Such a quality of a person as self-esteem is inextricably linked with self-confidence, the achievement of certain successes in professional activity or personal life. After all, people who have this characteristic underestimated often have many complexes and problems associated with this. Accept yourself for who you are, believe in own forces- these are one of the main components of future success. So - common cause referrals to psychologists. However, you can work on yourself on your own, taking into account some nuances and observing fairly simple rules.
First you need to define what self-esteem is and how it is formed. In psychology, this quality is considered as a subjective attitude to one's own personal qualities. Most often, self-esteem is formed in childhood, and it is largely influenced by the attitude of others, in particular, significant adults (parents). However, it may change later in life. So, if a person is surrounded by colleagues or acquaintances, negatively minded, constantly criticizing him, then, as a result, his self-esteem may decrease.
You can try to take a simple test and evaluate yourself as a whole on a 10-point scale. Most people give themselves 5-6 points, and this is an average result. But keep in mind that such an answer suggests that you feel about yourself half positively and half negatively. Raising self-esteem is a sine qua non for success. After all, only in this way does a person have the opportunity not to be afraid of difficulties, to believe in a positive outcome.
Psychologists recommend working on yourself and doing exercises to increase self-esteem, which are offered quite a lot. So, you should never rely only on the opinions of others. Of course, it is important, but not as much as you think. The behavior of acquaintances who constantly criticize your successes or achievements can be analyzed. One must ask the question: "Why do they do (say) this?" It is noted that many assert themselves and raise their self-esteem by humiliating others. If this main reason, such people should be ignored or completely excluded from communication.
Also, increasing self-esteem depends on their own results. You can sketch out a plan for what you plan to achieve and begin to implement it. At the same time, you should not immediately set yourself the goal of becoming an Olympic champion or Nobel laureates. What is planned must be realistically achievable. If for some reason you have not achieved success in something, do not be upset. Analyze the situation. Is it only your fault? Maybe external circumstances played a role?
Ways to increase self-esteem can be such as the use of short phrases-beliefs (affirmations). So, it is recommended to start your morning by saying the phrases: “I am successful”, “I will succeed”, etc. You should never make excuses to the environment. This contributes to the fact that you will feel even more. Another key to success is harmonious relationships with loved ones. You need to remember that there will always be someone who will help in difficult times, which means that you are strong enough to survive failures and try to make another attempt.
In order to increase self-esteem to be effective, you need to constantly work on yourself. You can do what you love, let it be your main occupation or hobby. Almost every person gains confidence when he knows that he does something better than others. And one of the main rules is to act, because only in motion, with the help of trial and error, you can achieve any results.
The only way to realize who you are is to find what suits you.
Talking about relationship problems reduces the fear of abandonment.
You are always trying to guess what the norm is. It is important for people with low self-esteem to know and understand that the concept of "normality" does not exist. It is more effective to ask yourself the question: what is really important to you? What is important to your family? The challenge isn't to guess what's normal for you, but to figure out what works best for you and your loved ones.
The first step in overcoming any bad habit- her awareness. Just watch yourself. Instead of engaging in self-judgment, try to get to know yourself by analyzing how you behave. When a person begins to look at himself honestly and without judgment, can separate himself from his behavior, he is able to change, develop and grow.
Feelings can't be right or wrong, they just are. If we consider our feeling wrong, then guilt is added to it, and this makes the situation even worse. The anger you feel is real. If you decide that it is wrong to feel angry and that you should be compassionate instead, it will not help you. You cannot substitute one feeling for another.
It is impossible to completely overcome the feeling of loneliness, but there are ways to reduce it. First of all, you need to take the risk of opening up to others. The best way get what you need - start doing it yourself. If you want to be loved, first offer your love to other people. This is a risk - to be misunderstood, abandoned. But by avoiding risk, you doom yourself to loneliness. If you decide to take a risk, you have the opportunity to change. It's not enough to try once. Make a promise to yourself that every day you will have a little bit of communication with other people.
There is a good group exercise that shows that self-criticism is always very subjective. Participants sit in a circle, the task is to free themselves, in whole or in part, from those qualities that they no longer want to possess.
If someone likes the rejected qualities, he or she can appropriate them. Usually one participant says that he wants to get rid of his procrastination, and this quality does not have time to reach the center of the circle, as the other already says that he would like to take it, because, on the contrary, he is hyperactive. Someone else says, “I want to get rid of my guilt,” and immediately gets the answer: “I need some of your guilt. I feel too selfish."
This exercise demonstrates that our traits need to be studied. To what extent are they useful to us? How much do they interfere? Obviously, judging yourself and your shortcomings is not helpful. When you choose to be yourself, you get a lot more options.
