Narcissistic people: how to distinguish, by what signs? Is narcissism a disease or a result of upbringing?

02Aug

What is Narcissism

Narcissism is term used to describe psychological state a person obsessed with his own personality and body.

What is NARCISSISM - definition in simple words.

In simple words, Narcissism is a peculiar character trait of a person, the essence of which lies in hypertrophied narcissism and obsession with one’s own person. In most cases, this character trait is inherent in almost all people, to one degree or another. So, for example, many people may consider themselves more attractive than others, and there is actually nothing wrong with this, but there are also extreme forms of narcissism, when this character trait goes beyond the bounds of normality. In psychology and psychiatry, the term narcissism is used to define some serious human mental disorders, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the like.

Note: narcissism(in extreme form)It is observed much more often in men than in women.

the term NARCISSISM.

The term owes its origin to a character from Greek mythology, namely Narcissus. According to the myth, Narcissus was a handsome, arrogant and narcissistic young man. One day he saw his own reflection in the water and fell in love with himself so much that he could not tear himself away from the image of his face on the surface of the water. As a result, he died of hunger looking at his reflection.

In psychology, this term began to be used after its use by Sigmund Freud.

Signs of NARCISSISM. Who are NARCISSISTS and the essence of their nature.

The main signs of narcissism include:

• Dominance and control;
• Exaggerated need for attention;
• Lack of personal responsibility;
• Disrespect for someone else's personal space or opinion;
• Minimum ;
• Reasoning at the emotional level;
• Feelings of fear and shame;
• Problems with feelings and relationships.

Dominance and control.

The worldview of narcissists has no halftones. There are always only two sides: good and bad, right and wrong, excellent or insignificant. So, they should always take the dominant and better position. They must be the best, the most correct, the most competent, and so on everywhere. Also, narcissists simply love to control everything and everyone. The feeling of control over something or someone gives them a feeling of superiority.

Exaggerated need for attention.

Narcissists have a manic need for attention from other people, even when it comes to the simplest and most everyday things. In addition to simple attention to their person, narcissists constantly need praise and do not tolerate even objective criticism.

Perfectionism.

Narcissists need everything in their environment to be perfect. They believe that they must be perfect, and everything that surrounds them must correspond to their perfection. And since the world often does not live up to expectations, this often causes genuine dissatisfaction and even anger in narcissists.

Lack of personal responsibility.

Even though narcissists like to be in control, they never want to face the consequences if something goes wrong. The point here is that they consider themselves ideal, and “ideal” people cannot make mistakes. It follows from this that someone else is to blame for the failure, and it is he who needs to shift the blame.

Disrespect for someone else's personal space or opinion.

Narcissists tend to believe that because they are better than others, everything rightfully belongs to them, and their opinion is the most important. Essentially they are like children. They can easily invade someone else's space and then sincerely do not understand why they are scolding them.

Minimum empathy.

Narcissists have very low levels of empathy. They are fixated on their own person and simply cannot be transported to the place of another person in order to feel the depth of his experiences.

Reasoning at the emotional level.

Logical reasoning is not strong point daffodils. They are more susceptible to emotional outbursts and personal desires. So, for example, if a narcissist wants to buy himself a new expensive phone, then it will absolutely not matter to him that his loved ones will be conditionally starving for a month because of this. Direct connection with pure egoism.

Feelings of fear and shame.

The narcissist's entire life is motivated and fueled by fear. They are constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, or being wrong.

Problems with feelings and relationships.

Due to their inability to understand other people's feelings, narcissists are unable to truly love or connect emotionally with others. Essentially, they are emotionally blind and alone. This makes them emotionally needy. When one relationship no longer satisfies them, they immediately start new ones in the hope of quenching their thirst for normal human relationships. It’s exactly the same story in the world of work. Narcissists simply cannot work in a team because they do not understand the needs of other people.

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Every person has a need for love, care, acceptance and respect, and these are normal healthy things. But as it turned out, not everyone is able to give this to others. Such people are found among us - men and women, old and young. A narcissist is often compared to a black hole that consumes everything. It literally sucks you dry leading to devastation. There is no end in sight for this, and the return will always be zero.

This concept is a personality disorder provoked by impaired self-esteem and manifests itself in pathological love for one’s own person. People with narcissism syndrome are completely and completely fixated only on themselves and their own importance; the lives of others are simply not interesting to them and do not represent any value. They are constantly in a state of evaluating and comparing themselves with others. It is vital for them that their name tops any ratings of success and achievements.

