youth, people are often guided by what their peers, relatives and society will think of them. They can make decisions based on the wishes of their parents or what is considered acceptable and expected in their environment. If you are able to make decisions based on their interests, it speaks of maturity.

      • There may come a point in life when you stop considering the opinions of others important and start doing what makes you happy. Your desires may meet the expectations of others, but they may also contradict them.

   4. Analyze how your tastes have changed. What did you like 10-20 years ago and don't like now? What do you like now that you didn't like before? Perhaps you have reconsidered your attitude to things that seemed boring or unpleasant to you. Here are some signs of growing up:

      • You may decide that the music that teenagers and students like is just awful compared to the music you listened to at their age.
      • You may enjoy movies and shows that you found boring.
      • You have a desire to think over the design of the house and remove posters from the walls.
      • You like to cook, not buy fast food.

   5. Assess your habits. Adults often have many habits that define their way of life. Think about these habits. What do you do everyday? Can you opt out of any of these cases? Do certain rituals help in overcoming difficult situations? These habits can be:

      • a cup of coffee every morning;
      • dating your spouse on the same day every week;
      • inability to go to bed without brushing your teeth;
      • dinner at the same time every day.
   6. Being polite can also be a sign of growing up. For example, you stopped calling people by their nicknames and address them by their first names.
   7. Age is not a criterion for maturity. Some may be completely independent at 18, while others may find it difficult to grow up in their 30s or even 40s.

   Warnings

   • Many signs of growing up are due to the culture of the country and depend on a number of circumstances. In each case, a person makes a choice. Perhaps you will not give up your love of sweets and remain a sweet tooth for life. Perhaps you will never be able to become a neater person, do not like to get up early in the morning and do not dress or behave according to age.
   • Becoming an adult does not mean giving up everything interesting. Don't take yourself too seriously. An adult who can see the world through the eyes of a child will never lose his curiosity and wonder. Just don't confuse this with childish behavior.
   • The biggest danger of growing up is that people don't have much time in their lives, so they often give up what they love and do what they find boring just because they want to conform to social norms. Refusal of artificial restrictions will allow you to maintain youth and interest in life.

They say that sooner or later all children grow up. Without a doubt, outwardly we are all growing up, but what happens in the psyche?

The question of when a person matures and what kind of person is called an adult can be considered in different ways.

When can a person be considered an adult?

If you ask different people about who an adult is, you will probably get answers like: "Growing up is when you already think about work, family ...", etc. This is partly the correct opinion, but not always. We are accustomed to equating adulthood with some specific attitudes and goals in life, such as, for example, that an adult works, creates a family, and gives birth to children. And how, for example, to be with children who are forced to earn extra money, including street game on the instruments? Or, for example, a very young girl became pregnant through negligence and is now going to give birth and raise a child, although she is not yet ready for this? Of course, in many of these situations, children grow up very quickly, but this is not always the case.

In fact, the question of adulthood is much more multifaceted and complex. Outwardly, the adulthood of a person is manifested in a well-developed figure in terms of secondary sexual characteristics, which indicates that the person is fully formed physically and is ready for procreation. In this sense, adults can be considered, for example, already older teenagers about 17 years old.

Qualities of an adult

However, appearance alone is not enough to recognize a person as a full-fledged adult. It is important to pay attention to the character of a person, his qualities, habits, etc. So, one can single out the most common list these parameters for an adult:

• In an adult, self-control and reason prevail. Yes, an adult also sometimes wants to give up on everything, make a scandal unpleasant person, go to have fun with the last money, not thinking about tomorrow, but an adult understands what this is fraught with, and therefore behaves within the framework of decency and reason.
• Responsibility is a pronounced quality of an adult. He himself takes responsibility for his life, without dumping it on anyone. An adult is able to provide material stability, to arrange a life for himself in the most accessible and comfortable way on his own. He sets goals for himself, plans them, and then achieves them. When an adult understands that he is ready and wants, he can take responsibility for the life of another person - this is how an adult has a family and children.
• Separately, it is worth considering the issue of infantilism - a certain "childishness", lightness of character, capriciousness. There are many adults who can be called infantile. They live one day without thinking about the future, indulge their momentary desires, surrender to emotions, like children, behave in accordance with their desires and moods, without thinking about others. But if we talk about the classical understanding of adulthood, then such a person left infantilism behind him - in childhood and adolescence. An adult has certain principles, rules and priorities that he follows, as he already understands who he is now and who he wants to be later.