An overreaction to a minor event—for example, friends canceling a meeting at the last minute—usually has to do with our past. Something similar has happened before - once or many times, usually in childhood. The first thing you should do is to clearly define when you start to overreact. How appropriate is your response to the circumstances? Is it worth it to react so sharply?
If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to the situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to recognize their essence and understand what in your past caused them.
Another way is to consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you go home another way? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.
Analyze what kind of people are present in your life and what is the essence of your relationship with them. Do you receive from others as much as you give to them? To what extent are these people stronger or weaker than you? Perhaps if you objectively evaluate your environment, you will see that you give people more than you receive from them. Then you will have to change your social circle and maintain relationships only with those people who are capable of symmetrical relationships.
Perhaps this is because you yourself do not allow others to do something for you. You consider yourself strong enough to take care of yourself, but you should allow other people to participate in your life.
If you say to yourself day after day, “Why am I staying with this person? Why can't I give it all up?" - It is worth analyzing your relationships. People who do not deserve our loyalty are often very critical of us. They often talk about what is wrong with us. Be careful when you hear this - who is the person really talking about? Do these statements really apply to you, or is this person projecting their own shortcomings onto you?
Pain, sadness or anger can only belong to the one who experiences it. These feelings should not become yours, you can only show empathy and compassion. You may have been dragged into an unhealthy relationship by playing on guilt. If you are easily manipulated based on this feeling, you start to think that you owe the other person something. “He was kind to me. He took care of me." Feeling guilty or indebted for these reasons is wrong. You don't owe people anything for supporting you. You are self-worth. If you feel responsible for being supported, you are saying, "I'm worthless."
You will gain self-confidence if you can solve the tasks that you have set for yourself. Tasks can be simple or complex, but you need to be sure that they are achievable. Not always everything works out. If something worked out - it's great and did not happen by chance, you deserve your success. Reward yourself for completed tasks. Always remember the things that you are good at. Don't ignore them. Use them as a foundation to become a whole person. If you didn’t succeed, you need to get out of this situation and try something new. It shouldn't devastate you.
about the author
Janet Voititz(1939-1994) was the first in the 80s to study the problems of children and relatives of alcoholics. The impetus was her husband's alcoholism. Woititz found that children of alcoholics and children who grew up in single-parent families, as well as families where one or both parents suffered from addictions and phobias, as a rule, grow up with low self-esteem and experience great difficulties in communicating with other people. Her book, Adult Children of Alcoholics, became a bestseller and helped launch a movement that has grown worldwide.
Every day we see a lot of information with advice from psychologists on how to increase our own self-esteem, practical advice and NLP practices to train your judgment steadily. But what is self-esteem, where to get it from and who, first of all, to influence to improve it. It turns out that the word itself contains a simple answer to this exciting question - it is an independent criterion for evaluating one's personality. Practical introspection of one's attitude to surrounding emotions.
Neither the reaction of the people around you nor right action, not even daily praises addressed to you are able to change the established attitude towards yourself until you want to do it yourself.
The formation of worthless attitude towards oneself comes from childhood.
A high evaluation criterion, regardless of the manifestation, led to the development of anxiety in the future. Such a character trait as resentment developed from constant humiliation - this is not only physical, but also emotional pressure. Moral and verbal ridicule and lack of faith in any undertaking also leave an imprint.
Have you thought about what people think when they are around you? After a survey in one of the megacities of the country, psychologists said that people do not leave the thought of themselves and their problems. Percentage of the population that cares about your dirty shoes today or excess weight so small that it gives a clear picture of the thinking of others.
No one wastes their time thinking about other people's problems, criticizing appearance because every person on Earth has his own worries and plans. If your thinking constantly swarms with a lot of thoughts about who and how thinks of you, you are a dependent person on the opinions of outsiders.
How to change self-esteem for the good
By the concept of “self-esteem” we mean our attitude towards ourselves. That is, by changing your own reaction, you change yourself and your vision of the world. There are various techniques to improve self-esteem.There are two types of assessing a person as a person: dependent- when any events from the outside leave an imprint on your mood, and independent- despite the opinion of those who are nearby, you are confidently moving towards your goal.
Criteria that characterize dependent self-esteem:
- What matters to you is what others think of you;
- If no one laughs at your jokes, there is no emotional reaction to the story told the day before, the personal attitude towards oneself undoubtedly falls;
- Any criticism heard nearby is taken in his address.
Each person has their own list positive qualities. By sticking to this set list, you can live happily, or you can constantly look for flaws in yourself, worry that they affect the opinions of others.