A similar position in modern society is almost the norm and is even encouraged, whereas in psychiatry they make a diagnosis. It is interesting that today psychologists are increasingly inclined to consider narcissism not as a disease, but define it as a character trait of an individual.

Sigmund Freud, a famous psychoanalyst, at one time showed interest in the phenomenon of narcissism and diagnosed it in children. He explained that in a certain childhood this is even the norm, since the child has inflated self-esteem and is not yet capable of self-critical thinking. But as you get older, in the absence of a healthy environment in the family, this all results in a distorted understanding and awareness of oneself as an individual.

Freud later coined the term "narcissism" "narcissism syndrome" at his school of psychoanalysis. He was inspired by ancient greek myth about a handsome young man named Narcissus. The young man was so carried away by his own person that he rejected the love of the beautiful nymph, for which he paid. The gods punished him with a lifelong admiration of his reflection in the river.

Formation of the syndrome, its causes

Narcissistic syndrome is not fully understood. Obviously, a person does not get sick overnight, there is some kind of process when outside intervention occurs. And in each individual case of narcissism, the causes may be different, but for the most part they come down to childhood and adolescence. Psychologists identify three types of main reasons.

Childhood causes of narcissism

They lie in the incorrect upbringing of the child. on the path to character development :

Psychological reasons

• traumatic experience;
• the presence of an idol, unhealthy fanaticism and imitation of him;
• genetic or hereditary factors;
• the disease is provoked by another mental illness (for example, schizophrenia).

Anatomical reasons

Causes associated with brain disorders:

• reduced quantity gray matter in the part of the brain that is responsible for compassion;
• thickening of the outer cortex;
• modified nerve cells;
• weak activity at the site of formation.

Signs of narcissism, its manifestation

The narcissist always gives himself high praise, labeling himself as the best of the best. In his opinion, he is the most desirable and significant person in any company, he is the “star of the show” wherever he is, and he literally graces society with his presence. Such a person sincerely believes that the world revolves only around him.

Communicating with narcissists often leaves you feeling uncomfortable, discouraged, or even empty. People instinctively avoid communicating with such subjects, while they strive for the “gray mass” in order to continue to engage in narcissism against their background.

It is very easy to identify a person with a narcissistic character type, but you should not rush to a diagnosis; at least five signs must be shown.

Symptoms of Narcissism

• — pathological pride, self-satisfaction;
• - confidence in one's own uniqueness;
• - lack of compassion;
• - demonstration of arrogant and arrogant behavior;
• - tendency to depression;
• - negative attitude towards the elderly, children, the weak, the disabled, animals;
• - constant comparison of yourself and others in your favor;
• - envy;
• — the words “thank you” and “sorry” are missing in the vocabulary;
• — inability to accept criticism and corrections from others;
• - distorted sense of self-worth;
• — constant presence in fantasies of one’s success, triumph;
• - demand for admiration from others;
• - excessive self-confidence;
• - using people for one's desires;
• - concern about prestige;
• - exaggeration of one’s merits and achievements;
• - anger as a reaction to conflicting points of view.

It is important to remember that narcissistic people are not able to adequately evaluate their behavior; they believe that they are behaving within the bounds of decency.

Gender differences in narcissism

Narcissists have very complex personalities.. And if communicating with them is a dubious pleasure, then close, friendly or partnership relationships require special courage.

It has become known that narcissists are more common among men than among women and their behavior is more destructive. In the process of observing and studying narcissistic character, depending on gender, it was found that in men one-way communication, authoritarianism, ambition, power, exploitation of other people, and aggression more often prevail. IN family life they are known for their tyranny, which leads to the complete collapse of any relationship.

Female narcissism is relatively milder in this regard. He is characterized by: preoccupation with appearance, self-affirmation through seduction, criticism of others for external shortcomings, desire for the best and most expensive things, and dwelling in fantasies about oneself. If a woman decides to start a family, then, as a rule, she chooses a couple who can satisfy all her desires and needs . Narcissists have big problems with kids, they are not able to give love and tenderness to their child, they cannot build constructive communication, but at the same time they remain extremely demanding.

Narcissism in psychology

Otto Kernberg, a famous psychoanalyst, distinguishes three types of narcissism: infantile, mature and pathological.

Pathological narcissism in psychology and psychiatry is considered a serious personality disorder . This is that disorder, which is actively expressed in a constant need for attention and unstable self-esteem. Polarity is typical for narcissistic patients - either a majestic or insignificant state of their “I”. Their mood often resembles a roller coaster, up and down.

