Fear of new job occurs in insecure individuals. This is influenced by the lack of experience in the desired field, lack of awareness of the topic, low self-esteem. Young mothers are especially panicking after maternity leave, who have lost their qualifications.
Fear of work is inherent in insecure individuals
Fear arises before a new boss, position, team. But breathing techniques and affirmations (positive attitudes) will help. If a person is unable to cope with his fear on his own, you can contact a psychotherapist.
Reasons for fear
Fear appears for various reasons - a change in the workplace, team, bosses. A new, high position causes stress. A person worries before an interview, probationary period, internships. He is afraid of not passing the screening exam, the results of which mean failure or success. The reason may be a negative experience on previous place work - distrust of colleagues, aggressive and overly hardworking boss, poor working conditions, low wages. The person is worried that the same situation awaits him now.
Fear of the boss
Often, when changing jobs or during a move, an employee thinks about the boss. After all, he does not know about it personal qualities in relation to employees. Afraid of excessive demands and aggression on the part of the director.
It happens that a world-famous company invited an employee to their place. He got used to the new workplace, established contacts with colleagues, began to cope well with his duties. Suddenly the boss changed. Instead of a kind and understanding, a ruler-dictator came. He does not take into account the initiatives and ideas of employees, he is not interested in other people's problems.
Women and young mothers are especially afraid of such bosses. Worried that they will not cope with such pressure, they leave their new place of work.
Others decide to take such a step because of their unwillingness to receive mental disorders.
Fear of the team
A new person in the formed team cannot be left without attention. At first, he will be the main object of gossip, sometimes even ridicule. But if the employee initially correctly introduces himself, then such a situation can be avoided.
The main reasons for the appearance of fear of the team are tied to fear:
- be professionally unsuitable;
- not being knowledgeable enough in the right area;
- fail to meet the set goals (failure to meet the deadline, do the task incorrectly, make a mistake in the calculations, etc.);
- not being able to find contact with colleagues;
- be redundant;
- be rejected and misunderstood.
A positive attitude will help to achieve the location of colleagues on the first working day. Negative attitudes need to be changed to positive ones. It is necessary to imagine that the newcomer is greeted with joy. Show new workplace, share secrets, talk about the boss. You need to remember all your successful attempts to meet people. It happens that an appropriately told anecdote or a funny story relieves tension in a conversation.
social fears
Fear of a new position
A new position means new responsibilities, higher demands. Increased responsibility. If this managerial position, then the person must supervise the work of subordinates. It is the manager who is responsible for any trouble, incorrectly done task, errors in the report. The main reasons for the fear of the position:
- be not perceived by subordinates;
- can't handle large quantity assignments;
- make mistakes in calculations, reporting, distribution of bonuses;
- to be ridiculed for a ridiculous act;
- not justify the trust of the boss;
- stay at work until late or continue working at home after the end of the shift;
- make bad decisions, etc.
For some employees, even high salary not an argument. They are afraid to disappoint the boss who offered a new position. Features are clearly manifested: self-doubt, low self-esteem, suspiciousness. There comes a panic attack, hysteria, nervous breakdowns.
When moving to a new position, people are often afraid to stay at work until late.
Who is afraid of a new job
People who want to change jobs are subject to fear. They are afraid to disappoint the leadership, to be rejected by the team, responsibility. The responsibilities seem to be difficult to handle. Any invitation to the director's office causes anxiety and panic. There is always a feeling that someone will do the job better, and the leader wants only to scold and punish.
- loss of qualification;
- Availability small child(requires long-term care and supervision);
- frequent sick leave;
- incomplete education;
- lack of skills to work with the necessary computer programs or technology, etc.
Too emotional and self-critical personalities are afraid of a new job. They are afraid of any change. They consider themselves insufficiently prepared, suitable, trained. looking for ideal conditions. Fear of a new job arises among those who radically change the work area. Their knowledge is limited theoretical knowledge and lack of practical skills. But they have a great motivation, a desire to learn something new, to work on their own development.
Freelancers are going through the start of a professional activity. Unstable profits, the fear of not finding a customer or performing the task incorrectly are their main fears.
They are afraid of an irregular work schedule, low pay, high demands. Due to unsuccessful activities, they can get a bad reputation.
A person with a new job phobia has a feeling of fear at the mention of it. He takes new changes too close to his heart. But there are those in whom such signs are not too pronounced and noticeable to others. These people have the ability to control own emotions. However, especially observant colleagues, after a while, may notice the strange behavior of a beginner. It is accompanied by the following symptoms:
- increased sweating;
- pale skin of the face;
- low pressure;
- feeling unwell;
- depressed mood;
- excessive fearfulness and suspicion;
- strange, atrophied facial expression;
- slight trembling;
- nausea;
- muscle weakness;
- cardiopalmus;
- hysterical laughter, etc.
External manifestation - bags under the eyes. They are pronounced, they cannot be hidden. This indicates a sleep disorder - insomnia. It is associated with emotions, panic, anxiety. Fear of a new job causes mental disorders. The person becomes unbalanced, fearful.
Physiological manifestations of fear and anxiety
Ways to get rid of fear
Successful stewards often speak in public and give advice on getting rid of the fear of a new job. They share their success stories, talk about techniques. The most popular among them are affirmations, breathing techniques.
affirmations
A positive attitude is the key to success. Affirmations will help cheer you up before the first day of work. They will improve psychological condition, eliminate all fears, relieve self-doubt. Examples of affirmations for setting yourself up for success:
- I am an excellent specialist, so everything will work out;
- I have rich practical experience, I know how to act in a difficult situation;
- I'm not afraid, I'm stress-resistant;
- I have many important, good skills, I will quickly get used to it;
- every employer will want to cooperate with me;
- my new job is perfect for me;
- my qualities are just created for this position;
- I am successful in my work;
- I love what I do;
- I receive the desired salary;
- I am loved and respected by my colleagues;
- I have excellent career prospects, etc.
This is where a psychological technique works - self-hypnosis.
A person sets himself up for a positive outcome. He must accept his failures as a need for self-development, an opportunity for personal growth. After all, thoughts are a powerful source of energy.
Breathing techniques
Any breathing exercises should be done standing or lying down. The eyes must be closed. It is important to present a beautiful landscape or a picture that evokes peace. It is necessary to control the inhalation and exhalation. Initially, it is important to focus on them. It is important to relax all the muscles in the body. Some breathing techniques:
- Belly breathing. Inhale 3-5 s, exhale 4-5 s. Interval - up to 3 s. It is necessary that in the process the stomach inflates.
- Breathing with collarbones. When inhaling, the clavicles rise, when exhaling, they fall. The interval between breaths is 3–5 s.
- Wavy breathing. 3 organ systems are involved - the abdomen, collarbones, chest. Inhalation starts from the abdomen, goes to the collarbones, and then to the chest. Exhalation is in reverse order.
It is enough to repeat each exercise 3-5 times. You shouldn't overstress. While inhaling, it is necessary to imagine that the body is filled with pure energy and calmness. With an exhalation, all the negativity comes out. In addition to breathing exercises, a person carries out a meditation session.
Will psychotherapy help?
There are situations when a person does not know how to overcome the fear of a new job. Therefore, it is worth contacting a specialist. A psychologist can help you get over yourself. After the course of treatment, the patient will have a desire to work, learn new things. He will successfully overcome the fear of the team, position, boss.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is built on introspection. Discussed first possible reasons emergence of fear. This will help to create the most suitable course of treatment and get rid of the phobia. During the session, the patient must answer the following questions:
- what happens if I get a new job;
- what happens if I say something wrong at the interview;
- why I am afraid of being rejected by the team;
- what is the reason for my fear of the authorities;
- what happens if I get promoted;
- what scares me about career growth;
- Why am I afraid to change jobs?
- why I think that my knowledge is not enough, etc.
With these questions, the client analyzes own behavior. He has a desire to overcome negative attitudes, change them to positive ones.
An important requirement is that the doctor must be really interested in curing his patient. The client should be as open and honest as possible.
Treatment takes place in several stages. Consists of individual sessions and homework assignments. The psychotherapist helps to positively tune in to the interview. If suddenly something does not go according to plan, a person knows how to calm himself and keep calm. He learns to control himself during stressful situation. A nervous boss or envious colleagues do not cause irritation or anxiety. Homework can be role-playing game. The patient needs to imagine that he is the boss, and the doctor is his employee. Let the client share his feelings, emotions. It is important to understand where the fear of the director comes from.
