People who play games. Psychology of human destiny. Eric Bern. Games People Play

Eric Berne, M.D.

WHAT DO YOU SAY AFTER YOU SAY HELLO

The Psychology of Human Destiny

Copyright renewed 1992 by Ellen Berne, Eric Berne, Peter Berne and Terence Berne. This translation published by arrangement with Random House, an imprint of Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc.

Preface

This book is a direct continuation of my previous work on the transactional approach and examines the latest developments in theory and practice over the past five years, mainly the rapid development of scenario analysis. During this period, the number of trained transaction analysts increased dramatically. They tested the theory in many fields, including industry, education and politics, as well as in a variety of clinical situations. Many have made their own original contributions, which are mentioned in the text or in the notes.

The book was originally considered as an advanced textbook of psychoanalysis, and professionals of various directions will easily translate the simple provisions of transactional analysis into their own language. Undoubtedly, it will also be read by non-professionals, and for this reason I have tried to make it accessible to them as well. Reading will require thinking, but hopefully not deciphering.

Talking about psychotherapy can be different depending on who is talking to whom: psychiatrist to psychiatrist, psychiatrist to patient, or patient to patient, and the difference can be no less than between Mandarin and Cantonese Chinese language or ancient Greek and modern Greek. Experience shows that these distinctions should be abandoned as far as possible in favor of something like a lingua franka 1
A mixed language, a jargon incorporating elements of Romance, Greek and Oriental languages in the Eastern Mediterranean. – Note lane.

Promotes the “communication” that many physicians so passionately strive for and strive for. I have tried to avoid repetition, redundancy and obscurity, fashionable in social, behavioral and psychiatric research - a practice known to date back to the medical faculty of the University of Paris in the 14th century.

This led to accusations of “popularization” and “oversimplification,” terms that bring to mind the Central Committee with its “bourgeois cosmopolitanism” and “capitalist bias.” Faced with a choice between darkness and clarity, between over-complexity and simplicity, I opted for “the people,” occasionally inserting technical terms: something like a hamburger that I throw watchdogs academic science, and meanwhile I slip through the side door and say “Hello!” to my friends.

It is literally impossible to thank everyone who contributed to the development of transactional analysis, since there are thousands of them.

The members I am most familiar with are the International Association for Transactional Analysis and the San Francisco Transactional Analysis Seminar, which I attend weekly.

Notes on semantics

As in my other books, He means a patient of any gender, and she- that, in my opinion, this statement is more likely to apply to women than to men. Sometimes He used for purposes of stylistic simplicity to distinguish the (male) doctor from the female patient. I hope these syntactic innovations will not offend emancipated women. The present tense means that I am relatively confident in the statement based on the clinical practice of myself and others. As if, it seems etc. means that additional data is needed to be sure. Case histories are taken from my own practice and from the practice of participants in seminars and meetings. Some stories are compiled from several real cases and all are disguised so that it is impossible to recognize the participants, although significant episodes and dialogues are conveyed accurately.

Part 1
General provisions

Chapter 1
Introduction

A. What do you do after you say “Hello”?

This childish question, outwardly so artless and devoid of the depth that we expect from scientific research, in fact, contains the main questions of human existence and fundamental problems of social sciences. Infants “ask” this question to themselves, children receive simplified and incorrect answers to this question, teenagers ask each other and adults, and adults avoid giving answers by referring to the sages, and philosophers write books about it without even trying to find an answer. . It addresses the primary question in social psychology: Why do people talk to each other? And the primary question of social psychiatry: why do people want to be loved? The answer to this question is the answer to the questions asked by the four horsemen of the Apocalypse: war or peace, famine or abundance, plague or health, death or life. It is not surprising that few people find the answer to this question during their lifetime. The fact is that most people do not have time to answer the previous question: how do you say “Hello”?

B. How do you say “Hello”?

This is the secret of Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Platonism, atheism and, above all, humanism. The famous “clap of one hand” in Zen Buddhism is the sound of one person greeting another and at the same time the sound of the Golden Rule formulated in the Bible. To say “Hello” correctly means to see another person, to recognize him as a phenomenon, to perceive him and to be ready for him to perceive you. Perhaps the people of the Fiji Islands exhibit this ability to the highest degree, because one of the rarest jewels of our world is the sincere smile of a Fijian. It starts slowly, illuminates the whole face, stays long enough to be seen and recognized, and slowly fades away. It can only be compared to the smile with which the immaculate Madonna and Child look at each other.

This book discusses four issues: how you say “Hello”; how you respond to greetings; what do you say after you say “Hello”; and the main - and very sad - question: what do they usually do instead of saying “Hello”. I will give brief answers to these questions here. And explanations of the answers occupy the entire volume of the book, intended primarily for psychiatrists, secondly for cured patients, and thirdly for anyone who is interested.

1. To say “Hello”, you must get rid of all the garbage that has accumulated in your head since leaving your mother’s womb. And then you will understand that each of your “Hello” is one of a kind and will never happen again. It may take years to figure this out.

2. After you have said “Hello”, you need to get rid of all the garbage and see that there is a person nearby who wants to answer you and say “Hello”. This may also take years.

3. After you say hello, you need to clear out all the garbage that comes back into your head; from all the consequences of the sorrows you have experienced and the troubles that are yet to come. And then you will be speechless and have nothing to say. After years of practice, you may come up with something worthy of being said out loud.

4. This book is mostly about trash: the things people do to each other instead of saying “Hello.” It is written in the hope that people with experience and tact will be able to help others recognize what I (in a philosophical sense) call garbage, since the main problem in answering the first three questions is recognizing what is garbage and what is not. The way people who have learned to say “hello” use in conversations is called “Martian” in my book - to distinguish it from the usual earthly way of conducting conversations, which, as history shows from the times of Egypt and Babylon to the present day, leads only to wars , hunger, disease and death, and leaves survivors with only confusion in their thoughts. It is hoped that in time the Martian method, if people are carefully trained and taught it, will be able to eliminate these misfortunes. The Martian language, for example, is the language of dreams, which show what life should really be like.

B. Examples

To illustrate the value of this approach, consider a dying patient, that is, a person with a terminal illness whose life is limited. Mort, thirty-one years old, has a slow-growing malignant tumor that is incurable with current knowledge, and he has at worst two years, at best five years to live. He complains to the psychiatrist about a tic: for reasons unknown to him, his head and legs twitch. In a therapy group, he soon finds an explanation: he isolates himself from fear with a wall of music that constantly plays in his head, and his tics are simply movements to the rhythm of the music. Careful observation has confirmed that the relationship is precisely this: it is not the music that is caused by the twitching, but the bodily movements that accompany this inner music. Everyone, including Mort himself, realized that if he turned off this music through psychotherapy, his head would turn into a huge reservoir into which fears and forebodings would flow. The consequences will be unpredictable unless fear is replaced with other – more positive – emotions. What needed to be done?

It soon became clear that everyone in the group treatment recognized that sooner or later they would have to die, everyone had some feelings about this, and everyone different ways they try to hide them deeper. Like Mort, they spend time and energy trying to pay off Death's blackmail, and this prevents them from enjoying life. But they also knew that they would experience more in the twenty or fifty years they had left than Mort had in his two or five years. Thus, it was established that it is not the length of life that is important, but its quality. Of course, the discovery is not new, but made under more difficult than usual conditions due to the presence of the dying man, which made a deep impression on everyone.

All members of the group (they understood the Martian language, they were willing to teach it to Mort, and he was just as willing to learn) agreed that to live means to see trees, hear birds singing and say “hello” to others, this is a momentary spontaneous existence without dramatization and hypocrisy , but with dignity and restraint. Everyone agreed that in order to achieve this goal, they all, including Mort, needed to get rid of the garbage in their heads. When everyone realized that Mort's situation was, in fact, not much more tragic than their own, the awkwardness and sadness that his presence caused dissipated. They could remain cheerful in his presence, and so could he; he could speak to them equally. They did not stand on ceremony when dealing with his garbage, and now he did not need ceremony and understood why they were ruthless; in turn, he gained the right to be merciless towards their garbage. In essence, Mort returned his Cancer Club membership card and renewed his membership in the Club of All Mankind, although everyone, including himself, still recognized that his situation was more difficult than that of others.

This situation, more clearly than others, reveals the importance and depth of the “hello” problem, which, as in the case of Mort, went through three stages. When he first appeared in the group, the others did not know that he was doomed. And therefore they addressed him as was customary in the group. Conversion was determined primarily by the upbringing of each group member: the way his parents taught him to greet others, habits developed later in life, and a certain mutual respect and frankness associated with psychotherapy. Mort, being the new guy, responded the same way he would have responded anywhere else: pretending to be the energetic, ambitious American his parents wanted him to be. But when Mort said during the third session that he was doomed, the others became confused and felt deceived. Everyone began to think about whether they had said anything that would make them look bad in their own eyes, in the eyes of Mort and especially the psychiatrist. Everyone seemed even angry at both Mort and the therapist for not speaking up sooner. It was as if they had been betrayed. In essence, they said "Hello" to Mort in the usual way, without realizing who they were talking to. Now understanding his special situation, they would like to start over and treat him differently.

And so we started all over again. Instead of speaking frankly and directly, as before, they spoke to him softly and carefully, as if asking: “Do you see how I try not to forget about your tragedy?” Nobody wanted to risk theirs good name talking to a dying man. But it wasn't fair because Mort had the advantage. In particular, no one dared to laugh loudly and for a long time in his presence. The situation improved when it was decided what Mort could do; the tension eased, and everyone was able to begin for the third time, talking to Mort as a member of humanity, without any reservations or restrictions. Thus, the three stages are represented by the superficial "Hello", the tense, sympathetic "Hello" and the calm, genuine "Hello".

Zoe can't say "Hello" to Mort unless she knows who he is, which can vary from week to week or even hour to hour. Each time she meets him, she knows a little more about him than the last time, and therefore must say “Hello” a little differently if she wants to maintain the developing friendship. But since she cannot find out everything about him, cannot foresee all his changes, Zoya can never say “Hello” in the most perfect way, but can only come closer and closer to him.

D. Handshake

Most patients who first come to a psychotherapist shake hands with him when he invites them into the office. Some psychiatrists are even the first to lend a hand. I have a different policy regarding handshakes. If the patient extends his hand, I shake it so as not to appear rude, but I do it casually, wondering to myself why he is so friendly. If he is simply accustomed to what good manners require, I answer him in the same way, and we understand each other: this pleasant ritual will not interfere with our work. If he reaches out his hand in a way that indicates he is desperate, I will shake it firmly and warmly to let him know that I know what he needs. But my manner as I enter the waiting room, the expression on my face, the placement of my hands - all this clearly tells most newcomers that this ceremony is best avoided unless they insist. This opening should, and usually does, show that we are here for a greater purpose than just exchanging pleasantries and demonstrating that we're the good guys. I don’t shake hands with them mainly because I don’t know them yet and they don’t know me; In addition, sometimes people come to the psychiatrist who do not like to be touched, and politeness towards them requires that you refrain.

The end of the conversation is a completely different matter. By this time I already know a lot about the patient, and he knows something about me. So when he leaves I make sure to shake his hand and now I know enough about him to do it right. This handshake must mean a lot to him: that I accept 2
“I accept” in this case is not in the usual sentimental sense; I'm just letting him know that I'm willing to spend a lot more time with him. It is a serious commitment that in some cases involves years of patience, effort, ups and downs, and getting up early in the morning. – Note auto.

Him, despite all the “bad” things he told me about himself. If the patient needs comfort and encouragement, my handshake should give him that; if he needs confirmation of his masculinity, my handshake awakens his masculinity. This is not a calculated and elaborate means of attracting and seducing the patient, simply an acknowledgment that after an hour of conversation I know a lot about him and his most intimate feelings and concerns. On the other hand, if the patient lied to me not out of natural embarrassment but out of spite, or if he was trying to use or intimidate me, I will not shake his hand so that he knows that he must behave differently if he wants me to was on his side.

With women the situation is a little different. If a patient needs a tangible sign that I accept her, I will shake her hand because it suits her needs; if (as I will know by now) she does not like physical contact with men, I will politely say goodbye to her, but will not shake her hand. This last incident most clearly illustrates why it is not advisable to shake hands on a first meeting: if I shook her hand before the conversation, before I realized who I was talking to, I might disgust her. In essence, I would have committed violence, insulted her, forced her to touch me against her wishes, and touched her myself - even with the best of intentions.

I follow a similar practice in therapy groups. I don't say "Hello" when I walk in because I haven't seen the group in a week and I don't know who I say "Hello" to. A heartfelt or cheerful “Hello” may be completely inappropriate in light of what has happened to them during this period. But at the end of the meeting, I make sure to say goodbye to each member of the group, because now I know who I’m saying goodbye to, and I know how to do it with each of them. For example, suppose the patient's mother has died since our last meeting. My sincere “Hello” may seem inappropriate to her. She can forgive me, but there is no need to put additional stress on her. By the time the meeting ends, I know how to say goodbye to her appropriately, taking into account her grief.

D. Friends

In ordinary communication, everything is completely different, because friends are truly created for mutual stroking. To them we don't just say "Hello" and "Goodbye", we use the whole gamut from a firm handshake to a hug, depending on what they are ready for or need; sometimes it's just jokes and chatting so you don't get too deep. But one thing in life is more certain than taxes, and as certain as death: the sooner you make new friends, the more surely you will keep the old ones.

E. Theory

Enough about “Hello” and “Goodbye” for now. And what happens in between belongs to a special theory of personality and group dynamics, which also serves as a therapeutic method known as transactional analysis. And in order to understand the following, it is first necessary to familiarize yourself with the basics of this theory.

Chapter 2
Principles of transaction analysis

A. Structural analysis

The essence of transactional analysis is the study of self-states, which are integral systems of thoughts and feelings, manifested in corresponding behavior patterns. Each person exhibits three types of Self states. We will call the state that is oriented toward parental behavior the Parent Self. In this state, a person feels, thinks, acts and reacts as one of his parents did in his childhood. This state of the Self is active, for example, when raising one’s own children. Even when a person is not in this state of the Self, it influences his behavior as “Parental influence”, performing the functions of conscience. The state of the Self, in which a person objectively evaluates the environment, calculates his possibilities and the probabilities of certain events based on past experience, is called the Adult State of the Self, or simply the Adult Self. An adult functions like a computer. Every human being has within him a little boy or a little girl who feels, thinks, acts, speaks and responds exactly as he or she did as a child of a certain age. This state of the Self is called the Child Self. A child is not seen as something "childish" or "immature" - these are the words of the Parent, but simply as a child of a certain age, and the very important thing here is the age, which in normal circumstances can range from two to five years. Everyone needs to understand their Child, not only because they will have to live with him all their lives, but also because this is the most valuable part of their personality.

In Fig. Figure 1A shows a complete personality diagram, including everything a person feels, says, thinks, and does. (In a simplified form, this diagram is shown in Fig. 1B.) A more thorough analysis does not reveal new states of the Self, but only subdivides the primary ones. Thus, such a careful analysis reveals in each case two components of the Parental Self: one coming from the father, the other from the mother; the Child state also reveals the Parent, Adult and Child components that were already present when the Child was recorded, which can be confirmed by observing real children. This secondary, more in-depth analysis is presented in Fig. 1B. Distinguishing one pattern of feelings and behavior from another in self-states is called structural analysis. In the future, the states of the Self will be designated Parent (P), Adult (B) and Child (Re) - with capital letter, while parent, adult and child - with a lowercase letter - refer to real people.

Rice. 1

Rice. 1G.Descriptive Aspects of Personality

Terms used to describe various phenomena are self-explanatory or will be explained below: Natural or Nurturing Parent and Controlling Parent, and Natural, Accommodative and Rebellious Child. The “structural” Child is represented by a horizontal division, and the “descriptive” Child is represented by a vertical division, as in Fig. 1G.

3.1.3. The concept of game in transactional analysis by Eric Berne

The expression “game” is also key for transactional analysis, a psychotherapeutic direction that originates in the works of Californian psychiatrist Eric Berne. However, it should be borne in mind that in his works the term game takes on a specific meaning.

“We call a game a series of secondary additional transactions following each other with a clearly defined and predictable result. It represents a varying set of frequently repeated transactions that appear rational on the surface but have hidden motivations; in short, it is a series of moves containing a trap or trick.

Games are clearly distinguished from procedures, rituals and pastimes by two main characteristic features: 1) secondary motives and 2) the presence of a result. The procedure is successful, the ritual is effective, and the pastime is profitable. But they are all sincere in their essence (they do not contain “second thoughts”). They may contain elements of competition, but not conflict, and their results may be unexpected, but never dramatic. On the other hand, games are almost always inherently unfair and are often characterized by dramatic rather than simply exciting outcomes” (Berne, 1992, p. 48).

This is Berne's definition of a game. In order to at least partially understand the above definition, it is necessary to clearly identify and explain some of its points.

Transaction and ego states

A transaction is a unit social interaction, consisting of a transactional stimulus (TS) and a transactional response (TR):

From the point of view of structural analysis, the basic scheme looks somewhat more complicated, since each participant in the transaction (both the initiator and the respondent) is the bearer of three ego states between which interaction can be realized:

Exteropsychic ego state, which reflects the Ego of parental personalities (Parent - RO);

A non-psychic ego state that tries to objectively assess the situation (Adult - VZ);

Archaeopsychic ego state as a remnant of the past, the Self, recorded in early childhood(Child - RE).

The simplest is the EOI–EOI transaction, in which both the stimulus and the response come from the neopsychic (i.e., “adult”) egostate of the initiator and the respondent. The parent-child interaction is just as simplified:

Both of these transactions are called additional, which means that the initiated response was correct and as expected.

Interpersonal communication proceeds without conflict as long as the transactions remain complementary (i.e. RO - RO, VZ - VZ, RE - RE, RO - RE, VZ - RE).

The opposite case of an additional transaction is cross transaction. An example of such a transaction is given in the following diagram:

initiator respondent For example, in communication between spouses a transactional stimulus is given at the level of VZ - VZ (the wife’s “adult” question “How much money, I wonder, is left from the last salary?” is addressed to the adult ego-state of the husband), but the reaction is RE - RO of the partner turns out to be the Child’s protection from the Parent’s reproaches: “What do you care?!” I’m not small and I know how to spend the money I earn!” In an additional transaction (VZ - VZ), the partner’s reaction could look something like this: “Well... I met a friend from the institute here, and we came to clean up this matter, so we don’t have too much money left.”

Games, procedures, rituals and pastimes

Berne in his definition clearly distinguishes games from procedures, rituals and pastimes. Let's try to briefly define the content of the mentioned categories.

Procedures and rituals are the simplest forms of social activity. Procedure represents a sequence of simple additional transactions of the Adult, designed to manipulate reality. Procedures include flying an airplane and having appendicitis surgery. Psychotherapy can be considered a procedure as long as it remains under the control of the ego state (Adult with the doctor), and ceases to be a procedure when the Parent or Child begins to dominate as the ego state. Ritual is a stereotypical sequence of simple additional transactions that are programmed by external social forces. As an example of an informal ritual, Berne cites a greeting ritual that may be influenced by local customs, but its basic form is constant:

A: “Hello!” (= Good morning!)

B: “Hello!” (= Good morning!)

A: “Great weather, isn’t it?” (= How are you?)

B: “I agree, but it looks like it’s going to rain.” (= Great, how about you?)

A: “Well, all the best.” (= Normal.)

An example of a formal ritual would be a Catholic worship service with a small degree of freedom. It can be very difficult for a non-specialist to distinguish a procedure from a ritual. The main feature of both is that stereotypes are easily formed from them - from the moment the transaction begins further process more or less defined.

Pastime can be defined as a sequence of semi-ritual, simple additional transactions focused on one of the areas of the material, the primary task of which is to regulate or organize a certain period of time. Typically, the beginning and end of such a period of time is communicated through a specific procedure or ritual.

Pastime, as a rule, forms the main content of all kinds of parties or while waiting for the start of some official meeting, etc., it can take the form of “chattering” or “discussion” in any group (examples of the most common groups are Parents' Committee, Psychiatry, Cooking, Visited...). In addition to the fact that pastime fills free time, it also performs other functions. In the process of spending time, the Child in each of the players is engaged in “studying the social environment” - selecting potential partners for possible games and excluding those with whom he does not want to communicate in the future. This selection in most cases occurs subconsciously and instinctively. Serious benefits in the game come from confirming your role and strengthening your position. For example, in a group Parental committee partners can play the role of a ruthless, fair or understanding parent, etc. The role of each of these parents is strengthened in those moments when it gains an advantage over the others. Strengthening the role stabilizes the position of the individual.

As we showed above, Bern's games are not a free, joyful, exploratory pastime. Kratochvil (2000, p. 243) emphasizes that Berne is talking about a technical term to refer to interactions between people that interfere with the development of open, intimate, and secure relationships. Engaging in this kind of play is not a sign of a healthy human personality, while the goal of psychotherapy, on the contrary, is to detect and thereby make its continuation and repetition impossible.

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Adults don't play games? No matter how it is. They love to manipulate each other with passion, trying to use partnerships for their own benefit. It’s good if the game has sexual overtones and is aimed at sensual pleasures. It’s another matter when the drama plays out in earnest, and the psyche of a loved one becomes a testing ground.

Psychological games are dangerous and destructive, as they wipe away trust in relationships, prevent partners from developing, and use pain points to realize their own selfish desires. And the most dangerous thing is that the manipulator does not always guess what role he is playing in pursuit of his motives. The game can be played unconsciously, when a person does not think about the consequences of his decisions, thereby destroying the family. In this article we will look at the most popular types of psychological games described by the American psychologist E. Berne.

6 types of psychological games in relationships according to E. Bern:

1. "Cornered"

A good example: a wife complains to her husband that she is forced to do everything in their house herself - wash, clean, do laundry, raise a child, while he is a lazy and ungrateful possum. But as soon as a man picks up a vacuum cleaner or sits down with a child to do homework, he again receives a blow below the belt, saying that he does everything wrong, lets in dust, offends the child, his place is not at home, but to earn money! It turns out that no matter what he does, the wife will always find a reason to drive him into a corner with her reproaches, and the husband’s attempts to improve will be regarded obviously negatively. It’s easier to control a partner this way: inflate his feelings of guilt, trample on his self-esteem, leaving no way for retreat, and then present his demands. And let him try not to please.

2. "Eternal Sacrifice"

A classic story: a man works hard at a job he hates to provide for his family, and therefore is not shy about reminding everyone about it. How dare they wake up His Highness early if he works like hell? How dare his wife ask him to throw out the trash if he is so tired? So what if she also works and fusses with his children, the family is obliged to dance around him and kiss his butt! “I work 10 hours a day for you, so I’m not going to be nice, take into account your wishes, give you time, or adapt to your problems.” Being a victim is convenient, it’s easy to manipulate, because you do so much for it at home.

3. “You’re smarter, it’s up to you to decide.”

When you don’t know what to do better, but you don’t want to be responsible for the consequences, you can shift the problem onto your partner’s neck. Then, in case of failure, you will still have the opportunity to leave the game clean, blaming someone else for all the problems. And some spouses who hate responsible moments like to use this trick. They say: “your child is up to you to figure it out”, “you need it, so do it”, “any decision will suit me, choose it yourself.” And if everything goes according to plan, they won’t say a word to you, but if the situation gets out of control, the manipulator will be the first to attack with accusations, because you made the decision. How convenient...

4. "Third Judge"

This type of psychological game is often used in the presence of outside observers. For example, a husband and wife started a serious scandal directly in front of their friends or parents so that they would judge them, or rather, acquit one of the spouses. It turns out that they need conflict not in order to find a hole in communication and solve the problem, but in order to humiliate their partner in the eyes of the public, to enlist outside support, which will help shift all the blame onto another. Needless to say, this is a destructive game for both.

5. “To beat out a confession”

Typical situation: a woman meets a man in bad mood, and then with affection and kisses knocks out the reason for his worries, forcing the partner to admit some weaknesses. The main leitmotif of a sincere conversation is supposedly to help remove the burden from the soul. However, a little later another truth is revealed. A woman blurts out a man’s confession to mutual friends or business colleagues in order to cast her partner in a bad light and elevate herself at his expense. Now it turns out that she simply used the man for her own purposes in order to get a better offer or financial compensation. Alas, this type of manipulation is not so rare.

6. “Not my wish, but yours”

A striking example of this type of game is clearly visible when one partner tries to impose his desire on the other so that he does everything for him. For example, a married couple was invited to a charity evening, which the man did not want to go to. In order not to upset his wife, he says something like: “Tomorrow is a difficult day, and lack of sleep will have a bad effect on your appearance. Maybe you shouldn’t spend your day off on some charity?” And the wife agrees, thinking that this is completely her decision. Another example is more subtle, when parents impose their own dreams on their children so that they achieve goals that they themselves could not achieve.

Due to manipulation, relationships lose sincerity and begin to collapse; spouses play a double game, moving away from the true goal of the relationship. But love cannot exist where there is intrigue.

A game is a certain pattern of behavior represented by a series of sequential actions. Each action contains a certain emotional layer. If we draw a parallel with folklore, then the most accurate description of the general concept of psychological games can be the expression: “carrot and stick,” since each action during the game is accompanied by “strokes” and “blows.”

E. Berne drew an analogy between a mother’s touching a baby and the importance of social recognition for an adult. Every person experiences throughout his life the need for stimulation and the need for recognition, that is, we need to feel that someone needs us and that we can inspire someone to new wonderful achievements; and that we can get a response in response to our stimulus.

Burn wrote in his book The Games People Play, referring to the stroking deficit: “It can be assumed that there is a biological chain leading from the emotional and sensory deprivation through apathy to degenerative changes and death. In this sense, the feeling of sensory hunger should be considered the most important state for life human body, in fact, the same as the feeling of food hunger.”

The difference between games and rituals and entertainment is characterized by the fact that the subjects of the game are guided by ulterior motives, and also by the fact that in the game there is always a winner and a loser. Games can lead to conflict.

Classification of games

E. Burn in his works identifies the following classification of games:

Number of players: games for two (“Frigid Woman”), for three (“Come on, fight!”), for five (“Alcoholic”) and for many (“Why don’t you.” – “Yes, but. .. ").
Material used: words (“Psychiatry”), money (“Debtor”), body parts (“I need surgery”).
Clinical types: hysterical (“They’re raping!”), with obsessiveness syndrome (“Blubber”), paranoid (“Why does this always happen to me?”), depressive (“I’m back to my old ways again”).
By zone: oral (“Alcoholic”), anal (“Blubber”), phallic (“Come on, let’s fight”).
Psychodynamic: counterphobia (“If it weren’t for you”), projecting (“Parental Committee”), introjecting (“Psychiatry”).
Classification by instinctive drives: masochistic (“If it weren’t for you”), sadistic (“Blubber”), fetishistic (“Frigid Man”)

Burn also gives a classification of games based on the main qualitative characteristics:

Flexibility. Some games, such as Debtor or I Need Surgery, can only be played on one material, while others, such as exhibitionist games, are much more flexible.
Tenacity. Some people give up games easily, while others are much more attached to them.
Intensity. Some play relaxed, others are more tense and aggressive. Games can be light or hard accordingly.

Any game has a significant impact on a person’s life, some games last a lifetime.

Analysis of "games"

E. Burn wrote: “the basic principle of game theory is the following: any communication (compared to its absence) is useful and beneficial for people. This fact was confirmed by experiments on rats: it was shown that physical contact had a beneficial effect not only on physical and emotional development, but also on brain biochemistry and even resistance in leukemia. The significant circumstance was that gentle handling and painful electric shock were equally effective in maintaining the health of rats.”

Let's look at some psychological games in more detail.

“Debtor” is a game in which the main thesis is: “if not for debts, then...”. This game can cause serious problems for a person, although the topic of money does not bring about any deep transformations. The fact is that a person treats things superficially that require a responsible approach. If you contact popular culture, then we can consider the game “Debtor” using the example of the film “Shopaholic”, directed by P. J. Hogan. main character film, main and absolutely mutual love which involves shopping, lives in a constant state of flight from the financial inspector. When the film's heroine (Rebbeca Bloom) meets the man of her life, a situation with her creditors forces her to lie to the man. The price of this lie is lost trust.

“Hit me” is a game in which people with internal installations to the role of the victim. For example, in any school there is a student without any authority, he becomes an outcast and a target for all kinds of ridicule. There is a subtype of this game called “worn dress”. A woman does everything to look worthless and pathetic, finds all sorts of reasons to remain in the “material pit”. Such a woman seems to attract people and situations that help her continue this game. For example, a woman marries a man whom she has to support, and no matter what happens, be it assault, moral humiliation or alcoholism of her partner, she finds all sorts of reasons to continue this “sick relationship.”

"Horrible!" - the player is looking for reasons to throw out emotions to another person through complaints. This game always involves three subjects. For example, a man, a woman and a woman’s friend, to whom he cries into his vest, discussing the man’s unfair actions and words towards her.

Any psychological game is, first of all, a chain of actions that have a predictable course. The key point of the psychological game is hidden motivation, this is the very “hook” that is the trigger for obtaining one or another emotion during the game. The player does not even always realize why he is performing this or that action, but there are also those who act consciously, in order to obtain certain emotions and recharge with energy, as a rule, these are representatives of public professions and good provocateurs.

Game analysis helps the patient understand what kind of psychological game he is a participant in and answer his main question: “why is this happening to me or why is this situation constantly happening to me, as if in a cyclical spiral?” And also find a way out of this situation. Sometimes it is very difficult to get out of the game state without outside help. Therefore, a person, like a “drug addict,” craves new emotions, sometimes to the detriment of his own health.

Literature:

Bern E. “Games that people play and people who play games”;
Cabrin E. “Transcommunication and personal development”;
Makarov V.V., Makarova G.A. “Games played... in Russia. Psychological games of new Russia";
Claude Steiner. “Scenarios of People's Lives. Eric Berne School";

"A game" - a fixed and unconscious pattern of behavior, including a long series of actions containing weakness, trap, response, blow, retribution, reward. Every action is accompanied by certain feelings. Each action of the game is accompanied by stroking, which at the beginning of the game is more numerous than strokes. As the game progresses, the stroking and hitting becomes more intense, peaking late in the game.

Games differ from pastimes or rituals in two main ways:

1. hidden motives;

2. presence of winnings.

The difference between games is that they can contain an element of conflict, they can be unfair and have a dramatic outcome.

Berne gives a classification of games based, in his opinion, on some of the most obvious characteristics and variables:

1. Number of players: games for two (“Frigid Woman”), for three (“Come on, fight!”), for five (“Alcoholic”) and for many (“Why don’t you...” – “ Yes, but...").

2. Material used: words (“Psychiatry”), money (“Debtor”), body parts (“I need surgery”).

3. Clinical types: hysterical (“They’re raping!”), with obsessiveness syndrome (“Blubber”), paranoid (“Why does this always happen to me?”), depressive (“I’m back to my old ways again”).

4. By zone: oral (“Alcoholic”), anal (“Blubber”), phallic (“Come on, let’s fight”).

5. Psychodynamic: counterphobia (“If it weren’t for you”), projecting (“Parental Committee”), introjecting (“Psychiatry”).

6. Classification according to instinctive drives: masochistic (“If it weren’t for you”), sadistic (“Blubber”), fetishistic (“Frigid Man”).

When classifying games, E. Bern uses the following qualities of games.

1. Flexibility. Some games, such as Debtor or I Need Surgery, can only be played on one material, while others, such as exhibitionist games, are much more flexible.

2. Tenacity. Some people give up games easily, while others are much more attached to them.

3. Intensity. Some play relaxed, others are more tense and aggressive. Games can be light or hard accordingly.

In mentally unbalanced people, these properties manifest themselves in a certain progression and determine whether the game will be quiet or violent.

All games have an important and perhaps decisive influence on the fate of the players; but some of them, much more often than others, become the work of a lifetime. Berne called this group of games “games for life.” It includes “Alcoholic”, “Debtor”, “Hit me”, “Gotcha, you son of a bitch!”, “Look what I did because of you” and their main variants (Table 2).

table 2

Characteristics of games according to E. Bern

	ALCOHOLIC	GOT IT, SON OF A BITCH!	LOOK WHAT I DID BECAUSE OF YOU
Target	Self-flagellation	Justification.	Justifying your behavior.
Roles	Alcoholic, Persecutor, Savior, Simpleton, Mediator.	Victim, Aggressor.
Dynamics	Oral deprivation	The anger of jealousy.	The soft form can be compared with premature ejaculation, the hard form - with anger based on “fear of castration”.
Social paradigm	Adult – Adult. Adult: “Tell me what you really think of me, or help me stop drinking.” Adult: “I’ll be honest with you.”	Adult – Adult. Adult: “Look what you did.” Adult: "Now that you've brought it to my attention, I see you're right."
Psychological paradigm	Parent – Child. Child: "Try to catch me." Parent: "You should stop drinking because..."	Parent – Child. Parent: “I watch you all the time and wait for you to make mistakes.” Child: “You caught me this time.” Parent: “Yes, and this time you will feel the full force of my anger.”	An external psychological sign is clearly visible (the desire to avoid responsibility). Existential position – “I have nothing to blame
Moves	1. Provocation - accusation or forgiveness. 2. Condescension – anger or disappointment.	1. Provocation - accusation. 2. Defense - prosecution. 3. Protection - punishment.
Benefits	1. Internal psychological – a) drunkenness as a procedure – rebellion, consolation and satisfaction of desire; b) “Alcoholic” as a game – self-flagellation (possibly). 2. External psychological – the ability to avoid sexual and other forms of intimacy. 3. Internal Social – “Let’s see if you can stop me.” 4. External social – “And the next morning”, “Cocktail” and other ways of spending time. 5. Biological - alternating exchange of manifestations of love and anger. 6. Existential – “Everyone wants to hurt me”	1. Internal psychological – justification for anger. 2. External psychological – an opportunity to avoid awareness of one’s shortcomings. 3. Internal social – PSS. 4. External social – they are always ready to catch you. 5. Biological - exchange of angry transactions, usually between people of the same sex. 6. Existential – people cannot be trusted.	The game is often accelerated by the threat of intimacy, since "justified" anger helps to avoid sexual relations.

In these games, E. Bern clearly highlights the title, thesis, goal, roles, social and psychological paradigm, illustrations, moves and “rewards.” In other games, the author distinguishes between thesis and antithesis.

"DEBTOR"

"The Debtor", according to E. Bern, is more than a game; for many it becomes a scenario, a plan for their whole life, But most of them play easy game“If it weren’t for the debts,” but otherwise they enjoy life and only a few play “Debtor” to its full potential.

Varieties of the “Debtor” game: “Try to get it”, “Creditor”, “Try not to pay”, etc. Games related to money can have very serious consequences, despite the fact that they look superficial. This happens not only because we describe all sorts of little things, but because we discover petty motives in matters that people are accustomed to taking seriously.

