Our modern world it is arranged in such a way that a person is forced to keep up with a lot: an intense working day is replaced by an equally busy evening at home. Even weekends are crammed with urgent matters, I want to find time for entertainment. Armed with an indispensable desire to do everything perfectly, a person encounters many obstacles in his path.
The desire to do everything perfectly is debilitating
Often young people, sometimes middle-aged, try to achieve perfection in business. It would seem a wonderful aspiration: a job well done always deserves praise and admiration. However, the desire to do everything perfectly carries a negative connotation.
As a result, the following may happen:
- It will not be possible to fulfill the planned, as there is not enough time: careful work aimed at perfect result, requires a huge amount of time;
- You are all the same, however, this will be very costly: complete exhaustion, lack of sleep, irritation due to full employment, while others are resting and enjoying life;
- Loss of energy and self-esteem. Exactly this dangerous consequence: setting excessive demands and not achieving them, a person gradually loses confidence in his abilities and even begins to consider himself worthless.
Set reasonable goals
To "cure" your excessive craving for the ideal, master the simple rules:
- Try to "lower the bar" a little: watch people perform well, but without strain. For instance, garden path it is enough to sweep, it is pointless to wash it every time to a shine;
- Get satisfaction from the fact that everyone managed and saved strength, time for rest. Time management for many becomes a trap: setting a goal to do more, a person still remains busy all day. The problem is, he can't stop. Decide why you need to perform a particular amount of work. Having done the work before, you do not have to start the next one!
- Define " enough level", above which you do not need to try to "idealize" everything;
- Enjoy good result nothing less than excellent. Understand, very rarely there are situations when the case requires perfect execution.
At a certain stage, a systemic understanding of what is qualitative, good, what is ideal will develop. Common sense will tell you when simple execution is better, what situation requires a special approach: for example, rough chairs look great in a country house self made, an aristocratic home, on the contrary, requires exquisite Venetian chairs with carvings and gilding. The main thing to remember is the appropriateness of your titanic efforts. Strive for the ideal only when it really makes sense.
Everything is on the shelves, joint to joint, minute by minute - what is the name of the person who does everything perfectly? How to describe a person who loves the maximum order in everything and does not tolerate any flaws? What is the complexity of this phenomenon and why such behavior can interfere with life.
A person who does everything to the maximum is called a perfectionist. Moreover, people with this trait try to do everything perfectly, regardless of their real opportunities. Sometimes, causing negativity in life.
Perfectionism is a trait
It is rather a lifestyle that sometimes "goes sideways" for the perfectionist himself. It's all about what's most important important description of this phenomenon - to do the job as clearly and efficiently as possible. Whether it's simple cleaning and decluttering a closet with things or sticking wallpaper in your apartment. So what's the problem? Okay, good quality?
Sometimes, perfectionists take on a job that they can not afford. Trying to fulfill it 100%, they “hang” over the problem for hours, not having the psychological opportunity to delegate it to another person. Wasting time, they try to figure out the niche and complete the task as efficiently as possible. Although, a person who does not have such a “sickness” would simply do the job as best he can.
Another characteristic minus of perfectionism is frequent disappointment in oneself. As with everything around, this type of people also treats themselves with excessive demands. In addition to external components, perfectionist people are very scrupulously "digging" in their inner world, trying to bring it to perfection.
perfectionist in relationships
Of course, both in relationships and in family life, a person who is used to doing everything to the maximum will try to build everything as "beautifully" as possible. Of course, regarding their perception of beauty.
The partner of a perfectionist is usually a person who is not endowed with such a character trait. On the contrary, subconsciously perfectionists are looking for a couple that they will “finish to perfection”.
Despite the obvious disadvantages, a lifestyle when you do everything to the maximum is more of an advantage than a disadvantage. In a world where everyone is chasing only money, spitting on quality, a perfectionist is a real find.
It often happens that we have known a person for a long time, but we don’t know what he really is. To find out more about a particular person, you don’t need to harass a person with your questions, follow him, and even more so arrange interrogations a la the Middle Ages, no, what are you ... There are harmless ways that will help you learn a lot more about a person.
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Photo gallery: Ways to help you learn a lot more about a person
We all know that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, so the first and most simple method is the definition of character by eye color.
Blue, blue or gray eyes indicate that a person is not afraid of the resistance of others, in public he shows himself as a self-confident person. In general, such people are ambitious and determined. They are romantics, they fantasize a lot, they are vulnerable and sensitive, they remember grievances for a long time, and they almost do not know how to forgive.
Lucky are those whom Mother Nature has awarded with brown eyes. These people simply sparkle with charm, and, of course, others like them. brown-eyed very active people, and by nature they are leaders, so do not be offended if such a person commands you. Owners of brown eyes are temperamental, passionate, impulsive, but at the same time they are also aggressive. Grudges pass quickly. Very witty and almost always the soul of the campaign.
Almost the same as brown-eyed people tend to be in the spotlight and have time everywhere for the owners of green eyes. Such people are enterprising, stable, they look at everything soberly - a kind of rationalists to the marrow of their bones. They love order in everything, they are assertive, principled and purposeful. Such people are ideal organizers and workers, because the work they have started will always be completed.
But to see the true face of a person, the eyes alone are not enough. A powerful way to learn more about a person is to find out what their favorite color is.
So people who prefer White color, are very sensitive, romantic and tender, they are open to others, but lovers gray color On the contrary, they like to withdraw into themselves, not letting anyone into their personal territory. They like order in everything and do not like the difficulties of life.
Those who are fans of blue color very emotional, love to show their feelings. They are calm, reasonable and most importantly - very faithful.
Supporters of the green color, one way or another, depend on the opinions of others, they need recognition. They love when they are given signs of attention, and in everything they need aesthetics. Calm.
But admirers of red color are just a fountain of emotions! They are active, businesslike and passionate, they want everything at once, and the most amazing thing is that they achieve all their goals.
Very interesting personalities are fans of yellow. They are open and simply irreplaceable in companies. A person who loves yellow can be called a "generator of ideas", be sure - with such a person you will not be bored.
Enigmatic and mystical supporters purple. A person who prefers this color is a fusion of opposites - an impulsive conqueror and gentle selflessness. Such a person uncontrollably strives for freedom and independence, but at the same time loves peace and quiet, often on his own wave, hovers in the clouds. He is endowed with some kind of magic, magic, he always tries to know the world full of mysteries. Very sensitive, good developed intuition.
Those who love black are rationalists. They know what they want, they are balanced. They often have strong personalities.
Among the ways that will help you learn a lot more about a person, there is also a preference for any kind of drink. If a person loves beer, this indicates that the person is an egoist who is more interested in carnal pleasures. They are boastful, but this is not a sentence - with a delicate impact, such people can change.
If a person cannot imagine his life without coffee, then next to you an indecisive person, distrustful, is looking for a logical explanation in everything and if he does not find it, then he becomes suspicious of everything.
It can be said about people who love red wine that they will always be able to stand up for themselves, and they will finish what they started. These are reliable people, and you can always count on their support.
Mineral water lovers are born loners, they do not like noisy companies, and in general, it is not so easy to get the trust of such a person.
Those who prefer various lemonades are fickle people, their views change depending on the situation, and they also dream of living carelessly, which, in principle, they succeed.
But lovers of natural juices do not look for easy ways, they like order in everything, so that everything is "sorted out". These people clearly have a lot to learn.
Whiskey and cognac lovers are naive aesthetics, but such people are easy to find mutual language. They are businesslike and at work are irreplaceable employees.
Next part articles will be of interest to men.
How, without talking to a woman, to understand what she is like? Very easy - on lipstick.
Dark pink color is "worn" on their lips by ladies striving for harmony, and they want to see next to them perfect man.
A girl with a red tint of lips wants to attract attention, and is generally used to being in the center of events, to know everything and about everyone. Very temperamental and self-confident.
Having painted her lips with golden brown lipstick, a woman wants to say "Look how cute and wonderful I am." At their core, such ladies are optimists.
Well, if a woman chose a transparent shine, then this can only mean that she is self-confident and does not need to demonstrate her merits. Usually with such women it is much easier to find a common language than, say, with the owners of red lips.
And now about the style of clothing. Style is a self-expression of a person, therefore it most accurately reflects inner world person.
Adherents classical style- these are people who have achieved what they want in life, they are confident in their actions and do not like to flaunt themselves. They do what they like and do not need public recognition.
Sports style is preferred by liberated people, they are always sociable. It is easy to get along with them.
Military style is preferred by courageous and strong women who seek to get rid of elegance and femininity. This is a kind of protest to everyone and everything. Such people often remain alone.
Temptress and temptress in a mini or skirt with a very open slit, stockings and a huge stiletto - good example vamp girls. Such women are not always self-confident, just hiding behind a beautiful body and beautiful forms, they try to assert themselves at least in something, and in this case in
One often hears such a phrase: "What are you doing? Yes, and that will do!" This phrase cuts the ear, causes inner discomfort and indignation. How can you do something? It seems that you will cease to respect yourself if you allow this! Everything should be neat and clean. You need to do it, and then double-check yourself so that there are no mistakes.
