The Strawberry and Cream Principle: “Personally, I love strawberries and cream, but for some reason fish prefer worms. That's why when I go fishing, I don't think about what I love, but about what the fish loves.
(Dale Carnegie)
If you want someone to be interested in you, talk about what he is interested in (speak the same language with him). The theory is simple, and well-known to everyone - but how to put it into practice?
And in practice, it is useful to know that the sphere of interest of your interlocutor is divided into six categories: “people”, “place”, “time”, “values”, “process”, “things”.
Usually 2-3 of these 6 topics are favorites for a person - he will discuss them with great pleasure. The rest are not interesting to him, and cause him mortal boredom, - “Well, why about this? it doesn't matter!"
To better understand how this is used in life, let's take a closer look at each type separately.
The cat caught the mouse:
- Do you want to live?
- With whom?
- Ugh! Even eating is disgusting!
Favorite question: Who? People are important to him: with whom he communicates, who surrounds him.
Such a person selects a job for himself based on which team he will join, with whom he will have to interact.
Talking about his vacation, he will talk first of all about the people with whom he rested, whom he met.
If he is invited to a party, he will definitely ask: “Who will be there?”. He asks because it is the most important thing for him.
At the headquarters of the missile forces:
- Today came the order to reduce staff by 10%. Does everyone understand?
- Yes…
- And now the details: I think we should start with Texas, Florida, Alabama ...
Favorite question: Where? It is important for this person to clearly navigate in space. He usually has a favorite chair or favorite place at the table, on which he tries not to let anyone in.
When choosing a job the most important factor will be the location of the office, and how much he will like his workplace.
Talking about the rest, he will describe the places he visited, through which sights his route ran.
Meticulously will ask about "where the party will take place." At the party itself, he will be interested in where he will sit at the table, in what place.
A Frenchman is asked:
- What do you like more? Wine or women?
To which he replies:
- It depends on the year of manufacture.
Favorite question: When? For such a person, everything related to time will be extremely important.
He selects a new job based on such criteria as a suitable work schedule, how long it takes him to get from home to the office, and the duration of his vacation.
He will tell you in detail the daily routine in the sanatorium where he rested, what time the train arrived, how many minutes the plane was late and all other details related to time.
Before going to a party, be sure to ask “when does it start? what time will it end? when does the last bus leave?
"Values"
Doctor, will I live?
- What's the point?
Favorite question: Why? It is important for this person that what he does is valuable and useful. He looks for meaning in everything. Talks about your values and beliefs.
Such a person will be ready to work in a team that is unpleasant for him, with devils in the middle of nowhere, wasting a lot of his time on the road, if at the same time he considers that by working here he benefits people, or some benefit to himself.
He will not talk about how he rested, but about why he went to the sanatorium, what it gave him: “he improved his health, spent at least a little time with his family, made useful acquaintances.”
Before going to a party, he will ask, “How will this be useful for me?”, Because the party itself is not of particular value to him.
"Process"
A hefty lazy cat sneaks home and thinks:
- Now to the tank, from the tank to the fence, from the fence to the pipe, through the pipe to the roof ...
At that moment, the pipe below him breaks away from the wall and begins to fall.
Cat (angrily):
- Do not understand!..
Favorite question: How? It is very important for him how he will do something, the sequence of actions that must be performed. Often uses verbs in speech.
In work, the most important thing for him is that the process itself gives him pleasure.
Talking about the holiday: will describe the sequence of events, day by day: “in the morning we sunbathed on the beach, after that we had lunch, then we slept, then we went to the pool.… The next day we went on an excursion, after that…”
He will be interested in the whole scenario of the party, what will follow what: “and after we have dinner, what will happen? What about after we dance? What about after we have tea?
A customs officer looking into a passenger's suitcase from an arriving flight:
- So, dear, let's decide where your things are here, and where are mine.
Favorite question: "What?". Such a person pays a lot of attention to things and objects. Often uses nouns in speech.
When choosing a job, he will look at the objects that will surround him: a computer, an office desk, a room ... It is important that he likes it.