They are barely capable of interpersonal close relationships; a partner is needed only as a mirror for their own reflection. They are not capable of love. Their attitude towards others is characterized by showing their own superiority and importance, while at the same time, they express open contempt for everyone else. People with complex shape diseases often suffer from depression, alcoholism, anorexia, shopaholism or debilitate themselves physical exercise, intellectual tasks.

Professor of Communication and Psychology Brad Bushman in his 2014 study showed that the problem of narcissism is destructive not only for the individual, but also for society as a whole. The results found that a self-obsessed person ceases to benefit others.

According to experts, the number of people showing signs of clinical narcissism is steadily growing. They find the reason for this in modern egocentric culture with its detrimental influence on a person’s “I”, on his character, values, views, and attitudes.

Treatment of narcissism

Narcissistic syndrome can be expressed in mild form. In this case, personal self-control and consultation with a good psychologist will be sufficient. But there are advanced, serious forms of the disease. And here you can’t do without the help of specialists.

Obviously, not all narcissists are able to accept the truth about themselves that they have a personality disorder. They often refuse any help until their lives reach the brink. A careful approach is needed here, taking into account all the characteristics of a person’s character. Using the example of other people, the concept of narcissism and its consequences can be explained to them.

And there is a category of people, it is in the minority, who themselves turn to psychotherapeutic techniques in search of their “I” through sensations. They practice extreme sports, meditation, various spiritual practices, and yoga.

How to get rid of narcissism?

The important fact is that narcissism is treatable. And despite the fact that there is no 100% cure, the help and advice of a specialist can significantly improve the quality of life. All treatments for narcissistic illness is based on the formation adequate self-esteem personality, sifting out tinsel and illusions.

Individual meetings with your doctor are undoubtedly important, but good results It was group therapy that showed. It uses special trainings where you need to help other participants. Constant activities lead to the fact that at some point a person realizes that there are people nearby who need support and help. Empathy, a feeling of compassion, compassion begins to develop.

Treatment is not fleeting, it is long-term, so it will require considerable persistence from both the doctor and the patient himself. And only this way Positive changes in a person’s personality will be guaranteed.

Many people believe that the narcissistic nature is exclusively narcissistic and has inflated self-esteem. However, this person has many more signs. People who have high demands on themselves and others often become narcissists, as well as people who are always dissatisfied with their life because it... A test for narcissism can show that most people have this nature. The reasons for this often lie in upbringing, and treatment can help a person get rid of his suffering.

In order for a reader of a psychological help website to understand who a narcissist is, he only needs to think about the ideals that are put forward by society. So, there are certain ideals in the world, according to which a person is promised that he will be happy. Ideals exist in a person's qualities, his appearance, his loved one, and even in his work. A narcissist is a person who is always striving for ideals. It becomes his weak point”, which can be hit to make the narcissist weak and suffering.

Narcissism is a character quality in which a person loves himself so much that he does not notice anyone else around him. This is a rather contradictory nature, which, on the one hand, is very selfish, and on the other, dependent on surrounding opinions.

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is the quality of a person's character in which he is completely preoccupied with his own personality. He is also called selfish, narcissistic and living according to high demands that do not correspond to reality.

Narcissism takes its term from the mythological hero Narcissus, who was so enamored with his appearance that he rejected the love of nymphs. For this he was punished by having to love only himself forever.

A narcissist is a person who loves himself. The origins of the development of this quality go back to childhood, when the child is at the stage of narcissism. All the people pass this stage. However, if a child does not satisfy his need to love himself and be loved by others, then he becomes stuck, becoming a narcissist.

A narcissist is a person who has ideals. He places high demands on himself and those around him. He strives only for an ideal life. Accordingly, he is always upset when he himself does not live up to his ideals or when people prevent him from achieving an ideal life.

Since the narcissist strives for ideals in everything, he is very dependent on society for two reasons:

1. First, ideals are invented not by the narcissist himself, but by society. He takes exactly those ideals that are promoted in society.
2. Secondly, a narcissist is happy only when he achieves the ideal established in society, and those around him admire and envy him because he has achieved perfection. If a narcissist does not receive admiration and envy from others, he feels unhappy.

The words “ideal” and “ideal” have become something familiar and quite natural in people’s everyday life. Women dream about ideal men, men - about ideal women. Businessmen dream of an ideal business and income from it. Society wants to see ideal fathers and mothers, as well as ideal workers and hard workers. In other words, there are certain images that all people should live up to. But questions arise:

1. Everyone is different, but why should they live up to the same ideal?
2. Who, strictly speaking, determines the criteria of ideality?

The ideal person – who defines him? If you think about it, you can understand that society dictates to each individual what he should be like in the eyes of his boss, his children, his beloved partner, neighbors, etc. You must be ideal! And no one cares whether you want to be him or not and whether you even need to be just that perfect.

Let's look at an example. Many women experience fear of motherhood, and it lies in the fact that they are not sure whether they can be ideal mothers for their children. “Ideal mother” - who defines her? If you consider what criteria a woman uses and how she evaluates herself, whether she is ideal or not, then we can understand that she is trying to live up to the image of an ideal mother that society offers her. But here’s the question: to whom should a woman be an ideal mother – society or a child?

If a woman has not yet given birth to a baby, and she is already afraid that she is not an ideal mother, then she has simply succumbed to the opinion that exists in society. According to public opinion, a woman is an imperfect mother. But when a child is born, raised and asked “Do you consider your mother ideal?”, he will answer: “Yes.”

You should look soberly at the world around you and see that all children love their parents, even if they are alcoholics, parasites, criminals, etc. Not all fathers and mothers are ideal, judging by public opinion. But for some reason, their own children still love them, no matter how bad and imperfect they may be.

Thus, maybe you should not listen to society, but to the opinions of those people for whose sake you want to be ideal? If you want to be an ideal wife, then ask your own husband whether he is happy with you or not and what you need to change in yourself so that you become ideal for him personally. You should not be ideal for society, but personally for your husband. If you want to be an ideal friend, then ask the friends you want to be friends with if they think you are ideal and what you need to change about yourself to make them happy with you. It is not society that needs to be indulged, but your friends with whom you are directly friends.

The ideal person – who defines him? Those people for whom you want to be perfect. And don’t think or worry about the fact that society considers you imperfect in some way. The main thing is what those people with whom you are in direct contact and want to please think about you, and not society as a whole.

Causes of narcissism

Psychologists see the development of narcissism in the upbringing a person went through in childhood:

1. From early childhood, a person heard only evaluative expressions. He was approved and encouraged only when he did everything right. Over time, he gets used to evaluating himself.
2. A person has not received maternal love and care, so he begins to achieve what he wants. To do this, he creates a certain ideal image, which he must correspond to in order to get what he wants from his mother.
3. The person was brought up according to the principle “We love you only when you are perfect.” From childhood, he saw that his parents approved of him, understood him, paid attention only when he did something right, and always punished him and ignored him when he started doing something wrong. Even in childhood, a person begins to understand that he must be ideal in order to be loved and accepted.

"Be perfect people!" - promotes modern society. Everything should be perfect. But what does it mean to be perfect? What does the desire to be perfect in everything lead to?

• There is a difference between being a specialist who carries out all the orders of the boss, and a professional who solves work issues himself, without “kicks” from his superiors.
• There is a difference between being in good mood and to smile at everyone, and at those who smile when everything is bad in the soul.
• There is a difference between being healthy and beautiful man, and by putting on makeup that makes you look healthy.

In human understanding, to be ideal means to always be friendly, smiling, good, pleasant, beautiful. It's as if there was always summer and never winter.

According to nature, perfection is when you fit harmoniously into all the circumstances of different moments in life, emerge from them with ease and understanding, and continue to grow and develop. It is akin to a tree that has withstood a strong hurricane and continues to grow.

Human understanding is based on the following idea: always be friendly and cheerful, even if you feel bad. That's why ideal people, ideal relationships, ideal work are an illusion, falsehood, lies, deception. This in real world cannot exist. But you can pretend that it is there. It is this pretense that leads to the fact that ideal people soon turn into the most unfortunate.

What is the reason for this phenomenon? Perhaps they understand how they live. They can't afford to be themselves. They do not allow their negative traits to manifest themselves, which sometimes harms the very people they sit on and use because of their kindness. They do not allow themselves to cry and show negative emotions, which allows others to be sadists without receiving any punishment for it.

Being ideal means turning a blind eye to a lot of things and not allowing yourself to show those traits and emotions that are considered negative. Why are they negative? Because they disturb others. However, the fact that negativity is a consequence of the wrong attitudes and behavior of others is omitted and ignored.

Continue to strive for the ideals that are promoted in society. This is the path to abandoning ourselves and the opportunity to defend our opinion, position and right to personal desires and life.

Signs of narcissism are:

1. Vanity.
2. Narcissism.
3. Excessive selfishness.
4. The desire for narcissism.
5. Cold attitude towards other people's problems.
6. Commitment to success.
7. The desire to live a beautiful and vibrant life.
8. Idealization and instant devaluation. The narcissist strives only for the ideal. And everything that does not fit into the framework of the ideal is instantly devalued by it and loses interest.

Psychologists believe that narcissism is inherent in all people to one degree or another. Men are focused on career and material success. Until the age of 35, they try to achieve it, and then they begin to understand that there is no happiness if they do not achieve it. If happiness is achieved, then it is not for a long time makes the narcissist happy.

Typically, a narcissist does not know how to build relationships with other people, mainly suppressing them with his suffering emotions.

Narcissistic women are ambitious, intolerant, and demanding. They do not know how to enjoy beauty and simplicity. They definitely need ideals. They always demand a lot from children and do not know how to calmly treat their imperfections.

Narcissists are not always active and communicative. Among narcissistic people, there may be introverted personalities who remain silent and pretend calm people. But the only thing you cannot understand is that next to this person you feel inferior. He demonstrates his superiority despite his silence.

What signs can be used to identify a narcissistic interlocutor (narcissist)?

1. He is not interested in your words or he considers them absolute nonsense. He may not talk about it, but demonstrate it with his appearance or transitions in conversation topics.
2. Draws hasty conclusions and hangs labels. Everything you say is considered “nonsense”, “not interesting”, “stupid”, etc. in his eyes.
3. Does not show sympathy or pity, does not support you, especially when you need to do something.
4. Shows passive aggressiveness. He responds to any of your indignations with aggression or discontent. He considers any of his actions to be correct.
5. He is demonstratively offended. If you did not support him or said something bad, he will turn away and begin to play the silent game, forcing you to make excuses and ask for forgiveness.
6. In words, and not in deeds, he speaks of his uniqueness. If he is not trying to prove it, then he is waiting for someone to ask him for help so that he can answer, “Am I too smart to talk about these topics?” or something different.
7. Shows indifference. He is passionate about himself. He will never take an interest in your affairs, thoughts and hobbies. Will go about his life without taking the initiative to see or talk to you.

The above symptoms can be partially observed in every person. But it’s one thing to show self-love and sometimes think only about your own interests, and another thing when everything revolves only around your interlocutor. In the latter case, it is about pathological self-love.

If married couple are two daffodils, then there will always be a competitive struggle between them. Each of them will prove to their partner that they are better and more worthy of love.

Narcissism in psychology

Narcissism in psychology is a quality cultivated in a person. It is difficult to communicate with such a person, be friends and have love relationship, because he mainly thinks about himself and does not think about others. Such a person cannot be told that he is ordinary, since he will then react aggressively to this remark.

The narcissist is driven by two postulates:

1. He feels shame because the real does not correspond to the desired, ideal.
2. He is jealous of other people who seem more whole and ideal in the eyes of the narcissist.

The psychological protective functions of the narcissist are idealization and devaluation. Moreover, the narcissist does not need convincing circumstances and arguments to devalue another person.

The narcissist places excessive demands on himself and others. That is why he is often quite attractive, smart, or works in a prestigious position. He is admired if he becomes ideal, brings himself closer to the ideal, and competes with other people who are also ideal in his ideas.

The narcissist resorts to criticism and contempt if he feels jealous. And it arises only to those people who, in his opinion, have what he would like to have.

Perfectionism is a quality of narcissists who set unrealistic goals for themselves. If they do not achieve them, they feel defective rather than people with weaknesses, which is why depression develops.

Treatment of narcissism

It is almost impossible to recover from narcissism, since in order to do this, the individual must admit that he has a narcissistic nature. And what kind of person is ready to say that he is imperfect, while he has spent his whole life achieving perfection? It is almost impossible to get rid of narcissism when a person has to give up his ideals.

Bottom line

Narcissism can manifest itself not only as selfishness, but also as the perception of others’ misfortunes as one’s own fault.

Do you feel guilty about the bad things that happen to other people? You were just standing nearby, but the man slipped and broke his arm. You hired workers, one of whom sprained his leg at your construction site. You put a chair that another person was hanging over. Do you feel guilty for the harm you have caused to others? If yes, then you have developed narcissism.

The narcissist thinks the whole world revolves around him. Troubles happen to other people, and he blames himself for inaction or lack of forethought. If it is customary to believe that a narcissist is someone who loves himself, then in this case narcissism manifests itself in the fact that a person believes that the world will cease to exist without him. Troubles have happened, are happening and will happen to people. Will all of them be your fault too?

If a person cannot love himself, then he is not immune from considering himself a messiah. Some people show their narcissism through selfishness, selfishness, self-contemplation, while others show it through self-sacrifice, controlling the lives of other people and taking on other people's guilt and responsibility. All this different shapes narcissism, when a person in one way or another positions himself as the center of the Universe.

Narcissism is a character trait that consists of excessive narcissism and unreasonably inflated self-esteem. This term was first used by the English scientist H. Ellis, who described one of the forms of defective behavior, correlated with the famous ancient Greek legend about Narcissus, who was cursed and died because of unrequited love for his own reflection. Later, this phenomenon was considered by Sigmund Freud within the framework of the theory of psychoanalysis, who argued that the narcissistic syndrome manifests itself in one way or another in any personality, in particular in sexual behavior. In his opinion, in childhood, narcissism is an integral character trait that does not cause harm provided the child develops correctly and harmoniously.

French researcher Marie-France Iriguayen described in her works the essence of the so-called perverted narcissism, which consists in a certain perverted attitude of a person towards himself and others, considered by him exclusively as objects for use. To put it another way, a perverted narcissist is a perversely narcissistic person, oscillating between extremes from self-adoration to contempt. In fact, when perverted narcissism is mentioned, we are talking about a malignant form of the disorder.

Modern psychology views narcissism as a mental illness that leads to a violation of personal self-identification. The self-esteem of a person with such a disorder depends entirely on the opinions of others, which leads to obvious demonstrative behavior. Afraid of facing criticism, narcissists try to demonstrate their own abilities the best way. This is the positive aspects of the narcissistic character - the constant striving for the ideal allows you to realize truly grandiose plans, a feeling of envy motivates further active work, and dependence on other people's opinions makes narcissists excellent listeners. However, pathological narcissism can significantly complicate life, both for the person himself and for those around him, since there are special destructive forms of the disorder that lead to unpleasant consequences. Only qualified treatment will help to avoid them.

Kinds

And although within the framework of modern psychoanalysis the concept of “narcissism” remains one of the most vague, experts identify several of its types. Thus, the constructive form of narcissism is a unique form of self-love and a positive attitude towards various areas of life with adequate high self-esteem. In behavior this is manifested by self-confidence, self-control, the ability to quickly find solutions in difficult situations and resist peer pressure.

A certain underdeveloped form of constructive narcissism is the so-called deficit narcissism, characterized by the inability of an individual to feel self-sufficient and form an adequate and holistic idea of ​​his own personality. Such people usually have a strong dependence on the opinions of others and are distinguished by compliance and passivity.

Destructive narcissism is a violation of a person's ability to adequately and realistically evaluate himself. Such people pathologically need constant attention and
confirmation of their own importance, while they are distinguished by their inability to form trusting, close relationships. Speaking of the above-mentioned perverted narcissism, it is worth noting that it is also destructive. To a significant degree, this disorder can manifest itself in autism, delusional ideas, paranoid reactions, as well as psychosomatic disorders. In such cases, experts talk about malignant narcissism.

Predisposing factors

The causes of narcissism are often quite difficult to determine, but experts still identify several groups of factors predisposing to this disorder. Most scientists agree that the formation of perverted narcissism, as well as other forms of the disease, lies in the peculiarities of upbringing in early childhood. Psychologists consider narcissism as self-centered behavior, which is often caused by an inferiority complex. Low self-esteem in childhood can be a consequence of inadequate upbringing, for example, with permissiveness or, conversely, excessive strictness. In addition, narcissistic disorder can develop in children who do not receive the approval of their parents, their support, or, on the contrary, receive praise too often and for no reason, being a kind of object of worship in the family.

Psychologists also consider other factors that contribute to the development of narcissism. So, heredity, temperamental characteristics, and level of stress resistance play a certain role here. Quite often, narcissism occurs in adolescents, although during puberty it is not always harmful and smoothes out as they grow older.

Perverted narcissism can be a symptom of a mental illness. Thus, manifestations of this disorder were observed in patients with schizophrenia. At the same time, patients completely lost touch with reality and considered themselves god-like beings.

Peculiarities

The signs of narcissism are very varied. About availability mental disorder you can speak when the following symptoms (at least five of them) occur:

Manifestations in men and women

Male narcissism manifests itself mainly in attempts to achieve a certain significance in his own eyes and in the eyes of those around him. Trying to satisfy his ambitions, a narcissistic man can achieve stunning success in his career, but this success is quickly replaced by spiritual emptiness. Until about thirty-five to forty years of age, ever-increasing aspirations do not cause concern, since new goals and objectives constantly appear that require implementation. However, with age, men with a similar type of character begin to feel more and more unhappy. In addition, with this mental disorder, difficulties arise in establishing relationships with others, including members of one’s own family. With perverted narcissism, manifestations of aggression towards others are possible - such men are often called domestic tyrants.

Female narcissism also often manifests itself in ambition. Difficulties often arise in communicating with one’s own children, associated with inflated demands and disappointment when the child does not live up to expectations. Interestingly, narcissistic women often choose calm, caring men as their life partners, but do not have any respect for them. An even more difficult situation arises when both spouses have a narcissistic personality. In this case, there is a constant struggle between them, including in causticity and criticism towards each other. Naturally, such relationships almost never last long.

Diagnostics

Diagnosis of perverted narcissism and its other forms begins with a physical examination of the patient, which allows us to identify possible pathologies that led to a personality disorder. If no disease is detected, the key to diagnosis is a structured interview, during which a psychiatrist or psychologist analyzes the patient’s responses and behavior, drawing appropriate conclusions and identifying characteristic features mental disorder. As a rule, overt narcissism is quite easy to identify, since patients experience pronounced disharmony in almost all areas of life, and its denial by the patient himself becomes another typical sign. Also, when making a diagnosis, an inadequate, sharp reaction to criticism is taken into account. Determination of signs of pathology occurs through specially designed psychological tests and questionnaires.

When examining patients with perverted narcissism, it is necessary to differentiate the disease from antisocial, borderline and hysterical disorders. Since the patient himself does not realize the severity of his condition, his close relatives usually turn to the doctor for help, from whom the specialist can also receive a lot of information that has diagnostic value.

Fighting methods

When choosing treatment tactics, each clinical case is considered by the doctor individually. Because this type mental disorders are chronic, therapy can be difficult. As a rule, competent psychological assistance is of key importance in working with such patients. Since patients themselves rarely voluntarily agree to treatment, it is extremely important for a specialist to find the right approach to the patient. Quite often, doctors use tactics in which they initially show a favorable and respectful attitude towards the patient.

Treatment with psychotherapy shows good results in the fight against perverted narcissism. Classes are held in individual and group form. Explanatory conversations are held with patients to help them understand the painfulness of their own condition, accept it and find it. Constructive decisions to learn how to regulate your own self-esteem. It is very important that the psychotherapist is able to correctly reveal the essence of the disease, otherwise the patient may simply refuse treatment for fear of losing self-esteem due to “mental exposure.”

The use of drug therapy is possible in the presence of depressive disorder, panic attacks, phobias and other mental disorders. In such situations, the doctor usually prescribes tranquilizers, antidepressants, and a number of herbal remedies. It is worth considering that medications do not treat narcissism syndrome itself, but only eliminate its clinical manifestations.

Prevention measures

Since narcissism is formed under the influence of certain factors, it can be avoided if you promote the development of a normal personality type in childhood:

• it is necessary to maintain in the child a sense of self-respect and independence from the opinions of strangers;
• Children should not be prohibited from crying to express hurt or grief;
• if necessary, parents should be able to tell their child a firm “no” without indulging their whims;
• there is no need to skimp on praise when the child really deserves it; at the same time, psychologists do not recommend bragging about the child’s achievements in his own presence;
• a child should not become an unwitting witness to family quarrels;
• education should be structured in such a way that the child understands that he lives in society, and that society does not function exclusively for him.

Self-love is a normal, healthy quality of the human psyche. Without loving yourself, it is impossible to achieve success in life or build strong, trusting relationships with other people. But sometimes this feeling becomes decisive, and a person turns into a narcissist, capable of admiring only his own perfection.

It is through their attitude towards themselves that young children learn to understand and love the people around them. Children's “egoism” and confidence in their own irresistibility seem charming and funny to us. But what to do if this love affair with yourself continues throughout adult life? How to determine where ordinary self-confidence and pride ends and narcissism begins?

Is narcissism a character trait or a pathology?

According to legend, Narcissus died of longing for himself, unable to take his eyes off his reflection in the water surface. And modern narcissists prefer to starve their loved ones, forcing them to bring all their feelings and strength to the altar of serving them, the beautiful ones.

Most people who are far from psychology think that people susceptible to narcissism are those who love only themselves, admire themselves, do not notice their shortcomings and are distinguished by enviable self-confidence and selfishness. Such people are easy to recognize by their manners and behavior, and they can only cause irritation or laughter among others.

But modern women and narcissistic men - smart, educated, accomplished people - do not fit this description at all. They easily establish relationships with others, people like them and enter into various relationships with them, but after a while, people who come into contact with narcissists are surprised to realize that they are not busy with their own lives, but devote all their time to admiring, consoling or praising the narcissist.

So what is a narcissist?

Narcissism is a special state of mind or accentuation of character, the main thing in which is a certain emotional scarcity; such a person is not able to sincerely empathize, sympathize, all his emotions, affection and care are directed only at himself. Such narcissists are usually “raised” by overly caring parents and grandparents. Accustomed to constant admiration, adoration and complete impunity, the child, growing up, tries to get all this from those around him.

Psychologists distinguish two “types” of people susceptible to narcissism:

• Narcissists or “classic” narcissists are firmly confident in their own irresistibility, importance, talent and genius. The narcissist graciously allows those around him to take care of him, considering that he is doing them a favor by allowing him to admire and serve him without complaint.
• “Insecure” narcissists - they also consider themselves the crown of creation, but at the same time they constantly feel insecure in themselves and their abilities; in order to be happy, they need to constantly “reflect” in the eyes of others, feel their admiration and care. Celebrities often suffer from such narcissism - although they gather crowds of fans, they still feel unclaimed and unnecessary.

How to recognize a narcissist?

There is a little narcissism in each of us; we enjoy admiring our own reflection in the mirror, listening to praise or admiring our own talents, but this does not prevent us from caring for our parents, loving children and helping friends and acquaintances.

But living next to those for whom their own “I” comes first is very uncomfortable. You won’t get help and support from such a person; he will gladly poke your nose at any shortcomings and will in every possible way cultivate in those around him a sense of his own inferiority and inferiority, because such people are much easier to manage!

If you do not want to devote your life to serving anyone, you need to learn from afar to recognize narcissism in people, who can be both male and female narcissists, and not allow them into your personal space.

Here are some basic ones distinctive features people like this:

It is quite easy to recognize narcissism; you just need to not turn a blind eye to a person’s selfishness and emotional coldness; you should not think that with love and affection a narcissist can be turned into a caring husband or a selfless mother. Narcissism is a character trait; if it has not yet “taken root” in a person’s soul, it is certainly possible to help him realize his mistakes and change, but this will require enormous effort and mental stress from you, and no one can say how favorable the result will be.

Dana, Kazan

Psychologist's comment:

Who is a narcissist really and what is narcissism anyway? A person with a narcissistic character experienced severe psychological trauma. The result of this trauma was that such a child used all his mental and emotional strength to create around himself a certain aura of significance, authority and strength, but which at the same time is not true and is intended only to create an impression.

The people around him, captivated by this confidence and even royalty, sometimes quite easily succumb to the charms of this halo and get involved in one or another relationship with a woman or a narcissistic man. But, characteristically, real relationships do not arise in this case, because the narcissist is not very capable of this. Where other people devote their energy to the relationship itself - its development and strengthening - narcissists, as before, are engaged in upgrading their skills to impress.

Therefore, when, for example, a narcissist and a non-narcissist start dating, real emotional contact never occurs in their relationship: a person who has narcissism, learned from childhood trauma, is very afraid to open up to the other. After all, then this other person will see that inside all this fancy royal splendor there is a ringing, absolute emptiness.

Narcissism and love relationships

Because the narcissist believes (and not without reason) that to truly love him is the way he deserves it! - no one can, he builds any of his relationships, including personal ones, on manipulations, which, naturally, are also designed to hide from those around him and from himself the feeling of inner emptiness.

And a few more words about narcissism and its manifestations in relationships. To whom are narcissistic women and men especially attractive as potential partners? Most often - for people whose self-esteem suffers throughout life and in one way or another expresses self-doubt. When communicating with a narcissist, such people willy-nilly admire how this person can behave, envy his powerful self-esteem (which, as we remember, is in fact inflated), and the narcissist’s ability to present himself.

When in contact with a person whose leading character trait is narcissism, such people secretly hope that his self-confidence and ability to always look great will be at least a little transferred to themselves. Of course, this is an illusion: in fact, self-esteem and self-confidence always come from within. Therefore, from the very beginning to the very end, a relationship with a narcissist will be devoid of true reciprocity: love in such a relationship will always flow only in one direction - feeding the narcissist’s ego and actually giving little in return to his partner - the “donor” person.

If it happens that you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, and you feel that such a relationship does not give you anything, but only takes away, this is a good reason to seek advice from a competent psychologist. Together with him, you will be able to understand what traits of your own character led you to be involved in such a relationship, and in what direction to move in order to get out of it and meet a person with whom you can date as equals.

Narcissists themselves rarely come to a psychotherapist. Can such magnificent people as them have any problems? But, nevertheless, closer to the middle of life, people of a narcissistic type gradually begin to see and realize their own limitations. When this starts to happen, they may well end up in a psychologist's office. And even then, psychological work with him can bring, if not the brightest, but still good results...