That is the basis. All other distinctive qualities and features of an adult are either based on it, or are additional and individual.

Fragment from the book: Kuznetsov A.E. "CHELFACTS", OR BUSINESS ON ... - Tula: Grif and K, 2004. - 336 p.

Before discussing the features of the structure of adult society, let's look at the definition of who is an adult? Many people sin by thinking of themselves as a child. We have been taught that we are children for so long that many of you still believe that they are not yet adults. Many people look at others and think: "You are all adults. I'm not like you yet. I'm somehow different. You are serious, but I'm not yet. That guy in the front row is a pro, and I'm such a new loser."

Many times I have observed in people the presence of a peculiar line between a normal adult and a peculiar human immaturity.

To begin with, let's figure it out, but what do adults do in principle?

Do you think adults go to the toilet from time to time? Are you sure about this? Or have you just encountered the fact that adult men or women sometimes come in and sometimes leave the toilet? What do you think they are doing there if not pooping or peeing? If you do the same thing in the toilet, then you are probably an adult too?

Do you think adults eat lunch and breakfast regularly?

What else can adults do in their free time? "This", huh? I draw your attention to the fact that even if you have never done "this" with someone, then not all adults succeed on a regular basis. Many adults, just like you, do "it" alone. A lot of people think that if you haven't tried "doing it," you're kind of not quite an adult yet. I know adults who haven't tried "it" even though they're in their 40s. Some tried "it" for the first time, only after they turned fifty. Such lucky ones often come to see a psychotherapist. But this is by no means a problem of adulthood. I have known people who have tried this at the age of twelve, but they did not become adults from it.

What else do adults do?

For example, many children smoke in order to look like adults. Have you noticed that many adults smoke? I know that many of you smoke in order to appear mature or to keep yourself in the image of an independent and self-reliant person. It doesn't matter if you smoke or don't smoke, I wanted to say that it's true that adults do this too. Adults still drink fire water, and I'm sure many of you have already tasted beer and even champagne.

Of course, you will not argue that all of the above is available not only to adults, but also to children. There are only a few things children are shielded from. Adults think that these are adult things.

There are things that adults usually hide their children from - this is how nature works, by the way. Why does a lioness hide her cubs?

From danger!

And for cubs of a lioness who can be a danger?

Either other lions, or strangers and unfamiliar animals.

So here it is the first thing that makes a person mature- this is the desire, ability, or even the ability to talk with those with whom he wants to talk without the danger of being eaten. What is the difference between a child and an adult if an adult uncle approaches little child and starts talking to him: "Oh, what a handsome boy. Let's be friends with you". Most likely, the mother or father of this child will immediately appear, and they will say to this uncle: "Comrade, go to hell! .. This is my child! And if I once again see how you approached him more than three meters, I will eat you! I hope you understand that I'm not joking?" But if an adult comes up to you on the street and starts talking to you, then in such a situation you are like an adult who is on his own. You can stand up for yourself and say: “Fuck you... uncle!” Or, conversely, you can say, “Wow! What a cute uncle! And I'm just not in a hurry. Maybe let's go and wander in that dark little park over there?" Adults are allowed to talk with whomever they want, and at any time.

By the way, but just as exactly they are allowed not to talk. If your interlocutor is overly intrusive, you can always call a policeman for help and say: "This uncle is pestering me, make sure that he gets behind me!" The police are just invented for those who lack adulthood in life.

An adult can go into a store on his own, buy himself a bottle of vodka, drink it, and immediately fall dead on the spot. Kidding! Of course, this is not main feature adulthood.

Have you ever seen teenagers run across the road at a red light? Now, if an adult gets into a car accident, he says: “Sorry! I was wrong. I broke the rules traffic, the driver is not to blame!" And if a child gets into such a situation, then passers-by say: "The driver is a bastard, he crippled the child, put him in jail!"

