If you are annoyed by a colleague with whom you often have to deal with work needs, try to immediately establish certain boundaries with him in communication. You shouldn't be polite and come close to a person you don't like, you don't have to do this at all. On the contrary, keep your distance from the employee. Communicate strictly for work.
When you do not like that a person is violating your personal space, be clear about it. Say that it is much more comfortable for you to communicate at a certain distance, and ask to continue to maintain the specified distance. You may have to remind the person of your agreement a couple of times, but in the end, if you have an adequate person in front of you, you will achieve the desired effect.
You may be annoyed by your colleague's way of communicating. If he shows incontinence and allows himself to get personal, do not hesitate to upset him and remind him that you are at work, where you should show less emotions, especially negative ones. Don't be afraid of conflict. If you are calm and considerate, the truth will be on your side. As a last resort, you can ask management to put you in a link with other people.
Be wiser
Try to remain calm, even if your coworker's behavior pisses you off. Imagine a wall between you that prevents the negative coming from the person from reaching you. Perhaps this visualization will help you remain unmoved in the presence of an annoying person. Do not give in to provocations from outside. Be stronger and wiser.
Try to better understand the person you dislike. Maybe you are too critical of him. Try to put yourself in your colleague's shoes. Think about the fact that he may have objective reasons to behave in a certain way. Be more tolerant of others. Maybe you are annoyed in a person that he is completely different from you. This attitude is not entirely fair.
Do not take to heart what happens to you while on the job. Realize that work is not your whole life. Remember that you are a free person and have the right to independently change your place of work or profession. Sometimes understanding this relieves unnecessary stress and makes it easier to relate to people with whom you have to communicate on duty.
Work is a place where a person spends a huge part of his life. Conflicts will not bypass you, whether you are at least teachers or carpenters. In a word, you can make friends, or you can make enemies. At the same time, the enemy in the person of the bosses is sometimes less terrible than the enemy-colleague. Therefore, it is very important that communication with colleagues brings positive emotions and you and them.
The first step is to remember a few unbreakable rules of conduct in the workplace.
Unbreakable rules:
- A good mood is the key to easy communication. If in the morning you got up on the wrong foot, you should not show it at work and take it out Bad mood on colleagues. Positive people are always worth their weight in gold in gray walls office, you rarely want to start conflicts with them.
- Many people, not knowing what to talk about with colleagues, begin to gossip - this is bad decision... Gossip often consists of exaggeration and lies, which leads to mistrust among colleagues and negativity. It is better to ask how things are progressing with a new project, find out if you need help, share your opinion.
- Do not strive to fall in love with the whole team at once: it is impossible for everyone to like it. Just do your job in good faith and people tagging your positive traits, themselves will reach for you.
Conflicts are the scourge of collaboration
When you see people every day, it is impossible to do without conflicts, especially if you are connected by a working relationship. When it comes to conflict situation nascent three consecutive questions: how to avoid conflict, how not to aggravate the situation and how to end the quarrel without consequences.
How to avoid a fight?
- In no case should you raise your voice. Also in kindergarten teach that screaming can not solve anything, but only "add fuel to the fire." If emotions are bursting out and there is no way to restrain them, it is better to leave the place of the “battle” under some pretext and return to the conversation after a while with a cool head. This will benefit both you and your opponent. It is best to continue the conversation at informal setting where nothing will remind you of the subject of the quarrel.
- It is always necessary to clarify the contradictions one-on-one, without witnesses and outsiders.
- In any situation, one should not forget about etiquette and go over to personal insults.
How not to aggravate the quarrel?
- Having entered into a conflict with a colleague, you should not rush to the authorities for help. In such a situation, for everyone you will appear as a weak and infantile person who cannot cope with problems on his own and is hiding behind “parents”.
- When there is a conflict between colleagues, it is always important to hear the arguments of the other side. Perhaps you just do not understand each other and want the same thing.
- There is no need to tell other colleagues about the conflict and throw mud at your opponent. After all, the walls have ears too.
How to make up?
- The most important thing is to listen to your colleague and find a compromise. As a last resort, this can be done under the guidance of an impartial third party.
- If you have not restrained yourself and have become personal, then you always need to find the strength in yourself and apologize. Explain your behavior by being too emotional.
- After closing the topic of the conflict, never return to it again. Thinking over and over again about your arguments then, you can cause a wave of aggression towards yourself.
- Concentrate on common goal- moving in one direction helps to forget old contradictions.
Friendly communication
In any place (especially if you spend a lot of time in it) you need a person with whom you can get distracted from pressing issues and just chat. Therefore, at work, not business, but friendly easy communication is very much appreciated. It is important here to separate personal and work relationships, otherwise you may be thrown around your neck asking for help, etc.
How to refuse?
- First of all, a complete refusal should be as polite as possible. For example, you can say that now you have a blockage yourself, but next time you will definitely help.
- Do as in school: when you approach the teacher for help, he only suggests how you can do it, but does not do all the work for the student.
- If you refuse, you can refer to the circumstances. For example, "I would love to, but my wife and I have already agreed to go to the cinema."
- Do not forget that you are not refusing a person, but a request. Do not include personal and professional quality person.
When communicating with colleagues, it is important to remain a person who, if something happens, will be able to both support and help. But it is also worth making it clear to colleagues that you are not a workhorse that you can ride day and night. A warm, friendly and confidential atmosphere in the work team is pleasant to everyone, be it nurses, sailors or office workers.
Is it trite? But it is effective.
Some people are annoyed by the excessive emotionality of their colleagues or, conversely, lethargy, detachment from the team, or excessive friendliness and importunity. At the same time, you need to somehow find a common language with everyone, if you do not want to go crazy.
Put yourself in your place annoying colleague... Surely he has reasons for this behavior. Perhaps having a lunch or dinner together will help you better understand the person. Try to get closer, to understand why he is behaving so strangely. As you get to know your colleague better, you will gradually stop noticing his shortcomings.
Look for the positive
There are positive aspects in any situation. Does a colleague constantly crawl in a chair, speaks loudly on the phone, use too fragrant perfume? But because of him, you have already replaced the old office chairs to new ones (they broke too often), the boss rarely comes to you (he is also annoyed by a loud voice), mosquitoes do not fly into your office.
In addition, communicating with those who annoy you, you temper your character, gain new experience, strengthen your nerves and learn not to pay attention to small trifles. This will help you focus more on work and not be distracted by interference.
Set the rules
It is better to discuss the problem than to hush up. Do not hesitate and do not be afraid of offending someone - speak directly about what you do not like.
- If the source of your annoyance is constantly chewing on something in the workplace, agree to eat only for lunch or only in the kitchen.
- If you find it annoying that your coworker asks too many questions or just loves to chat, agree to take a few 15-minute breaks from work when you can discuss the sensitive issue.
- For those who are annoyed by violators of personal space (they just come and sit right next to you, look at your monitor, touch your personal belongings), we advise you not to be afraid to voice that it is unpleasant for you and that it is better not to do this.
Use the mirror method
If, for example, you are annoyed by a colleague who constantly criticizes your work, start playing on his own field. Wait for him to make a mistake and do not miss the opportunity to criticize. Nobody likes to be noticed. So, most likely, he will back down.
This advice is also suitable for dealing with those who constantly discuss someone, spread rumors and gossip, do not miss the opportunity to rejoice in other people's troubles. As soon as they feel what it is like, they will immediately calm down. Of course, making friends with them will not help you, but such people will understand that you must be reckoned with. As a result, you will work together and stop wasting time on unproductive relationships.
Culture of office speech
The main rule of communication in a team is openness, positiveness and interesting to most harmless and neutral topics, experts advise. So, according to the leading consultant "Vis-a-vis Consult" by Tatiana Mustafa, if you plan to work for a long time in the company, then you need to talk about yourself openly and sincerely, since the emotional environment within the team is a connecting link in relations between employees and presupposes a commonality of interests, values and ideas. “These are experience, skills, traditions, the very processes of communication between people, which can be useful to each other. But it should be remembered that there are limitations in frankness even with the closest people. Work colleagues should not be burdened by the relationship with you and feel like a "vest" for complaints and tears. When the question arises of promotion, reduction, increase in wages, then your friends-colleagues can become enemies, using intimate information about you against you, ”the expert recalls.