If the fear of new responsibilities is to be overcome, have the patient describe his image of the ideal manager. It is important to accurately define positive traits. It helps to read books from successful top managers, businessmen, heads of large companies. They need to be highlighted strengths and understand what the patient needs to work on in order to reach the same heights.
If suddenly the client is experiencing being rejected in the team, the therapist suggests attending group classes. They will help you become socially active and stop being afraid of a large group of people.
Psychotherapy will help get rid of the fear of the director and the new team
Conclusion
The phobia of a new job may arise due to low self-esteem, skill level, insufficient knowledge in the desired area. It happens that a person has high expectations, and the reality is disappointing. Some people are worried about the new team, others are afraid of the new boss. In still others, muscle weakness appears due to promotion or a new position.
Affirmations and breathing exercises will help overcome fear. It is important to have a positive attitude and good preparation to the interview. If a person cannot cope with fear on his own, you can use the services of a psychotherapist. He will conduct cognitive behavioral therapy and help the client change the type of thinking and behavior.
Many people are afraid of change: it's hard to say what will be good, but all sorts of unpleasant surprises can't be avoided... Especially when it comes to changing jobs. Where to start your activity? How to deal with difficulties? And most importantly, how to overcome the fear that accompanies almost every beginner?
Soul in heels
Thoughts about possible changes, uncertainty about the unknown do not allow you to feel comfortable in a new team, and a person is afraid to act, doubts own forces, worries about the future, he is literally fettered by fear .. Why? Because before the event happened, he had already created in his imagination a “castle in the air” from ideas and ideas, having thought through everything to the smallest detail. Consciousness defines disturbing information as dangerous and launches an absolutely inappropriate and therefore useless anxiety reaction that causes more harm than the cause that caused it. And when the time comes for a real meeting with a new team, it’s scary even to think that in just half an hour the brightest hopes can be destroyed to the ground in an instant ...
The core of fear is psychological experiences caused by the physiological and biochemical reactions of the body. At the peak of experiences, when fear covers all consciousness, a person loses the ability to think logically and act adequately. Self-control is greatly weakened, which leads to social problems,
The source of anxiety on the eve of a meeting with a new team is a whole complex of phobias. Fear is caused by a threat in a state of uncertainty, so it is necessary to turn to the experience of the past, when tasks that at first seemed impossible were eventually successfully solved - it was only necessary to make more than usual efforts. So it is quite possible to overcome the fear of failure, and the fear of uncertainty, and the fear of the future. And in a difficult moment, you need to remember your past victories, mentally go all the way to overcome obstacles and achieve your goal, to relive success. Fear will recede, a person will stop panicking, begin to calmly think and very soon find optimal solution Problems.
My own psychotherapist
In order to cope with all the negative factors that impede the creation of constructive relationships with new colleagues, it is necessary to determine what specifically causes fear and causes fear. You can’t, like an ostrich with its head in the sand, wait for the fear to pass by itself, or try to suppress it, so it’s time to start meditating. You should remember the most unpleasant moments that have ever been in the process of communication, and then try to imagine the worst thing that can happen on the first working day in a new place. For example, colleagues ridicule you for trifling mistakes and general laughter ... they burn you at the stake - just because you behave “wrong” and say “wrong”. You turn into a pile of ashes. And then imagine your rebirth. You start living and working again. It's always like this: you are knocked down, and you rise, destroy, and you return to life, each time renewing your strength and gaining more and more self-confidence.
Now take two pieces of paper. On one of them, write down everything that can happen to you in a new team, what intrigues to expect from others and what the consequences will be, on the other - what you will gain by getting rid of fear and insecurity. Put the sheets side by side and compare. What, in your opinion, is stronger - fear of others or peace of mind, psychological balance and success in life? Burn the unnecessary sheet, and hang the other on the wall (put it under glass) and reread it regularly. This will be your life choice.
Rescue "anchor"
It happens that a subtle smell toilet water can raise or, conversely, spoil the mood for the whole day if it is associated with some significant events of the past. A novice colleague sometimes causes an inexplicable subconscious feeling of fear or anxiety just because he wears the same cologne as, for example, a dentist. A thing or fragrance associated with a certain inner mood or emotional state, in psychology is called "anchor".
Each of us experiences especially strong positive emotions, such as joy, calmness, confidence, fearlessness, which can subsequently be evoked arbitrarily, according to own will, with the help of "positive anchors". All experienced states of the soul are stored in memory and can be quickly activated. It's easy to learn this. To get started, try an exercise called “resource anchoring,” which allows you to “draw” from the past the emotional resources needed to successfully solve a problem.
1. Sit comfortably on a chair or chair in a secluded place (over time, if you practice, you can do the exercise anywhere, even on a bus at rush hour, but at first it is desirable that no one interferes). Think of a time when you were worried, anxious, afraid of something.
2. Try to imagine what the state should have been like at that moment, and then choose the quality (perseverance, courage, confidence, determination) necessary to get out of a difficult situation with honor when meeting a new team.
3. Refer to the experience of the past and remember the situation in which you showed this quality. Try to keep these memories vivid and intense. (If you have not experienced anything like this, imagine your friend or, say, a movie character and mentally put yourself in his place).
Helpful Hints
The stronger the fear at the sight of new colleagues, the greater the likelihood of aggression .. It is difficult to force yourself not to be afraid of the new, but you can connect your imagination.
So, going to a new job for the first time, take with you some small thing, a kind of talisman. Such seemingly trifles have enormous power. For example, in the house of the great physicist Albert Einstein, a horseshoe was nailed over the door. When journalists asked: "You great physicist Do you really believe in it?" - Einstein replied: "You know, they told me that it helps, even if you do not believe in it!"
Smile to all employees - both familiar and unfamiliar.
Read the corporate rules in advance. It is very important for a beginner to know various subtleties: what is possible, what is impossible, what has become generally accepted, and what should be avoided, how are corporate holidays etc. It is better if the “curator” at first turns out to be an authoritative employee.
Refrain from comparisons with previous work. If, for example, you say that everything was great at your last job, then a reasonable question may arise: “What, in fact, are you doing here?”
Talk less, listen more; do not tell any details about your personal life, as later frankness can be used against you.
Do not try to redo everything at once in your own way. If, for example, the secretary does not have an electric kettle in the reception room, then Tomk probably has good reasons for it!
Keep it simple and do not try to play someone else's role, as any falsehood will be immediately noticeable. Cinderella should not wear the mask of Princess Nesmeyana.
Do not sneak around, do not rush to report that, here, Petrov always leaves work an hour earlier: he may turn out to be a close relative or friend of the boss, who is allowed some liberties. Besides, what you sow is what you reap;
But in the end, a new employee is still evaluated on professional qualities. So that the best way earn the respect of colleagues - impeccably perform official duties.
Question to the psychologist:
Good afternoon. I do not have any serious problems in my life: a loving young man, a complete family. There is both secondary special education and incomplete higher education. But at the age of 18, a new sphere appeared in my life, in which I still cannot realize myself, until now. I hate work and everything connected with it. I didn’t succeed at any job, and as a result, the need to go to work turned into the worst thing in life. I did well in school, and in college too. But the work somehow went wrong from the very beginning. After completing the first course of ped. college, I decided for the first time in my life to earn some money, got a job as a teacher in a kindergarten for the summer. It is still hard to remember this experience: I cried all the time, I experienced a wild fear of work, such that I wanted to literally words climb the wall. Nothing worked out for me, my parents and the manager scolded me, I was very ashamed in front of my parents, it seemed that I simply dishonored them. Once my nose bled from stress. In a quiet hour when the children were sleeping, I roared all the time, without ceasing, I could not stop. When all this was over, I left to study again and decided for myself that work simply did not suit me with small children. A year later, we were sent to practice in a camp for a month. The situation repeated itself. At first I tried, worked, nothing worked, the children did not obey, the management constantly made claims. As a result, I was transferred to the position of a personal educator: the detachment was taken away from me and I just sometimes sat with the children when the rest were at the planning meeting and something like that. At that time, I decided to tell my mother that I was ill and that nothing was working out. She scolded me, began to scream that I really am dumber than everyone!?! And I decided not to tell my parents anything more about my professional failures. After the training, I decided that based on my deplorable experience, I should not work with children at all. But my education was pedagogical and my sister got me a job in medical school. College to teach English. It was relatively calmer, but then something else was added: I didn’t succeed, but they didn’t tell me anything about it, everything was reprimanded behind my back to my sister and then she told me. She was ashamed of me. I felt like an animal driven into a trap, I felt bad, scared, I didn’t know what to do next and how to continue to live. I decided to move from my parents to another city. She left. I found a job there that had nothing to do with children and teaching people in general. But I worked for 3 months and quit. Since I didn’t succeed: I worked in sales, I had to fulfill plans, all my colleagues had a salary of 25-30 thousand, and only I had 9-10, I was a loser, my colleagues laughed at me, they are disrespectful. They treated me, directly asked why I should work here, whether it would be better to leave, my immediate supervisor called me a disabled person. Like I can't do anything. And from constant criticism, I began to forget even what I knew how to do. I began to have a strong excitement, which outwardly did not manifest itself in any way: from the outside I was calm. But there were no thoughts at all in my head, emptiness, and my throat hurt and I could not say anything. These attacks haunt me to this day. When I get really excited, I literally go numb. After that, there were about 5-6 more jobs where everything was repeated, I ran away in tears after two days of work. Then I got a job in a large company as a call center operator. They needed money, and they paid well. But in the end, I was fired under the article for not going to work for two months. There, I also did not fulfill the necessary indicators, the leader scolded me, each time brought me to tears, I cried right in front of him, I no longer had the strength to restrain my emotions. But that didn't stop him. He needed a result. In the end, he asked me to resign. I wrote a statement, I had to work for 10 days, but I could not restrain myself and ran away from the first day of work and did not pick up the phone. She took the job after six months. After this situation, I turned to a psychotherapist. He advised me to change the field, to do what I like. I have been looking for something that will poison me for a long time and finally found it. I was hired as an assistant in the HR department. The first time everything was fine. I got the job done. But after the new year, indicators were introduced that had to be met and on which our salary depended, and everything started again. Only I could not do anything, although I did not sit idle. In the end, they reduced it. She lay at home in tears for six months. Gained strength and decided to look for work again. I found a well paying job. But I couldn’t stand the tense rhythm: every day to distribute staff to facilities, to look for replacements for those who didn’t come out, turned out to be unbearable, and again the indicators that need to be met and again it doesn’t work, I roar constantly, at the end of the weekend, hysteria and tears arose every day at work the desire to get up and leave to end this nightmare. But I kind of learned to hold back. I tried not to be afraid, to work and not think about anything. Breakdowns were constant until she quit. As a result, I am 24 years old, my work experience is terrible, I rarely even get replies to resumes, but the most important thing is that I myself do not know how and what to do. I don’t want this to happen again, I don’t want to work as a cashier or a cleaner at the age of 40. And everything goes to this. Any work causes wild fear, I persuade myself that I can handle it, I keep asking if she understands anything. But as soon as some kind of problem arises, this wild fear again returns from which everything freezes and I slow down, I can’t speak, and I constantly roar. The future scares me. All my peers have been working successfully for a long time. And I am constantly without money without a job, or with a job but in constant stress. I can't even sleep the day before work. I had pains in the left side of my chest with strong excitement and after a roar. I have lost all respect for myself, I try not to talk about work with anyone, for me at the moment this is the most terrible thing. And I don't know what to do. I want, like all normal people, to go to work and get paid, and not shed tears in a working toilet and then sit with a stone face and not understand even elementary things from excitement. I have thoughts of hopelessness, I don’t expect anything good in life, on the contrary: thoughts always come into my head that I’ll be 30 years old soon, there will definitely be no career and most likely I will have to go to a low-paid job like a cleaner and live life in poverty. I'm scared and ashamed of this. Both parents and teachers expected more from me. Now I avoid communication with former classmates because I am ashamed. I don’t earn anything at all, my whole life is spent at home on the couch, I look at job sites and I don’t see any vacancy that suits me. Now I feel so bad that I don't want to communicate with people at all. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts because I can't accept my life the way it is now. I don't know how to become an adequate person. I want to be independent and not depend on my parents or my young man. If he breaks up with me now, I won't survive. There is no money for food or housing and no friends. I have not been close to anyone for a long time so I am ashamed of myself that I am like this. I really want this nightmare to end. But I don’t know what to do: I made all sorts of lists about my pros and cons, tried to believe in myself, but it’s all useless. I will be 25 in December, but it already seems to me that my life has failed. I do not see any prospects in my existence and do not want a new day to come. There are no more forces. Due to my incompetence, I do not want children. I think they will hate me. I have read a lot of articles and tips on how to overcome the fear of work but all to no avail. When there is no work, I worry about how to find it, I cry every day. As soon as I find it, it gets even worse. Tell me how to calm down and fix at least something, restore self-respect, how to get rid of fear? I also forgot to mention: I am not very confident in myself, and I am embarrassed by my appearance. This bothers me even more. If someone answers me I will be very grateful.
The psychologist Lyubov Ilyinichna Krotkova answers the question.
Hello, Tatyana!
Your letter evoked a lot of reciprocal emotions in me. There is both despair and a sense of hopelessness in him. Your case is very confusing, because you are walking in this vicious circle, which you have not been able to break: new job -> experiences -> leaving work -> new job and further according to the usual pattern. You thought that getting another job would bring a change in your condition, because at first the reason was seen in the very process of work. Although it's not about that at all, but about your emotions. They did not change due to the device to another place. As a result, the very fact of employment has become frightening for you, because. associated strongly with the negative. It no longer depends on the profession or field of activity, but depends on the subtle moments that occur, triggering your experiences. We either feel or think. It's impossible at the same time. Therefore, when you experienced strong negative emotions, everything fell out of your hands. This became the cause of dissatisfaction with the authorities. And it's not about you professional qualities, but in the fact that the internal state and preoccupation with it did not allow you to coordinate your work activities. In this regard, the main task is to find the source of your negative emotions.
Let's now divide the emotions into "before" and "after". "Before" - these are the emotions that appeared in you at the very first job in kindergarten. "After" is the aggravation of your condition over time. It is important to talk about “before”, because everything that you feel “after” and at the present moment too, is already from how everything has worsened over time. You have now developed a fear of expectation and failure. in the same situations you felt the same way (badly), and nothing worked. Therefore, now the mere thought of working makes you panic, because you do not have a single argument that would claim that the next attempt will finally be successful. Although the problem itself is not in the present tense, but at the “before” stage. This is important to understand, because at first it seems that your professional life is a series of failures and a dense dark forest with no way out.
However, it is still important for you to find a job: you have unfulfilled needs and dreams related to your career. Thus, there is a clash of your own interests: on the one hand, you want to take place in a professional way; on the other hand, there is no strength to go to work again - fear and a sense of inferiority stifle.
Thus, we return to "before". And “before” was this: “I cried all the time, I experienced a wild fear of work, such that I wanted to literally climb the wall.” Why were you crying, Tatyana? Did you initially come in with such a negative attitude on the first day of work, or did your feelings build up gradually? Or maybe both at the same time. I think you have already formed a fear of failure at that time. That is how I call myself what is happening to you. Now this fear of failure, of course, has transformed and become very voluminous, turned into depression. But once it could already exist in you in its infancy. What happens to us when we are afraid of failure? Of course, with a high degree of probability we fall into these failures. You will unconsciously behave in accordance with your fears. Fears are attitudes towards certain behavior. Therefore, when you just started working, if you had a nasty worm in you, which slowly gnawed at you and whispered: “God forbid, something will not work out for you. This your first place of work. You have to prove yourself well”, the result in the form of experiences and difficulties in the process of work is quite predictable. I would also like to ask you what exactly did not work. What setbacks have you experienced. For some reason, I don't think that you could not find contact with the children. It seems more likely from the side that you already thought a lot about how to do everything right, and not about the process.
From here we go to the topic of where you have formed the need to comply and do everything “correctly”. I understand that from the family, because you wrote: “Both parents and teachers expected more from me” and “That time I decided to tell my mother that I was feeling bad and nothing was working out. She scolded me, began to scream that I really am dumber than everyone!?!” and "I was very ashamed in front of my parents, it seemed that I simply dishonored them." In this regard, it is very important to address the root cause first. Namely: to understand the style of your upbringing and what requirements your parents made of you. I got the feeling that you were originally a big bet in the family, and you grew up under the pressure of having to live up to those expectations. Not your expectations, that is, but the expectations of other people. It turns out that your life is an eternal need to be on the level. Here you even avoid meetings with acquaintances so that the truth about your personality is not exposed. At the same time, at the very beginning of the letter, you indicated that you have a loving young man. This is already a lot. You are worthy of love and respect. But something went wrong when someone set a bar for you that is important to reach. Now you put it on yourself. There are pluses in this, because. You do not leave the desire to build a career. The downside is that you blame yourself and have ceased to appreciate yourself. Something tells me that the question of the value of your own personality was relevant for you even at your very first job. It is felt that even then you were not sure of yourself. This is confirmed by your words: "I am not very confident in myself and I am embarrassed by my appearance."
I suggest that the main help for you should be to work with the relationships that you had in your family. The fact that your mother could not accept your failure at work is very significant. We all have the right to make mistakes. It seems that you have not had this right since the time when you were just starting your career path. But it’s impossible to do everything perfectly right from the start. It is important to work out in detail everything that I wrote to you above. Of course, you did the right thing by turning to a psychologist. I want to know what didn't work out in the end. I understood from the letter that you stopped visiting the specialist.
Tatyana, I am ready to give you professional help. We can discuss conditions separately. If you are determined to solve the current situation and feel strong in yourself (otherwise you would not have written to this site), you can write to me personally, and we will discuss everything.
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2011. No. 100 (682).
Nothing is a misfortune if you do not consider it as such.
Boethius. "Consolation of Philosophy"
A person is arranged in such a way that when the time comes to change something in his life, he begins to experience fear of the unknown. One of the fears modern man It's the fear of a new job.
In order to ease fear and give yourself confidence in your own abilities, just follow a few simple tips.
Probably, everyone, when applying for a job, experienced a state close to fear. Sitting in front of the employer, a person very often unwittingly makes some kind of mistake. This is quite understandable in this situation. But they are haunted by thoughts: “Suddenly I don’t like it or can’t cope with this job? Maybe I'm so stupid that I have nothing to do there at all? And so it happens, fear penetrates deep into your thoughts and a person who is set to work suddenly loses his optimistic attitude.
Conclusion: Don't lose your convictions or you'll fail your job interview.
Fear is over and you are at a new job. Well, there are a lot of pitfalls here. Now the new team scares you. It's no secret that newcomers in any team are wary. Whether it is a large company or a small firm: in any team, at first, a biased attitude towards a new employee. Most often this happens because people, during their work in a team, form their own small “family”, with their own way of life and their own rules. They already have their own formed team, which seeks to realize itself. And then you appear and try to infiltrate this very family. Naturally, on the part of the team there is distrust of you, since none of those around you know you, your skills in professional activity and, accordingly, cannot appreciate your abilities. And you, in turn, begin to fear that you will not come to court. What should be done here? Find out as much as you can about the company you are working for, observe the workflow. You can go up to your boss at the right time and ask a pertinent question about your job, about whether you are doing it well.
Conclusion: Analyze the tasks of the team, correlate them with your work performed. This will help you better understand your work.
Any team is a relationship between colleagues, and if you don’t want to lose your job, then communication with people should be built constructively on your part.
Each person in the team has his own character and upbringing, so he cannot be the same as you. And, of course, a dismissive attitude towards others can cause skirmishes and enmity between colleagues. Nobody likes to be humiliated, everyone likes to feel respect for himself, to realize that he is appreciated.
Conclusion: Respect your superiors and colleagues and win their respect.
Even if you are a first-class specialist, you should not brag about your profound knowledge. Of course, it will be great if you have rationalization ideas, and at the end of the working day you will approach your immediate supervisor and calmly state your ideas, not forgetting to argue the proposal. A good leader will definitely listen to you, and if this is a really worthwhile proposal, he will listen to your opinion.
Conclusion: don't make people think you're just making yourself worthwhile.
Of course, in any team there is a "ringleader" from whom all sorts of tricks can be expected. Be prepared for the fact that they can make fun of you and try in every possible way to drive you into a dead end.
Conclusion: behave easily and calmly, try to laugh it off for jokes, but, of course, within reason.
Too bold pranksters in the face of a beginner are disliked in the team.
Don't gossip! This is a serious misbehavior. It is not necessary to obtain information about another person in this way. Rumors have a tendency to "grow in detail" which can tarnish people's reputations, and often your own is hurt because the rumors can backfire on you.
Conclusion: drive away the desire to gossip. If you are dissatisfied with something, you should not talk about it to everyone in a row.
People who constantly express dissatisfaction are simply unpleasant. Therefore, it is better to go to the boss and tell the exact reason why you came, starting with the phrase: "Could you help me ..." or like this "Maybe I made a mistake somewhere, but ...". It will be the best way before rumors reach the boss that you are talking bad about him.
It happens that theft happens in the team - it’s quite an unpleasant thing. There is probably no more unbearable situation when all employees are under suspicion.
Conclusion: be honest.
If you suddenly become a witness to any contention, do not try to take sides and intervene in the conflict, even if you feel who is right and who is wrong.
Conclusion: In the end, the conflict will be resolved, and you will long be considered the ubiquitous fighter for justice.
Conversely, if you feel that you are being provoked into a conflict, try to ignore the instigator, you do not need enemies now.
Very often people lose their jobs for two rather banal reasons: being late and absenteeism. If you are very slow, try to get up early in the morning and do what you were asked to do. Most often, management does not stand on ceremony with constantly late and truant.
Conclusion: do not forget about punctuality.
And one last piece of advice: be persistent, don't give up. When you find a job, be diligent so as not to lose it! Arriving in a new team, try to give the impression of a sociable, open, interested person who came to do what he loves. New team is a test of human love.
AUTHORITIVE OPINION
Alexander Buryak, "The Art of Survival":
- Fear warns people about danger, but it must be met without fear. The harm from misplaced fear is to reduce the ability to accept effective solutions, in trembling limbs, in the possibility of ruining your reputation.
You can overcome fear in the following ways:
- get distracted: think not about the threat, but about the actions that need to be taken;
- look for funny things in your position;
- focus on the need to produce good impression;
- get angry at yourself
- look at what is happening as an opportunity to prove their outstanding qualities;
- remember people who have shown themselves worthy in similar circumstances.
Summing up, we can say that the position in the team depends only on you. And remember, treat people the way you want people to treat you. I wish you your favorite work!
Prepared by Natalia Yanina, Jobs newspaper.
7 chose
As a child, I somehow understood the saying in my own way "Work – not a wolf." Not knowing the continuation, I was sure that it means something like this: "Work is not a wild animal and should not be feared." After all, it seemed to me people are very often afraid of work, especially new and unusual. To be honest, I still feel that way. Let's figure it out why we are afraid and how to overcome fear.
What are we afraid of?
What are the horrors of a new job, since we are afraid of it?
New experience. Almost always, with a change of work, we have to do some new things, take on new responsibilities. So, re-learn, and immediately in practice. Therefore, many have a natural fear: "What if I can't do it." After all, there is practically no skill as such, but there is already responsibility. 
New people. Some people fit easily into any team, others find it difficult. But anyway new company makes us nervous: after all, it is impossible to predict in advance how kind, friendly and adequate colleagues will turn out to be. In addition, it is not known by what criteria you will be evaluated in the new community: different team, different rules.
New responsibility. Fear of a new job or a new position is often associated with the fact that in many cases, change threatens to increase responsibility. Many people like to work when they have "senior", who makes decisions and is responsible for them. And they do not want to take full responsibility themselves.
How not to be afraid?
Fear of new experiences is a normal phenomenon, it arises, and when you first get up on skiing and when you first go to work. Oddly enough, both situations are similar there and there - a person has never done something, he does not know if he will succeed, so he is scared. How to get rid of fear? Very simple - you need to practice. If you constantly do something new, whether at work, in sports or in everyday life, you will get used to it, and the stress before a new experience will greatly decrease.
If you need to overcome the strongest fear right now, there is such a method: imagine the worst thing that can happen in case of failure (for example, you will lose your job). Play around with this situation, think about what you will do in this case. Maybe change your profession or go to live in another country? Perhaps even these changes will be for the better? If you have a good idea of what you are afraid of, it will not be so scary, because Most of the time, we are afraid of the unknown.
On the other side, in moderate doses, the fear of a new job is even useful- it allows you to gather, concentrate and avoid mistakes. But if the fear is too great, it makes us avoid change, refuse interesting offers, so as not to be stressed. This fear needs to be dealt with without change there will be no career growth.
Do you have fear of a new job? When you entered your first job, was it scary? How did you deal with this feeling?