The second difference between an adult and a child, - so it is independence in one's own actions. The life that an adult is endowed with, he independently manages and has unlimited control. Adults provide themselves with food, clothing and other vital things.

Adults have the opportunity to exchange money, goods, services. A child can also take a hundred rubles and go buy ice cream, and, of course, they will sell it to him. No one will ever ask a child: "Where did you get the money for ice cream?" But a child is unlikely to be trusted to have a lot of money. If a child brings a ring with an expensive diamond to a pawnshop and says: "I want to get a deposit!" Most likely, the appraiser will immediately call the police, and this child will then have big troubles instead of money.

What else do adults do? Have children, for example. Those who cannot give birth to children, those give birth to dogs. Who are tired of both children and dogs - they buy cars, summer cottages and yachts. Some creative people, instead of all this or in addition to all this, draw pictures, listen to or write music, go to theaters, in extreme cases, watch TV.

Only an adult can be a participant in such an interaction. Only an adult becomes a full member of society. If we consider that a society is a group of people who have decided to live together under the protection of the state on whose territory this society is located, then it is appropriate to add that a society is, first of all, a group of adults.

It may seem strange that within the framework of ordinary human life there is nothing more to do, but such is life.

Now try to find the answer to the following question: "Which of what we just talked about is not available to you?"

Could you say right now that you are one hundred percent an adult?

Andrey Kuznetsov, "Chelfakty", or business...

Dmitriy 15.11.2009 02:55

"By the way, but they are also allowed not to talk just the same. If your interlocutor is overly intrusive, you can always call a policeman for help and say:" This uncle is pestering me, make sure that he gets behind me! once invented for those who lack adulthood in life"

What has been written is complete nonsense, the police were invented for those who lack the strength, courage and skill to stand up for their lives. There were cases when adults were killed by teenagers of 13 years old, who are considered children in our time, in a fair one-on-one duel. Self-defense is a whole art, natural selection, the police were invented just to isolate a person from the everyday battle for his life.
It does not take any courage or maturity to tell a person to "fuck off", they will be needed when you have to deal with the case of not falling off. In our society, it is accepted that the age of majority begins at 18. But adulthood only means that a person is economically independent of his parents, he can earn his own living. The rest is already individual qualities. A person can be inept and a coward from childhood to death. For such, the police were invented, and so that there would be no conflicts between citizens. Ideally, in a country where there is a police force, there is nothing to be afraid of at all, the main thing is not to wander around at night along dark alleys, alone.

mykula 19.02.2011 14:22

Christ said: unless you become small like this child, you will truly not enter the kingdom of heaven. An adult is someone who is in a hurry to turn into an old galosh and die. And all because of its seriousness and attachment to personal pseudo-authority supposedly extending to those who are not adults. I would advise anyone and everyone to remain a child for as long as one can afford it, because in fact this is the rarest gift. And all this adulthood, to be honest, comes down to a permanent seething of shit between the ears.

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J 21.02.2011 15:45

Primitive text, sometimes not true. It seems that the author sat down to write the differences and did not have a single thought in his head on a given topic and began to suck it out of his finger.

And this is understandable, why the author could not find any full-fledged characteristics to distinguish one from the other. Because, if you look closely, adults as such do not exist. The difference is only in society and its laws. A person becomes an "adult" at the age of 18. Dot. From that moment on, regardless of whether he was prepared or not, a person can be asked for his actions according to the full, and not truncated, program. It can be assumed, even with a margin, that by this time a person is already social up to his ears, that is, he recognized all the values ​​​​of the world of society and acts in accordance with the social. programs, in contrast to a child who is still learning them, or is training in working out.

Well, as a bonus, a person who considers himself an adult, he considers himself important to this world. That is the basis of his responsibility. And it would be good if a person took responsibility for something other than chsv.

Considering yourself an adult is taking yourself seriously. At the same time, the problems of an adult are not a gram more serious and not more important than the so-called. children's, if only because both of them are human life. But try telling this to an adult..

At the same time, in order to perceive life fully, it is necessary to preserve the children's perception of life. And all you need to teach children is to take responsibility for their lives, not to make them feel like important adults. Then such problems \"You are all adults. I'm not like you yet. I'm somehow different. You are serious, but I'm not yet. That guy in the front row is a pro, and I'm such a rookie loser \" simply will not arise .