As the managing director of the company notes, “ Brightmen Solutions "Vladimir Telyatnikov, excessive frankness in the team can be fraught with the following troubles. “Firstly, it is possible to disseminate information in a team that was told to one of the colleagues“ in secret ”. Secondly, it is impossible to exclude the delivery of unnecessary information to the higher management. Thirdly, it is quite likely that unnecessary information will be conveyed to the subordinate employees, which sometimes may turn out to be even worse than the previous point. And, in the end, there is a risk of starting a behind-the-scenes war, which, in addition to causing mental and material harm directly to the employee, can damage the entire company. If employees of one important chain compete and do not find common language- expect trouble, ”the expert warns.
In other words, the word is silver and silence is gold. And on the below-named topics it is better to keep quiet especially diligently.
Professional plans
According to the senior consultant of the Hi-Tech practice of the recruiting company Marksman Olga Sergeeva, this topic can be raised in two interpretations, and it is better not to discuss either of them with colleagues. “Firstly, if you want to change jobs in the near future, and your manager does not know about it, then there is no need to tell colleagues about this intention - the information may get to the management ahead of time. As a result, you may be separated from you earlier than you planned, and your relationship with management will deteriorate. Secondly, there is no need to say that you want to take the place of your leader, if such information falls into his hands, he may misunderstand everything and think that you want to cheat on him, ”the expert says.
Keeping your mouth shut when discussing career plans recommends and Tatiana Mustafa: "If you are searching new job, then no matter how trusting the relationship with colleagues is, you should not share your intention with them. Someone may accidentally let slip about your search, there will also be those who will specifically inform the management that you are unhappy with the company. And here you can develop the topic of disloyalty to the company and to the leadership. Accordingly, they will help you to leave the organization very quickly ”.
Discussion of the guide
These or those actions of the management are often bewildered, annoyed or infuriated - this is a fact. However, it is best not to discuss this with colleagues. “Everyone is dissatisfied with the actions of the bosses, and even if discussion of the bosses is the norm for your team, then you shouldn't support this trend. It is not worth bringing up this topic both with one employee "in secret" and with the team as a whole. Those who discuss the actions of others behind their backs are not liked anywhere, and you cannot be sure that classified information, a trusted colleague, he does not use against you, ”Olga Sergeeva is sure.
Tatyana Mustafa, in turn, calls this topic a talk of the town for many companies. “One of the tasks of the HR service is not only to inform employees about the actions of the management in terms of some issues, but also to inform the management about the problems of employees. In this case, criticism cannot be avoided. You need to criticize, but you should not get personal. Otherwise, the irreparable may happen at the moment when you least expect a blow, ”the site's interlocutor is sure.
A recruiting company consultant "Beagle" Irina Golubeva believes that discussing management is a matter of decency: "If you spread gossip about your colleagues, sooner or later you yourself will become the object of this gossip."
Office romances and personal life
Spicy, "fried" and very interesting topic, to which you always want to chat and "warm your ears" when others gossip. However, the safety of the conversation and the absence of unnecessary consequences are above all. Irina Golubeva describes a standard situation: “Imagine: in the morning at the cooler you told a colleague about how yesterday you and your friends went to an expensive restaurant, spent a big sum of money and had a great time. At first glance, what's wrong with that? And your interlocutor yesterday first rode for an hour in a crowded subway, and then for another forty minutes he was shaking in the electric train, then at night a pipe burst in his apartment, and he was waiting for an emergency gang all night. Your story will definitely not cause him anything but irritation, ”the expert says.