But when you double-check yourself several times, then you can show people. And so in everything.
Unfortunately, doing something perfectly is not always possible. And then for a long time you suffer from the feeling of your own curvature. Sometimes you know in advance that you will fail. And then you put it off until the last, if only not to do it, if only not to disgrace yourself. But circumstances are forcing. And at the last moment you try your best, but you don’t have time to do anything. And you blame yourself even more for not succeeding again.
Life under pressure
The modern world sets time limits that we must meet at work, in school, and even in our personal lives. Feeling that it will not work out perfectly in the available time, we often do nothing at all, because we live by the rule "do it right - or don't do it at all." This is how we miss career opportunities, lose positions in our personal lives, and refuse to realize our desires.
It happens that we postpone things "for later", "for tomorrow", "for Monday", waiting for a more favorable environment for undertakings. Sometimes we go too deep into details, break everything almost into atoms - and fall into a stupor from the scale of the work that we ourselves have come up with.
How to stop procrastinating? How to stop blaming yourself? And what if you are a perfectionist?
Everything must be perfect
To answer all these questions, let's turn to Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.
At the core systems-vector psychology lies the recognition of people by innate properties and characteristics of the psyche - vectors. There are 8 vectors: muscular, urethral, cutaneous, anal, visual, auditory, oral and olfactory.
The desire to make everything perfect is not for everyone, but only for 20% of people. Perfectionism - characteristic people with . They are true professionals who strive to bring everything to perfection. We have no equal when it is necessary to deeply understand some complex issue.
Possessing analytical mind We are very attentive to details. For us, the devil is in the details. It is this intense attention to detail that allows us to find the slightest mistake where the other person misses it.
The need to complete
Slow, but thorough, we are not able to quickly switch from one activity to another. It is extremely important for us to finish one thing first, and then start another. And it doesn’t matter at all whether it will be some trifle or a matter of a lifetime.
Get down to business - bring it to the end. For us, “to the end” means perfect in every way. We project each element of work on the result: some trifle is poorly done - everything is done badly. We are demanding of ourselves - we are ready to sacrifice free time, material resources, health in order to be the best in our field of activity. This is what they say about us: "They put their soul into work."
Nothing can compare with the feeling of completeness, inner comfort that we experience when we achieve a goal, a result. We are admired, we are respected and appreciated. Let us do everything a little longer, but such is the price of the quality of our work.
Experience is the son of difficult mistakes
Our values are directed to the past - we honor the traditions and experience of previous generations. This helps to accumulate various kinds of information and transmit it over time. And there is such a need in the anal vector - such people become teachers, writers, historians. We remember the bad moments of our lives. It happens that we get burned - and we no longer walk these paths. We treat the new with suspicion - trust still needs to be earned.
We love straight lines geometric shapes close to a square. We love it when everything is smooth, starting from the picture hanging above our sofa, ending with relationships with people. Only a person with an anal vector can be good friend– Honest, loyal and fair. We take offense when we feel we have been treated unfairly. We feel guilty if we undeservedly hurt another person. For us, this is like a “curvature” of a square.
We constantly return to these "skews" and get stuck in the past, so we cannot start a new one. If we do not find adequate ways to remove the indignation that has accumulated in the soul, we do it with “dirty tricks” - we take revenge, up to physical violence denigrate the culprit of our suffering.
The whole point is that we good memory from birth. Such a memory is just what is needed in order to pass on one's experience to others. Being a first-class specialist, help the younger generation to improve. And we misdirect our memory - we get stuck in resentment and postponing things for later.
Inside - perfectionists, outside - procrastinators
We think in terms of "clean-dirty". How correctly we operate with these concepts depends on the experience gained in childhood. In the first years of life, when the anal baby learns to understand his body, the desire for cleanliness manifests itself in him as a thorough act of defecation. These kids love to sit on the potty. If for some reason he fails to complete what he started, he endures, and then does it through physical suffering. A negative experience is formed - relief through pain.
The same thing happens at the level of the psyche. Realizing the importance of current affairs, we ignore them, instead we are engaged in nonsense, some minor trifles. And when life begins to demand results from us, we hurriedly, belatedly do "somehow." We do it through shame, a tormenting feeling of guilt for ourselves. And as a result of our work, instead of pleasure, we get relief.
Inside - perfectionists, outside - procrastinators, we do not live life - we put it off "for later."
This problem has a solution. Understanding the innate properties of our psyche, realizing our desires, listening to ourselves, we become able to build actions in accordance with our inner values. Contradictions disappear, there is a desire to live and do it with dignity.
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