When you stumble, the reaction of someone dependent on the opinions of other people will be negative.
- "The ideal mother's children do not cry" - such a motto is pursued by mothers with babies, traveling shopping or walking on the playground. But as soon as the kid makes a remark, goes against his decision or forbids something, the whole district hears the terrible cry of the child.
In the subconscious of the parents of such a child, a negative reaction to itself arises. “I am a bad mother”, “I am a bad father” - after such emotional outbursts - you begin to fear a repetition of a similar situation.
Independent reaction to the opinions of others will make you happy.
It is your reaction to the situation that should determine individual assessment happening, any actions, errors and possible ways succeed. While doing a specific thing, look only at your steps, and any negative from the outside should pass by consciousness. Only this method will act to achieve the cherished goal.The main rules of independent self-assessment:
- I do not look at the opinions of others about my plans, life or relationships.
- Any emotions of strangers are only their reaction, you should not apply it to yourself.
- By not allowing yourself to be manipulated, you put your values first, showing others your commitment.
A woman who looks at herself self-critically and constantly looks for negative aspects in her appearance, figure is very often lonely and unhappy.
And a man, having a low level of self-esteem, does not achieve the desired victories on his own. This leads to depression, alcoholism.
Each of us has a number of points, performing which, feels great. It can be concerns about appearance, or it can be practical, psychological qualities.
Depending on how strong the framework of your criteria for self-assessment, your condition will directly depend.
Self-esteem of you as a person should not depend on the points of the completed “conditional” plan perfect person. A clear awareness of yourself as a complete person with a set of qualities that make you stand out and make you unique is personal pride.
Self-esteem does not need to be raised. We need to make her independent!
Techniques to help you become confident
It is worth recalling that a low level of self-esteem is your impressionability from the reaction of strangers.Even a successful lady, having educated children, good career growth, finds many negative flaws in her appearance. Such a woman cannot feel completely happy, because every moment she remembers her shortcomings and begins to compare the behavior of others with her appearance.
The first method to help show best performance of a person - a familiar collage.
- stock up on a bunch of unnecessary magazines with an expression of emotions, a rich life of successful people;
- place your most beautiful photo in the center;
- select ten best qualities that characterize you in a positive way;
- arrange the pictures best virtues around the photo - these are your personality traits, thanks to which you differ from everyone;
- now remember negative sides, what you want to get rid of, you feel complexes, it causes fear in you;
- place the negative characteristics of your "I" according to the impact on your life;
- and most importantly, every day look at your created art masterpiece and begin to say goodbye to what overshadows your life. Do not be afraid to say goodbye to old things, spend money on yourself - it is at these moments that your love for yourself rises to the top, where your judgment of yourself hides.
The second set of simple steps will set the mind to a sense of harmony with itself without the influence of outsiders:
- When talking to people, try to use phrases that denote a leader, this is an expression of one's own opinion from oneself. “I want to do, I suggest” - this style of communication will give an internal impetus to a new level of self-respect, will show in the team that you are determined.
- You should not walk sad and gloomy, thus creating a formidable wall of impregnability. The easier you express your feelings, emotionally reacting to what is happening, the easier for people find with you mutual language. You must admit that it is more difficult to start a conversation with a secretive person, the uncertainty of his reaction to any proposal will force such a candidate to be bypassed.
- In the case when you are against something, you should not silently stand still and wait for someone else, bolder, to object to the proposed news. It is worth showing your disagreement in the case when it is you who do not like what is happening. So you can always express true desires, needs without imposing strangers.
- Accept a good attitude towards you with gratitude, without a sense of shame. If you have been complimented, know that you are worthy of these words. And your cold coffee long fees and let the torn stockings remain a secret that no one should know.
Where does self-esteem begin to develop?
Low self-esteem is the result of the painstaking care of parents, teachers, surrounding the child with childhood. When the baby grows up, his curiosity begins to grow, and often he becomes not as convenient for relatives as we would like.Comparing a fidget with a quiet neighbor boy, in adulthood, the guy feels shame at the sight of a stronger opponent. And if the reason is precisely in the uncertainty of his strength, he will silently step aside, giving the best to another.
Recall how the separation between you and your child happened in kindergarten, school. The frightened eyes of a little man, who is most afraid that no one will come for him. Stress, which not everyone can cope with at a young age, comes from your own home “frightening” phrases: if you don’t obey, I’ll give it to my uncle, if you don’t take away the toys, I’ll leave forever. Manipulation of children's emotions based on affection and self-love close person- these are the main mistakes of parents that lead to a drop in self-esteem below the plinth.