And Tatyana Mustafa categorically does not recommend showing office romances in the office and discussing them with colleagues: “This is a frequently encountered topic in teams. People often confuse work with personal life. So, a "couple" at work begins to be distracted from their official duties, which can lead to negative consequences... In the event of a breakdown, it is not always pleasant to face the "ex" at work, and again - rumors, gossip and intrigue behind the back. At work, you need to look successful in everything. Colleagues can only be informed about official relations. "
And the head of the recruiting team recruiting agency "Unity" Irina Antonenko does not recommend discussing personal problems in a circle of colleagues in detail: “The most common situation is when a working relationship develops into a personal one, and this leads to a job change for one of the spouses. Especially when one of them is a direct boss: people consciously take this step in order to avoid gossip and other conversations. At work, you should maintain a positive and comfortable atmosphere. "
Criticism of the past place of work
About the past work, as you yourself know about whom, it is either good or not at all. Ideally, it should be as restrained and neutral as possible. “When conducting interviews, you often hear statements even from top-staff:“ The owner is a mentally ill person, he changed staff every six months, clamped down on bonuses… ”, says Tatiana Mustafa. - So if you really have to answer "uncomfortable" questions, then only by changing the wording: "I did not see prospects for myself, since many tasks that require detailed and deep study were not possible at all levels in a timely manner, because in company high percent staff turnover, and new employees need time to adapt and enter - the development strategy has been constantly changing. "
Salary
If Muscovites have long been hopelessly spoiled housing problem, then office residents - a salary issue. Especially if a colleague in the same position has a higher salary for some reason. Well, how can you resist an indignant discussion?
According to Irina Antonenko, one of the main topics that should not be discussed with colleagues is the level of wages: “In most Russian and Western companies there is an individual system of motivation in the form of bonuses, bonuses, and so on. Therefore, a colleague, having learned that the manager has awarded you a bonus more than him, can harbor a resentment. Most often, a colleague does not understand what this award is deserved: you worked harder, went out overtime, you have a higher level of responsibility and other options. It is not uncommon for a colleague to learn that your wage more, begins to conduct gossip among other colleagues or goes directly to the manager with the question "why is this?" Thus, you put your leader at a disadvantage and undermine the authority in the team. "
Olga Sergeeva is sure not to find out information about the salary of colleagues and not to brag about your own - this is the main rule, Olga Sergeeva is sure: “In many work organizations, this topic is a real taboo, and no matter how much you want to boast to your colleagues that you get more than this or that employee, you should not do it ... Such information can hurt him to the heart if he is in the same position or, for example, has been working in the company longer than you. This can negatively affect your relationship with both your colleague and your teammate. Also, the bosses themselves may not be enough with this raised topic "
Your own original ideas
Politics and religion
And also other acute social topics - not best item for lunch discussion with colleagues. At least in our time. This is especially true in relation to politics. “Once I would have included this topic in the list of permitted ones,” says Olga Sergeeva, “but now it is a rather acute topic for discussion in a team, and to a greater extent affects personal emotions and views. You may inadvertently offend your colleague with your statement, although you did not want to do it at all. A misunderstanding may arise, the result of which will be a dispute and quarrel. And the warm up to this moment relations will come to naught. "
According to Irina Golubeva, the above topics can kindle a conflict from a small dispute at lunch, which you yourself will not be happy about. And of course, harsh criticism of your colleague's favorite football team will hardly endear you to him.
Health
In the clinic, the test results were once again lost, the child's snot color changed, and according to the set of symptoms introduced Google happily informed you that you have Ebola haemorrhagic fever? Hypochondriacs are frankly annoying. According to Olga Sergeeva, no one is interested in hearing about the sores of strangers - and sympathy will, at least, be on duty. “It will show you as an ill-mannered person. In addition, this information may be misinterpreted and if it suddenly gets to the employer, it is not a fact that he will also understand it correctly. Everything can turn into a damaged phone, ”the specialist is sure.
The appearance of colleagues
Your colleague recovered, overexposed perhydrol on her curls, put on a jacket backwards, or even came to the office altogether without having time to change after the concert Merlin Manson? Discussing the angle of the bangs or the depth of the neckline of a colleague with other employees is an empty and thankless task. “This is a very controversial and slippery question, because when discussing dresses, hairstyles, gaits, you can involuntarily offend a person at any time,” says Tatiana Mustafa. And these are unnecessary problems and already your headache. Do you need it?
What then to talk about?
Sports, travel, news, hobbies, movies, exhibitions, interesting and funny stories from practice, upcoming events in the professional sphere - these topics can be talked about, joked and sarcastic about as much as you like. And without unnecessary unpleasant consequences... The main thing is to have at least a little time left for work.
