I don `t want to communicate. There is no fear or shyness, I'm just not interested in 90% of people. I love my friends, but when I communicate with them more than once a week, I feel exhausted, on the verge of a breakdown. I overreact to other people's emotions. After meeting nervous people, I start to get sick mentally and physically.
I also constantly think that communication is a waste of time. I could be alone and spend my precious hours better.If I refuse meetings, they take offense at me, consider me ungrateful and unreliable. To avoid scandals, I agree to communicate, and then I can’t sleep from nervous overexcitation, crying about wasted time again.I have been suffering from manic-depressive syndrome and chronic insomnia for 4 years now. In the morning, after a painful night, I feel that I no longer have the strength, I’m waiting for the night to finally get some sleep. In the evening they call me and are offended that I’m not going for a walk or that I’m going, but I’m not happy about it.How can I explain to people that I don’t need so much communication, that they don’t need to make me an extrovert?
Maria, 29 years old
Of course, you must follow your own characteristics and try not to overload yourself unnecessarily and beyond measure. You write that you have manic-depressive syndrome, I assume you are seeing a psychiatrist. If not, then try to seek such help, because your condition can be corrected and you can constantly look for more optimal combination drugs.
The letter sounds desperate, as if no one understands you and does not take into account your characteristics. First of all, try to do everything you can for yourself by seeing a doctor. You can calmly explain to the people in your closest circle how difficult it is for you to be in constant contact, and agree that no one will be offended by this. Friends should and can understand this. Of course, you will need to choose a very calm moment when you open up more and tell how difficult it is to be between two fires - between your condition, the consequences of fatigue and the demands of friendship. Few people will try to break you or force you if you tell everything sincerely, without blaming your friends.
There are a lot of descriptions of this state - both everyday and scientific: “Everyone around me is disgusted,” “I don’t want to see anyone,” “Poisoning by people,” “I physically can’t communicate with anyone.” Does this happen to you? When you go out into the street, and there is horror: there are a hundred times more passers-by than in China! You show up in the office and your colleagues, as if by agreement, tug at you, force you to communicate, and endlessly demand your attention. If you want to take a break from tiresome conversations, then no: the frenzied telephone receiver fills and fills your head with annoying voices... You would rather run away from this crowd of people. Hide in a hole. And “to feel orphanhood as bliss” - thanks to Akhmadulina for the poetic interpretation medical term"syndrome emotional burnout».
Signs of emotional burnout:
. I don’t want to see, hear, or communicate with anyone.
. Permanent fatigue.
. Head fog, migraine, nausea.
. Insomnia due to excitement: the state of being “so tired that you can’t fall asleep.” Reluctance to wake up in the morning.
. Emotional emptiness (feeling of a “squeezed lemon”).
. Symptoms of asthenia: rapid heartbeat, dilated pupils,
pale skin.
. Irritability, impatience.
. Loss of ability to make decisions.
. Feeling disappointed in the chosen activity.
. Exacerbation of chronic diseases.
Emotional cannibalism
The scientific term “burnout” was coined and coined by American psychologist Fredeberg in 1974. Strictly speaking, the psychologist did not invent anything, it was just that his patients, when describing their condition, used the phrase “I am scorched, my soul is ashes” so often that Fredeberg could only give the metaphor the status of a diagnosis. And the emotional burnout syndrome “went to the people.” At first, this diagnosis was given to everyone who was observed characteristic features“communication exhaustion.” Patients described their experiences very colorfully - “Those around me eat me up piece by piece, drink my energy, devour my emotions” - and complained of fatigue, a feeling of powerlessness, exhaustion, frequent headaches, and insomnia. The disorder was loudly dubbed “emotional cannibalism” in pseudo-scientific publications and declared an inevitable psychological evil of our time: after all, communication, the main culprit of all troubles, is present in literally everything we do - be it relationships with relatives or professional activities.