If you begin to notice the fear of communicating with people around you, start immediately to engage with your beloved baby.
Ways to change the way you see yourself
How to increase self-esteem in five minutes a day - does it really happen? Yes, read the first way.- Autotraining.
If you say a simple set of phrases to yourself every day, in a couple of months, your attitude towards yourself will change.I confidently go to work (interview, date).
I have attractive features in appearance, I have good character(you can make a list of your positive characteristics and not only repeat them, but also improve them).
I don't care what others think, because my actions will lead to a happy ending.
I can. I can handle. I'm brave (brave). It is easy for me to complete a complex, important assignment.
The female body reacts more emotionally to ongoing events, while the male body is fraught with everything. But for everyone, regardless of gender and age, self-support will allow you to believe in yourself. Saying such short affirmations - short phrases, carrying a semantic load, the girl becomes more confident, and for men, this technique of self-hypnosis helps to raise the low level of personal self-esteem. - Learn to be yourself - you are unique.
it can be difficult, who except you knows all the negative aspects of life. Starting to compare yourself to a successful movie star, always smiling neighbor - fleetingly you begin to imitate, using antics and expressions in your speech.Living your life with other people's emotions, dependence on the assessment of others grows a million times. After all, playing a role, they always expect applause at the end.
You should not create someone else's image of an idyll, it is better to turn yourself into someone who will be imitated and on whose assessment someone else's opinion will depend.
- Love yourself - make others love you.
Often we look for flaws in ourselves, comparing with the standard of beauty. But what prevents you from becoming an object of admiration and imitation?Self Love Secrets:
- Go to a beauty salon - you don't have to spend hundreds of thousands to create a beautiful wrapper. This month - a hairdresser, next plan a make-up, manicure.
Follow the successful and confident stars - this is to be envied. But they spend a lot in order to feel their attractiveness.
- Accept any compliments with gratitude, do not rush to talk about how much this dress cost you - you are worthy of these words of admiration.
- Learn to improve your positive qualities. It is by emphasizing the pros that much less attention will remain on the negative aspects. The ability to highlight your best character traits will help you minimize what you were so ashamed of. Constantly compare yourself to who you were before.
- Forget about the fact that an inferior and shy person can be happy. Become successful through a positive self-image.
Love reading! Movies that can motivate you and believe in yourself
Check out the films in which the shy, over modesty succeed:- Eat Pray Love (2010)
- life in pink
- Road of Change (2008)
- Mona Lisa smile
- The Devil Wears Prada
- Frida
The psychotherapist, who is often so afraid to go to for help, always advises starting small. When following the recommendations in order to improve your attitude towards yourself, it is worth remembering the rule about the golden mean. An unstable narcissistic approach to self-love will turn new problem- selfishness towards others.
Raising self-esteem
How to raise self-esteem for men (women), what is important to know how to act?
Hello dear reader! In this article I will give the first recommendations on how to raise self-esteem. In other articles on the site you will find even more information on this topic.
What is self-esteem and how important it is for a person - it’s not worth saying, this is already clear. And what do you need to raise your self-esteem and make it more stable and independent of external factors in particular people.
Firstly, a real desire (not just a "wishlist", but a firm intention), certain knowledge and 100% responsibility, without which it is impossible to do something worthwhile in life.
It is important to understand that you cannot destroy something and then build a new one in a few days. With the right approach, you can make it faster but that doesn't mean fast.
Although there are fast way. This is " miracle", which can happen to you, or which you can arrange for yourself. For example, arrange for yourself amnesia. And then already to form yourself, your views and your self-esteem anew, unless the memory returns to you again.
Honestly, I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. miracle". In addition, self-esteem is not so difficult to change, there are much more difficult things in life, for example, finding and achieving your goal.
How to raise our self-esteem? How to become more confident?
The first thing is important to keep in mind.
Self-esteem may change not only during life, but even during the day, and more than once, everything depends on the person, in particular, on his character traits, situation and mood at the moment. I think many of you noticed behind you - how until recently you felt good and confident, it seemed to you that you can do everything, but some unpleasant event happened (for example, someone said something to you), you were upset, and immediately manifested inner emptiness or even depression.
And the most interesting thing is that all this is quite normal, it happens to everyone, even the most confident people, only in their case, it is not acute (painful) in nature, because they self-sufficient, they value, love themselves and are guided mainly by their opinion.
Many are sure that you can always be on top, you can always be stably confident and strive for this state. But this is a big misconception - you can't always be strong, confident and the best, always be cheerful and positive!
We have different periods: moments of decline and recovery, sadness and joy, calm and excitement; only in some it happens less frequently, in others it happens more often and in sharp, sharp jumps.
Depending on the circumstances, you can feel less confident at any moment, for example, when your plan didn’t work out or you are faced with completely new circumstances for yourself, this is a reality that makes no sense to resist.
Causes of tension, weakness and a constant drop in self-esteem
When a person always tries to be strong and confident, but does not feel that way internally, he is in constant anxiety and tension, he drives himself into the framework and is forced to constantly control his actions. After all, as he believes, one should strive to maintain his status, and he simply cannot relax.
And if suddenly something doesn’t turn out the way he wants (as he expected), if he, in his opinion, shows unacceptable weakness in some words and behavior, then voluntarily or involuntarily gets upset, angry and criticizes himself. It takes a lot of energy, vitality and immediately reduces self-esteem.
Therefore, for starters, you should not attach too much importance to this fact, a certain decrease in self-esteem, this is normal, just today was not your day. We all have days that we don't want to remember.
And it’s important not to force yourself to always be strong (oh), at your best, but you just need to gradually stabilize your self-esteem, learn to live with the state that you have, admit that you can worry about not better mood and allow yourself to be insecure.
This approach makes it possible to fully relax, and when a person is relaxed, he himself becomes calmer and more confident.
Fact and awareness of this already can help you, give you more freedom, liberate and give you confidence in action.
There are also very important point similar to what was written above. When some unpleasant event happened, someone criticized you, "hit" or about you, maybe they forgot (ignored), treated you disrespectfully - and you expected something else and for this reason experienced unpleasant feelings, and your self-esteem dropped , besides, you might think that it is you who are to blame, you are somehow not like that - do not engage in self-digging and destructive analysis.
The reason may not be in you at all, and even if this is so, then you will not achieve anything good, except for pain, by self-digging.
What's happening? Self-esteem has fallen, you are upset and against this background bad mood trying to understand why it happened, what they did or said wrong. Your mood and self-esteem due to such unpleasant thoughts instantly decreases even more. Think about it, this happens a lot.
In this situation, it is impossible to draw useful conclusions (for this you need to have good self-control and be), and all this is just a seeming impression that, they say, I will delve into myself, find a solution (some words of justification) and I will feel better.
Here you just need to internally completely reconcile with what happened, leave all introspection and boldly move on.
And one of the main reasons why, in principle, you should never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging - this does not reinforce your confidence in any way, but rather only aggravates your situation and general condition. Why this happens, you can read in the article "", about how stressful thoughts and emotions affect our body.
As for the experience that is important to draw from situations, this should be done calm cold introspection, without criticizing, scolding yourself and leaving an imprint of your entire past.
Such introspection is not done immediately, but some time after the event, when you have already calmed down, this makes it possible to look at the situation with a sober look. After all, only with a cool head, without unnecessary emotions, in a calm environment, you can draw objective conclusions, and not blame yourself or others.
It's even better to do it on paper. So the brain perceives and processes information better, you will see better (more clearly) what is important to you and what is just harmful nonsense.
From the whole analysis, only the essence is taken, that is, a piece real experience, a short (laconic) conclusion without any anger and criticism in your address, you find and extract a positive conclusion (benefit for yourself), this is real introspection and useful, constructive, light criticism.
Many condemn themselves so ruthlessly that there is no way to come to inner peace, confidence and self-love. But is it possible through violence and guilt to come to spiritual harmony? How to raise self-esteem here? Think for yourself.
And yet, I know very well how it pulls, despite all the warnings, to continue introspection and introspection while remaining emotionally shattered, because I want to quickly find a logical solution to calm myself, but very often, this does not give anything good, just keep in mind.
Conclusion:
Never engage in self-flagellation and self-digging;
Do introspection when you are calm and better on paper;
Temporary insecurity and a decline in self-esteem is normal, it happens to everyone, just take it easy.
Self-Esteem and the Influence of People
It is always important to remember that no evaluations of other people should not affect your self-esteem, they can cause something internally unpleasant or good in you, depending on whether they praise or criticize you, but this influence should be more like ripples on the surface of the water, and not a tsunami that destroys everything. Whatever anyone tells you, learn to treat it detachedly, without unnecessary emotions.
If you did or said something wrong and you think that you are wrong, there is no point in dwelling on it, you have already done it, and there is nothing to return. Over time, you will still have the opportunity to correct something, if necessary, and it is not so important who and what thinks about you, the main thing is how you think about yourself.