"HIT ME"

This game is usually played by people who seem to have "Please don't hit me" written on their foreheads. The behavior of the players provokes the opposite and the temptation is almost irresistible, and then the natural result comes. This category can include all kinds of outcasts, prostitutes and those who constantly lose their jobs. Women sometimes play a variation of this game called "Tattered Dress." Women make efforts to look pathetic, trying to ensure that their incomes - for “good” reasons - do not exceed the subsistence level. If an inheritance falls on their head, there are always enterprising young people who help get rid of it, giving in return shares of some non-existent enterprise, etc. Their play is wordless, and only their manners and behavior seem to say: “Why does this always happen to me?”

"HORRIBLE!".

The initiator of the game is looking for injustice in order to be able to complain about it to a third participant. Thus, it is a three-player game: there is an Aggressor, a Victim and a Trustee. Motto: "Misfortune needs sympathy." The confidant is usually the person who is also playing the game.

A psychological game is a series of transactions following one another with a clearly defined and predictable outcome, with hidden motivation. The winnings are any specific emotional condition, which the player unconsciously strives for.

Considering the historical, cultural, social and personal significance of games, E. Berne in his book “People Who Play Games” introduces the concept of parental programming and characteristics of various life scenarios.

3. ESSENCE OF THE CONCEPT “LIFE SCENARIO”

Berne in his early works defined the script as “an unconscious life plan.” Then he gave a more complete definition: “The life plan is drawn up in childhood, reinforced by parents, justified by the course of events and reaches its peak when choosing a path.”

The concept that childhood experiences have a strong influence on adult behavior patterns is central not only to transactional analysis, but also to other areas of psychology. In script theory, in addition, there is an idea according to which the child makes a certain plan for his life, and does not just form basic views on life. This plan is written in the form of a drama, with a clearly defined beginning, middle and end.

Another distinctive feature Life script theory is that a life plan “culminates in a chosen alternative.” The components of a script, starting with the first scene, serve to lead the script to the final scene. In script theory, the final scene is called the payoff for the script. The theory says that when a person plays out a life scenario, he unconsciously chooses behaviors that will bring him closer to the outcome of the scenario.

Scenario- this is “a life plan drawn up in childhood,” therefore, the child himself makes the decision about his own scenario. On the decision to choose life scenario influence not only external factors, but also the will of the child. Even when different children are brought up in the same conditions, they can be completely different. different plans own life. In this regard, Byrne cites the case of two brothers, to whom their mother said: “You will both end up in a mental hospital.” Subsequently, one of the brothers became a chronic mental patient, and the other a psychiatrist.

The term " solution"in life script theory is used with a meaning different from that usually given in the dictionary. The child makes decisions about his script as a result of feelings before he begins to speak. At the same time, the child uses reality testing methods available to him at that age.

Although parents cannot force a child to make any decisions, they nevertheless have a strong influence on the child by conveying verbal and nonverbal messages to him. Based on these messages, the child forms his ideas about himself, other people and life, which form the main content of the script. Thus, the script is reinforced by the parents.

The life scenario lies outside the limits of awareness, therefore in adulthood a person can come closest to childhood memories with the help of dreams and fantasies. Living out his scenario decisions in behavior, a person, nevertheless, is not aware of them.

A life script has content and process. The content of each person's script is as unique as their fingerprints. While the scenario process is divided into a relatively small number of specific patterns.

The winner Berne called “the one who achieves the goal he has set for himself.” Victory means that the goal is achieved easily and freely. Defeated- this is “a person who does not achieve his goal.” And the point is not only in achieving the goal, but also in the degree of accompanying comfort. If, for example, a person decided to become a millionaire, became one, but constantly feels unhappy due to a stomach ulcer or hard work, then he is defeated.

Depending on the tragedy of the ending, the scenarios of the defeated can be classified into three degrees. The first-degree loser scenario is a scenario in which failures and losses are not serious enough to be discussed in society. For example, repeated quarrels at work, minor depression or failure in exams when entering college. Those defeated with the second degree experience unpleasant feelings that are serious enough to be discussed in society. This could be dismissal from work, expulsion from the university, hospitalization for serious illness etc. A third-degree scenario results in death, injury, serious illness (including mental illness), or trial.

A person with a non-winner scenario patiently carries his burden day by day, winning little and losing little. Such a person never takes risks. Therefore, such a scenario is called banal. At work, a non-winner does not become a boss, but he is not fired either. He will most likely finish it calmly, receive a watch on a marble stand as a gift, and retire.

Berne proposed a way to distinguish the winner from the loser. To do this, you need to ask the person what he will do if he loses. Bern believed that the winner knows what, but does not talk about it. The loser does not know, but only talks about victory, he puts everything on one card and thereby loses. The winner always takes into account several possibilities, which is why he wins.

To be in a life scenario, to act out scripted behavior and scripted feelings means reacting to reality “here and now” as if it were a world drawn in children’s decisions. A person most often enters his script in the following cases.

When the situation “here and now” is perceived as stressful.

When there is a similarity between the here and now situation and stressful situation in childhood.

When a here-and-now situation reminds a person of a painful situation from his childhood and he enters a scenario, TA says that the current situation is connected to an earlier situation using a rubber band. This allows us to understand why a person reacts as if he was catapulted back into his past. Usually a person cannot consciously imagine this childhood scene, so he does not understand what these situations have in common. When talking with people with whom a person has a serious relationship, he identifies them with people from his past, and does this unconsciously.

Rubber bands can be tied not only to people from our past, but also to smells, sounds, a certain environment or something else.

One of the purposes of TA is to disconnect rubber bands. Through understanding the script, a person can be freed from the original trauma and from returning to old childhood situations.