Time passed, and the specialists, handing out sonorous diagnoses left and right, became thoughtful. Something didn’t work out: At work you need to sweat, but not burn
the recording “burnout” flashed in the medical records of malicious misanthropes, and young ladies tired of parental nagging, and entangled in love relationships men, and mothers tormented by capricious children, and even psychopaths, from time to time feeling the desire to “pick up a machine gun and all of them!” The patients listed above undoubtedly had problems, but they were associated with different reasons and related to communication with specific people, and not communication as such in general. Psychologists and psychiatrists took a closer look at the diagnosis of “emotional burnout.”
It turned out that many people complaining of “communication intoxication” have one common feature: their professional success directly depended on the quality and quantity of communication with other people. And the diagnosis of “emotional burnout syndrome”, having left the medical records of housewives, drivers, jewelers, etc., migrated to the category of disorders called professional deformation in psychology. Namely, it has become the annoying prerogative of those who, due to their duty, are forced to communicate closely with people. The risk group included (according to the degree of reduction in the likelihood of emotional burnout): psychotherapists, teachers, journalists, leaders of all ranks, including managers, as well as caregivers, governesses, doctors, nurses and others. Experts began to call victims of emotional cannibalism “burned out” or “burned out,” depending on the severity of the disorder.
Disgust and hatred
A few years ago, the American National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health published data showing that of the 40 million people worldwide who suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, two-thirds are most likely affected not by chronic fatigue itself, but by clinical form“burnout.” And the main reason for their malaise is not so much professional overload, rush jobs, stress, long working hours, fear of losing a job and fear of being incompetent (all of the above is a trigger for chronic fatigue), but an oversaturation of contacts with other people - as they say, to the very end. The situation is a dead end: after all, communication is the essence professional activity those who, due to emotional burnout, are no longer able to speak or even see their clients or partners. Driven into the trap “I can’t communicate, but I can’t not communicate,” a person experiences severe stress. Overwork is interspersed with irritation - up to attacks of so-called office rage, when people take out unmotivated aggression on colleagues or clients. According to research by British sociologists, every second employee at least once fell into uncontrollable rage at work. However, unmotivated aggression is the last degree of emotional burnout. Fortunately, “burnout” creeps up on a person gradually. This means we have time to understand what is happening and not allow ourselves to burn to the ground.
The first stage of chronic fatigue syndrome is “emotional deficit.” Work that until recently brought pleasure causes disgust. The doctor understands that he no longer wants to help his patients, the teacher understands that he is sick of the mere thought of the upcoming lecture, the journalist’s cheekbones are cramped from the need to arrange an interview. “Burnouts” make an unpleasant discovery: the usual situations in which they easily, and most importantly, effectively interacted with people, for some reason became difficult. Victims of burnout are increasingly making mistakes when performing simple professional duties. Sensitivity and irritability grow: “Why should I tolerate them all? I'm not made of iron!
At the second stage of “emotional detachment,” a person includes psychological protection, putting a barrier between himself and those he must work with. “If I can’t get away from you, I’ll stop paying attention to you,” this is how one can characterize the mood of someone who is “burning out.” Emotions become scarce, nothing - neither positive nor negative circumstances - evokes a spiritual response. A person turns into a soulless robot, and this, of course, does not go unnoticed by partners or clients. They are perplexed, offended, and sometimes even cut off contact. At this stage, the quality of the “burning out” person’s work begins to significantly decline.
Many would get rid of emotional burnout by another initial stages, If
would not admit their condition to management. Multiple timeouts in the form
Vacations or business trips help restore emotional resources.
Greetings, my dear readers! Recently, one of my friends told me that her daughter came to her with a question: why don’t people want to communicate with me? The girl is friendly and sweet, but contact with people is difficult for her. Today I would like to talk about why acquaintances may avoid communicating with you, what exist standard options mutual hostility and what to do about it, how to win people over.
External factorsI want to start with external reasons why people may not want to communicate with you.
There was a boy at our school who always smelled bad. His classmates avoided him, the girls made fun of him, and no one wanted to sit next to him in class. Yes, children are cruel, no one could directly tell him that he smelled bad. But also in adult life They are unlikely to approach you with such a phrase. Meanwhile, smell plays a very important role in communication.
If a person smells strongly of garlic, onions or other aromas, then it becomes impossible to stand next to him, especially in the heat.
Start with your appearance. Look around, look in the mirror. Many people find it unpleasant to communicate with unkempt and sloppy people. Dirty, bitten nails, shoes covered in lumps of dirt, clothes with holes, a dirty head. All this is repulsive.
If you notice that people try to avoid you and don't get too close, then I recommend starting with your appearance. Look at yourself from the outside. After all, all this can be put in order, get rid of unpleasant odors, repair clothes, bring nails and hair into proper shape.
Don't get upset and don't lose your temper. There is no such situation from which there would be no way out. Especially in appearance. We'll fix everything!
Internal factors
Is everything perfect in appearance? You smell good, even tasty, you always take care of your shoes, your nails are clean and neatly trimmed. What could be the problem then?
If the problem is not in appearance, then we are looking for repulsive moments in our behavior. One of my friends constantly made obscene jokes. He responded to any phrase with a completely inappropriate joke. Nobody wanted to offend him, so over time they simply communicated with him less. And at one time I couldn’t stand it and explained to him all the stupidity and inappropriateness of such jokes in communication. He listened.
Maybe you, like my friend, like to joke at any good or bad occasion? Remember, humor is good and healthy. But it should not be vulgar and disgusting, it should be appropriate (a spoon is expensive for dinner) and should not offend anyone.
My client has a girl at work who constantly sticks her nose into other people's affairs and always gives advice. She acts as a kind of guru who can find a solution for any situation. But no one asks her for this advice.
If you like to give advice, then start a blog in which you describe situations and offer solutions. Act differently in life. Only when you are asked to express your opinion, only then open your mouth and give advice.
Narcissism and self-obsession scare people away. Nobody likes to communicate with people who constantly talk only about themselves. We want people to pay attention to us, ask questions, and be interested in our lives.
There was one guy at our institute who did nothing but brag about his successes or complain about his failures. He constantly interrupted if the conversation came about someone else.
Each participant in the conversation deserves equal attention.
If you have such an opportunity, ask your friends to record a video of the general meeting. After all, sometimes it is impossible to adequately evaluate your behavior. But looking at yourself from the outside on the screen can be extremely useful.
Maybe you gesticulate too much and it disturbs those around you, or you spit during conversations, or you really only talk about yourself.
Template pairs
There is such a thing as established stereotypes. Mother-in-law and son-in-law, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, ex-spouses, new wife and ex-wife and so on. They write jokes about them, idioms, Proverbs and sayings. Of course, there are cases when everyone lives in peace and harmony, but it also happens that people, for no apparent reason, hate each other simply because that is how they are supposed to treat each other according to their status.
One client of mine communicates wonderfully with all her ex-partners. One day, she caught her man with another young lady. She did not start a scandal or hysteria. She just talked calmly and said that it was time for them to leave. A woman always tries to stay in good relations with exes, because for a long, or not very long, time they were happy together.
Basic rules of communication
Remember that everything can be fixed. Today people shy away from you and don’t want to communicate, but if you work a little on yourself, you will become the life of the party. Let's talk about simple principles that you should definitely adhere to when communicating.
Warmth and friendliness. Smile more often. Be polite. This captivates your interlocutors. Just not flattering and deliberately, but naturally and naturally. If you smile, then do not do it forcefully, it will be noticeable and will scare off the interlocutor, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste.
Do not be rude, do not humiliate others, do not enter into conflict, do not provoke a quarrel. If you feel like you’re about to blurt out something unnecessary, step away and breathe. Calm down and only then return to the dialogue.
People love to be called by name. Contact your comrades more often, ask questions about their life and work. And many people like to talk about themselves. Use it wisely.
Learn the rules of etiquette. Behavior says a lot about a person. Does he maintain personal distance, at what point does he offer his hand for greeting and to whom does he give this hand, does he open the door, and so on.
Why do you think they don’t want to communicate with you? Are the reasons in your appearance or in your behavior? Have you ever met people with whom it is impossible to communicate for a long time? How did they push you away?
Work on yourself and you will definitely succeed!
What to do if you don’t want to communicate with a person?There is an unpleasant person in your circle: he makes you angry and nervous. You don't want to communicate with him, but you still maintain the relationship. Why? And what to do with it?
Afraid of judgment
You're not 15 for a long time, but it feels like dear person(parents, grandmother, older brother) makes your life unbearable, won’t let you go. All your attempts to establish communication have led nowhere. It doesn’t matter why: maybe this same relative is just an emotional abuser and doesn’t want to negotiate, but wants to ruin your life. Or a person simply has a bad character and a difficult fate, and you sob into your pillow at night, trying to understand what is to blame. The important thing is that you would be much happier if you interrupted or reduced communication to a minimum. However, the fear of condemnation cancels out all the arguments of reason. After all, we hear from childhood that arguing with family is bad. Because there is nothing more important than family, and friends and others like them come and go. After all, what will people think?
What to do:
“In such cases, it’s about respecting personal boundaries,” says family psychotherapist Marina Travkova. – You can run away from your relatives far away, but the tension will still remain. Therefore, first you need to hear yourself, without turning a blind eye to your own discomfort, and, finally, choose who is dearer to you: you or all those people who will “say something.”
It is impossible to please everyone, so a person who sets himself such a task is in a trap. This lifestyle deprives you of joy, strength and health. It originates, as a rule, where a person from childhood was taught to be “the way he should be” and was taught that “he’s not like that, he’s wrong, no one needs him.” Remind yourself that you are no longer a helpless baby. It is mortally scary for a child to be rejected by those he loves and on whom he depends. But you've grown up. And if someone is upset by your behavior, then most likely neither you nor the person upset will die from it. Gently but confidently explain that you, of course, are relatives, but this situation no longer suits you. Get ready for resistance - usually the “you’ll put up with me anyway” behavior is very popular with the person who practices it, and your loved one will not give it up so easily. You still won’t be able to be good to everyone, but in this situation, someone has to show concern for you, and that someone, most likely, is you.”
We need to communicate
This is generally the most popular excuse for those who tolerate both a despot husband and a boorish neighbor. There is a sea of different “musts” that are carried out without thinking about who needs it and, in fact, why. You must definitely get married, build a dizzying career, and travel around the world. One of these “musts” is the indispensable friendship with newly made relatives and “friends of friends,” as well as with their other halves. The usual neutral-respectful attitude and polite conversations when rare meetings unsuitable. It's friendship. And it doesn’t matter that we choose husbands and friends based on common interests, mutual sympathy and other compatibility, and everything else comes as a set, as they are. And mutual love may not work out. Or there will be mutual dislike. Simply put, you are not ready and do not want to become related to them, but you continue to put on a good face when bad game, supporting themselves with arguments: “we are one family,” “I was raised this way,” and “everyone does this.”
What to do:
“If you dig deep,” says psychologist Marina Vershkova, “then the program “this is how it should be” has been preset for us since childhood. This behavior was typical of the generation of our grandmothers and mothers, and we inherited it. But if you look at the surface, this is the most common attempt to control the opinions of others about you. You selflessly make friends with the closest circle of the person dear to you, in this way trying to say: “I’m good, I’m doing everything right.” But try to listen to your desires and determine which way of communicating with these people suits you best. Don’t be afraid to fantasize, play out this method to yourself and see what emotions and feelings it evokes in you.
However, you should not deceive yourself: if a certain “I don’t want” is revealed, you will have to legalize it, that is, admit it at least to yourself. This way it will be easier to understand that you don’t need such communication.”
Your rights
For anyone who enjoys feeling guilty, it might be helpful to keep on hand “The Rights of the Confident Person” (from the Psychological Individual Bill of Rights, a non-official document developed by the American Psychological Association).
Every person has the right to evaluate for himself own behavior, thoughts, feelings and be responsible for them.
Every person has the right not to make excuses or explain his actions to others.
Everyone has the right to refuse a request without feeling guilty, and to decide for themselves whether they want to take responsibility for solving other people's problems.
Every person has the right to change their decisions.
Every person has the right to ignorance, to make illogical decisions, and not to be perfect.
Afraid of offending
Perhaps you yourself do not want to be tender friends with distant relatives and husbands of friends, but others expect this from you. Those whom you love very much and do not want to offend. For example, your man. You put a lot of effort, trying to be good for everyone, but in the end you are constantly nervous and you yourself are offended by him - for the fact that close person doesn’t understand you, doesn’t see how bad you feel in the presence of his mother. This situation could very well end in a damaged relationship for which you tried so hard. Some call this feminine wisdom, which, however, is usually used to cover up anything, from fear of changing your life for the better to outright stupidity.
What to do:
Marianna Volkova, a practicing psychologist, a specialist in family and individual psychology, advises: “Understand that all your “sacrifices” in the name of general peace are absolutely in vain. While you suffer in silence, those around you are sure that everything is fine, and if one day you try to present your suffering as some kind of feat for the sake of your loved one, most likely they will simply not understand you. Agree, it’s strange to do what you don’t want and at the same time remain silent.
Sooner or later you will simply explode and throw out everything that has accumulated over the years. for a long time without controlling emotions. In this case, the truth will not be on your side: after all, if you did not show dissatisfaction before, it means that everything suited you. And suddenly - an unexpected scene. As a result, you risk being branded as an unbalanced hysterical woman.
The best way out would be a direct conversation, but based not on the personality of the unpleasant person, but on your own feelings and emotions. A compromise can always be found, but any compromise begins with a frank conversation.” It is possible that the one you are so afraid of offending will actually try to be offended. If a loved one stubbornly refuses to listen to you and your desires, all that remains is to simply confront him with a fact and remind him that you are also a living person and have the right to psychological comfort.
Dangerous for health
The ability to think about the feelings of loved ones and the desire to see them happy and contented is worthy of respect. But if at the same time you forget about your emotions and comfort, such psychological “long-suffering” threatens nervous disorders and as a consequence, various diseases.
Psychologist Elena Kuzeeva has no doubt: “If you have noticed the peculiarity of “tolerating and forgiving everything” and at the same time you are characterized by psychosomatic illnesses, the best solution will go for a consultation with an experienced specialist. You need emotional support and help in developing the ability to set boundaries in communication, plus you need to deal with stronger relationships. long years defense mechanisms. And it’s not always easy to do this alone.”
I'm used to communicating
You have been communicating with a colleague since times that no one else in the team remembers. But many years have passed and you have no common interests left. Or, moreover, you have become uncomfortable - instead of the usual joy, you only experience irritation. It would seem that everything is obvious: communication should be curtailed or reduced to infrequent meetings with conversations about the weather and nature. But in reality, everything is not so rosy.
What to do:
“If you don’t just disagree, but you actually experience negative emotions When communicating with a person, it is better to gradually reduce contact to nothing, says Marianna Volkova. – Over time, people change, and perhaps you really are no longer on the path. Of course, it’s a shame to abandon a friend with whom you spent so much time. But often we are afraid of losing not the person himself, but communication as a ritual that accompanied every stage of our life.”
Such relationships can often be compared to a long-term marriage in which feelings have become a habit. It will most likely be a pity and insult for you to interrupt them. In this case, it helps to think about your opponent’s feelings. A person sincerely believes that everything is as before, and strives for communication. So, even out of respect for your long-term friendship, stop pretending that everything is okay. You have 2 options: either honestly admit your feelings, or carefully reduce communication to a level at which you feel comfortable. The main thing is not to try to turn a blind eye to the situation.
If they don't want to talk to you
What if you find yourself in any of the above situations, but on the other side of the barricade? “When you are unexpectedly denied communication, you most often begin to delve into yourself and look for reasons,” reflects Marianna Volkova. “Because you can’t understand how you, who are so good and have done nothing wrong to a person, are ignored.”
You can, of course, torment yourself and your loved ones with endless “why?” You can even arrange a confrontation and try to call the person who does not accept you to a frank conversation. But in this case, you risk at least putting both yourself and your opponent in an awkward position. At the most, provoke a conflict that both of you could easily do without. It’s best, of course, to leave a person the right to choose with whom and how to communicate.”