Exactly what we ourselves think about yourself, the most important thing , therefore, self-esteem is called self-esteem, and not mom-evaluation, dad-evaluation, colleagues-evaluation, etc., let the rest think what they want, it is their legal right and their problems to think about something there.
By the way, most people themselves are obsessed with what others think of them - how they look, how they are looked at, how they are treated, they think about controlling their behavior, words and facial expressions - and, in fact, they do not really care to you, so worry less.
1) Your thoughts and words to yourself
Talk to yourself, your thoughts - your friends, your thoughts should to help you to act, not harm. And I only mean sound thoughts, and not everything that can come to mind.
We cannot believe everything that we consciously and unconsciously think about. One or another of our thoughts depends on many circumstances: on mood, general tone and many external and internal factors, and many of them do not even have a hint of any meaning (absurd) and useless. Pay attention only to positive and constructive thoughts.
The way you talk to yourself is very important.
Try to give yourself good, successful thoughts and talk to yourself like a friend(do not be afraid, this is a non-excuse :), this is a very useful and good thing). Self-esteem is first and foremost attitude towards oneself. Good relationship to yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you act regarding morality and the opinions of others.
What words do you say to yourself? What do you feel? What are your thoughts contributing to?
If you say to yourself: " I can't do anything", " I can't, I can't", "yes where do I go before", "I won’t go to meet, suddenly she doesn’t like me"or "I'm a fool, I'm somehow not like that"- these thoughts are the way innowhere. You won't achieve anything with them.
The reality is that if you think you can't do it, it's doesn't mean at all, that you really won’t succeed, it only says that it may not work out, but it can also work out if you pull yourself together and try hard.
And if it seems to you that they will not understand you, they will not appreciate you, and they will laugh at you, this does not mean at all that it will be so.
Courage and deeds are greatly appreciated by others, even if they are unsuccessful. reasonable people will see that you are one of those who are able to act!
2) If you want to have stable self-esteem, don't focus on your failures and shortcomings.
Trite, but true, although many do not succeed. Failure happens to everyone. Don't get hung up on a thought like this when you're about to do something: " I may not be able to". If you think like that, most likely it will happen, or it will turn out badly.
Thoughts of failure are blocks that arise in our head as protection against a miss.
But if you are afraid of everything, then what will you achieve? You need to respond to such harmful "thought blocks" correctly - just calmly ignore them. It is best to passively observe yourself and everything that happens around you, without analyzing anything, and just do what you decide (despite the possibility of failure).
A simple word or a few words spoken to oneself helps a lot. For example, this unpleasant thought came to me: BUT all of a sudden i can't do anything", answer yourself: " I can, I will do it, and let it be what it is"Next, don't have a pointless conversation that deprives you of confidence. Just do it and see the result.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Only he who pleases everyone or does nothing does not make mistakes. We all have the right to make mistakes, and we all make mistakes. A mistake is an opportunity to use your bad experience in order to correct actions in the future and do something better. We must be afraid not of mistakes, but of inaction and ignorance of our own (desires).
As they say: our success is built on the ruins of our mistakes, and success cannot be achieved without making mistakes.
3) Never blame yourself. I repeat, it is important to get rid of guilt, no matter what thoughts and beliefs interfere with you.
If you have been constantly blaming yourself before, this feeling settles inside, in your 
subconscious).
And it starts to work as a background, on the machine. You yourself do not notice how suddenly you begin to feel guilty, sometimes doing absolutely nothing wrong.
For example, in your direction could any suspicions arise surrounding, and you about it just thought a little , a sense of guilt could immediately arise inside.
Whatever you did wrong or bad, you can draw conclusions for the future, but do not blame yourself.
4) Don't make excuses. The justification itself calls forth negative emotions. Making excuses, you are trying to prove something to someone, already implying that you may be to blame.
But even if you prove something, the sediment on your soul will still remain, and justification, no matter how you look at it, implies guilt. So never make excuses, even if you are guilty, it’s better to just apologize if you are really guilty, and that’s it.
5) Fear. Good protective reaction of the body. It occurs in all people without exception. This is a natural feeling of self-defense. But if fear completely takes possession of a person, then expect trouble.
6) Learn to accept gratitude. Many, having done a good deed, are embarrassed to accept gratitude, compliments and praise. But it is important to demonstrate to yourself that you are worthy of this gratitude; pride is not pride, pride in oneself, one's successes and actions always increases self-esteem. It nourishes you, and you may unwisely resist it. And if you are praised, then you deserve it, you need to adequately accept it.
By avoiding and refusing gratitude, you subconsciously believe that you are not worth it, and unconsciously, from the inside, you reinforce this unnecessary stiffness and shyness in yourself.