Photo source: Speakers' archives, Freeimages.com
Where we spend at least eight hours a day, we almost always make friends. You can communicate with them. Not on all topics. Let's remember what taboos are in conversations with fellow colleagues?
This is obvious - you still discuss absolutely any topic with your new bosom friend. The effect is enhanced by the mentality: in our country, kitchen conversations are an obligatory part of any friendship. And everyone, it seems, does not care if this kitchen is located at home or at work, and where, in fact, a friend is from - from school or from a neighboring department.
It’s not worth letting all these conversations go by chance (no matter how much you want it), because if ordinary friendship is nothing more than friendship, then office friendship is also your career. Want to illustrative example? Yes please!
Not money!
I came to work for the company about a year ago. And somehow I immediately "sang" with a colleague - I found a kindred spirit in her. Excellent, not burdensome communication: going to the dining room, smoking room, sitting together at trainings, sharing all sorts of links. In the end, I began to count her almost best friend... One day I found out how much she gets. We had absolutely the same positions and responsibilities, the same level of work, she just had more experience than mine - by 7 months. And the difference in wages is almost two times. In principle, I know that measuring salary is the last thing, but something still jumped in me. At first, I started asking for a raise from the authorities, and when I was refused, I began to refer to my friend - they say, why can she get so much, but I can't? The relationship with that girl somehow immediately "chilled". I know that I was wrong, but I could not help myself - apparently, I have a heightened sense of justice. Well, or envy.
Counting other people's rubles and kopecks is a thankless, unprofitable and ugly business. Friendship is friendship, and wallets are apart. So it’s better and don’t try to find out who has what financial affairs - you will sleep better! The same story goes for mortgages, loans and debts - your work colleagues don't need (or even want to) know who you owe and how much. Discussing this topic can be embarrassing for everyone.
Not just rumors!
There are always a lot of rumors, and at their expense it is too easy to gain fame - bad, of course. Even if you trust a colleague with whom you share your phenomenal news, this does not mean that the colleague will not ruffle everyone else interested. Trusting in the office, alas, is not worth anyone. This affects your reputation and, consequently, your career. Likewise, avoid discussing gossip.
And one more small note: if your boss congratulated you on your promotion, this is also not a reason to rush to share the news with colleagues. That's why:
One day the boss called me to his office. The reason was very unexpected: he announced that he was leaving for another company, and now I will work in his position - with a salary increase, with the receipt of certain powers, and so on. The first thing I did on leaving the office, of course, was to tell a couple of colleagues with whom I was friends. By the way, the boss did not ask me to keep the information secret and even gave me a test assignment, in which I was already the leader. In short, I began to "lead". For some reason, my colleagues who were friends with me were immediately offended - apparently, I did not have enough experience to do it competently, or they were simply angry that they were not appointed. And after a couple of weeks it turned out that the boss changed his mind about leaving, and I remain in my position. An unpleasant situation turned out. And the relationship was spoiled, and the position did not increase.
In general, know: before bragging about the appointment and the increase, sign the documents. And then - do not brag, but report.
Not the position!
Discussing the work status of colleagues is taboo. Who promoted whom, who was awarded the badge of honor and whose photo was posted in the red corner of the office - this is a slippery topic. You can be happy for a person if he really deserves it. Or keep silent (option - nodding, smiling), if you have a different opinion.
The young deputy director of the sales department, Lydia, got her position by showing the future boss by no means a diploma. All her colleagues are sure of this. Only some were ready to challenge the validity of this merit, while others were prudently silent in a rag. Lydia remained a deputy for a long time and, believe me, she personally knew everyone who did not agree with her appointment. And not to say that at that time they were very lucky at work ...
Not personal questions!
The events of your life are certainly worthy of at least a newspaper editorial and regular news releases on central television. So you think. But most colleagues are still not very interested in hearing the details of your family happiness.
Year after year, I made the same mistake: getting too close to my colleagues. She complained about her husband, swore at her mother-in-law, bragged about her child. Sometimes it came to the point that even discussed health. In general, over time I realized that it was all a mistake on my part. Friendship at work most often does not happen, but to tell too much about yourself is welcome. I chatted until I realized that people didn’t want to go to lunch with me. Much has changed since then, but I am true to the new principle: at work, you can only discuss topics on duty!