How to adjust
To be fair, it’s worth saying that simply cut off all contacts with unpleasant person not always real. It is unlikely that you will be able to openly tell your boss that you no longer want to see him and that all work issues are now sent via corporate mail. We'll have to find a way to adjust. Let’s say a citizen doesn’t do anything bad to you personally, but at the same time irritates you terribly. You're looking for a clue, but you don't see it - it just infuriates you, that's all. “If you feel irritated in the company of a certain person without any apparent reason“, it would be worth understanding yourself first,” hints Elena Kuzeeva. “Perhaps the unfortunate man has nothing to do with it at all.” You may find that he resembles another person from the past with whom unpleasant emotions are associated. Or you feel inferior in some area next to him. Perhaps you had some expectations about him, and they were not met. After identifying and understanding the causes of irritation, unpleasant emotions can completely disappear.” If you understand perfectly well what exactly makes you angry, all you have to do is try to minimize the damage. Marianna Volkova advises treating every meeting with an unpleasant person like, for example, going to the dentist - not a joy, but necessary. “It helps a lot to realize that of the two of you nerve cells only you spend. And he doesn’t care if he annoys you.”
Sometimes on life path There are people whom you want to avoid. You can try to avoid meeting this person altogether, but it is not always possible to completely avoid communicating with him. There are several ways to distance yourself from people you don't want to talk to, such as surrounding yourself with nice people or avoiding certain situations.
Steps Learn to be comfortable around peopleKeep a positive attitude. Sometimes you have no desire to talk to this or that person, and therefore his company makes you feel uncomfortable. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are a wonderful person to talk to. And be sure to remind yourself that you have the right to personal space, and expressing feelings, which helps you feel at ease, is an absolutely normal practice.
- Focus on what you want right now and what makes you happy. Then try to find people who share your position. Don't try to avoid those who radiate negativity, but instead try to surround yourself with people who are similar to you and who you feel comfortable around.
- Thoughts influence not only your mood, but also your actions. Smile and take a moment to tell yourself that you are exactly where you need to be.
- Having a positive attitude will help you attract other kind people.
Participate in activities that you enjoy. Communication anywhere and at any time will not always give you pleasure, but if you do what you love, then those people will definitely appear around you with whom it will be pleasant to communicate.
- During your school years, you can join a group or club according to your personal interests. It doesn’t matter whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, because there are tons of extracurricular electives for all personality types. You can find something to do and a group of people with common interests in any place, as in theatrical productions, and in athletics.
- In addition to the fact that doing something you love will give you self-confidence and bring you together with like-minded people, it will also allow you to do something useful and avoid situations and personalities that you would prefer not to encounter.
Enjoy the fruits of your life experiences. Don't worry too much about the fate of other people and how it may affect you, but rather just enjoy life. It is not your fault if a person is aggressive or intentionally trying to upset you.
- Often people take out their dissatisfaction on others because of their own complexes.
- Direct your energy to enjoying the fruits of your labor, because it’s easier to isolate yourself from unpleasant individuals. You simply won’t have a free minute to sort things out with a person you don’t like.
Spend time with friends. Whether it's in a social environment, school or work, being surrounded by like-minded people will make you feel much more comfortable.
- Enlist the help of friends if you often find yourself in situations where you have to be among unpleasant people or people you don’t want to talk to.
- Tell your friends about the person who bothers you. Calmly explain the reason and ask friends to provide a secure barrier if the person approaches you.
Be respectful. Keep yourself within the bounds of decency if you come face to face with a person with whom you do not want to communicate due to his ignorance or if you are connected by a certain story. An exchange of a few words will be enough if you behave correctly and do not allow the other person to provoke you into counter-rudeness.
- It is not always possible to completely isolate yourself from a person with whom you do not want to talk. However, you can minimize communication if your face shows politeness and indifference.
- Stop and take a deep breath. Focus on your needs. Your goal is to complete this interaction as quickly as possible.
- Politely walk away from the conversation. You should not be like your interlocutor. Stay calm and say you need to meet a friend or need to run to a meeting. This way you can get out of the situation with dignity.
Set the boundaries of what is permitted in advance. You do not have to constantly explain to the person with whom you want to avoid communication why exactly he should not cross the line, but you need to determine the limits of what is permitted. In the future, you must strictly follow these rules.
- Limitations are both emotional and physical. You have the right to personal space. Therefore, it is necessary to clearly explain that this is very important to you.
- Whether it's a co-worker, classmate, or ex-partner, be clear about how and when you'll be willing to interact with them. Despite all the complexity, do not be afraid to act straightforwardly.
- If the person has already violated the boundaries of your personal space, then the next time you meet, simply tell him not to come so close. In addition, at the very beginning of the conversation, you can immediately focus on the fact that you have very little time. Or let us know that you prefer to communicate via SMS or email.
Ignore the person. Most likely, you are not the only one who is eager to get rid of his annoying attention. Pay attention to how other people interact with him. If you have already tried all the tactical methods and none of them worked, then the only thing left to do is ignore the person. Ask the team to help find the best ways to solve this problem.
- Sometimes relationships don't bring the desired results. For example, this could happen to a former partner or even a co-worker. Simply ignore this person if you have made attempts to distance yourself and they have failed.
- Complete ignorance does not apply to oneself simple way, especially if the person is persistent but firm decision taken will gradually lead to the desired result.
- Declaring a boycott does not mean ridiculing a person, making a dissatisfied face in his presence or making indecent gestures. It just involves behaving as if the person is not around at all. However, you shouldn't pretend that it literally doesn't exist. It is necessary to rise above the current situation and avoid spending time together and staying in one place.
Avoid situations where there is a possibility of human contact. Sometimes you need to make changes in your life in order to distance yourself from a person with whom you have no desire to communicate. You should not go to a party or meeting if you know for certain that he is there.
- You should not resort to this method if you are in a situation that cannot be avoided, such as at school or at work. In this case, refuse to attend special events in order to avoid meeting with this or that person.
- Tell your friend in advance that you will not be attending the event. Be honest with your friend when explaining the reason, but do not do so in a rude manner.
- When you notice a person with whom you want to avoid communicating or meeting, consider changing your location. For example, while relaxing in a bar or at a party, you can move to another room so as not to bump into an unpleasant person.
Ask for help. If you really want to avoid meeting a certain person, but it’s difficult to do it alone, then in this case, ask other people to help you. Seek help from friends, parents, boss or class teacher.
- You should discuss the problem with an authority figure who can help you with the situation, such as your boss or school counselor, if you are unable to distance yourself from the person because you are in the same class or work together.
- Calmly explain why you are unable to be in the company of this person. Perhaps his presence interferes with work due to a constant feeling of discomfort. Or you can't concentrate on the topic of the lesson because this person constantly pesters you. Tell your manager exactly why it is necessary to remove you from the process of interaction with this person.
Cut all ties. If there is such a possibility, express everything directly to your face and end the relationship in one fell swoop. You can simply cut off all ties if you are being pestered by a former partner whom you no longer want to see or hear, or by a person from a group of mutual friends.
- Set boundaries and don't apologize. Your own health and emotional peace should come first. Despite all the difficulties, tell this person that you no longer intend to continue any communication with him.
- Stick to your chosen course of action. Some people won't leave you alone that easily, but you did the right thing when you made your intentions known. After this, do not engage in dialogue.
- Will the right decision directly communicate that you no longer want to talk to or see the person. Sometimes words get through much faster if you are direct and a little harsh. At first, there is a feeling of anger, but try to implement your plans and remember that this will be better for your well-being.
- You don't have to make direct eye contact, but be polite and make it clear that you're not in the best mood right now.
- Change your route and habits that will allow you to avoid the person.
- Calmly explain to the person that you cannot talk at the moment.
- Show respect if you are approached. However, set limits in advance.
- If a person is angry with you, take a step back as slowly as possible (literally), think carefully about your next words/actions, and determine the appropriate course of action in the current situation.