The next time you are praised, maybe you should believe it and be happy for yourself? Yes, it may be unusual for you, but still learn to adequately accept gratitude.
As for modesty, 
not bad when she is on business and alternates with good impudence.
Praise yourself to your loved one - this is the name of a small, but very useful practice that is important to apply. Praise yourself for everything you can, for any simple and useful deeds.
Made (a) dinner - excellent, I did well, however, the chicken was burnt - nothing, next time it will turn out better. Washed (a) shorts - great, but I'm just super.
7) If you are always or almost all the time, , pay attention to the past, the opinion of friends and relatives, wanting support and confirmation of the correctness of your decision, then you are already dependent on yourself.
Such dependence on the opinions of others - the presence of self-doubt and self-esteem will not increase you.
And by shifting decisions to others, you relieve yourself of responsibility for possible consequences. Yes, in case of failure, you will have someone to shove and "get rid of", but in case of success, you will not be able to feel a "winner" inside yourself (which you YOURSELF COULD), which means you will not increase your self-confidence!
Just try not to take too much to begin with. important decisions, most importantly, without regard to others.
We thought it over, firmly decided, period. Even if it's the wrong decision. Just try not to harm the people around you. Here a fine line, but this must be done in order to feel in yourself that you too can make a decision, and you have your own real opinion.
8) The level of claims also affects self-esteem. If you put yourself in front too much lofty goals that cannot be achieved in a relatively a short time, prolonged unfulfillment can undermine your spirit, disappoint and lower your self-esteem.
Set high goals and go for them, but they should be realistically achievable in the near future..
Plan your goals, share parts, do one, move on to another. Having achieved your goal and internally becoming more confident and strong, set yourself a more significant goal.
9) How to raise self-esteem? Practice in front of a mirror, for both women and men.
True, this exercise is not suitable for everyone. If you feel severe discomfort, and this will continue every time for 3-4 days, leave it, it's just not for you right now. Here a different approach will be needed.
It all depends on the perception of the person and some points that I will not describe here.
Performing the practice, address yourself as your whole "I", do not focus only on appearance, individual features, some thoughts or internal state. You are all together, one whole, so you need to approach it.
Exercise can help a lot, but it takes time, because here you are programming yourself, your subconscious, and this is not so simple.
It is important to do the practice without straining, calmly and without fuss, without forcing yourself through your teeth, to say: "I love myself and".
You must say this, even if at first not with love and without faith, but with ease for yourself, that is, without tension. It doesn't matter if there is something you don't like about your appearance. 
At the mirror, repeat these words for at least two minutes. It is better to do this in the morning, as soon as you get up, and your brain is not fully awake, not loaded with thoughts and still clean, this will make it easier to accept information.
Smiling slightly, say to yourself: " I love and respect myself in my successes and failures. I love myself in sickness and in health. I accept myself as I am with all the good and bad that I have. I respect and love myself. I am a unique person and I have my own strengths and talents, and there is no one completely similar to me externally and internally. I respect and love myself regardless of my "flaws". I appreciate and love the way I am".
Here it is very important to just calmly say this to yourself, and not to look closely at every little thing that you like or dislike, not to be drawn into all sorts of unpleasant thoughts. You just have to say it to yourself and go.
10)
Make a list of what you are good at and what you are good at.
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Write everything that is and is true. Describe in detail your positive qualities (everyone has them), achievements and skills. After writing everything on a piece of paper, read it aloud. Try to read cheerfully and with feeling. If at the end of reading you felt pleasant emotions, then everything worked out, and you should strive for this.
You can spend 2-3 minutes on this at least once a day. Take one skill of yours and describe it, then read it. The next day (or the day after) describe something else.
11) Take small steps towards what you want. Excessive tension, exhaustion is completely useless. You feel that now you don’t want to do anything at all, you want to relax, relax, gain strength and energy.
How to raise self-esteem. Important point!
Don't wait until your self-esteem is strong to make a decision. act little by little already right now.
The more you do something, the more you decide on steps that are significant for you, the faster you will feel confident, and at the same time, everything will work out better and calmer for you.
Nothing raises self-esteem (confidence) like - cessation of self-blame and new actions!
Try to do more of what you enjoy. If now you have to go to a job you hate, then clearly define for yourself that you are doing this, because now it is necessary and it benefits you, provides for your family, etc. That is, formulate a value in order to eliminate (weaken) the negative connotation of the situation, otherwise unloved work will in itself reduce your significance and self-esteem.