By the way, there are quite a few children who have already earned millions in their short lives, but they are still considered children, because they have not fully accepted all \"seriousness\", they still play children's games, not adult ones)) ..

There are many seriously ill children who breathe death firsthand into the back of their heads, who experience inhuman suffering, and make strong decisions that not every adult is able to endure. But they didn't get "adult" status because they still don't take themselves seriously.

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Mi 01.03.2011 08:59

Thanks, that's interesting, or at least something to think about. There may be one more thing about adulthood: an adult is one who can and takes responsibility to society not only for himself, but also for others (children, subordinates, others, etc.)

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Ellie 21.12.2011 14:32

I liked it ... I think you should not take this article too seriously, because figuratively everything is intelligibly explained)

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Mila 02.01.2012 13:29

This article is not correct. Here is my opinion: an adult is a person with developed independence, responsibility for his actions, words, an adult himself solves his problems.

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Equitable 23.05.2012 14:39

Being an adult and being an adult are two completely different things. This society believes that a person becomes an adult upon reaching the age of majority (18 years). A person really becomes an adult when he reaches adulthood, but not at 20 or 30 years old, that's for sure. This age is different for everyone. Working, giving birth to children is not an indicator of adulthood. Some of our teenagers work and get pregnant. I know one girl. At the age of 16, she already works and rents an apartment herself. Is she an adult? She is sixteen. Of course not! Growing up is not always a responsibility. It's all lyrics and philosophy! A child at 18 is not yet an adult!

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Julia 06.06.2012 19:51

witty. Liked it, thought provoking.

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adult-child 08.08.2012 20:15

I’m 44 years old, I’m a woman, but until now, mom and dad are constantly pushing me, and how they manage to do all this, I don’t understand, they push me into the place of a baby, with all sorts of cradles, either they will throw up cucumbers, or they will buy something - and believe everything just so that I would not push them into the place of adulthood - all this only makes me angry. I AM adult woman, but alone and they decided that they should take me into their flock, otherwise I myself would suddenly not live. I pay them both money at 5,000 rubles each per month, i.e. 10000 rub. for two every month, but it looks like you still have to change the city in order to be away from them, I'm tired of this game of my parents in daughter-mothers, and they don't grow up themselves and they don't let me. Sadly...

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Alex316 09.08.2012 07:45

Well, if you are already a really adult woman, then why not tell your parents about it frankly? Why are you giving them money?

The game "daughters and mothers" enter, only by mutual agreement. If you are in this game, then you yourself need something from this. Answer yourself the question "what do you need from this?", and you will feel better. Then you will discuss with a calm head how to resolve the situation, and whether it should be done at all. And then they got into a damn position, as if you didn’t need anything, didn’t want anything - this is called an escape from responsibility for your own desires.

After all, it is your desires that make you play this role. Tension does not depend on your parents, it comes from your denial of your desires. By writing this text, you voiced how far from your responsibility: the desire to escape to another city is not an escape from your parents, it is an escape from responsibility.

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Vadim 12.08.2012 13:14

adult-child, changing the city / planet (similar options: work / husband) really will not solve the problem. Observe yourself for a couple of days: when something goes “not your way”, what reaction does it arise in you? She will be on the same scale with the reaction to her parents. Irritation, anger. The “sadly” added at the end is possible only after moving away from the event, outside of it, but never in the context.

You have trained your perception to handle situations that go against your expectations. Attention at the rally sorts them into the category "NOT!" Without looking at the essence. Without chewing - you already “know everything” about them.

What to do? Use the next such opportunity to feel a thick lump in yourself (in the throat / chest / abdomen ...) - the real place of your attention, attributed to the passage such situevin. Immediately forget about the culprit of irritation and take care of yourself. Having found this lump, literally crumple it, straighten it, liquefy it - with any suitable sensations. But without reflections (like "your mother, as much as possible").

Purpose: to release your attention from a particular node that does not allow you just watch parents without having to habitually respond to them.

Liberation from habitual meanings is achieved in the midst of these meanings.