He will tell in detail about the things that surrounded him during his vacation: “the pool was good, the beach with sand, double rooms, with a TV and a refrigerator…”
Be sure to ask "What will happen at the party?". If it is important for a process type person to hear “first we will have dinner, then we will dance, then we will drink tea”, then it is important for a person of the “Things” type to hear “there will be dinner, dancing, tea drinking”
Now the question is “What to talk to him about?” the solution is quite simple: after listening to a person, you determine his favorite topics, after which you talk with him, trying to get into the sphere of his interests. If it is “people”, then talk about people. If this is a “place”, then ask where he was, tell me where you yourself are going to go ...
To make sure that such an adjustment is important enough, try a couple of times to specifically "detune" from the interests of a person. He told you, for example, “about the people he met,” and you asked him a question from another area: “where did you meet them?”, “And when was that?”. The reaction of the person will immediately tell you that it is better not to do this (except when you need to quickly end the conversation)
To check yourself how well you are now oriented in this "typology of interests", try to answer the questions of the following tests.
Test #1
Read statements 6 different people about your vacation. Based on them, determine the type of interests of each person.
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Man No. |
statement |
Interest type |
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“... Is this really a vacation. Only 12 days. And then: 36 hours the way there, and the same amount back. The only joy is the sea in 5 minutes…” |
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“... The room had everything you need: shower, TV, fridge, kettle…” |
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“... I met Irina Vasilievna there. The most amazing person! She has 12 children. The youngest - Anyuta is called ... ". |
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“... I rested in the New World, this is the southern coast of Crimea, 10 km west of Sudak. By the way, they lived 200 meters from the sea ... " |
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“... As soon as we arrived at the railway station, we were immediately taken to a sanatorium, we were fed there, after that we were settled in rooms ...” |
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“... I corrected my health, and this is the most important thing. The doctors in the sanatorium were good. So, if you want to heal, then this is the best option ... " |
Test #2:
Your friend doesn't want to go to your party. You still want to convince her to come. Decide which phrase you will use for which type of people.
|
statement |
Suitable for people like… |
|
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“... Listen, there will definitely be Lena, Katya, Misha, Sergey. Igor is going to drive up with two of his friends. Good company going! Only you are missing…” |
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"…Come! We have a great program: first we will have dinner, then we will look at the photos, then we will dance, and at the end we will discuss plans for the future ... " |
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“…You just need to rest. In addition, you can make useful contacts. And in general, friendly relations need to be maintained ... " |
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“... You only have 40 minutes to go to me! And in the evening we will finish early, at 11 o'clock you will already go back. We haven't seen each other for 2 months! When will we meet again?…” |
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“... After all, we are not going anywhere, but at my house! Let's go to the lake, it's nearby. We will put you on your favorite easy chair…» |
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“…You haven’t seen my apartment after the renovation yet: new wallpapers, paintings on the walls, an aquarium in the corner, a music center…” |
Test #3
You came to your boss to ask him for a raise. Different bosses need different arguments. Determine for each phrase, on the bosses, what type it will work best.
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statement |
It will work better on bosses with the type of interests ... |
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“... All the equipment is on me: computers, faxes, telephones, printers, scanners, expendable materials. And the amount of all this goodness is increasing and increasing ... " |
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“... I have to wander all over the country, either to Arkhangelsk, then to Yekaterinburg, then to St. Petersburg ... I already know these cities better than my own home ...” |
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“... Now I have to work a lot with VIP clients: with Elena Vladimirovna, with Arkady Petrovich, with Ivan Vasilyevich ... They are complex people, you know yourself ... " |
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“... I come in at 9 am, I leave at 8 pm ... I often have to work on weekends ... if I have a vacation, then it’s no more than a week ...” |
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“... First I find clients, then I persuade them to buy, then I sign the contract, I fiddle with papers, then I arrange transportation, then I solve warranty issues ... the process is complicated, God forbid, where you make a mistake ... " |
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“… the principle is simple: you pay more, I work more and better… as a result of the results of my work, you, again, more money get…” |
Right answers:
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Values |
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Values |
Values |
If you answered more than half of the test questions correctly, then congratulations! We can assume that you have mastered such a difficult topic as “typology of interests”!
It remains only to wish: often use the knowledge gained in practice. And then you will be an ideal interlocutor who knows how to pick up the key to any person.
To be interesting to other people, you need constant self-improvement and development. Constantly learn something new, study, travel, broaden your horizons. With an erudite person there is always something to talk about, he is always interesting. Find a hobby for yourself. It doesn't matter what it will be: painting or diving, dancing or gardening. At the very least, you will always be of interest to those who share your passion. In addition, a passionate person who devotes himself to his hobby often becomes successful, gains recognition and respect in society. And success will make you interesting to a huge number of people. Be versatile developed person. A deep passion for one thing should not make you a one-sided person. Take an interest in art, sports, music, astronomy, literature, etc. Learning something new is necessary throughout life, the only way to avoid the degradation of the individual. Share your knowledge with others - this is the point of communicating with interesting people! Bernard Shaw said it best of all: “If we exchange apples, then you and I will have one apple each. If we exchange ideas, then you and I will have two ideas.” The desire for new knowledge is inherent in people. And if you are the source of this knowledge, interest in you will not dry up. Learn to express your thoughts beautifully, present information correctly, and you will provide yourself with an audience of grateful listeners who listen to your every word and consider you very interesting person. Accept and love yourself the way you are. Each personality is interesting in its own way, "the whole Universe is hidden in each person." Look at yourself from the outside, define your strong traits and develop them. Do not hide your talents and achievements from people. And some flaws can be made part of your unique image. Do not be afraid to have an opinion on everything and defend it if necessary. Many people are afraid to stand out and prefer to be part of the crowd all their lives. Take risks, find your way, fall and rise again. The richer your life experience the more interesting you are to others. Use your sense of humor. Wit and ease of communication - the most reliable way gain admirers and friends. Anyone who knows how to joke in time and defuse the situation never gets bored alone. Smile, make others smile, and you will always be in the spotlight!
An interesting personality is attractive to others. It is pleasant to communicate with a bright, outstanding, versatile person. Such an individual knows how to listen and keep up the conversation, he impresses with his charisma and love of life, has an excellent sense of humor and attracts other people. If you want to become such a person, study the basic qualities of interesting people.
Development
To be interesting interlocutor You need to constantly learn something new. Be curious, study the questions that interest you, broaden your horizons. Just think how many things in the world deserve attention, and at the same time how often you can meet boring, narrow-minded people. Do not be like them, study, travel, engage in self-development.
Find your calling. Charismatic personality striving for self-realization. You can express yourself through work or hobbies. If you find a professional field where your talents are useful, or if you are interested in some kind of activity in your spare time, then you can infect other people with your own enthusiasm.
Interesting are those people who love their work and are happy to plunge into it with their heads.
Try to be versatile. Pay attention to all your talents and abilities. Limited people are not as much of interest to others as addicted people.
The Art of Conversation
Learn to share your knowledge and experience. Become a great conversationalist. To do this, you need to improve in the ability to speak and the art of listening.
To become a good storyteller, you need to learn how to beautifully, correctly and accurately express your own thoughts. Reading good literature and constant practice in writing and writing will help you master this talent. oral speech.
In addition, you should learn to notice interesting details, become more attentive.
In the ability to listen, eye contact with the interlocutor and, again, attentiveness will help you, as well as demonstrating that you understand the person. Of course, you do not need to interrupt the speaker.
self-acceptance
The person who, first of all, accepts himself becomes attractive to others. Try to see in yourself first of all advantages. It is better to forget about the shortcomings that you cannot correct.
Self-respect, sincere self-love, self-acceptance makes a person worthy of love by others. Be a self-sufficient person, and people will reach out to you. Strong people who are not looking for approval, but for simple communication, are truly interesting to others.
Under any circumstances, try to be yourself. Don't betray your principles by blindly following the crowd. Know how to defend own point vision. Learn to resist undesirable influence and manipulation, preserve your identity. Charismatic person lives in harmony with himself and is not afraid to follow the chosen path.
Hello dear ladies! Very often I hear from girls such phrases as “I'm boring”, “I can't be alone for a long time”, “I'm not fun to be around”, and so on. The main problem is that women do not understand how to become interesting to themselves. Today I would like to talk about this and find out what needs to be done in a similar situation. How not to turn into a jester, not to go crazy with loneliness and find inner harmony.
Why do you need it
Let's start by finding out why you want to become interesting. And even better - for whom.
There are two options: for yourself and for others. The point is that for good result you will have to use a different approach, depending on the answer to the question why.
If you are doing this for yourself, then we will talk about internal development, communication with yourself, finding activities that will develop potential. Here the path lies through self-knowledge and self-study. In this case, it doesn’t matter at all to the opinions of others, to their attitude towards you. And often, the attitude of others even hurts in a similar situation.
In the case when you want to become interesting to others, things are completely different. This is where other people's opinions and attitudes are very important. In this case it will be very important concept sole of company. After all, these are the people who are most popular.
In any case, there are some general principles and provisions that can be applied in both options. Thus, you can become interesting both for yourself and in the company to be cheerful, sociable and entertaining.
My own mistress
The first thing I would like to talk about is self-sufficiency. This quality will be useful to you in both cases. If you want to learn how to be at peace with yourself, then you certainly need to acquire a similar trait of character.
The bottom line is that you should not do something for a man, for a girlfriend, for your mother, for your son, or anyone else. Your life is in your hands. You have your own thoughts, your own attitude to things. You and only you are responsible for your actions. You do not depend on others and their opinions about you, but at the same time you treat everyone with respect and dignity. That's where the harmony is.
If you want to be the soul of the company, then you need self-sufficiency to perfectly understand the difference between useful and important tips surrounding and simple envy and hypocrisy. This quality will teach you to listen to the opinions of friends and draw conclusions. Do not blindly trust all the words.
I have already raised the issue of this quality in the article "". I'm sure it will be extremely helpful to you. Be sure to read.
Work and hobby
Another very important point- that's what you do. Your work or hobby should bring you tremendous pleasure. You yourself should experience enthusiasm and interest from your occupation. The girl who sits at home all day and scrolls through the news feed in in social networks She will not be interested in herself or others.
Have you noticed how the eyes of people who have found their favorite thing glow? And how do they know how to infect with their positive and positive energy everyone around? You can do it too! It's worth just getting started. It could be absolutely anything. You know yourself well. Remember your childhood, look into your dreams, shake your fantasy.
If you think that your work is completely uninteresting, boring, monotonous and no one will hear about it, then you simply do not know how to talk beautifully. A friend of mine worked as a completely ordinary bank clerk. Loans, financial schemes, numbers, papers and nothing spectacular. But he spoke with such rapture about the work that everyone sat with their mouths open and did not blink while he talked about his work.
Try to look at your work differently. Find what is interesting about her, why you love her, what delights and inspires you. Learn new facets of your occupation, expand your knowledge, improve your skills. Grow and learn.
If you are currently sitting at home and cannot find suitable job, then the article "" will be very useful for you. Remember that nothing is impossible in the world.
Don't lose your self
On this path, it is very important not to lose yourself and not become the generally accepted template of an “interesting person”. It is always important to be yourself and not betray your principles. A lot of people in an attempt to become interesting and not be boring lose their zest. That is why I spoke about self-sufficiency in the first place.
The more versatile you are, the broader your views of the world are, the more interesting it will be to talk with you. After all, when a person is very fixated on one thing with him and there is nothing special to talk about. For development, read more books, watch movies from different eras, study art, pay attention to the exact sciences.
Moreover, a sense of humor will help you a lot along the way. Agree, it is a pleasure to be in a company where there is a person who knows how to joke. I don't often meet girls with a good sense of humor, but it's not their fault. In the world it is believed that a woman does not know how to joke. Therefore, the young ladies do not even try to learn this. But jokes, like mathematical formulas, can be learned. Everything depends on you.
Dear women, I am sure that you will definitely succeed in what you have planned. I would advise you to first learn to be interesting to yourself. Then it will not be so difficult to become interesting to others.
I would love to hear your stories. Have you ever done something to be the center of attention? Do you have a friend who is the "life of the party"? And what do you think makes her different from others?
From the ability to find mutual language a lot depends on anyone. This and promotion career ladder, and a successful personal life, and a large circle of friends. But how to become an interesting interlocutor? What to say, about what and when? These questions concern both young people and experienced people. Let's figure out how to improve your communication skills.
You must have met two different types of people. The former can easily join any team, calmly keep up the conversation and even entertain the company, if necessary. The second is difficult to talk to a stranger, it is difficult to select topics for conversation or speak in front of an audience. What is the secret of easy-to-communicate people, how to become an interesting conversationalist?
First of all, you should look at the type of temperament and character. People who go through life easily are much easier to relate to many things. They are interested in many things, and they understand a variety of issues. With such a person it is easy to find a common theme for anyone. However, despite his erudition, such an interlocutor will never emphasize his superiority.
One more distinguishing feature interesting interlocutor - a subtle sense of humor. His jokes are able to defuse the situation, but at the same time they are not vulgar or offensive. Funny anecdotes, unusual analogies, and the ability to laugh at oneself make such people even more attractive to talk to.
How to become an interesting person
A versatile personality is always interesting to others. But how to become an interesting person and interlocutor? No matter how hard we try to study the technologies of conversation and do not select interesting topics, without deep study personal qualities it will be useless. First of all, you have to be interesting to yourself. It is necessary not only to study a lot and learn new things, but also to be able to operate with these facts. An interesting person will not, stuttering, remember historical event or a new joke. Train your memory and attention, this will help overcome communication difficulties.
What to read to develop communication skills
In the world, many books, manuals and brochures are published daily for those who want to learn the secrets of positive communication. How not to drown in this sea of information? What to read to become an interesting conversationalist? After all, if you take the first available edition, you can be disappointed.
Choose the literature that has already passed the test of time and has taken its rightful place on the shelves. Classical works of psychologists, theorists and practitioners will be very useful for the further development of communication skills. You will not only learn the techniques of proper communication, but you will also be able to better understand people.
The Internet provides a wide range of opportunities for self-education. But when choosing a resource to increase knowledge, be careful and critical. Pay attention to who wrote the articles, whether the author has a pedagogical or psychological education. This will allow you to weed out obviously false information.
Periodical publications will also be useful for self-education in the field of communication. Articles in them undergo mandatory editing and are often written in collaboration with professionals. They definitely won't hurt. You can even make yourself a selection of clippings to make it easier to use them.
Basic rules of an interesting interlocutor
Having studied the theory of psychology of communications, you can begin to practice. There are several tricks that will answer the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist:
Forbidden topics of conversation
Not everything and not always worth talking about. If you are thinking about how to become an interesting conversationalist, be sure to study, but never raise these questions:
- Politics is a very complex and multifaceted topic. Especially international, because a variety of events are constantly taking place in the world. People can hold a variety of points of view, and the categorical statement of one of them will easily lead to unnecessary conflict and tension.
- Health - this topic is considered intimate. Not everyone is ready to discuss the details of the last visit to the dentist. Moreover, it is considered indecent to publicly talk about your illnesses.
- Personal life - people do not like to be pestered with intrusive questions. Topics such as marriage, childbirth, divorce, etc., are everyone's personal business. Discussing them is permissible only face to face and only with the closest people.
What to talk about
But then the question arises: what is it permissible to talk about? Lots of topics to talk about:
- Achievements of science, including new technology: phones, cars, etc.
- Fashion, beauty, style - just do not indulge in banal gossip.
- Movies, books, performances and other interesting events.
How to become an interesting conversationalist for a man and a girl
When developing relationships with the opposite sex, communication plays an important role. Often young people are looking for an answer to the question of how to become an interesting conversationalist for a girl. And ladies are interested in the same thing about men. But recent research by psychologists convincingly proves that there are no big gender differences. Just follow all the above recommendations, and you will definitely succeed with the opposite sex.
How to become an interesting person for others? Concentrate on your own individuality and do not try to copy someone. Many people who want to become more interesting for others are forgotten, being obsessed with their desire. And they begin to imitate their ideal, and not always successfully, completely forgetting about their own uniqueness. And this is the main mistake of many people.
Self-development
If a person has thought about how to become an interesting person for others, then it is likely that he is not too versatile. This is true? Then you need to start actively working on yourself. In self-development, the main point is concentration on your goals and desires, as well as the constant acquisition of new knowledge to achieve them.
This process is impossible without self-knowledge, which involves the study of one's personal characteristics (both physical and mental). It is very important for each person to comprehend himself, after which - to establish himself in those areas of life that are most significant for him. And the more there are, the better. Everything is simple here. The more spheres of manifestation of his personality a person has, the wider his horizons will become, the richer inner world, richer baggage of knowledge. Personality is like a picture. The more details it contains, the more interesting it is to study.
Popular issue
If a person is concerned about how to become an interesting person for others, most likely he simply does not know how to communicate. The lack of communication skills manifests itself in different ways. Some talk about something completely ordinary, uninteresting or banal. Others do not pay attention to the interlocutor, not allowing a word to be inserted. Some simply do not know what to say, and therefore all their speeches fall out of place. The rest do not know either measure or tact, and constantly strive to “get into” the dialogue.
And these are not all examples. But the solution for all cases is the same: you need to learn how to communicate.
Proper dialogue
Well, how to become an interesting person for others? You need to learn how to talk to them! It's not that difficult, just remember a few rules and follow them.
First, you have to be genuinely interested in others. People are more willing to communicate with those who show interest in them. And in most cases, they show it in response, giving the interlocutor the opportunity to open up.
Second, don't be afraid to smile. But only sincerely, not falsely! A kind smile puts the interlocutor to you. In addition, she shows him that communication with him is a pleasure and joy.
Thirdly, it is necessary to call the opponent by name. It seemed to be a simple and ordinary thing. But many have long since replaced their names with "you". And in vain. After all, the name expresses individuality.
Also, if a person is interested in something, people, he should learn to listen. The manifestation of attention is the most powerful tool of influence. In the process of the opponent's monologue, questions, clarifications, and manifestations of emotions should not be neglected. This demonstrates indifference. Today a person listened to his interlocutor, and tomorrow he will pay attention to him.
Manifestation of the best qualities
How to become an interesting person? There are a variety of tips, but most of the recommendations say: you need to be careful and notice every little thing. With any person there is something to talk about, the main thing is to find a topic, the source of which is the interlocutor himself. You just need to look at him. Did you notice a few hairs on his T-shirt? Then you should casually ask if the interlocutor has a cat. He will immediately become interested in the interlocutor - he will at least be intrigued by the observation of a person. And then the theme can be developed. This is where erudition and erudition are needed. People who know a lot are able to easily and imperceptibly move from one topic to another and reason in such a way that it will not be boring. With them, the dialogue rarely comes to a standstill. But even if everything has already been discussed, they have a trump card. And these are questions. Those that can cause new round dialogue.
It is enough just to ask what else, in addition to what was agreed, the interlocutor is fond of, or what he would like to do. Even without keeping questions in mind in reserve, you can always find your bearings. The question should only show the interlocutor its significance. Few people do not like to talk about themselves. The main thing is to be sincerely interested in them.
Personal opinion
There is one more nuance that every person who cares about how to become more interesting should learn. Tips and recommendations are numerous, and most of them say: you need to remember your own opinion. A person who has a personal point of view regarding something is always of interest if his judgment is objective, justified and reasoned. A person who is able to clearly, competently and easily explain to others his understanding of something, desire and emotions is a valuable interlocutor.
And here it is important, first of all, to be able to correctly express your thoughts. Opinions are often shared with people who have different ideas about certain things. Therefore, it is necessary to build an explanation in such a way that everyone understands the essence and feels the sensation experienced by the opponent.
But that is not all. It is also important not to be afraid to speak up. Some prefer to remain silent or simply agree in convenient situations. But this quality does not distinguish personality. A person is made more interesting and colorful by the ability to speak out, especially if he does it competently.
Positive
Cheerful people always have to themselves. This must be remembered if a person is interested in how to become an interesting person. With a good sense of humor, you definitely won't have to go to waste. After all, this is a valuable human ability to find something comical in almost every situation.
Plus, it is the ability to joke (and at the right time) that makes the soul of the company out of the personality. Such people are cheerful and funny, do not hesitate to seem funny, and it is not difficult for them to defuse the situation with an appropriate anecdote or witticism.
How to develop this skill in yourself? You need to constantly practice, learn from famous comedians, joke about yourself and laugh at problems. And don't stress too much. It is usually only in a relaxed state that an appropriate joke comes to mind. If a person sits in suspense and actively thinks about what to say so witty, it usually turns out not very well.
openness
How to become an interesting person? For men and women who want to appear socially more attractive, there is another universal piece of advice. They should be more open, which is sometimes difficult for many.
Socially open people are sociable and sincere. They share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with others. They do not have an internal barrier that could prevent them from being with people as they are. They do not hide their inner world. And that's what makes them interesting. They can be compared to open interesting book which you want to read as soon as possible. People are attracted to such people. After all, many of them often themselves would like to become so open.
How to become such a person? Very simple. You need to get rid of masks, stereotypes and stop worrying about what others will say. Then the person will become not only more open, but also happier.