Eric Berne introduced the concept scenario signals, i.e. bodily signs indicating that a person has entered a scenario. This could be taking a deep breath, changing your body position, or tensing some part of your body. Some TA therapists specialize in this particular area of theory—the body script. Script signals are a person’s replaying of his childhood decisions that he made in relation to his body. For example, a man, as a child, tried to reach his mother, but found that she often moved away from him. To suppress this natural need, he began to tense his arms and shoulders. In adulthood, such a person continues to strain his body.

A person strives to organize the world in such a way that it justifies scenario decisions. This explains, for example, why people repeatedly engage in painful relationships or engage in patterns of behavior that lead to punishment. When a person made his scenario decisions as a child, it seemed to him that the only alternative to these decisions could only be a terrible catastrophe. Moreover, he did not have a clear idea of what this catastrophe was, but he knew that it must be avoided at all costs. Therefore, every time the scenario decisions are confirmed, it begins to seem to the person that they still help to avoid a catastrophe. This is why people often say that they find it easier to behave in their old ways, while simultaneously admitting that this behavior is self-destructive for them.

To get out of the scenario, it is necessary to identify needs that are not fulfilled in childhood, and find ways to meet these needs in the present.

It is necessary to distinguish between the script and the course of life. Berne wrote: “The script is what a person planned to do in early childhood, and the course of life is what actually happens.” The course of life is the result of the interaction of four factors: heredity, external events, script, and autonomous decisions.

There are four options in the scenario life positions:

1. I-OK, You-OK;

2. I am not OK, you are OK;

3. I am OK, you are not OK;

4. I am not OK, You are not OK.

Life position represents the main qualities (values) that a person values in himself and other people. This means more than just some opinion about your behavior and the behavior of other people.

The child makes his life position earlier than the scenario decisions - in the first months of feeding, and then adjusts his entire scenario to it. Life position is a set of basic ideas about oneself and others, which are designed to justify a person’s decisions and behavior.

Each adult has his own scenario, based on one of the four life positions. We are not in our chosen position all the time, and every minute of our life we can change our life positions, although in the aggregate we tend to spend most of our time in “our” position.

The child makes scenario decisions in accordance with his perception of the world around him. Consequently, the messages that a child receives from his parents and the world around him may be completely different from the messages perceived by an adult.

Script messages can be transmitted verbally, non-verbally or in both ways at the same time. Before a child begins to speak, he interprets other people's messages in the form of nonverbal signals. He subtly perceives the intonation of verbal statements, body movements, smells and sounds. Sometimes a child perceives script messages based on events happening around him that do not depend on his parents: loud noise, unexpected movements, separation from parents while in the hospital - all this may seem to the child as a threat to his life. Later, when the child begins to understand language, nonverbal communication remains an important component of script messages. When a parent talks to a child, the child will interpret the script meaning of what they are saying according to the accompanying nonverbal cues.

As is already known, the child is constantly looking for an answer to the question: “How can I best achieve what I want?” Perhaps the little girl notices that when her mother wants something from her father, she first starts swearing and then cries. The child comes to the conclusion: “To get what I want from people, especially men, I need to act like my mother.” In this case, the daughter copies the mother's behavior. Copied behavior patterns are another type of script messages.

Script messages can be transmitted in the form of direct instructions (orders): “don’t bother me! Do what you're told! Go away! Hurry up! Do not be fancy!" The strength of these orders as script messages will depend on how often they are repeated and on the nonverbal cues that accompany them.

In other cases, the child may be told not what he should do, but who he is. Such messages are called evaluative: “You are stupid!”; "My little girl!"; “You will end up in prison!”; “You won’t achieve anything!” The content of evaluations can be positive or negative, and their strength as script messages will depend on the nonverbal cues accompanying them.

However, it happens that a child makes his main scenario decision in response to one single event that he perceives as especially threatening. Such an event is called traumatic. On the day the traumatic event occurred, the Child is “born”. This means that the thoughts, feelings and behavior patterns of an adult in the Child's ego state will exactly correspond to his thoughts, feelings and behavior that day.

Bern notes that a person dissatisfied with his script may begin to act according to the anti-script - the opposite script. The script continues to put pressure on the person, but what the script should have done well, the person does poorly. And vice versa. For example, a man who, in the image of his father, was destined to be a quiet family drunkard, quits drinking and immediately abandons his family. Or a young man who was meant to be close to a single mother in old age, and therefore take care of himself and have minimal contact with girls, begins to change girlfriends every week, use drugs and engage in extreme sports.

Parents rarely shy away from choosing a scenario for their child. Depending on the extent to which script messages do not correspond to the child’s real abilities and deny his desire to be, they can lead to the development of pathology. Pathology has various degrees and can vary from a mild degree, which rarely prevents a person from using his abilities, to a strong degree, when a person becomes an absurd caricature of his real self. E. Berne describes in one of his books a way to do this: telling the child “be happy.” A similar phrase, repeated by a parent, makes it clear to the child that the child himself can choose a scenario for himself with which he will be happy.

Thus, a script is a life plan, reminiscent of a play in which a person is forced to play a role. The scenario directly depends on the positions adopted in childhood and is recorded in the ego-state Child through transactions that occur between parents and the child.

CONCLUSION

Transactional analysis is a rational method of understanding behavior based on the conclusion that every person can learn to trust himself, think for himself, make his own decisions and openly express his feelings. Its principles can be applied at work, at home, at school, with neighbors - anywhere people deal with people. The basics of transactional analysis theory were described by Eric Berne.

Transactional analysis includes:

1. Structural analysis - analysis of the personality structure.

2. Analysis of transactions - verbal and non-verbal interactions between people.

3. Analysis of psychological games, hidden transactions leading to the desired outcome - winning.

4. Scenario analysis (script analysis) of an individual life scenario, which a person unwittingly follows.

Corrective interaction is based on a structural analysis of the “ego position”, which involves demonstrating interaction using technology role-playing games.

Transactional analysis is effective in group work and is intended for short-term psychocorrectional work. Transactional analysis provides the client with the opportunity to go beyond unconscious patterns and patterns of behavior, and, by adopting a different cognitive structure of behavior, gain the opportunity for voluntary free behavior.