If you don't like the job, don't need a drastic change, keep working, but start looking for something that will be more to your taste than what you would like to do. Favorite business (hobby) has a very beneficial effect on inner satisfaction, self-esteem and life in general. Make your life more interesting!
I draw your attention to the fact that in the process of working on oneself, pendulums can arise - this is when everything was fine, and then it suddenly became bad. Treat such moments as temporary troubles. Just be calm during such periods!
The most difficult thing is to be patient and achieve the first noticeable success, and then it will be easier. As your self-esteem grows, your uniqueness begins to unfold, new perspectives open up. You will be able to take more risks and be less dependent on others.
Finally: how to raise self-esteem?
You can experience anxiety in any place where there are people without realizing why you are so anxious. One of the reasons noted above is judgment. You are afraid of how you are perceived and what others might think of you, this comes from your unstable self-esteem.
So small but important advice - do not compare yourself to others and do not judge others. In comparison, you still lose in something, somewhere, to someone, you are good and unique, so be who you are. Such evaluative thoughts always lead to anxiety and tension.
Do not judge others, because when you judge, you consciously and unconsciously evaluate them, which means that you will always feel inside yourself that you are being evaluated.
This is manifested in the so-called "mind reading" phenomenon of the psyche, when you think that you know what other people think of you. Moreover, what you think about yourself, you kind of "transfer" into their head, and it seems to you that this is what they think about you.
By by and large, all people have different thinking, and we cannot know what others think of us, we can only assume. But what does it matter if, for example, you think something bad about someone, he will not care.
The same is true in your case - there is no point in worrying that someone might think something about you, this cannot in any way affect your success, peace of mind and happiness in general, unless you wind yourself up with some then thoughts. Only you, with your thinking, can bring yourself to emotional tension, stress and bad mood. Remember this.
When you stop judging people, the anxiety that is formed on judging and evaluating will become weaker and weaker, and there will be less and less such thoughts.
At any life situation a person needs to believe in himself. For example, at work, at home among friends, or even going on vacation, buying last-minute tours and relaxing on the beach - it is not always possible to cope with your own self-esteem, from which in the end we may not get good result. But in fact, increasing self-esteem is not difficult and quite real, only it can take time.
Here are a few tips to help you:
1. Never compare yourself to others.
All people are different from each other and each has different qualities and abilities. And if you compare yourself with someone else, then you can always find many opponents who will be impossible to surpass or achieve their results.
2. Never berate yourself.
Speaking negatively about themselves and their abilities, it will be impossible to achieve any results. It is better to praise yourself, even for the most insignificant action.
3. Thank you for the compliment addressed to you.
If you respond to a compliment with a phrase like: “yes, nothing special,” then you psychologically deny the praise and already in your subconscious mind you concentrate on the thought that you are not worthy of being praised. And this, in turn, greatly underestimates self-esteem.
4. Boost your self-esteem with various affirmations.
Place in the most visible place the phrases: “I will succeed”, “I deserve the best in life”, “I love myself” and the like. It may seem ridiculous at first, but over time you will notice as your self-esteem starts to rise.
5. Gather positive people around you.
Try to choose in your environment self-confident and positive-minded people who are able to support you at any moment. In a negative environment where you and your ideas will be suppressed, oh high self-esteem and there is nothing to say.
6. Write a list of your accomplishments.
You can start the list with the simplest, and at first glance, trifling. Do not initially look for monumental achievements in your life. A small success is also a success. How to raise self-esteem? And you can start, for example, by learning how to ride a bike, do exercises every morning, etc. This list will need to be reviewed and re-read often and at the same time try to remember and feel the emotions that you experienced.
7. Write down all your positive qualities.
And do not be too self-critical, on the contrary, a little flattery will only help to believe in yourself. Find at least 15 positive qualities in yourself. This list also needs to be read quite often.
8. If possible, do what you like.
It is quite difficult to maintain a positive mood and high self-esteem when a person is engaged in an unloved business and despises his work. You can raise your self-esteem only if you do something that brings pleasure, makes you feel needed and even valuable.
9. Stay true to yourself.
That is, live your life without being based or relying on the opinions of other people, no matter who these people are: relatives, friends or work colleagues. Only by making decisions on your own, you can remain true to yourself and raise the level of self-esteem.
10. Act, act and act again!
And this is the most important advice. After all, sitting in one place, you will not change anything and will not be able to raise your self-esteem. In inaction due to fear or for other reasons, a person begins to fall into apathy or depression, which in itself will lead to a decrease in self-esteem. And by acting, even with insignificant results at the beginning, you gradually improve your attitude towards yourself and increase your self-esteem.