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As a child, it always seemed to me that adults are extremely wise, they know everything in the world and they never make mistakes. I firmly believed in this until I grew up myself. And then at one fine moment you realize that there are no adults around you, there are only. We grew up, put on different clothes, but inside we remained the same, small children, requiring attention and approval.

Today's editorial "So simple!" invites you to talk about adulthood, about why people cannot grow up even at 40, and how to do it, and, in general, whether it is necessary.

How to become an adult

Who is an adult? How is this defined? So you finished school, you were given a certificate, and before that you were given a passport. You have a lot of papers that give you a lot of obligations, but none of them gives you a sense of adulthood. They do not start the necessary psychological processes in the head of a young citizen.

As a result, we remain the same boys and girls only with new papers, but with old expectations and claims. As children, we seek approval from adults. “Mom, do you like my drawing? Dad, look how I can." And parents with their disapproval or praise regulate our behavior. And now we are adults, and nothing has changed significantly.

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And we see a man or woman in their 40s seeking the approval of "adults". They do everything to get praise, which is much more important than objective achievements. They simply forgot to tell a person that he is an adult, he can do anything and that now he is responsible for everything himself. And there are a lot of people who simply have not matured, they only pretend to be adults.

Are they to blame? Of course not. The adult toggle didn't flip, that's all. But is everyone responsible for this? Yes, it does, everyone must gather their will into a fist and move this switch off the dead center.

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How to recognize a person-child? People who remain children in their 40s often complain that life is unfair to them, that they are not to blame. A clear idea has formed in the person’s head that everyone owes him something, that he did not receive something. This generates more and more perturbations.

I have a friend who hasn't been very successful in her life. And so she decided that all her problems were due to the fact that her parents did not like her as a child. Although she grew up in a complete family with a very caring mother, this is not for me to judge.

It seemed that the purpose of the whole life of a person was to prove to everyone and everyone that she was disliked more than everyone else. In her speeches it read: “I am a poor little bunny. I was not loved as a child, so I am unhappy and can not achieve anything in life..

And such “unloved bunnies” are drawn to people, looking for praise, approval, in order to get everything they were supposed to. And here is the most interesting thing, there is bad news for such people: then you can’t get what you didn’t get. Perhaps it is bitter to realize, but childhood is over, adulthood, real life has come.

And you, oddly enough, have a choice. Option one: you can accept reality, realize all the injustice and finally come to terms with it. To understand that everyone received in childhood the set of buns that they received, nothing else can be changed. And after all these discoveries, switch the toggle switch, and start living your own life.

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Option two: you can say that the author is wrong, does not understand anything and continue your search for all the lost love and care. You will be sure that you are right, you will depend on others, seek approval and change jobs, partners, cities, proving that you are the most disliked person in the world.

And it's not so easy to take and choose the first option. After all, there is responsibility, no one decides for you, everything is on your shoulders. But this is the beauty, because you decide, you are the author of your life. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you are quite beautiful and feminine or moderately courageous and strong. You just do it and you get results. That's when this awareness comes, maturation occurs.

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Not everyone manages to achieve this on their own, then psychotherapy comes to the rescue. Yes, in our open spaces it is not fashionable, and somewhere even reprehensible, but extremely effective. Thanks to therapy, it becomes possible to put everything in its place and begin to live your life. The psychotherapist helps to find the cause of the problem, the missed stages of growing up and makes you understand that you are no longer a "disliked little bunny", but an adult independent person.

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It is quite possible to do this on your own if you know how to analyze what is happening and yourself in particular. We give up illusions and accept the world as it is, that's all. And I don't say that inner child- it's something bad. Of course not, this is what makes us less callous and does not allow us to become completely rude. You just need to understand when a playful child lives in you, which sometimes asks to come out, and when the child is you.

Many people think that all our problems are from childhood, and even that. And this is not far from the truth, you just need to learn to realize, accept and deal with it. Good luck to you!

What do you think about this? Tell me in the comments!

Ekaterina Khodyuk's main hobby is literature. She also likes to watch a good movie, enjoy autumn, pet cats and listen to the Spleen group. He is fond of Japanese culture, thinking and way of life of the Japanese, dreams of visiting this country. Katya strives to live a rich, full of impressions and travel life. The girl's favorite book is The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera.